Before you came out

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    Mar 26, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    I want to come out sometime this year, dont really know when the right time will be, but I want to do it before Dic 31. Anyway lately I've been having the impression or idea, that everyone knows already, I find it reLly weird to feel this way, cause six months ago I would have swear nobody knew.

    I wanted to know, if on the eves of you comming out, did you feel this way? Is this common?

    I don't think of myself as a fem guy in case you were wondering, but obviously I've never asked anyone if they think of me as such.
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    Mar 26, 2010 3:41 AM GMT
    You don't look fem., in fact you look very good, masculine too. If you feel like friends already know, could it be because you may not be dating women? People seem to pay an inordinate amount of attention to whom other people are dating......or not dating. If you're like I was at your age, people might begin to wonder. I'm very masculine and athletic - but the dead giveaway might have been my lack of dates with women. They chased me sometimes, and I just gave off vibes of disinterest. Pretty soon they began to compare notes! So - I just finally started being seen with other hot guys. Everybody got the message and the best and brightest were just fine with it. I dismissed the rest entirely!
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    Mar 26, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    Well, I didnt really have any particular date set on when to come out to my parents/family. It really just happened with my mom asking me if there was something that I wanted to share. I had recently just moved back home after graduating college and began seeing a guy. I thought I was pretty sneaky and no one knew...I was wrong. With some hesitation, I finally relieved myself of this extreme weight I had been carrying on my shoulders for a long time. Good luck bud, its not really easy but you might be surprised at how well your family will receive the good news icon_smile.gif Be true to you
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Mar 26, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    i was stressing real hard one day over some guy because i was getting the whole "he's just not that into me" thing from him and i was real agitated. Me and my mom got in a fight and I just blurted it out (came out). And she doesnt care at all, atleast not to my face, it seems as if she doesnt mind.

    And i thought maybe a few of my friends picked up on it, but when I told them they were absolutely clueless. One girl said after I told her that she thought I was going to tell her that i was dying, never imagined that i could be a gay guy
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    Mar 26, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    the only one that knew from my family was my little brother, the rest were shocked but as time went on they made sense of it and connected pieces together, i think youre just paranoid. icon_smile.gif i was pretty paranoid they knew but in a way i was glad as well.
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    Mar 26, 2010 4:34 AM GMT
    I think perhaps as I more aware of who I am, Im also more aware of how everyone else sees me. It is possible also im just been paranoid, as for example just today I felt really akward because two of my friends were messaging each other and WE WERE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM! it made me feel as if they were talking about me, and guess what topic came to my mind they might be talking about.

    It would really help me knowing if anyone else went through the same, so I can tell if its something that happens or as I said Im just been paranoid. Thanks for your replies
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Mar 26, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    Coming out happens when in it happens.

    For me, my parents found out through reading my poetry, and then asking me everyday for a month if I was gay. Eventually, I said yes. Afterwards, the anxiety goes away and you feel much less burdened. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 26, 2010 4:57 AM GMT
    ShaDoWhn saidI think perhaps as I more aware of who I am, Im also more aware of how everyone else sees me. It is possible also im just been paranoid, as for example just today I felt really akward because two of my friends were messaging each other and WE WERE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM! it made me feel as if they were talking about me, and guess what topic came to my mind they might be talking about.

    It would really help me knowing if anyone else went through the same, so I can tell if its something that happens or as I said Im just been paranoid. Thanks for your replies


    Eh, I think it could go either way... I'd have to see you in person to know if you're that obvious. A guy I work with didn't come out to any of us until about 2 months ago... we've worked w/ him for 3 years, and known he was gay for 3 years lol. So I guess it could go either way, but who cares? If they know, then they already accept you for it. If they don't, then "SURPRISE!" Either way you'll be fine. Don't get too stressed about it.
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    Mar 26, 2010 5:07 AM GMT
    JoeB1986 said
    ShaDoWhn saidI think perhaps as I more aware of who I am, Im also more aware of how everyone else sees me. It is possible also im just been paranoid, as for example just today I felt really akward because two of my friends were messaging each other and WE WERE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM! it made me feel as if they were talking about me, and guess what topic came to my mind they might be talking about.

    It would really help me knowing if anyone else went through the same, so I can tell if its something that happens or as I said Im just been paranoid. Thanks for your replies


    Eh, I think it could go either way... I'd have to see you in person to know if you're that obvious. A guy I work with didn't come out to any of us until about 2 months ago... we've worked w/ him for 3 years, and known he was gay for 3 years lol. So I guess it could go either way, but who cares? If they know, then they already accept you for it. If they don't, then "SURPRISE!" Either way you'll be fine. Don't get too stressed about it.


