IN REMEMBERENCE OF MY BABY BROTHER!!

  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 28, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    AS THE NEXT WEEKS COME ALONG, IT IS GETTING MORE AND MORE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO COPE WITH MY BROTHER'S DEATH! HE DIED TRAGICLY LAST OCTOBER IN MAUI AND LEFT BEHIND MY 9 YEAR OLD NIECE, HIS BEAUTIFUL ISLAND PRINCESS!! HIS BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP ON APRIL 6, AND I AM HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME ACKNOWLEDGING THAT HE IS GONE!! I LOVE HIM AND MISS HIM SO MUCH EVERYDAY!! ALTHOUGH, I HAVE DEALT WITH THE DEATHS OF MANY PEOPLE I LOVE OVER THE COURSE OF MY YEARS HERE ON EARTH, NONE OF THEM HAVE EVER AFFECTED ME IN THE WAY THAT THIS ONE HAS!! HE WAS MY PARTNER IN CRIME GROWING UP, MY CONFIDANT, MY LAUGHTER, MY OBJECTIVE OPINION, MY SPARING PARTNER, AND THE ONE WHO NEVER JUDGED ME, BUT WHO STOOD BY ME NO MATTER WHAT....THE OTHER HALF OF ME!! WE ARE TWO YEARS APART IN AGE...BUT WE ARE MORE LIKE TWINS!! I KNOW THAT I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN ONE DAY, BUT UNTIL THAT COMES TO PASS, I HAVE TO LEARN TO GO ON WITHOUT HIM, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW!! I WANT TO KEEP HIS MEMORY ALIVE AND LET HIS DAUGHTER KNOW THE KIND OF GREAT GUY THAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN...NOT JUST IN THE YEARS THAT SHE HAS BEEN WITH US, SO I HAVE STARTED WRITING A BOOK ABOUT OUR ADVENTURES GROWING UP!! I WOULD ALSO, LIKE TO SHARE THE POEM THAT I WROTE FOR TODD! I READ IT AT THE CELEBRATION THAT WE HELD FOR HIM ON THE BEACH IN FERNANDINA WHERE WE GREW UP...

    "The Ocean Is Calling!!!"

    As we walked along the ocean, we heard a crashing sound upon the shore! I turned to you and spied the twinkle in your bright blue eyes, and you belonged to the white crest-filled waves forever more!

    When the daylight had not quite shone at dawn, you slipped out the sliding glass door from our bedroom and headed for those huge glassy waves on your waxed-up surfboard! You were a natural; thus, with the salty water, you became one!

    With our loyal fluffy white Silver Sea, I sat on the shoreline and watched you "hang ten" continueously! Now you both are together, at last, surfing Heaven's waves oh so faithfully!

    So as I walk along the ocean, as far as I can see, I will gaze upon my baby brother shredding the tubes in front of me!!

    With All My Love.

    P.J. Gilliam


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2010 5:46 PM GMT
    A young death seems somehow doubly tragic. Be assured, the pain will turn into a warm glow in your heart as the years go by.
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 28, 2010 6:11 PM GMT
    Caslon14000 saidA young death seems somehow doubly tragic. Be assured, the pain will turn into a warm glow in your heart as the years go by.


    Thanks, man..appreciate the thoughts. -Joey
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    Mar 28, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    Writing a book sounds very cathartic, such a great idea.
    The poem is very nice.


    **HUGS**
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Mar 28, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Just know that he is always with you and his daughter and watching over and protecting. He will let you know this in the strangest of ways. It's hard, you're strong, with an inherent ability to heal.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Mar 28, 2010 11:37 PM GMT

    Thank you for sharing this with us, here. It's a testament to something extraordinary in you, and left in you by him. That's very brave and very, very generous of you.
    Keep writing. Keep remembering. Keep loving. Keep hurting, that's okay too. And good for the heart. He'll be with you forever.
    I urge you to simply talk to him. I think you know what I mean.

