What do you do when your boyfriend is an arsehole?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    I'm so struggling with this.

    I love him, that's why I have stayed with him for this long.

    But I can see now why everyone sees him as a nasty, queeny arsehole.

    Don't get me wrong, I knew he was this kind of person when I met him, but he was always lovely to me, and I fell in love with this side of his personality. Or more correctly, I fell in love with the way he behaved toward me.

    Now, the true colours have sprung up. He treats me like shit, I pay for everything and I am unhappy.

    I have confronted him with these issues, and he always promises to be better, but it never happens.

    I'm no angel either, but I am thinking about finishing this long-term relationship now, and take the hurt rather than extending it.

    Problem is, we have enough 'together' stuff that it would take a long time to work out, and would equal more hurt.

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 27, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    you KNOW the answer: cut your losses...time to move on. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    relationships are designed to meet the needs of the people in them...if this isn't happening, then it may be time to move on.....cliche, but life is short...
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    Mar 27, 2010 8:20 PM GMT


    Oh.... gosh cronker..*hugs cronker*..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    Even if you love someone to death, a 50 year relationship just does not happen. They to take work. They can have beautiful vistas, and also take you down to deep depths, where you can see no light. They take work and compromise.

    Some people may also think having some-one pay all your bills is easy to, this can make another empty as well, weak, and reliant on another.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    I think relationships are worth fighting for, they're worth saving. Having deep love for somebody is your best weapon for that fight. Three questions that you have to answer: What is it that you're fighting to hold on to; whatever it is, is it great enough to make you keep working for it; and how much of a beating are you willing to take before you decide it's no longer worth it?

    I hope that whatever happens, that you get back to happiness.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 8:40 PM GMT
    Pattison said Some people may also think having some-one pay all your bills is easy to, this can make another empty as well, weak, and reliant on another.



    So great to hear that viewpoint. That person can get crushed by feelings of inadequacy, pent-up anger and frustration, for always feeling so dependent. It is possible that you always taking care of him is only making the situation worse and making him nasty and resentful.

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    Mar 27, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    Talk to him and tell him what your really thinking, that he's on the edge of losing you and why, don't give him months to do something about it, tell him, then, if you don't see some change quickly, leave.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Mar 27, 2010 9:17 PM GMT
    sometimes you just have to let go ... other times, you hold onto what feels right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 9:18 PM GMT
    "What do you do when your boyfriend is an arsehole?"

    Call my friends and go out to the clubs that night.
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    Mar 27, 2010 9:48 PM GMT
    You have presented the issues without an ask and he didn't respond.
    Now you have to present him the issues with an ultimatum: either you knock it the fuck off or we are done.
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    Mar 27, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou have presented the issues without an ask and he didn't respond.
    Now you have to present him the issues with an ultimatum: either you knock it the fuck off or we are done.


    Works for me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    What....to do with an arsehole......

    Hmmmm...

    I would think that would be instinctive for most gay men icon_twisted.gif

    Seriously though Whatever happens don't go to bed angry with each other
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    Mar 27, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    Dude! He isn't the only queer in the park. Get a better model without all the bullshit drama. Get rid of him. Move on. He's NOT going to change. You have to accept that, and move on. No amount of praying, wishing, or, likely, even therapy, is going to get him to change. Unless you like being miserable, the answer is obvious. Start getting things so you can move ahead, onward, and upgrade.
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    Mar 27, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    Surely you deserve better than to be treated badly by your boyfriend... who should love you and treat you like he does! If he doesnt, then its time to move on. Sometimes you have to let things go... and in time you'll realize that although it hurts, you will be happier without someone like that in your life.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Mar 27, 2010 10:59 PM GMT
    loosen the lug nuts on his tires and leave a dead cat under his pillow.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    To quote Tammy Wynette: "D-I-V-O-R-C-E"
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    Mar 27, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    Get out and get out now!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 11:35 PM GMT
    Study up on battered wife syndrome as you ponder your choice. Perhaps you're afraid of change.
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    Mar 27, 2010 11:44 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to say, you can't change someone. They have to change themselves, and will do so only when they want to.

    So, you are left with two choices. Accept who he is, and stay with him. Or, give him an ultimatum, and leave.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    I leave guys who are bitchy. I just can't deal with it. The world is stressful enough for a bitchy boyfriend..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    Yep. Unless you like being the "battered wife" you have to GET OUT.
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    Mar 28, 2010 1:05 AM GMT
    It's always amazing how we get the same pat and simple answers each time a question like this is posed, regardless of the information provided. I almost think that if I posted a topic complaining that my partner was late to dinner on date night that half the people here would say "kick him to the curb". No wonder so many people are single.

    cronker, you say he was always he was always "lovely" to you.
    I think the important question is: what changed?
    Is he upset over something and this is his way to express it?

    You say you've "confronted him", I don't mean to be flippant, but is that really the same as talking?
    You say you're "no angel", perhaps a "confrontation" wasn't the best way to discuss things?

    Don't let this go on because you will certainly only get more frustrated and things will spiral from bad to worse.
    Do talk, perhaps even the two of you seeing a couple's counselor if that helps you sort things out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    If your not happy then do yourselves BOTH a big favor and move on to bigger and better things!

    Lifes too short to be unhappy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    cronker saidWhat do you do when your boyfriend is an arsehole?


    Pump it and dump it.