On a dating site... But in a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2010 8:18 AM GMT
    I've had the pleasure of speaking with two really awesome guys the past few weeks, Met on a dating site and hit it off quickly, up until the point we became facebook friends when I realized both of these guys were in relationships (not them two but them to other guys I mean) This always seems to happen to me, I've no idea what to make of it, I'd be fine just being friends, but the fact that neither said a thing about a boyfriend irks me out, I thought I could detect some flirting... But maybe I was way off.

    Am I the only one that this happens to? lol
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 30, 2010 8:34 AM GMT
    sublstyley saidI've had the pleasure of speaking with two really awesome guys the past few weeks, Met on a dating site and hit it off quickly, up until the point we became facebook friends when I realized both of these guys were in relationships (not them two but them to other guys I mean) This always seems to happen to me, I've no idea what to make of it, I'd be fine just being friends, but the fact that neither said a thing about a boyfriend irks me out, I thought I could detect some flirting... But maybe I was way off.

    Am I the only one that this happens to? lol


    It happens more than you think it does, sub!! And then you get the ones that don't know what they want..and send out mixed signals..and I don't know about you, but just tell me what you want and actually mean it. I had this one guy that called me for almost two months straight. We were chatting almost everyday.. and we were friends, so I thought...but he would be on the phone.."I wish you were here...blah, blah, blah,...and I liked the guy, but he was a little whiney, so I just listened and talked..like "real" friends do, and then..this wacko..out of the blue says..I think you are in love with me...so we shouldn't talk anymore......Man, that shit threw me for a loop....!! Why would you waste all that time...on the pretense of being friends with someone...to do that..I am a guy that takes friendships seriously..so don't waste my freakin' time with crap like that. If you are that pathetic, you need to go back home to mommy, and let her wipe your ass some more.!!....Anyway, just thought this was a good forum to get that off my chest...I guess that I expect people to be up front, because with me, what you see is what you get.!! BS Not Included...haha!!icon_lol.gif
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Mar 30, 2010 11:56 AM GMT
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.




    I think you should start a thread of your own instead of high jacking someone's thread...icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 30, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    Ajjockstud, you're making us both laugh! icon_wink.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2010 1:54 PM GMT
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    this isnt manhunt whats the problem. I come here mainly to participate in the forums and check out the eye candy. A monogamous relationship does not mean you cant log into any gay interest sites
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    Mar 30, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.




    Damn, talk about keeping the leash too tight, man. Good way to drive a partner away, in my opinion. It's not like this is eHarmony.com or Match.com!!! So... we can't be on any gay site at all? eek.

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 30, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    inuman said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.




    I think you should start a thread of your own instead of high jacking someone's thread...icon_rolleyes.gif


    lol right!
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Mar 30, 2010 1:58 PM GMT
    Rujock said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    this isnt manhunt whats the problem. I come here mainly to participate in the forums and check out the eye candy. A monogamous relationship does not mean you cant log into any gay interest sites


    LOL....Most of you probably got a secret manhunt account....gotta love gay men....icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:10 PM GMT
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    I'm thinking I'd not want to date your ass. You'd probably pull some Kathy Bates/Annie Wilkes stunt on me ... I'd wake up one morning after spending a few hours on RJ the night before, only to find you looming over me with a sledgehammer.

    Ajjockstud: "You! You dirty bird! How could you?! I thought you were good reppaT... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.
    [Right after smashing reppaT's ankles with a sledgehammer] God, I love you ... I am going to put on my Liberace records."
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 30, 2010 2:14 PM GMT
    Hahahaha icon_lol.gif


    What's that movie called where the chick keeps the guy hurt so that she can take care of him lol that's what I thought of when I read that LOL
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 30, 2010 2:23 PM GMT
    To the OP, I am so with you on this one. I've written posts about it before and really I have tried not to dwell too much on it. But I just have to face facts. Out of all the guys I have been hit on in which I in turn felt some attraction towards in the last 2 years, 80% of the guys were already in a relationship. I could count them off like clockwork because when I did find out they were already in a relationship it was either emotionally devastating to me or just plain perplexing to the point where I still don't know what to make of it.

