Will I ever find a BF?


  • Mar 27, 2010 1:39 AM GMT
    For the past several months, I have been wanting to find a BF, but I've had no luck whatsoevericon_mad.gif! The only place I've been searching is the gay bar in Elk Grove, Illinois, because I don't know where else the hell to go. Does nobody want meicon_sad.gif?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 12:38 PM GMT
    One thing that I know from experience is that desperation is a bad smell that people can detect. Work on your self confidence and someone will come into your life at the right moment.

    Is Illinois a small place? You also said it yourself that you've ONLY been searching in one place, how about broadening the places you go to?
  • grnranger99

    Posts: 225

    Mar 27, 2010 12:48 PM GMT
    I've been to Hunters...not the place to go. There are soooooo many places here in Illinois/Chicago to find someone. Do things you love to do and you'll meet someone. The gym, go back to school, anything but the bars......How can you possible think you can meet someone in a bar or club when it is so fucking loud you can't even hear yourself think let alone start a conversation.
    Don't expect too much. Just go and have a good time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 1:42 PM GMT
    Yup, you will likely find a BF. You're only 21 and have so much to look forward to!

    The only thing I would recommend is doing whatever possible to lose weight and get into shape. As much as we'd like to believe someone will love of us for what's on the inside, guys are visual and you're more likely to get approached if they like what's on the outside too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 1:53 PM GMT
    LFL, what kind of guy are you into? It may be part of the problem...
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14342

    Mar 27, 2010 2:18 PM GMT
    Hey man, you are only 21 years old and you virtually have your entire life ahead of you. Don't worry about having a boyfriend yet that will come with time. It will also enable you to separate the good quality guys that you want in your life from the creeps, liars, and users that are just looking for a one night stand in bed. As for going to bars, WRONG ANSWER! You will never meet a quality man in a bar because it is just not the suitable environment to do so. You live near Chicago which is one of the greatest cities in the world so there is no excuse why you cannot meet quality guys in other types of venues besides clubs. Get out of the suburb that you live in and venture either into the city or into other suburbs.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Mar 27, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    Do you sing? Try Chicago Gay Men's Chorus to meet great guys. Want to get in shape. The gay running club jobs along the lake all year as far as I remember. volunteer at the Center on Halsted or another charity. join the Chicago Gay Professionals Network. Any of these will bring you into contact with many, many gay men. The rest is waiting for lightning to strike.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    drypin saidDo you sing? Try Chicago Gay Men's Chorus to meet great guys. Want to get in shape. The gay running club jobs along the lake all year as far as I remember. volunteer at the Center on Halsted or another charity. join the Chicago Gay Professionals Network. Any of these will bring you into contact with many, many gay men. The rest is waiting for lightning to strike.



    Great ideas, and the lightning strike reference is brilliant - loved it!

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    hmm join the club.....icon_cry.gif
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Mar 27, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    Meh....boyfriends are overrated!!.....icon_lol.gificon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    Definitely agree with what everyone's saying here...desperation is often a HUGE turn-off, as is the need to feel completed/validated by someone else. You're young...rock out being you and doing the things that make you feel great. As soon as you stop giving a poop, you'll probably meet someone great - just one of life's great ironies.

    Oh, and the bar scene? Skip it, unless you're only there for loud music and overpriced drinks.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 27, 2010 3:49 PM GMT
    And now for something completely different...... Reality! It's ok to want a BF and to have that as part of your life goals. There have been a lot of good suggestions on how to go about finding a boyfriend, and most suggest living a full and happy life and it may happen.

    But it might not. That should be ok too.

    As far the as the bar scene is for finding a boyfried: I met my first BF at a gay bar. The last guy that I was in an LTR with I met at a gay bar. It can happen anywhere. The other BF's were fellow college students, a friend of a friend, or someone I met from online.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    lol, Bill and I met at a (horrors) gay bar...but it's a good idea to be involved in other social venues.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    You are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Mar 27, 2010 4:11 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif


    Marry me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif



    Wow I was waiting for a blunt response like this one... soo harsh to hear but sooo true...

    This def helps me out! Thanks munchingzombie
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 4:31 PM GMT
    Just do what I do. As you're losing weight, find cute chasers to mess around with.icon_razz.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 27, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif



    Mmmmm..... quivering bags of insecurity
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif



    Mmmmm..... quivering bags of insecurity



    Damn do I love the word "quiver." It's just one of those words that is never used enough. I forgot the subject of the thread, sorry...

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 27, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    DjDorchester said
    Celticmusl said
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif



    Mmmmm..... quivering bags of insecurity



    Damn do I love the word "quiver." It's just one of those words that is never used enough. I forgot the subject of the thread, sorry...



    And what about "squirming"? As in, "Quit squirming. You can't escape.". A very useful word.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 27, 2010 4:50 PM GMT
    Give it time. Focus on you right now, and slowly but surely become the kind of person you want to be when you settle down in a relationship.

    I know it pains you seeing so many other people partnered up and you maybe feel almost like you don't find someone now you're screwed,

    buts its really not a ticking time clock. You will meet people in life who you will like and will like you back, you form relationships and end relationships.

    The last thing you want though, is to want it so bad that you chase people off. Focus on being happy and content with yourself. People will naturally be drawn to that sort of confidence.

    Just be patient and don't be afraid to change up your hunting spots either.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    Ha, well if it makes you feel any better, I've never been in a relationship. EVER. I don't think I'm ever good enough for any guy, and they seem to agree.
    Don't worry, you'll find him one day =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    Dead_Asches saidI don't think I'm ever good enough for any guy, and they seem to agree.


    LOL. I LOVE that line. Hope you look back at it some day and smile :-)
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 28, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif



    I'm not
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2010 5:42 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are being such a boner-killer, dude-bro.

    No one is going to want you if you mope around with that attitude. Ya, six pack abs are nice, but confidence is infinitely more erotic. The Elephant Man could get tail with the right attitude so you should stop feeling bad for yourself, put yourself out there and fucking smile.

    Remember, when you go into a bar, everyone is a quivering bag of insecurity just like you. By putting on a brave face you transcend all that bull shit and become attractive.

    So knock it off! icon_biggrin.gif


    MZ once again wins the "Dr Ruth Award"

    Westheimer-Ruth.jpg