Not revealing your HIV positive status until after having had sex.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2010 4:50 PM GMT
    I read an article the other day about someone who had been dating someone, but it was not until they had unprotected sex did he reveal his positive HIV status, What would you have done?
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    Mar 31, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    ASGCville saidI read an article the other day about someone who had been dating someone, but it was not until they had unprotected sex did he reveal his positive HIV status, What would you have done?

    1. Immediately phone my doctor, an HIV specialist, and see if she recommends any "morning after" treatment to reduce my chance of contracting HIV.

    2. Have an RNA blood test as soon as my doctor will do one. It currently gives the fastest results after exposure.

    3. Consult with local HIV/AIDS agencies about whether my state & community require police notification about this individual. My doctor may also know the answer. He may have committed a chargeable crime, and may infect others with his behavior if not stopped.

    I might remind everyone of the lag in HIV testing, and what the implications are. If a guy approached me for unprotected sex, and he showed me a report with the negative results for an HIV rapid test that he took THAT MORNING, I would still not consider him safe.

    The antibodies that particular test uses to determine HIV infection may take months to develop in the blood sufficiently to detect. Meaning his piece of paper saying he's negative really means he was negative up to about 3 months ago, but proves NOTHING about any infection he may have contracted during the most recent 3 months prior to my meeting him. To restate, it actually can say NOTHING about his HIV status at that moment.

    That 3-month blackout window (which can be less with more expensive RNA testing, but never reduced to a zero delay), means you are playing Russian Roulette by having unprotected sex. He may honestly believe he's negative, that's what his report says, but in reality he may have gotten infected 3 weeks ago, and he's already capable of infecting others. Think about it.
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    Mar 31, 2010 5:49 PM GMT
    Moral: Do not have unprotected sex!! *


    * Long term monogamous relationships with regular testing excepted (caveat: know your partner!)
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    Apr 01, 2010 12:25 AM GMT
    ejay79 saidMoral: Do not have unprotected sex!! *

    * Long term monogamous relationships with regular testing excepted (caveat: know your partner!)

    You are correct. Of course you're placing your life in the hands of your partner, trusting him not to be cheating.

    My own late partner was killed by his previous partner, who cheated, got infected, and infected my future partner. And my present partner lost his late partner to AIDS, when that partner also cheated, and got infected. Fortunately he confessed his poz status to my next future partner, who didn't get infected. Those 2 guys are now dead.

    My partner and I do not cheat. Even so, as a mark of good faith (and also to set an example for the gay community with which we work), we are each regularly tested by the same doctor we share, and the results are known to us both. Barebacking is not a risk with my partner.

    The question is, whether barebacking is a risk with YOUR man? That's what each of you must decide, at peril of your life. Choose wisely.
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    Apr 01, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    Any guy who has unprotected sex with another guy when there is no trust has to accept the consequences that they can become infected with HIV or any STI, but even those in a committed relationship with trust have become infected by a cheating partner. Some can even infect their partner at the beginning of their relationship because they didnt get tested before having unprotected sex.

    Anyone today who has unprotected sex cannot say they are not HIV Positive unless they are tested, so unprotected sex between boyfriends is inviting HIV because they cannot be sure if the other has been sleeping about behind the other's back. As one GUM Clinic worker said "Trust today has gone out of the window!" as GUM clinic workers see a lot of people everyday with STI's who have been infected by their partners who are even in a committed relationship where there should be trust but there aint any.

    If a person believes they have been exposed to the HIV virus they should contact the GUM Clinic within 72 hours of possibly being exposed to the HIV virus as PEP (Pro Exposure Prophylaxis) can be given. PEP is not always 1OO% effective,but it is a treatment that can stop a person being HIV Positive even though the virus has entered that person's body. After 72 hours PEP wouldnt be given to anyone who believes they have been exposed to the HIV virus as it has by then established itself in the body. PEP is also given to HIV negative partners of HIV Postive people if a condom has broken.

    If you have sexual contact that is unprotected & the person then tells you they are HIV Positive then the law has been broken because they failed to protect you & they failed to disclose their HIV Postive status to you. The law is that a HIV Postive person does not have to tell you their status because as long as protection is used then no law is broken, but failing to disclose it & failing to protect you means they have committed a serious offence.