    Please note, these guys came onto me. For some it was just a half hour conversation where they said they were watching me all night, etc; while for others it was two months before I found out about the "situation", lol.

    Heath, Memorial Day weekend, 2008. Spoke with him for months on gay.com only to find out he was in a relationship.

    "Smoker", forget his name, July 2008, from Manhunt and looking for a relationship. It wasn't until I met him for a date that he told me he was in a 10 yr relationship that is currently sexless. Never dated him again but in October ran into him at the Gay Bowling league with his new lover and later that night they hit on me for a threeway.

    "Mike", at a friends party, summer of 2009. Said he has been checking me out all night, knows I'm a vegetarian and what kind of drink I like. Tells me I am so his type, etc. After a half hour while he has my full reciprocal attention his BF walks up and I'm introduced.

    Bill, September of 2009, at a local gay event. Did not really hit on me but chatted me up. Always around me when I would turn around. I asked his ex and still good friend about Bill and I was told that he was a very sweet guy and relationship oriented. We hit it off well and went to a few bars together each introducing each other to friends, etc. Found out the next day he is in an ltr with someone from Arizona where his other house is located. Found this out after he did not show up for a date.

    Zorro, Halloween 2009, at a friends party. Once again, comes up to me, hits on me, takes my hand and drags me to try something in the kitchen. Takes my hand to take me up to sing karaoke. We sit together to listen to the music. Later, I'm told by my friend that invited me to the party that Zorro is in a relationship with Dracula. We all leave to go to the bar. Zorro and Dracula are totally ignoring me like I'm the one that did something wrong.

    I'm going to stop there for now. This has happened to me since Zorro, but I still don't feel like talking about it right now. Believe me, there have been other guys that have hit on me that were in a relationship, these are only the ones that I found mutual interest in.

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 30, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    reppaT said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    I'm thinking I'd not want to date your ass. You'd probably pull some Kathy Bates/Annie Wilkes stunt on me ... I'd wake up one morning after spending a few hours on RJ the night before, only to find you looming over me with a sledgehammer.

    Ajjockstud: "You! You dirty bird! How could you?! I thought you were good reppaT... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.
    [Right after smashing reppaT's ankles with a sledgehammer] God, I love you ... I am going to put on my Liberace records."



    Na, I totally agree with Ajjock. While I was in an ltr I had little to do with online chatting. If my current relationship wasn't working I would try to fix it, and not drag anyone else into it.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidHahahaha icon_lol.gif


    What's that movie called where the chick keeps the guy hurt so that she can take care of him lol that's what I thought of when I read that LOL


    Are you thinking of Misery, with Kathy Bates?
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Mar 30, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    Mikeylikesit said
    Rujock said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    this isnt manhunt whats the problem. I come here mainly to participate in the forums and check out the eye candy. A monogamous relationship does not mean you cant log into any gay interest sites


    LOL....Most of you probably got a secret manhunt account....gotta love gay men....icon_lol.gif



    Seriously? How many jaded & controlling men are out there? Maybe some of us have joint profiles on other sites like Manhunt.

    I don't know fitting into the norm is rather boring and too conventional for my tastes.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:36 PM GMT
    sublstyley saidI've had the pleasure of speaking with two really awesome guys the past few weeks, Met on a dating site and hit it off quickly, up until the point we became facebook friends when I realized both of these guys were in relationships (not them two but them to other guys I mean) This always seems to happen to me, I've no idea what to make of it, I'd be fine just being friends, but the fact that neither said a thing about a boyfriend irks me out, I thought I could detect some flirting... But maybe I was way off.

    Am I the only one that this happens to? lol
    Welcome to teh intarwebz, my friend.

    Or actually, life...

