Serial Monogamy vs Being a Ho vs FWB's

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    Apr 05, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    Serial Monogamy = Having sex with only the person you're currently dating, yet switching lovers fairly often (more than once per year).

    Being a Ho = Putting Tom's Hairy Dick in every Tom Dick and Harry.

    FWB's (Friends With Benefits) = Having a non-jealous friend (or more) you know and trust, and having sex with them instead of going out to the club and picking up random hotties, although the choice is there since your friends are not the jealous type.

    I know a guy (several actually) who is a serial monogamist. I've known him for two years. During that time, he's "dated" over 10 guys. He says he can't have sex with friends because sex must be meaningful as part of a relationship. He's even jokingly called me a ho because I prefer to have FWB's instead of a steady fuck...oops I meant boyfriend.

    Well, during the two years I've known him, I've only had sexual relations with my two FWB's, and three "random hotties" from the club when I was horny and they weren't available.

    So my question is: Which type of relationship do you prefer? And why?

    Personally, I love my FWB's more than I could ever love a live-in fling/boyfriend. I've known one of them for six years, and the other for a little over two years. After being in three long-term relationships (each over three years), I decided that staying single and having FWB's is the better choice for me.
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    Apr 05, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    I feel comfortable in a long-term monogamous relationship. Just something about knowing that person from shallow to depth of character just really gets me.
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    Apr 05, 2010 5:58 PM GMT
    Soulasphyx saidI feel comfortable in a long-term monogamous relationship. Just something about knowing that person from shallow to depth of character just really gets me.
    I've been in three LTR's, each lasting over three years.

    I know more about my current FWB's than I ever knew about my monogamous boyfriends. With FWB's, there is nothing to hide, like cheating tendencies, etc.

    But that's just me. I was 21 when I started dating, and 34 when I realized monogamous dating is not for me.
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    Apr 05, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Soulasphyx saidI feel comfortable in a long-term monogamous relationship. Just something about knowing that person from shallow to depth of character just really gets me.
    I've been in three LTR's, each lasting over three years.

    I know more about my current FWB's than I ever knew about my monogamous boyfriends. With FWB's, there is nothing to hide, like cheating tendencies, etc.

    But that's just me. I was 21 when I started dating, and 34 when I realized monogamous dating is not for me.


    Well if you choose to hide things in your monogamous relationship, you will find that it's not too successful -- no? Why not treat your monogamous relationships like your FWB's but without other people in the mix?

    I find/feel that people who say FWB's are better than monogamy just have a hard time actually realizing that relationships are very similar, it just comes down to how honest you are about yourself and seeing if there is acceptance or not and if there isn't -- then you weren't compatible either way.
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    Apr 05, 2010 6:25 PM GMT
    jayyp said
    paulflexes said
    Soulasphyx saidI feel comfortable in a long-term monogamous relationship. Just something about knowing that person from shallow to depth of character just really gets me.
    I've been in three LTR's, each lasting over three years.

    I know more about my current FWB's than I ever knew about my monogamous boyfriends. With FWB's, there is nothing to hide, like cheating tendencies, etc.

    But that's just me. I was 21 when I started dating, and 34 when I realized monogamous dating is not for me.


    Well if you choose to hide things in your monogamous relationship, you will find that it's not too successful -- no? Why not treat your monogamous relationships like your FWB's but without other people in the mix?

    I find/feel that people who say FWB's are better than monogamy just have a hard time actually realizing that relationships are very similar, it just comes down to how honest you are about yourself and seeing if there is acceptance or not and if there isn't -- then you weren't compatible either way.
    I never said FWB's are better than monogamy. I said they're better, for me.

    Realizing one's lack of adaptability to monogamy is the ultimate in being honest with oneself. Although I never physically cheated, the desire was always there, and it was only a matter of time if I'd stayed in the relationships.
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    Apr 05, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    Sorry you're right, but my statement is still true for those who believe that I think.

    I think you just gave up on trying to find the right person. I know the flighty feeling is latently there sometimes when you're with someone, but when I was with someone I truly loved that feeling was gone. To me, It's only a matter a time before one finds the right person who can get rid of that flighty feeling, and you're hooked on them and only them.

    Perhaps you gave up, settled for an easier lifestyle, or have convinced yourself that it's truly the most honest thing you can do for yourself.

