What "I love you" doesn't mean....

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 28, 2010 7:56 PM GMT
    i_love_you_in_a_gay_way.gif

    I love you doesn't mean that you'll be compatible together in a relationship. You could have very different views on politics/ the way to live life/ where to live/ music, and still love each other. People seem have forgotten that it's possible and more likely to love someone you won't get along with all the time.It is also possible that your differences will complement each other and draw you closer into a relationship.

    Even worse is when one person says it and means it, and the other says it merely to return the compliment. Returning the compliment immediately reduces any respect for the words "I love you", and doesn't leave much space for the feeling of love to grow later. It introduces what is usually the first big lie in the relationship, and what is a joining built on lies?

    I believe that this is part of the reason why so many relationships end up on the rocks. People are no longer either saying what they mean, or hearing what is meant.

    Thoughts Anyone....?
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    Mar 28, 2010 8:07 PM GMT
    In the U.S. I think "I love you" has lost almost all meaning. People will say it all the time to their friends on the phone, relatives, dogs, etc. I have become suspicious of hearing it from a lover for this reason, maybe because in the past I thought it meant something and was hurt. At this point, hearing "I love you" only tends to annoy me.

    I am an immigrant from a culture where it is almost never said. My parents and I have never said this to each other, but we are a very loving family and it is unnecessary because it is obvious.

    In this sense, to me loving someone means not needing to say "I love you".
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 28, 2010 8:24 PM GMT
    malefeet saidi_love_you_in_a_gay_way.gif

    I love you doesn't mean that you'll be compatible together in a relationship. You could have very different views on politics/ the way to live life/ where to live/ music, and still love each other. People seem have forgotten that it's possible and more likely to love someone you won't get along with all the time.It is also possible that your differences will compliment each other and draw you closer into a relationship.

    Even worse is when one person says it and means it, and the other says it merely to return the compliment. Returning the compliment immediately reduces any respect for the words "I love you", and doesn't leave much space for the feeling of love to grow later. It introduces what is usually the first big lie in the relationship, and what is a joining built on lies?

    I believe that this is part of the reason why so many relationships end up on the rocks. People are no longer either saying what they mean, or hearing what is meant.

    Thoughts Anyone....?


    Hey, buddy.....you are right on with what you said..I will always remember one of the best and simplest messages that I have heard from someone came to me one day when my ex-partner of 12 years and I were sitting in a class one day from this man that up until that day I not had much repect for.. He was talking about friendship and love. He started talking about himself and a friend of his that he has known most of his life. He talked about a disagreement that they had over the direction his life was going and his friend told him he was going down the wrong path and hanging with the wrong crowd and that if he was going to continue associating with these 'friends' that went along with everything that he wanted to do and that he was doing the same...and it was a very self-distructive path...drugs, alcohol, doing other things against the law..and his friend could see him spiraling downward..that he would not condone it...but loved him and he didn't want to see him destroying his life. His friend did not talk to him for months...and the guy's life was heading into huge tourmoil...he and his "new' friends got into trouble went to jail, and ultimately..he ended up in a car wreck that hurt one of them really bad..because no one was willing to say..."we are all doing the wrong things"...because they were along for the good times...and didn't know what love for someone else really was or what friendship really meant.... As he said these words, I listened more intently, as my partner and I had had a big blowout because I had basically told him the same thing ...that I disagreed with some of the choices he was making and it was tearing us apart...I could see the look on his face too as the guy spoke..and it was apparent that the words were getting to him also. The speaker finished by saying that he and his friend learned something very valuable in this ordeal...that a "real and true' friend will disagree with you when they think you are doing the wrong things or making wrong choices..not to hurt you but because they truly love you and care what happens....and that a true friend will never agree with you all the time. If they do. they are not a real friend...Well, those words have always stuck with me to this day..and they had a great deal to do with saving our relationship and making it stronger for a long time...Even, after our breakup, it is the reason that I still check on him and he on me..to make sure that each is doing alright.. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you, ..feet!! You are a great guy... -Joey
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    What "I Love you" doesn't mean is "I'm STD free so it's safe to bareback"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidWhat "I Love you" doesn't mean is "I'm STD free so it's safe to bareback"


    I like Green's answer better icon_razz.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 28, 2010 10:50 PM GMT
    Dragoonxi said
    lilTanker saidWhat "I Love you" doesn't mean is "I'm STD free so it's safe to bareback"


    I like Green's answer better icon_razz.gif


    Yeah...Joey is a great guy....icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 28, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    Dragoonxi said
    lilTanker saidWhat "I Love you" doesn't mean is "I'm STD free so it's safe to bareback"


    I like Green's answer better icon_razz.gif

    Do you know how long his answer was???? OMG He wrote a book...

    I've a very short attention span lately, I aint well and I'm not very focused
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Mar 28, 2010 11:03 PM GMT
    I have SOOOOO many thoughts on this, but for now, I'll just say that this is a really thoughtful post. Thanks for that.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 28, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 saidI have SOOOOO many thoughts on this, but for now, I'll just say that this is a really thoughtful post. Thanks for that.


    You're very welcome and I would love to hear your thoughts....icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 28, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    What I love you doesn't mean:
    I'm not your doormat, wastebasket, lightning rod, ATM, slave, mother, plaything, sex-toy, cook, nanny or nurse.