    And if you're surprised that a "taken" person would flirt, well, ... icon_lol.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 30, 2010 2:38 PM GMT
    inuman said
    Mikeylikesit said
    Rujock said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    this isnt manhunt whats the problem. I come here mainly to participate in the forums and check out the eye candy. A monogamous relationship does not mean you cant log into any gay interest sites


    LOL....Most of you probably got a secret manhunt account....gotta love gay men....icon_lol.gif



    Seriously? How many jaded & controlling men are out there? Maybe some of us have joint profiles on other sites like Manhunt.

    I don't know fitting into the norm is rather boring and too conventional for my tastes.


    Well I basically took the questions as actual questions and I think in a relationship fair questions to be asked. Will I leave RJ because I get into a relationship? I don't think I will, but I will probably just have one face pic posted and that's about it.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    reppaT said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    I'm thinking I'd not want to date your ass. You'd probably pull some Kathy Bates/Annie Wilkes stunt on me ... I'd wake up one morning after spending a few hours on RJ the night before, only to find you looming over me with a sledgehammer.

    Ajjockstud: "You! You dirty bird! How could you?! I thought you were good reppaT... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.
    [Right after smashing reppaT's ankles with a sledgehammer] God, I love you ... I am going to put on my Liberace records."



    Na, I totally agree with Ajjock. While I was in an ltr I had little to do with online chatting. If my current relationship wasn't working I would try to fix it, and not drag anyone else into it.


    So what you're saying is that you're against both you and your partner having other friends or speaking with other guys while you're together?

    Loosen the reins. You'll discover that the stallions will buck less.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:49 PM GMT
    Just met and unmet a guy on here with a wife sitting at home... icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    inuman said
    Mikeylikesit said
    Rujock said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    this isnt manhunt whats the problem. I come here mainly to participate in the forums and check out the eye candy. A monogamous relationship does not mean you cant log into any gay interest sites


    LOL....Most of you probably got a secret manhunt account....gotta love gay men....icon_lol.gif



    Seriously? How many jaded & controlling men are out there? Maybe some of us have joint profiles on other sites like Manhunt.

    I don't know fitting into the norm is rather boring and too conventional for my tastes.



    i just hate it when i see "Looking for fun, dating, and love." only to find out they already have that but are still on there.. i just dont know what to make of it.. did he forget to update his profile.. or is this what i should expect if for some reason we were to get into something later on down the road.. etc etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:51 PM GMT
    RJ is a dating site? Didn't know that.

    I'll make friends with anyone, in a relationship or not. I won't, however, date someone in a relationship, nor have sex with them. That's just me. I just found out one of the hottest guys I know is in an open relationship...but no matter how hot I won't cross that line.

    The ones who get me are those on dating sites pretending to be single. And yeah, there are a lot of oddballs out there as well. Fortunately I have a fairly functional BS detector, so that saves me a lot. icon_lol.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 30, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    reppaT said
    Celticmusl said
    reppaT said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    I'm thinking I'd not want to date your ass. You'd probably pull some Kathy Bates/Annie Wilkes stunt on me ... I'd wake up one morning after spending a few hours on RJ the night before, only to find you looming over me with a sledgehammer.

    Ajjockstud: "You! You dirty bird! How could you?! I thought you were good reppaT... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.
    [Right after smashing reppaT's ankles with a sledgehammer] God, I love you ... I am going to put on my Liberace records."



    Na, I totally agree with Ajjock. While I was in an ltr I had little to do with online chatting. If my current relationship wasn't working I would try to fix it, and not drag anyone else into it.


    So what you're saying is that you're against both you and your partner having other friends or speaking with other guys while you're together?

    Loosen the reins. You'll discover that the stallions will buck less.