    Every grace and comfort be with you, and again...thank you.
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Mar 28, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    Memories, such a good thing right? icon_biggrin.gif
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 29, 2010 5:50 PM GMT
    Frisco82 saidI'm so sorry for your loss. Just know that he is always with you and his daughter and watching over and protecting. He will let you know this in the strangest ways. It's hard, you're strong, with an inherent ability to heal.


    I want to thank all of you great guys for your kind and meaningful words!!

    -Joeyicon_smile.gif
  • Crucializer

    Posts: 389

    Mar 29, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing Joey ... know that a part of him will live on in you, being that you were so close. So in essence, his daughter will always have him - through you.

    My heart goes out to you.

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    Mar 30, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    i'm so sorry for your loss

    For what its worth, in my culture we believe that the spirit is never far away, and that we can find comfort and peace in our loved ones simply by remembering them, and asking for their help in our time of need. They are always their to love us, we just have to ask for their help.

    Personally, I suggest you seek out a well-known clairvoyant in your area, to help you with your grief. Sceptic or not, you will often be pleasantly surprised with what you will hear.

    Take care mate

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 30, 2010 4:39 AM GMT
    adam81 saidi'm so sorry for your loss

    For what its worth, in my culture we believe that the spirit is never far away, and that we can find comfort and peace in our loved ones simply by remembering them, and asking for their help in our time of need. They are always their to love us, we just have to ask for their help.

    Personally, I suggest you seek out a well-known clairvoyant in your area, to help you with your grief. Sceptic or not, you will often be pleasantly surprised with what you will hear.

    Take care mate

    icon_biggrin.gif


    Thanks, Adam, you know, the funny think about the day of Todd's Memorial Celebration was that when our friends paddled his ashes out into the ocean where he surfed all the time was that there was a pelican that stayed right there the whole time...and flew north in the direction that the wreath was floating toward..before they all surfed in!! And I truly believe that it was him watching us...and I do talk to him all the time...it helps a lot...
    xoxo,
    -Joey
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    Mar 30, 2010 4:41 AM GMT
    eventually you'll think of him and smile.
    now you think of him and possibly cry.
    nothing wrong with that ... i'm sure he deserves a few tears and also being missed.

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    Mar 30, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    hey greenlantern1 (who happens to be one of my fav superheroes!)

    thanks for sharing, and i am sorry for your loss and the grief that comes with it. it IS hard, and it helps that you share your feelings and talk about your experience.
    i have the same reaction that you do when the death anniversary rolls around for my bf who died in 2005. i doesn't hurt as much anymore, but i still feel the loss.

    that is a great great way to remember your brother. what a great tribute, thanks for sharing that with us.
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    Mar 30, 2010 5:03 AM GMT
    See his presence in his daughter as she will see his presence in you. Best wishes
  • andreduce

    Posts: 76

    Mar 30, 2010 5:11 AM GMT
    Oh man, I am grieved by your loss..
    My only other sibling is a younger brother and besides a fairly large age gap of six years, we are close, and losing him, ...I could not begin to understand what that is like, so I don't understand what you are going through, but I feel for you.

    And as his daughter grows up, she will still need that father figure to look up to and maybe that can be you! (I have no idea what her family situation is now, but I am sure you feel it is important for you to play an important role in her life, father figure or not.)
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    Mar 30, 2010 5:25 AM GMT
    It hurts terribly bad. When I was on the sofa, laying there naked, actually, so many years ago...a loud knock hit the door and my sister barged in and said....Johnny...Jaren (my younger gay bro) Was killed by a drunk driver and then my parents where on a vacation and unreachable for days. The suspense and agony to find them and deal with my brother was unbearable...I know how if feels....

    I think something hit me harder than I ever felt in my life. A huge loss and I was grief stricken for 10 years. You see, just 2 weeks prior I learned my Brother was gay....after dealing with my own issues...I finally, learned I had a brother who was also GAY. You can imagine the loss I felt after knowing this, and NEVER getting that chance to ask him...why?