    There are 74,OOO people in the UK with HIV & 24,OOO of that number dont even know they have it, so anyone having unprotected sex today is inviting HIV & if they do become HIV Positive then they have nobody to blame but themselves by not being responsible enough to look after their own health. Nobody can be taken at their word that they are not HIV Positive as they may not know if they are, they can lie about their status or even say they are negative when in fact they have never even been tested as that is the only way anyone will know if they are HIV Postive or not


  • myklet1

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    Apr 02, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    ASGCville saidI read an article the other day about someone who had been dating someone, but it was not until they had unprotected sex did he reveal his positive HIV status, What would you have done?


    I would have been really glad that I didn't have unprotected sex, and then I would warn other people for fear he was going to infect them. I don't believe in outing anyone unless they are a known son of a bitch that would put someone at risk, even though that person was putting themselves at risk too by being stupid.
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    Apr 13, 2010 9:29 AM GMT
    I wouldn't have unprotected sex in the first place, but to run with the hypothetical....

    If I learned that I had been exposed to HIV, I'd head straight to the hospital for a course of PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis), alongside a test (followed up at the appropriate intervals).
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    Apr 13, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    I would not have unprotected sex anyway, but if I did.......what RedVespa said*

    * I would additionally consider going after the guy with my 60 degree lob wedge. icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 13, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    ASGCville saidI read an article the other day about someone who had been dating someone, but it was not until they had unprotected sex did he reveal his positive HIV status, What would you have done?


    Okay I can be PC and say "You should never have unprotected sex or I would go get tested and blah blah blah blah." We all fuck up or get fooled by people we think we trust. Honestly, I would cut his balls off and feed it to him. Go to the doctor find out my options. Then I would contact a lawyer or the police to see if I can bring any charges against him for willfully endangering my life. Find other people that he might have done this too to strengthen my case then take the mofo down. Not saying this could happen, but its what comes to mind when you ask "What would I do?"
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    Apr 14, 2010 11:49 AM GMT
    Anyone who has sex with someone without a condom shouldn't then feel some sort of moral indignation after by someone might have exposed them to.

    When it rains outside, you carry an umbrella, don't you? Negative guys need to take responsibility as much as positive guys need to be honest. It's not all a one way street.
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    Apr 22, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    shyshortguy saidAnyone who has sex with someone without a condom shouldn't then feel some sort of moral indignation after by someone might have exposed them to.

    When it rains outside, you carry an umbrella, don't you? Negative guys need to take responsibility as much as positive guys need to be honest. It's not all a one way street.


    Quoted for truth.
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    Jun 16, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    someone did that to me. I should have run the moment I saw his bdsm paraphernalia sitting along side his classic Disney collectibles; that's a level of weird that just reeks. needless to say we commenced having weird and unprotected sex.

    about 6 months later he told me he was HIV positive online. he was annoying about it; he said he was always open and honest about his status (his online profile would suggest otherwise), insisting that I must have forgotten or something.

    it took me a while to get tested, I couldn't handle the moment of truth. I went about a month or so arranging for my potential suicide if tests came back positive.

    and then the test came back negative, it was pretty surreal; I had worked up the nerve to finally kill myself and then "oh, actually nevermind."

    I was gunna jump off a tall building; I've always wanted to fly.
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    Jun 16, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    tragus said
    it took me a while to get tested, I couldn't handle the moment of truth. I went about a month or so arranging for my potential suicide if tests came back positive.

    and then the test came back negative, it was pretty surreal; I had worked up the nerve to finally kill myself and then "oh, actually nevermind."

    I was gunna jump off a tall building; I've always wanted to fly.


    Just remember that HIV is not a death sentence any more. I can understand this kind of thinking in the 80s and early 90s, but nowadays most infected people can live healthy and happy lives.
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    Jun 16, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    it was just the push I needed, escape has been a weighty consideration for me for a very long time. I know HIV is not a death sentence. in fact, I almost didn't even consider my health when contemplating life with HIV.

    I hate to be the forum poster being all woe-is-me, I just wanted to share
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Jun 16, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    I would employ the years of my karate training for the first time in a real life situation. enough said.