Is he just being polite?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    So I came out to my roommates today because my boyfriend wants to sleep over tomorrow night and I just figured I don't wanna be living a lie anymore. I basically out of nowhere just said "hey is it cool if my bf sleeps on the couch in the living room tomorrow night?" he said yeah, than he said. "boyfriend?" and I said yeah. He than said "he can sleep in your bed if you want, its your room too" which I thought was really cool of him to say that but do you think he is just being polite. I mean most straight guys would probably not wanna see that even just two guys in a bed cuddling ya know? I think im gonna have him sleep on the couch and see how they feel about us being there before we venture to sharing the bed while the roomie is here. Any thoughts?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 24, 2008 6:10 PM GMT
    I think he had it figured out a long time ago Hippie.... Just proceeed and don't ask any questions.
    I think your concerns have been laid to rest.
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    Jan 24, 2008 6:18 PM GMT
    assuming neither of you are screamers, i think it'll be cool. no one actually likes a roommate who's sexcapades ruin sleep patterns, pull your bed a couple inches away from the wall too. that's always considerate. unlike the bitch who used to live here.
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    Jan 24, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    It sounded odd that you mention him as bf yet will be sleeping in the living room rather then your room.
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    Jan 24, 2008 6:26 PM GMT
    Im sure he is just being a nice guy. Being straight doesn't equal being close-minded!
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    Jan 24, 2008 6:33 PM GMT
    Well hndsm we have only been roommates for a few days, so I doubt he had any clue. I think he was pretty surprised. My guess is since he mentioned he could sleep here, he has to be somewhat open minded. I think though its best if we start with separate beds and progress to my bed when everyone is comfy.
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Jan 24, 2008 6:43 PM GMT
    I feel encouraged by your room mates response. It is probably ok to have him sleep with you, however having him on the couch the first time shows respect I think. Your room mate will probably re state that he is ok with it. I do not think he is just being nice.
    I have some very liberal straight friends and they hug me, have me and my dates over, let their children know some people like same sex partners etc. I am always touched by what should just be standard behavior.
    Respect goes a long way and if you give it you will most likely receive it. Moving the bed away from the wall is a good idea, I am sure he does not want to hear you having sex, if you go that far (did not mean to assume) Good Luck.
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    Jan 24, 2008 6:54 PM GMT
    I agree, I want to be as respectful as possible, I don't think I need to apologize for being gay but I want them to adjust over time and not feel like they have been bombarded by this news. As for sex, of course we wouldn't do that when they are here, I would never do that I think that is so rude and obnoxious. Hopefully we can get some private time every once in a while though lol.
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    Jan 24, 2008 8:45 PM GMT
    hippie,

    it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to sit down with your roomie and just hash out the ground rules for having romantic interests staying over.
    For example, both of you could be uncomfortable if the other is making out on the living room couch, so it should moved into a bedroom. Or make sure there are no romantic tryst if the other has family/friends over.
    The rules should apply to both of you equally.
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 24, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    I don't think he's being nice. He's being realistic. You're paying half the rent, you can have who the hell you want to in your room. I think it was very thoughtful of you to tell him, if it was just somebody that I didn't know like that but we were just living together, I probably wouldn't have. If you see me and a guy going into my room you can think we're screwing or playing checkers, I wouldn't give a shit. LOL
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 24, 2008 8:52 PM GMT
    And you're in NEW YORK... are there close minded/homophobic people like that up there? I wouldn't have thought so... I LOVE NYC, I had a great time when I was there last. Can't wait to go back.
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    Jan 24, 2008 8:55 PM GMT
    Hippie,
    Don't write off the straight folks & assume them to be closed minded! I believe you are in good company, no sweat! Majority of my close friends are all straight guys and most of whom I've known since High School and til this day we're all still tight! The fact that you asked if it was cool if the BF stayed over shows that you have respect for your roomie, so it sounds like he returned the favor.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2008 9:05 PM GMT
    If I had a roommate having someone over, I'd rather he/she sleep in the roommates bedroom instead of hogging up the couch.
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    Jan 24, 2008 9:46 PM GMT
    Um - maybe your roommate would prefer the guy stay in your room and not on the couch. Besides - this is not your parents where you feel you have to be in separate rooms until marriage - it's your roommate for goodness sake. Does he not bring a girl or girlfriend over? Does she sleep on the couch? I would highly doubt that.

    Besides, just because you have a friend sleeping in your bed doesn't mean you are having sex with him. That's not any of your roommate's business if it is happening or not - though out of respect, if it is happening, it's certainly best to not make it known; i.e., be ultra quiet and don't walk around naked.

