Picky About D!cky

  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 29, 2010 9:10 PM GMT
    My thoughts here came from the Lady Gaga Teeth thread so feel free to cross reference.

    In a world of diverse people, I think there are multiple possibilities for potential dating/love compatibility. I question, however, whether others feel that there is a "ONE" because it seems like nobody is good enough for many gays to date a la Sex and the City.

    One has to have the right clothes, the perfect body in proportion to the perfect height, the right personality/ego/hobbies/ambitions, the required amount of money/success/career, and we're still in the general ballpark.

    A guy has a beautiful body and face but has a scar that detracts from it. Would you date him?

    I think of my cousin whose son is adorable and incredibly smart for his age but doesn't have a fully developed right hand. If he grew up as a gay and looked perfect and was perfect otherwise, I really believe that most gay men would say no before they would even shake his left hand.

    Now add all the other elements: HIV status, top/btm/vers compatibility, body hair, hair on top, hair down below, teeth, all other facial structures, living space, religious beliefs, political philosophies, and so on. That's a lot of planets to align and we haven't even begun to look at whether or not YOU align the planets for HIM!

    Do we think we're that hot that we deserve to get a perfect model with all of our desired attributes? Is that a sign that we haven't grown up? If we think it absolutes and don't have flexibility, aren't we doomed to be that creepy guy in the bar for eternity? Anyone else frustrated with picky dates or friends who are picky dates? Other thoughts?

  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Mar 29, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    I think this is a wonderful departure from some of the other threads at the moment. yes, it is difficult to imagine sifting through the daunting culturally-defined task that is finding a guy who ' fits ' into all of the listed. however, why not try to work on yourself and try to look in the mirror ... listen to the comments that friends make in reference to your personality, and how much you give of yourself to others?

    categories can be made as a short-hand to keep from ending up in unwanted situations, but there are also instances where those very same stringent hyperplexes (i.e., super-categorization) may render you to be awfully lonely in the future.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 29, 2010 9:28 PM GMT
    I just find it sad that so many might be shutting down others that would be good for them on the basis of something stupid like "he chews gum funny." Or let's say the sex was amazing, but he snores! It just seems like many gay guys are waaaaaaayyy too picky but will never fess up to it. We'll see if my perception is proven different.
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    Mar 29, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    Once I have 15 minutes of someone's time they realize I'm *everyone's* type. icon_biggrin.gif
    And the only requirement I have for anyone who I date is that "the really be into me".

    That said, I think there is a veritable OCEAN of men who I am compatible with, if timing is right and we both choose to follow that path is another story.
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    Mar 29, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    I require any future boyfriend of mine to know what "stringent hyperplexes" are.

    Among thousands of other requirements.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 29, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    ....and so many gay men wonder why they are lonely or why their relationships don't last.....sheesh icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 29, 2010 9:40 PM GMT
    I do think the majority of people do tend to look at superficial things when deciding who to date and who not to date. I've found that the best people aren't the ones who turn heads, but the ordinary looking guys who are kind and compassionate, funny, and have their heads screwed on straight. They may not grab my attention in the first 5 seconds, but as I get to know them they become far more attractive as their personality shines through.

    I've learned not to dismiss someone based on superficial things (unless they have poor hygiene or something gross!) and instead get to know them for who they are.

    I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect, I'm looking for a regular guy next door, like me. I'm not perfect, so why should my boyfriend be?
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    Mar 29, 2010 9:43 PM GMT
    Yeah, just like Jerry Seinfeld.....

  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Mar 29, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidWe'll see if my perception is proven different.

    indeed. I hope that it is.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 29, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    malefeet said....and so many gay men wonder why they are lonely or why their relationships don't last.....sheesh icon_rolleyes.gif


    Exactly.
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    Mar 29, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    I find that a person's appearance changes once I get to know him. All those features take on a personality and I dont see them as just features anymore. And features that might have been seen as a flaw before becomes endearing traits of the person. They are part of him and I wouldnt change them for the world. It wouldnt be him anymore.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 29, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said Yeah, just like Jerry Seinfeld.....



    O how I miss Seinfeld.
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    Mar 29, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidI require any future boyfriend of mine to know what "stringent hyperplexes" are.

    Among thousands of other requirements.

    Don't I clean my sink with that? icon_question.gif
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Mar 29, 2010 9:58 PM GMT
    I approve of this message..icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 29, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    I'm pretty sure I'm answering this question incorrectly, but like, I guess osme people are just picky because the other guy may not be their "ideal type" for dating. Like "This is my ideal type for a guy who I would date, and so far you are missing this, this, and this"

    I think everyone has a type of guy they find perfect, I do, but in the end, I don't really follow it too much. I've ended up liking people that don't follow that perfect model at all.

    As for like being so picky that you won't date someone where if they have hair growing in different places, does it really matter? Does it take away from the guy's personality? I have a small patch of hair on my lower back, where that's the only place hair grows, if someone didn't want to date me for that, they can go fuck themselves honestly lol
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    Mar 29, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    Christian16 saidI'm pretty sure I'm answering this question incorrectly, but like, I guess osme people are just picky because the other guy may not be their "ideal type" for dating. Like "This is my ideal type for a guy who I would date, and so far you are missing this, this, and this"

    I think everyone has a type of guy they find perfect, I do, but in the end, I don't really follow it too much. I've ended up liking people that don't follow that perfect model at all.

