Why do I ... ???

  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Jan 23, 2008 1:45 AM GMT
    Okay ... there is one of my friends I got to spend time w/ him on vacation last year. He also missed two earlier flights to see me.

    I made a comment about helping out an STD information and he blew up at me. We have a bit of history about our statuses and he thought I was going to mention his name on this information. I wasn't.

    So, he proceeds to tell me that he did not have fun w/ me on our trip and he let me go during the trip. (We did drink A LOT on the trip & we both said STUPID stuff.)He's also angry w/ me for having him miss two flights to go home. He made a comment about that I'm leeching his friends for job opportunities and that I'm being all SWF on him. He lives over 1000 miles away. How can I?

    It broke my heart since I really liked (and still do) this guy. What bothers me the most is that he never told me he had this type of resentment. I was blindsided. He said this friendship is over and doesn't know if it can be repaired.

    So, my comment is why am I attracted to passive aggressive guys? I'm one of them. And I have (had) too many of them in my life.

    Guys ... if you are bothered by your friend, please don't keep it inside and resent him later. Tell him (or her) right away and if you don't ... let it go. In the long run ... it's healthier. Also, it's so much better for your friendship.
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    Jan 23, 2008 3:23 AM GMT
    So, did you expect the guy to be 'proactive aggressive' - call you after the trip to tell you off and say the friendship is over?

    Maybe he didn't want to be a complete jerk.

    Maybe he got on with his life and though he had a not so good time, he wasn't going to shove it in your face if he didn't have to. Well, you brought up the connection again and he put his card on the table.

    I think passive aggressive would have been pretending everything was ok, agreeing to come see you when you asked him to, not really meaning to come, then call later to give an excuse why not. Then you never get to the bottom of why things never got back together.

  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Jan 23, 2008 3:36 AM GMT
    Have him pull you aside or having him tell you that you're behaving like a tool, so you don't repeat it and you're aware. Be honest and direct.

    If you don't know what's going on ... then how can you fix it?
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    Jan 23, 2008 4:09 AM GMT
    I'm not sure I really understand the nature of the conflict as you have laid it out. Unless you have done something really horribly rude or treated him or referred to his status in an ignorant or inconsiderate way, he should get over it given time. I'm not sure if that's what you're asking, but thats kinda what I'm getting from your question.
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    Jan 23, 2008 4:28 AM GMT
    I totally get him. His issue is not what his friend did, but that his friend is passive aggressive. I have so delt with this. I am a former passive aggressive person. I had to change because holding stuff in only makes you sick and as a passive aggressive person, it always comes out anyway, better to let it out smoothly than to blow up and hurt your friends.
    However, the skeptic in me senses another possible reason for this friend blowing up--jealousy! It's malignant and secretly corrupts many friendships.

    SoDakGuy, do you have something he doesn't have? Are you better looking than him? Are you packin and him not? It could be the issue. I've been on both sides of that, have had friends who hated me because they thought I was all that and I hate some of my friends because they are smarter than me ( have always had a phobia of finding out i'm a dumb jock).
    I never blow up on them, gotta have someone around to help me work new gadgets.

    Whatever the issue, he may have just done what Drs' like to refer to as "Queening Out." He just was having a bad hair day or something and you were the only thing there he could lash out at.

    Shame on him, you're much too cute to be cross at.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    1. Buy a brick.
    2. Lay it as a foundation.
    3. Build a bridge.
    4. Get over it.

    J/K icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 23, 2008 4:53 AM GMT
    SoDakGuy,

    You answered your own question.

    "why am I attracted to passive aggressive guys? I'm one of them. And I have (had) too many of them in my life."

    We attract what we put out, especially when it comes to communication.