    Lol, all of my exes had tons of freedom, and privacy, and alone time. They were able to travel by themselves, have friends separate from our "mutual friends", etc. It was the honor system. They all cheated on me, it just took time for me to find out since I never snooped.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:58 PM GMT
    I'm in a monogamous relationship, and both my partner and I sign in here regularly. I think there's a difference between sites that are explicitly "dating", like Manhunt, and those like RJ, BigMuscle or Connexion where "dating" is certainly an option—but I tend to see them as broader, gay social networking. It can be a challenge when you're being propositioned by every other guy. But I have my boundaries and am up front about what I'm willing to talk about and what's crossing the line. I also won't cam, which turns off quite a few guys.

    It's like a bar. My partner and I go to bars together often. We don't stop socializing with other gay men because we're together—we just have boundaries and rules of engagement. It's pretty simple.

    I'm grateful to have a guy who's comfortable enough with himself and secure enough to trust that my commitment to him means everything, and vice versa. I've been with a guy prior who threw a fit, thinking there was no way to be out and about in the gay world without taking every opportunity to cheat. That's ridiculous.
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    Mar 30, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    reppaT said
    Celticmusl said
    reppaT said
    Ajjockstud saidIt really amazes me how many guys on this site "claim" to be in a monogamous relationship, yet they still log on this site every day. To the guys in "monogamous" relationships, would your partners be comfortable knowing you were on a gay site? Perhaps looking for the next best thing?Would you be comfortable if you found your significant other on this site? Where is a line of respect drawn in a relationship?

    Just curious what you all may think.



    I'm thinking I'd not want to date your ass. You'd probably pull some Kathy Bates/Annie Wilkes stunt on me ... I'd wake up one morning after spending a few hours on RJ the night before, only to find you looming over me with a sledgehammer.

    Ajjockstud: "You! You dirty bird! How could you?! I thought you were good reppaT... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.
    [Right after smashing reppaT's ankles with a sledgehammer] God, I love you ... I am going to put on my Liberace records."



    Na, I totally agree with Ajjock. While I was in an ltr I had little to do with online chatting. If my current relationship wasn't working I would try to fix it, and not drag anyone else into it.


    So what you're saying is that you're against both you and your partner having other friends or speaking with other guys while you're together?

    Loosen the reins. You'll discover that the stallions will buck less.



    Yes... this. Celt... it's one thing to say you will avoid gay sites when you are in a relationship... but the question is, would it be a deal breaker to you if your partner wants to post pics of himself on RJ, contribute in the forums, chat with people? Like I said earlier, this isn't match.com. Being deceptive is one thing ... such as listing your status on here as "single" when you are not. Or hitting on somebody in a bar and pretending to be available when you are not. The OP has a valid point... aajock sounds overly controlling and I'd dump him if he pulled that on me. My BF knows I'm on this site, so is he in fact. We both are clear about it and even have pics of us together on our profiles. So..... what is the problem, exactly?


  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 30, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    Well it sounds like a lot of us singles on RJ can attest that a great number of guys that are in a "monogamous relationship" on RJ has tried to start something with us. Will I feel good about my SO being on RJ if I ever get into a relationship again? It will concern me, but he would have the choice of course.
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    Mar 30, 2010 3:04 PM GMT
    Xian_Buffed saidI'm in a monogamous relationship, and both my partner and I sign in here regularly. I think there's a difference between sites that are explicitly "dating" and those like RJ, BigMuscle or Connexion where "dating" is certainly an option—but I tend to see them as broader, gay social networking. It can be a challenge when you're being propositioned by every other guy. But I have my boundaries and am front about what I'm willing to talk about and what's crossing the line. I also won't cam, which turns off quite a few guys.

    It's like a bar. My partner and I go to bars together often. We don't stop socializing with other gay men because we're together—we just have boundaries and rules of engagement. It's pretty simple.

    I'm grateful to have a guy who's comfortable enough with himself and secure enough to trust that my commitment to him means everything, and vice versa. I've been with a guy prior who threw a fit, thinking there was no way to be out and about in the gay world without taking every opportunity to cheat. That's ridiculous.


    "Hi, I know I'm shirtless and flirty and all, but I'm in a monogamous relationship. Yes, that's a leather harness, you like? My partner and I..."

    "Stop there." icon_mad.gif