Love or Money??

  • in773guy

    Posts: 89

    Jan 24, 2008 2:19 PM GMT
    It has recently been brought to my attention by the guy that I am seeing that the physical and emotional side of our relationship is more than he could have ever imagined but that I don't "look good on paper"
    The other guy that he is also seeing.....No emotion and his concept of "hot sex" is asking if they can go doggie style...but, he "looks good on paper"
    When did looking good financially become more important than love? Am I just old fashioned and this is how it is now....and is this guy even worth the time if he values money over love?
    Help, lol...I'm so confused because I made the mistake of falling for him already and he knew my financial status from day one....don't get me wrong I do well just wont be retiring before 50.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jan 24, 2008 3:09 PM GMT
    My 22 years old ex-lover (I am 42) walk out of my apartment and our relationship to move in with a married bi sexual guys who are better of fnancially. This guys bought him another apartment, help him to buy a car (and the offer of unlimited use of gas) and other financial benefit like the use of free cellphone. They actually have be together behind my back for months before he told me one day, he just have an obligation to move to his place.

    When he stay with me, I insist him to at least pay some rent to help me with the living expenses. I dont really blame him, his young and this richer fellow sure help him to move forward in life. All I can afford to offer him is love and a place to stay. Sometime love alone is not enough. It be nice if you can have them both, LOVE AND MONEY. Any handsome sugar daddy out there want to date me?
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jan 24, 2008 3:13 PM GMT
    In my opinion, he's not worth your time and emotions. He places more importance on money, and isn't seeing you exclusively, so why put yourself through that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    You don't look good on paper? Jeezuz H! Is this guy looking for a dowry?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 3:26 PM GMT
    in773guy,

    I would agree with Shawn on this guy is not worth your time. For anyone to say something so heartless and cold and hurtful just slays me.

    It's truly unfortunate that you have already invested your time, emotion and also your money as well.
    You have to stand by your values and don't allow any one to make you feel compromised, you deserve better than that sweetie.

    Considering that this is not new information and it is not something that you tried to conceal, is what makes it very confusing and painful because you feel like you were strung along.

    I'm sorry that you are going through this. You know I'm a firm believer you will find the right guy who will love you and appreciate you for you warts and all.
    The last time I check I do not know anyone who's perfect...we all make mistakes.


    I will take love over money any day of the week.
    I would rather be piss poor than to be in a loveless relationship in which I have loads of cash at my finger-tips!




  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Jan 24, 2008 3:33 PM GMT
    in773guy saidIt has recently been brought to my attention by the guy that I am seeing that the physical and emotional side of our relationship is more than he could have ever imagined but that I don't "look good on paper"
    The other guy that he is also seeing.....No emotion and his concept of "hot sex" is asking if they can go doggie style...but, he "looks good on paper"
    When did looking good financially become more important than love? Am I just old fashioned and this is how it is now....and is this guy even worth the time if he values money over love?
    Help, lol...I'm so confused because I made the mistake of falling for him already and he knew my financial status from day one....don't get me wrong I do well just wont be retiring before 50.


    I'm a little confused.. is the guy telling you that he can't commit to you long-term because you're not well off? The way it's phrased, it sounds like an observation on his part, though I'm not sure why he'd say that outside the context of breaking up or something.

    I've met a few guys who had serious financial plans for later in life, and they had income expectations of their partners. So if a guy didn't meet their expectations, they couldn't have the kind of life they wanted. It sounds shallow to me. It's right up there with dating a stupid guy because he's cute, or dating a mean guy because he's well endowed.

    I can't afford to support someone else, but as long as they're self-sufficient then the financial thing doesn't matter to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    Wow, the phrase "you don't look good on paper" is one of the harsher things I've heard. It's cheapening (no pun intended). Money's almost always an issue when there's an inequity in the amount that each of you has or makes (ITJock started string on this late last year, the discrepancy sometimes is more an issue than whether you both do well), but I'd agree--in a healthy relationship you work together to make sure you're doing strong financially both together and individually. It shouldn't be a criterion used to decide whether you're worthy to be in the relationship, and given his mindset it will certainly come back again and again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    And this is why I choose to be & do bad all by myself... I, on the other hand, would choose money because I've dealt with broke ass dudes & guys who have nothing going on for them, including those who think that they can dip into what I work for, like they're whole-heartedly entitled to it. But given I've been around Kansas City & know what the guys are about, they're either about how many zeros are in your account or whats underneath your clothes, which, all of it is VERY shallow to me. The reason why I would choose money is because looking for love & the idea of true love is too much work at hand for someone like myself, because juggling school, working 2 jobs & keeping a fitness regime of 3x-4x a week is too much.

