What do YOU do to get over a breakup?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    Basically just that... what do you do to get your mind back into a place of serenity after you just lost your other half and partner.

    This is meant to be a healthy discussion (not a bitch fest) I am curious to see what rituals, habits and practices bring others back to center after a breakup.

    I will start.

    I rearrange all the furniture, and get everything he ever gave me out of sight...and into a box to be donated.

    I buy new clothes to boost my self esteem, and clean the apt from top to bottom.

    I then redecorate and take up creative outlets...currently I am painting 2 new paintings for the house.

    I then tackle the neglected aspects of my career...seizing my power in doing so.

    Okay ... so ... your turn. How do YOU cope with the loss of a partner/husband?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2010 5:49 AM GMT
    play saxophoneee...all day and for the night i go to deserted places to play.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    I watch TV comedies all night every night.

    Lots of no-strings hookups.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Apr 01, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    I have a threeway with Ben & Jerry.


    ben.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    cried for a bit... then moved out of the house that we owned, had all the bills that were in his name and a couple that we had together forwarded to his new address, had some gratuitous sex... then got on with my life.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Apr 01, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    I bake and a lot, crazy and elaborate frosting also happens. After I'm done baking I go to a museum and I lose myself all day or week spending every minute I can there; and no one can ever get ahold of me so it's perfect.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Apr 01, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I did an Ironman triathlon. The training for that kept my mind and body focused on something else besides the breakup for about 9 months or so, but at a certain point I still had to deal with the emotional/spiritual side of the loss. That took a lot longer, and there was no "silver bullet". The time it takes to get over it depends on how long you were together and the circumstances leading to your break up.
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    Apr 01, 2010 10:35 PM GMT
    Wow. An Iron man Triathlon is very impressive. But to quote Albert Einstein - Time is relative. Especially if he was you first love/partner - and for him you came out in a very public way leaving yourself very vulnerable - and now - alone. icon_redface.gif

    Thanks for the input guys, its nice to know life goes on. On that note I am going to go take a hike (literally).
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    Apr 01, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    I ate Chinese food for a couple of nights.... and then I got over it.
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    Apr 01, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    Nothing really works for me except getting a new boyfriend. Everything else is just temporary band aids -- and there's nothing wrong with band aids, mind you.

    But a real, permanent cure, for the loss of someone you love? For me, it's only when I find someone else that meets or exceeds the last one. Which sucks, really. It's not like new boyfriends drop out of the sky when you want one.

    I don't think I'm the only guy like this either.

    Luckily, after almost 3 years of band aids, I was mostly cured a few months back with a wonderful guy, and then I was completely cured last month -- unexpectedly, with a bolt of lightning and thunder.
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    Apr 01, 2010 10:48 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI bake and a lot, crazy and elaborate frosting also happens. After I'm done baking I go to a museum and I lose myself all day or week spending every minute I can there; and no one can ever get ahold of me so it's perfect.



    phew........lolz icon_cool.gif
    i thought u was gon say u cry for days till ur eyes dry up.....i wuz like "phew...wut a relief lil hommie"....good job!
    ....lolz icon_wink.gificon_razz.gif

  • Apr 01, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    I've only had one relationship and I was the one to call it off due to time commitment issues. So I'm not much help in this category
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    Apr 01, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    i rant about it to my friends, and then i buy condoms.

    I dont use them cause i dont do hookups, but it feels good to be like... fuck you im buying condoms so i can have sex with everyone. but i dont. haha.
  • Fitcal

    Posts: 4

    Apr 01, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    I say keep busy and keep your mind working.
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    Apr 01, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    V0lk5w4g3nGTI said Thanks for the input guys, its nice to know life goes on. On that note I am going to go take a hike (literally).

    We've all been through this -- everyone on this site. There are temporary fixes, like food, travel, more gym time, home improvement projects, etc. But there is no easy cure. Only time can do that.
    But love is never wasted. In time you will see that you've learned what you needed to learn from the relationship and you will do better next time.
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    Apr 01, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    V0lk5w4g3nGTI saidBasically just that... what do you do to get your mind back into a place of serenity after you just lost your other half and partner.