    Heck i have guys over my place all the time and lots of times they stay the night too - but i don't have sex with any of them - even if we are in my room most of the time. Probably nothing to convince my roommate otherwise, but who cares. But i find it more relaxed setting to hang out with friends that way than going to a bar or a restaurant - especially if it is later in the evening.

    Sometimes i go to my sisters and baby sit her kids. And i always take a friend over there. She and my brother in law don't care. And neither does my six yr old niece. Though I probably wouldn't be cuddling on the couch if my niece were awake. It's funny because my sister and her husband are hard core conservative - they just don't care me - they respect me and I them.

    JMO icon_smile.gif
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jan 24, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    hippie4lyfe said...its your room too"...


    Are you guys sharing a bedroom too? Is that the real concern, or have the other responders correctly assumed that it's a two bedroom apartment? If the case is that you and your roommate have to share a bedroom, which wouldn't surprise me because of how expensive it can be to live in NYC, then that's a whole different ball of wax and further explains why you're so cautious.

    just wondering
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    Jan 25, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    Unfortunately Auryn I share a bedroom with my roommate, and next door there is a single with my suitemate. So yeah this guy is literally in my room. Rent is super high in Manhattan =(
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 25, 2008 3:06 AM GMT
    hippie4lyfe saidUnfortunately Auryn I share a bedroom with my roommate, and next door there is a single with my suitemate. So yeah this guy is literally in my room. Rent is super high in Manhattan =(


    Oh WOW! I was thinking you two had a two bedroom! Well... shit... that sucks man. LOL, is there a divider or something in the room? Like a privacy curtain or something?
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jan 25, 2008 3:34 AM GMT
    hippie4lyfe saidUnfortunately Auryn I share a bedroom with my roommate, and next door there is a single with my suitemate. So yeah this guy is literally in my room. Rent is super high in Manhattan =(


    I was afraid of that. I have friends that used to find rental properties for folks in Manhattan.

    I think it's great of your room mate to honor your relationship and your right to have equal opportunity in the place you're both living in. Someone else in this thread suggested that the two of you put down some ground rules about having folks over; I highly recommend you two do that. Otherwise, you'll end up sleeping outside or on the couch when he has someone over when you may not want to.

    Judging from your veganglizing on here, I think you'll be upfront with and fair with him.

    So don't worry about him being polite. If you need to worry about anything, worry about him running a camera and putting you all over xtube. LOL! (kidding)
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    Jan 25, 2008 4:04 AM GMT
    Well you finally came out to your roomie and asked if it was ok for the bf to sleep over and the roomie says "Yeah, sure." What's the problem?

    It's nice that you asked the roomie and it's cool that he said yes. I don't see why you would make your bf suffer and sleep on the couch though. Would your str8 roomie ask if he could have some random chick over and if so I doubt he would put her on the couch. What you and your bf do behind closed doors is pretty much your business. Don't worry about how it might look because I serious doubt your str8 roomie would care what you thought if him and a lady friend were in his room with the door closed. As to whether or not your roomie was being polite, no, he wasn't being polite. He was just being practical, respectful, and realistic of the fact that you pay rent here too and are privy to all the benefits that come with having an apartment which means you can have over whoever you want as long as they don't disrespect the living quarters or the people who reside there.

    If your roomie was homophobic or somewhat uneasy with the bf staying over for a night I doubt he would've ever said yes. Just because he's str8 doesn't mean he wouldn't understand or be close-mind. it seems you have more of problem with then your roomie.

    Best of luck to you.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 7:20 AM GMT
    He'll probably be uneasy at first, but I think he'll be cool about it. Yeah, straights aren't that bad. heh. I have very good ones, though online only, I'm not out in real life.

    Wait... are you planning to have sex with your bf while your roomie is on the other bed?! icon_eek.gif Wouldn't it be better for you to go to your bf's place or something?

    LOL. Cuddling would probably be okay (or very discreet sex! icon_razz.gif), but wild obvious sex would make him jealous (of the intimacy not the act) and uncomfortable. Even straight guys get uncomfortable when their roommate has wild sex with a girl just a few feet away from where they're sleeping. LOL

    Also suggest talking to him eventually about how he feels about your being gay. Jumping the question on him like that wasn't exactly fair. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 9:44 AM GMT
    I'm assuming you have equal share in the financial burdens of your living situation. It's your apartment, too; why ask if your bf can sleep in your bed in a place that you share financial responsibility?

    If your roomies are just being polite and are harboring secret feelings of disgust and/or discomfort, they'll get over it. You were gay before and you're still gay. What are they gonna do? I think you're thinking about it too much. Just have your boyfriend over.