    773guy,

    He didn't want to make a commitment to you, simply because he wanted someone who was loaded. You say he showed no emotion, why didn't he tell you that? He used you as a crutch. Like one of my favourite rappers from OutKast, on the CD, The Love Below Andre 3000 said this on the song titled "Roses":

    "You better come back down to Mars
    You better quit chasing cars
    What's gonna happen when the dough runs low?
    Because you ain't that fine no way."


    You just answered your own question--He prefers money over love & people like him usually are very unhappy with themselves.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 24, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    I also agree, this Guy isn`t worth it if material things are more important. Money doesn`t make happy and I feel sorry for the Guys out there who really set Money before love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    Seriously, if that is HIS main objective then move on or keep it where it's at with no intention of really going anywhere. Look, I'm not ALL about money, however it makes things easier; eliminating one negative from the relationship equation. How many times do hear about couples (Gay or straight) fighting over money?? ALWAYS! Some people place more of an emphasis on financial status over the emotional, not bad yet not good. If it is not in alignment with your values you'll have to seriously consider if he's worth it to you to know that his "list" id different than yours and can you live with it and can he? IF he can't, then he should man up, own it and be HONEST with you, regardless the pain involved, and stop stringing you along because everything else with you is good. You also should man up and be honest with yourself and not short change yourself any real emotional connection with someone else. Now if he's willing to be with you & assist you take yourself to the next level financially, then GREAT.
    Everyone has a different list and it's set in different levels, it's not right & it's not wrong, it's just yours and mine. It's just what you're willing to own up to and accommodate with others. Just don't short change yourself of ANYTHING!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    Its one thing to fall in love but a completely different thing - to make a relationship work and LAST. This is when finances come into play and make a huge difference. Unless 2 partners are equally well-off or at least close then its really not an easy ride... and when one guy is considerably richer than the other - then its hard to NOT make it into a "use me for my money" relationship.

    In this particular case though - its clear that the guy was an opportunist and left at the first chance he got with a rich guy. I feel sorry for those rich guys who think they can "BUY" love like this..they are probably the most miserable lonely people around.. you can buy almost everything with money but you certainly can't buy LOVE.

    I wouldn't worry much about it..such rich guys who can buy "company" don't stick to the same person for long.. as soon as a younger, hotter, sexier guy comes along.. out goes the other one...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    If I were in the same situation I would let him go and tell him he needs to figure out what he wants. I would tell him I'm open to talking once he figures out things, but that I am going on with my life and he can't expect me to be waiting for him.

    Then, I'd grieve and get it out of my system. What he said is harsh and he is saying you aren't his equal because he has more money. Most likely, he will never feel like you're his equal.

    I prefer a man who can pay his bills and knows the value of a dollar over a rich guy any day. Our society is way too obsessed about money, possessions, and status.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    I cannot believe he would say something like that to you. Just how good does he think the emotional side of the relationship is if he feels he can spring this garbage on you?

    Sorry...that one just gets me. I chose to leave high paying high-tech to do meaningful work and took a significant pay cut as a result. I'll never be very rich, but emotionally, I'll be great. If anyone ever judges me on financial criteria they can go screw themselves instead of me. ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 4:31 PM GMT
    Got to agree here. There's a lot more to life than money. When you're snuggling, it doesn't matter how much money you make if you make me feel good being with you.