    I can be all of these things at some point if it makes you happy, if you want to make me happy, too. I will do what I can to make us happy and hope you do the same. I want to get to know you, I want to share my life with you, I want you in my life when I'm happy, I want you when I'm sad. I'll be there for you when you need me, I'll be there when you want to be left alone. If you have me, I want to be with you for the rest of your life, in exchange you get me for the rest of mine. Because I love you.
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    Mar 28, 2010 11:16 PM GMT
    I love you is to friends what happiness is to hope. Yes, I went there.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 28, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    TrowelMonger saidI love you is to friends what happiness is to hope. Yes, I went there.


    I totally agree with you my handsome friend! icon_biggrin.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Mar 28, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    How odd to hear that there are pussies out there saying it without meaning it because they don't want to rock the boat.

    I only say it when I mean it. On the occasions when I hear it from my friends - good friends I've had for 12 to 20 years - I feel like they mean it. When my husband says it, I believe it.

    The few times someone said it to me and it wasn't mutual, I was forced to deal with it. I did it with respect and admiration for the other as a human being with feelings. It happens; golden rule it and move forward.

    May I never have the misfortune of falling for someone who thinks it's a weakness, mistake, social faux pas or sign of poor character to say those three words.
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    Mar 28, 2010 11:21 PM GMT
    Great answer Greenlantern1!

    I think I love you can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. The difference is invisible and it's the intent on the person saying it. I've said I love you to people and not meant it as much as when I've said it to other people. In general I try not to overdo it but I also make sure the people I love know it.
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    Mar 28, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    Means it's time to put on my running shoes.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 28, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    no more I love you's, the language is leaving me
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Mar 28, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidno more I love you's, the language is leaving me


    Oh, don't get me started with Annie... Damn, wasn't there another post about crying?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 28, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    drypin said
    Timberoo saidno more I love you's, the language is leaving me


    Oh, don't get me started with Annie... Damn, wasn't there another post about crying?


    And the thing is....Timberoo is very very handsome.....seriously....icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 28, 2010 11:34 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidno more I love you's, the language is leaving me




    I love Annie *nods*
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Mar 28, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    I love you in the gay community essentially means. I wouldn't mind being your fuck buddy for about 10 years as long as I get to fuck people on the side.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 28, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    drypin said
    Timberoo saidno more I love you's, the language is leaving me


    Oh, don't get me started with Annie... Damn, wasn't there another post about crying?


    And the thing is....Timberoo is very very handsome.....seriously....icon_wink.gif



    icon_redface.gif that's very nice of you to say
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    Mar 28, 2010 11:56 PM GMT
    My boyfriend says that "I love you" should never be easy to say.

    I was really confused when he first told me this because I come from a very open, loving family (not saying that he didn't) where my parents say it to each other all the time, so I didn't understand the concept of not saying it when you feel it.

    Although we're different, I definitely respect him for holding such value to those words. icon_razz.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Mar 29, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Timberoo saidno more I love you's, the language is leaving me
    I love Annie *nods*

    that was so good. especially the minnie mouse trannies.
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    Mar 29, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    If someone lies when they say it to you, it hurts a lot when you realize the lie
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Mar 29, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    Love is real, but it doesn't always end in forever.

    We have all loved-- our families, our friends, our boyfriends.

    Obviously, we're talking about "significant others" here, so I'll just give my two cents about that.

    I've been in four relationships with guys before that went well beyond just "dating," where I can say that I've fallen involuntarily for someone to the point where, in some way, I've abandoned my own goals. To me, in the past, that has been love.

    The first one was the guy who made my homosexuality a reality. I came out when I met him, and I thought he was *the one*. But it didn't last. And I loved him.

    The second was the gorgeous guy who lied to me about everything in his life--- he was the model citizen, the doctoral student at Princeton, the lover who knew everything except how to be honest-- he had never gone to college, and I only found out after I lived with him. He was fucking his tennis students while I thought he was at school. I loved him.

    The third. He was perfect. Educated, athletic, good looking, sincere. I still talk to him. He was still partially in the closet. It ruined us. I loved him, and I still do, and I always will, but we're not meant to spend our lives together.

    The fourth-- I loved him. He loved me, as did all the others. We had so much in common, and yet so little. It was great- we could talk about music, or go hiking, or have phenomenal sex, or drink together, go to the orchestra... we went for a 5 day hike in the Andes to Machu Picchu, and when we got back, he dumped me. It just wasn't right. I loved him.

    So now I've been single for three years. I have dated, and I have screwed around, and I have waited.

    I recently met someone-- a couple months ago-- in New York City. He lives in Israel. He's moving to the States in the summer. I was happy to meet him as a friend. He's a serious musician and because of this he understands me. I'm even happier to say that I'm going to visit him in Israel. I'm falling for him. I'll see him in a couple of days in Tel Aviv. I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it would work out. It's not about sex. We did that a couple of times, but we've spent hours together on Skype for the past month and a half. He writes me love letters. He tells me he likes my haircut. He smiles with his soul when he looks at me. So do I. I feel more strongly for him than I have ever felt for anyone in the past. He's my soulmate. Love? I won't even say it out loud. Not until I believe that I'm not going to get hurt like I've been hurt so many times before. As he said, though, when we booked the ticket for my visit, "I'm not willing to not take a chance on this."

    But, as they say, love never dies. It's always there, and it's real, no matter how you feel it. If it lasts, even better. Don't lose the twinkle in your eyes.

    The final verse from my favorite Irish folk song:

    Oh, love is handsome,
    And love is kind.
    It's like a jewel
    When first it's new.
    But love grows old
    and waxes cold,
    And fades away
    like the morning dew.