    I'm not trying to be rude I just feel like this can't be right, and moreso maybe I'm afraid that your situationmight happen to me and I really don't wish that for myself ;(


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    Apr 06, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    I prefer FWBs, with spurts of being a ho. icon_redface.gif

    I think many guys are closer to their long term friends than they can ever be with a significant other.

    My current view may be biased by the recent ending of a 10 year LTR. I thought he was the closest person in my world, and suddenly he is a stranger. The closeness was all bogus. This kind of thing will never happen with my friends, but I will never trust the declarations of a boyfriend again.

    If someone is in a relationship because they are afraid of growing old alone, they are in it for the wrong reason.
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    Apr 06, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    Conversely, we each found many friends come and go through our lives...
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    Apr 06, 2010 2:58 AM GMT
    meninlove said Conversely, we each found many friends come and go through our lives...

    haha... check, and mate. icon_razz.gif

    I don't know what I "prefer" 'cause I don't have enough experience to know, I guess. But historically I am the monogamous LTR type with years off mixed with semi-casual dating in-between. I don't know where that puts me now... other than available. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 06, 2010 8:37 AM GMT
    I'd love friends with benefits because its just plain fun and easy. You know what you're getting, no surprises, there's a good amount of variety depending on how "popular" you are and (at least for me) the friend part implies some level of a mental connection, good conversation and a few laughs. That way, not only do you get a physical but also a mental orgasm....sometimes a mental orgasm is better actually.
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    Apr 06, 2010 10:08 AM GMT
    Being a ho ... as long as you're getting paid for it.
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    Apr 06, 2010 11:59 AM GMT
    Having just gotten out of a relationship with a serial monogamist, I can say it's not much more different than getting done by a ho.... just a longer turn at the table. Right now, FWB is okay, but it's losing it's appeal FAST.
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    Apr 06, 2010 12:28 PM GMT
    The impoverished can't be choosers, sigh.
  • inuman

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    Apr 06, 2010 12:46 PM GMT
    I personally don't like the term LTR because it slightly implies there is an end date, either your dating, in a relationship or married, simple and not complex and doesn't allow for all the crap with all the other labels. I prefer relationships over dating though and my current relationship looks like it will be until either one of us die, which I hope is not for another 60 years at least and by then hopefully they will have cloning, so what I'll do is clone our bodies of those of 18 year old and transplant our brains into the new young hot bodies, so in a sense we'd live for ever icon_razz.gif until the cure for aging is found that is icon_cool.gif

    Hey we all can dream right? might as well make it a grand one icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 07, 2010 9:17 AM GMT
    I've been in serious relationships, I've had FWB, and I've spent a lot of time in the soul-less purgatory in between searching or not searching for something.

    The Big Love Lesson from the "Fog Years" of my twenties is that every potential lover, every attractive friend or co-worker, and every long time partner taught me something about how to treat other people, how to be wise without being cynical, and how careful you really have to be with hearts and promises.

    Relationships are the most grown up most of us ever have to be.


  • DarkSensation

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    Apr 07, 2010 9:54 AM GMT
    shyshortguy said

    Relationships are the most grown up most of us ever have to be.




    Very Much Agree with you icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 07, 2010 9:59 AM GMT
    shyshortguy saidI've been in serious relationships, I've had FWB, and I've spent a lot of time in the soul-less purgatory in between searching or not searching for something.

    The Big Love Lesson from the "Fog Years" of my twenties is that every potential lover, every attractive friend or co-worker, and every long time partner taught me something about how to treat other people, how to be wise without being cynical, and how careful you really have to be with hearts and promises.

    Relationships are the most grown up most of us ever have to be.




    Amen!
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    Apr 07, 2010 11:23 AM GMT
    In an ideal world I'm a relationship oriented guy, preferring a long-term monogamous relationships. But that's not to say I haven't had FWB situations either.

    Relationships, for me, while making me feel secure, also have me at my most vulnerable. And that's the scary thing for me when entering into a relationship. FWB situations are just that, friendship and sex with no strings, and therefore no vulnerability. But the benefits of knowing someone is in my corner, and I'm in theirs, for the long term, outweighs that risk of baring all.
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    Apr 08, 2010 7:31 PM GMT
    - Serial Monogamy - nothing beats this! icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 09, 2010 3:51 AM GMT
    Friends with benefits!!!!
    Not looking to get settled right now,but I hate hos