    And in773guy, you might not "look good on paper" but you look great on the screen! icon_wink.gif
  • in773guy

    Posts: 89

    Jan 24, 2008 4:45 PM GMT
    Thank you guys for all the responses, much respect and appreciation.
    I do want to put it out there that he is a good guy and more a product of his up bringing....as much as I care about him and don't want to hurt him I do hope he sees this and the reads some of the wonderful things you guys wrote....it will hurt him a little but maybe in the long run it will be good for him....maybe not...I don't think that I will be around to find out though.
    Again, thank you.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jan 24, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    in773guy,

    You don't look good on paper? That's got to be one of the cruelest things I've ever heard. The fact the he actually said that out loud , in spite of all the other good stuff going on, speaks volumes about where his head is.

    I really don't care how much money you have, with that killer bod and personality, no one should care. Anyone that does is more shallow than you need to bother with. If you think your current BF is worth it, you should have the difficult conversation, in plain English, about the role of money in your relationship, and if you don't get the answers you deserve, move on. You have a host of fans out here just waiting! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 5:07 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]in773guy said[/cite]When did looking good financially become more important than love? /quote]

    When gas hit $3 a gallon.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jan 24, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    "You don't look good on paper"? Who cares, you look very good in pictures,lol!
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 24, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    ShawnTO saidIn my opinion, he's not worth your time and emotions. He places more importance on money, and isn't seeing you exclusively, so why put yourself through that?
    I second every word of this response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    Forgive me for being contrarian again, but the phrase "You don't look good on paper..." just might not nesc. have to refer only to one's financial worth.

    In any relationship , if you are honest, you eventually take stock of the relationship to try to decide where it is going or if what the chances of success are with the other person...

    -IS the other person stable emotionally?
    -Employed full time?
    -Does he want the same things you want?
    -IF you want a long term monogamous relationship - has he been a 'bed hopper' or been in a lot of serially monogamous relationships? IS he interested in monogamy?
    -Could you live together without driving each other to homicide?
    -Do you have any shared interests other than sex? Or interests that could involve the other partner?

    Relationships are difficult and complex; and they involve more than just love and sex - though they are certainly important.

    Are you sure it was just a FINANCIAL description is the question I guess?

    Any way you put it though, however honest he might have been trying to be, it is a harsh assesment.

    You really need to sit down and talk - a lot.

    ------------------------------------------------------

    As a sidebar:

    A large disparity financially is not nesc a problem that can not be overcome with some clear communications and expectations. It does require some work however.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 5:18 PM GMT
    I think in this case, it's in reference to financial status, as the opening post asks "When did looking good financially become more important than love?".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    I agree with jarhead on this PLEASE sit him down and explain to him just how much you were affected by his
    comment "you don't look good on paper".

    It was not even said to me and I'm still having a hard time with wrapping my brain around this statement.

    What even more disburbing is that he may have found someone who does look good on paper.

    If you two are able to get past this and work it out.
    Hey great and if not you owe it to yourself to find someone who can love you for you.

    With on of my ex-lovers he made more money than I and we would go out to dinner serveral time a month. We traded off paying when he paid we went to a resturant of his choice and when I paid we went to a very nice resturant of my choice and which was within my budget.

    At first he wanted to pay all time and I was not having it. I absolutely not because in time you would feel like I'm paying for everything and you will to resent me.

    If there is some middle ground here that can be reached find it.

    You have to communicate toi just how hurt you are and were by his statements!

    Good luck sweetie!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 5:27 PM GMT
    partymonster.jpg


    "Greetings, citizens. We are living in the age where the pursuit of all values other than money, success, fame and glamour, has either been discredited or destroyed. Money, success, fame, glamour. "


  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 24, 2008 6:16 PM GMT
    Well being a financial analyst, we would have to evaluate.....

    Kidding to a degree, but I agree with some of the earlier posts... this dude sounds way to driven by money (am I really saying this?).

    I earn far more than my bf and its an issue for him, not for me.
    The relationship with you is about more than money can buy.... and if he doesn't realize that, I'd find someone who does.

    If he wants to put you on a balance sheet, tell him he just flunked his audit... and find someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 24, 2008 6:22 PM GMT
    Personally I believe that w/out love there can BE no real relationship. Money is only an obstical in the greater scope of things, it both creats and solves problems. If you have lots of money, good for you, if not, who cares. I am in NO way ever gonna be a wealthy person, but I am ok with that as long as I find someone to love.

    I will take a happy loveing relationship where we are both commited to eachother over a rich sugar daddy anyday.