    As for like being so picky that you won't date someone where if they have hair growing in different places, does it really matter? Does it take away from the guy's personality? I have a small patch of hair on my lower back, where that's the only place hair grows, if someone didn't want to date me for that, they can go fuck themselves honestly lol



    oh look christian73 minus 50something......oh hell i dont do math....lolzicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidI require any future boyfriend of mine to know what "stringent hyperplexes" are.

    Among thousands of other requirements.


    is that a neologism?
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    Mar 29, 2010 10:38 PM GMT
    Yeah... I know exactly what you mean. There are a list of "requisite features" that you want your partner to possess ranging from "petty and benign" to "That's A Deal Breaker!". I also think that this is something that everyone does - gays and breeders alike. Perhaps it's more rampant in the gay community? I don't really know, my ability for comparison is limited. icon_redface.gif This is definitely not a bad thing, though. Some character traits or habits may well be deal breakers for you.

    What I *do* know, however, is this:

    You may have a list of "boyfriend criteria" and it may be that everyone you meet seems to fall short at some point. But you know you've found someone special when you see them and you don't even notice they're slightly overweight. Or left handed. Or have a large mole on their left shoulder blade. Or their left index finger is fractionally longer than their right. You know they're special when you like everything about them, including (and in some cases, especially!) their flaws.

    After all, who wants to date a piece of plastic!

    I guess my point is, this: Yes, we all have criteria for our prospective mates. But someone will come along and blow that shit out of the water! Hit you for a six!

    But that's just my two cents!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2010 10:48 PM GMT
    I don't understand this pickyness. If you can make me smile, laugh and feel comfortable around you, there is some physical attraction and chemistry, then I'm good. I don't need nor want perfection.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Mar 29, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    Tom_Tom said

    You may have a list of "boyfriend criteria" and it may be that everyone you meet seems to fall short at some point. But you know you've found someone special when you see them and you don't even notice they're slightly overweight. Or left handed. Or have a large mole on their left shoulder blade. Or their left index finger is fractionally longer than their right. You know they're special when you like everything about them, including (and in some cases, especially!) their flaws.

    After all, who wants to date a piece of plastic!


    This is a great sentiment! I think "flaws" are part of what make guys interesting and sexy. For example I was never attracted to Brad Pitt but I think Ed Norton is super hot. Brad seems perfect and pretty (boring), while Ed seems like a real person with all kinds of individualism. He doesn't look like a model, he looks like a man! icon_biggrin.gif
    BTW I think a guy could be still be very sexy with scars, a missing hand, whatever. I was always way more interested in what was going on in his head.

    For those who agree with me, here is an awesome blog you will like:
    http://themagicofordinaryguys.blogspot.com/
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    Mar 29, 2010 11:12 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidI just find it sad that so many might be shutting down others that would be good for them on the basis of something stupid like "he chews gum funny." Or let's say the sex was amazing, but he snores! It just seems like many gay guys are waaaaaaayyy too picky but will never fess up to it. We'll see if my perception is proven different.


    Would this not fall into the all encompassing - it's my preference?
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    Mar 30, 2010 1:50 AM GMT
    Tom_Tom said...Or left handed...

    What!? I'll let you know, being left handed is a virtue! icon_surprised.gif

    Everybody has a "list." Lists can be effective when used prudently; however, if you find most dates falling woefully short of your expectations perhaps it is time to review the list. Be honest with yourself when evaluating your criteria. The "imperfection" likely lies within your list, not your dates. You know, the older I get the more I embrace imperfection. It is, after all, the greatness of man, for where there is no imperfection there is no story to tell.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 30, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidI don't understand this pickyness. If you can make me smile, laugh and feel comfortable around you, there is some physical attraction and chemistry, then I'm good. I don't need nor want perfection.


    Unfortunately, in my experience not everyone is as laid back. Perhaps it is that I'm dating a lot of the most rotten eggs. My likes, however, are not always conventional. My friends always laugh at how I always am turned on by guys with big noses. At the same time, though, I wouldn't turn my back on someone with a small nose just because of that. I'm not that strict. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    Pianist said
    Tom_Tom said...Or left handed...

    What!? I'll let you know, being left handed is a virtue! icon_surprised.gif

    Everybody has a "list." Lists can be effective when used prudently; however, if you find most dates falling woefully short of your expectations perhaps it is time to review the list. Be honest with yourself when evaluating your criteria. The "imperfection" likely lies within your list, not your dates. You know, the older I get the more I embrace imperfection. It is, after all, the greatness of man, for where there is no imperfection there is no story to tell.


    have u ever had someone fuck u doggystyle while u keep playin the piano?icon_twisted.gif
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 30, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Blackguy4you said[/cite]
    dannyboy1101 saidI just find it sad that so many might be shutting down others that would be good for them on the basis of something stupid like "he chews gum funny." Or let's say the sex was amazing, but he snores! It just seems like many gay guys are waaaaaaayyy too picky but will never fess up to it. We'll see if my perception is proven different.


    Would this not fall into the all encompassing - it's my preference?[/quote

    That's a cop out. This website tends to have plenty of forums in which certain individuals feel they can spew hateful and sometimes discriminatory statements and then open up the umbrella of "well we can't help what we're attracted to" as the flood waters of fury come rushing back.

    Keep in mind, we all do have things we like/don't like, but this is supposed to be about they are your type to a T except for "fill in the blank" and dropping that person just because of one or two oftentimes insignificant things.