    ...like he said. Your ready when your ready, don't get too stressed.
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    Mar 26, 2010 5:55 AM GMT
    ShaDoWhn saidI think perhaps as I more aware of who I am, Im also more aware of how everyone else sees me.

    I'm going to say you haven't a clue how people view you, I'm betting its more about your own fears of being "discovered" with your little secret and being outted and rejected.. it's never an easy thing coming out and there can be consequences to it, every gay person knows exactly what those consequences can potentially be and I'm betting that MOST gay men assume the worst at first when they starting coming out.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Mar 26, 2010 11:45 AM GMT
    I was always extremely self-conscious about what people were thinking. I could have sworn lots of people could tell that I was gay. At the very least, my parents and siblings. At some point I stopped censoring myself around them, so I'm sure I let the gay slip out every now and then.

    And yet, when I came out to my fam, each individually, everyone was surprised. The only one who wasn't was my brother, but that's because he found stuff in my bedroom while I was away at college. I think he would have known either way though.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Mar 26, 2010 12:06 PM GMT
    Well in my expirence the people that really knew me said it's about time when I came out to them.If you have friends that you are really close to most times they know and they wait for you to tell them.But of course it is always nerve wacking when/however you come out no matter what your realtionship is with your friends.
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    Mar 26, 2010 12:07 PM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 saidi was stressing real hard one day over some guy because i was getting the whole "he's just not that into me" thing from him and i was real agitated. Me and my mom got in a fight and I just blurted it out (came out). And she doesnt care at all, atleast not to my face, it seems as if she doesnt mind.

    And i thought maybe a few of my friends picked up on it, but when I told them they were absolutely clueless. One girl said after I told her that she thought I was going to tell her that i was dying, never imagined that i could be a gay guy



    well looking at yo longer hair pics....i say ur a lil more bendable (bendover-able) with longer hair.
    u might wanna stay away from them clippers....i thinkz ud get fuked a lil more....icon_twisted.gif
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 26, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    Ask yourself if theres going to be a problem COMING OUT, --at this time..
    such as, is coming out going to get you kicked out? assuming you live at home still....
    I didnt have the pleasure of coming out, i was discovered by my dad at 12 yrs who caught me behind the garage on a sheet with my legs up taking a huge one from my brothers teammate on the football team who was 17yrs.. Dad didnt freak out at all and was rather calm, all he said to me was,' I didnt know you liked boys''.....just be careful.....
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    Mar 26, 2010 11:12 PM GMT
    I had convinced myself that everyone knew that I was gay just before I came out. When I finally did, I discovered I was completely wrong. Only one person suspected. Funny how our minds mess with us...

    As for coming out, you live in Honduras. What's it like there? Are they tolerant? Are you self sufficient. Know and love yourself, but also be safe.

    Good luck, man!
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 26, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    Theres an official oral exam you must take before coming out,,,if your coming to new york city anytime soon i'd like to tutor you so you can pass the test with flying colors my friend....icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 26, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    Riptide42 saidI had convinced myself that everyone knew that I was gay just before I came out. When I finally did, I discovered I was completely wrong. Only one person suspected. Funny how our minds mess with us...


    My experience was fairly similar. Some of my friends had an idea, others were shocked. Coming out to my family wasn't really planned....just kinda did it one day over the phone. Still not sure if it was the right time, but in hindsight it was time. Don't make it a planned event with a cut-off day...that just kinda makes it too big of a deal and adds unneeded pressure.

    Best of luck!
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    Mar 26, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    I came out to my friends by simply growing the balls to say "I'm gay, and if you don't like it, fk off." They respected me even more when I put it that way.

    But I didn't come out to family. They came in the bedroom at the wrong time. Oops.
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    Mar 27, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    Thanks for the comments and replies, it has really helped me reading about all your stories and views.
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    Mar 27, 2010 8:56 AM GMT
    Coming out was easy, I've already been out to my friends and colleagues but coming out to my family was a bit stressful. I had a lot of anxiety leading up to it, but afterwards it felt so relieving! I started out telling my closest family, whom is my sister, then afterwards It was a breeze telling everyone else.

    Wish you the best man!
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    Mar 27, 2010 10:30 AM GMT
    I came out when I was 28 and thought I hide being gay from everyone. Not so much. There had already been the speculation going around my family and friends. Some were completely shocked while others told me it was about time. One of my friends (who's a lesbian) told me she is happy for me but if I had waited any longer she was going to come into the closet and drag me out.
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    Apr 06, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    All the girls in high school knew I was gay (I found out later).

    Most of my friends in college had figured it out and were waiting for me. Guess I have some very gay moments.

    Though I've been told by lots of people that I walk like a bottom calling for its top.

    Just make sure you have a support network in place in case things turn sour