    Odd thing was....my life was on a different course and things have never been the same...never will....

    I can just recall that it hurts and takes a lot of time to get over. Then your never over it!


  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 30, 2010 6:58 AM GMT
    Mystic_Man saidIt hurts terribly bad. When I was on the sofa, laying there naked, actually, so many years ago...a loud knock hit the door and my sister barged in and said....Johnny...Jaren (my younger gay bro) Was killed by a drunk driver and then my parents where on a vacation and unreachable for days. The suspense and agony to find them and deal with my brother was unbearable...I know how if feels....

    I think something hit me harder than I ever felt in my life. A huge loss and I was grief stricken for 10 years. You see, just 2 weeks prior I learned my Brother was gay....after dealing with my own issues...I finally, learned I had a brother who was also GAY. You can imagine the loss I felt after knowing this, and NEVER getting that chance to ask him...why?

    Odd thing was....my life was on a different course and things have never been the same...never will....

    I can just recall that it hurts and takes a lot of time to get over. Then your never over it!




    Mystic, thank you for your words...and I am terribly sorry for your own loss...I don't know how to get past this except for focusing on my niece that I know needs me...too..as I need her.....When my grandparents died, and aunts and uncles...those were things that I had time to prepare for, but with him it was so unexpected...like with your brother...I thank you for sharing that with me...I feel really alone sometimes..without him there to talk with and listen to...no one has ever understood me like he did. Anyway, thanks.
    Joey
  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Mar 30, 2010 7:12 AM GMT
    I support you emotionally and spiritually right now. Losing a younger brother of mine would cause me grief I can't imagine.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 30, 2010 10:36 AM GMT
    I am so sorry for your loss
    I'm sure it hurts and you will feel many different emotions in the coming months
    but be assured he will always be with you
    keep his memories
    cherish the things that he left behind
    The poem that you shared with us was fantastic
    Keep writing ..... it will keep him close to you
    and it will help you heal
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 30, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    GQjock saidI am so sorry for your loss
    I'm sure it hurts and you will feel many different emotions in the coming months
    but be assured he will always be with you
    keep his memories
    cherish the things that he left behind
    The poem that you shared with us was fantastic
    Keep writing ..... it will keep him close to you
    and it will help you heal


    It does help some...and I am glad to be able to share it with you...thank you all for the support!!
    Joeyicon_smile.gif
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    Mar 30, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    You knocked me over. I had to walk outside and just stand there breathing fresh air after reading your tribute to your brother Todd. Your words are magic...they paint a living portrait of him. You HAVE TO write down your adventures...they will keep your brother alive for you and for your neice.

    Thank you for allowing us to share your grief Joey...remember that none of us is alone. Peace ... Kevin
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    Mar 30, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    kinda sweet.....hope ur heat heals
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 30, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing that... and we have something in common. My mother passed away when I was 24. She was young and very beautiful. Her birthday is April 6th as well.

    I know it will be hard, just know there are others that can empathize......
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 30, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    FRONT2BACK saidYou knocked me over. I had to walk outside and just stand there breathing fresh air after reading your tribute to your brother Todd. Your words are magic...they paint a living portrait of him. You HAVE TO write down your adventures...they will keep your brother alive for you and for your neice.

    Thank you for allowing us to share your grief Joey...remember that none of us is alone. Peace ... Kevin


    I never thought that I would meet such great people on a website like this, but I have gotten to know some of you on here, and your generosity is tremendous and fills my heart...
    xoxo,
    Joeyicon_smile.gif
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 30, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidThanks for sharing that... and we have something in common. My mother passed away when I was 24. She was young and very beautiful. Her birthday is April 6th as well.

    I know it will be hard, just know there are others that can empathize......


    I know that your mother had to be an amazing person..that time of the year has begotten...many wonderful and special people that I have had the privilege of having in my life...my brother being one of those extraordinary individuals.