    Depends on how he was lost. Under more ordinary circumstances, a classic breakup, I've always said the best way to forget an old love is with a new love. With the caveat that sometimes our judgment is skewed after a breakup, and depending on our own individual personalities, we may need a time-out before taking that next step with a new love. But a new love does erase the old.

    When I lost a partner to death, very traumatic with him dying literally in my arms, I was a basket case. It happened during the Christmas holidays, and I went into some kind of shock. For months I lived entirely in our office, wouldn't sleep in our bedroom, never went out, wouldn't enter the living room or kitchen, except to open some food cans that were already there. By April the Christmas tree was still up, unwashed dishes from his last meal still on the kitchen counter.

    Finally in mid-April a gay friend came over, and took control. He ordered me to take down the tree and other Christmas decorations and put them away. He took charge of the kitchen and cleaned that up. My life started to get back to normal, though I would sometimes just fall down on the floor, screaming hysterically "I want my Tom! I want my Tom back!" Some brave ex-Army Colonel I was.

    But I always do bounce back. By July I said to myself I've got to get out, meet other guys, restart my life. This isn't any good. And so I did, and almost immediately met a guy I'd be with for the next 2 years, and with whom I still keep in touch. And now I have a new partner.

    So when I'm alone, after a breakup or whatever, I set about finding a new guy. Because I need a partner in my life, that's just how I am. My life is better shared than alone. I didn't used to believe that, rugged American Individualism and all that crap, but I found out it wasn't true for me.

    If that's you, fine, you have more options than I do. But I need a relationship, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. I am better with a man I love and who loves me. I like simple solutions. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 02, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    iguanaSF saidI don't think I'm the only guy like this either.

    No, you're not the only one. But in the meantime, I'll just continue to make lemonade. Some days, just getting in the shower is an achievement.
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    Apr 02, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    This is such a great thread...

    One thing is to delete all the songs you used to like form your ipod... throw away all the pics, and just everything that may remind you of him..
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Apr 02, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    joshnyc said
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI bake and a lot, crazy and elaborate frosting also happens. After I'm done baking I go to a museum and I lose myself all day or week spending every minute I can there; and no one can ever get ahold of me so it's perfect.



    phew........lolz icon_cool.gif
    i thought u was gon say u cry for days till ur eyes dry up.....i wuz like "phew...wut a relief lil hommie"....good job!
    ....lolz icon_wink.gificon_razz.gif



    HAHAHA Thanks Lol I don't cry over guys.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 02, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    I board with a hammer fist. Thats what i did for 7 days when i broke up with him when he thought blowjobs with other people wasn't cheating icon_neutral.gif
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 02, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    boarding is wood breaking slates using karate chops. They teach you 1 inch of pine first. when i was done, i was on 4 inches of solid wood.icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2010 12:25 AM GMT
    drink..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    KARATE1974 saidboarding is wood breaking slates using karate chops. They teach you 1 inch of pine first. when i was done, i was on 4 inches of solid wood.icon_confused.gif


    Better that than using the board and hammer on him. I would have been tempted icon_cool.gif

    So how have I handled break-ups? It's different for every situation but I will tell you, taking the high-road always feels the best!

    After my first relationship of 5-yrs I invested my energy in making sure we maintained a friendship. I didn't want to think I had wasted those 5 years.

    Second relationship (it too was 5-years) I bought my partner a weeks vacation up east to visit his family. Only hitch is that it was a one-way ticket which he didn't realize until a few days prior to his planned return. Needless to say we had a long talk that day..

    Luckily I wasn't cursed by my past and have now celebrated 20-yrs with my partner.

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    Apr 02, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    feelingswoemotions said
    I dont use them cause i dont do hookups, but it feels good to be like... fuck you im buying condoms so i can have sex with everyone. but i dont. haha.


    LOL, the same here except I then do have sex with everyone...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    I think its different for everyone. My ex broke up with me a year ago and I did have random sex (safe of course) and went on dates. I wasnt really interested but needed to see what else was out there. Now, I am finally comfortable being me and I really could care less meeting someone. Of course, It doesnt take this long for everyone, but he was my first real love. Good luck