so afraid of coming out to my family, really need advice =(

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2010 7:28 PM GMT
    Hey everyone, i honestly need advice on what to do. Im so afraid of coming out to my family and friends like you have no idea. This is going to sounds corny but I recently was watching the real world d.c. and one of the gay roommates' boyfriend came out to his family and they completely rejected him, saying horrible things and pretty much disowning him because he was in love with a guy.

    I am so afraid thats going to happen to me and im not going to have anyone to support me =/ Ive really thought about just ending it all many times because its killing me inside, im not sure they will understand that i am still the same alex. any advice is really appreciated now, thanks!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16415

    Apr 05, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    Sorry that you have made this a difficult decision in your life (at age eighteen), I can understand your concern about how your family will deal with acceptance... and I'm sure the horror stories you've heard don't help.

    Clearly, you are in a position where "rocking the boat" could jeapordize your position. My suggestion (and I'll probably have people here who will disagree with me) is to either confide in a family member that you can trust and seek some guidance or simply drop hints and get some input on how potentially this will be accepted. You know your parents and family. Are they flexible people? Bring up some gay related issues.. and talk about them. See how they react.
    If you feel they will reject you outright, I'd put off any discussion until you can control your own fate with regard to money and living arrangements. If you can control your own destiny, you have much more standing to proclaim your "views" and go on about living them.

    The "hint" approach makes the most sense to me based on your situation and age. Make sure and keep us informed. There have been others here that have come out and found acceptance. Have you ever thought they might already realize you are gay?
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    Apr 05, 2010 8:01 PM GMT
    Just don't come out to them like I did - My parent walked in on me/us during foreplay. Oops.

    I didn't get disowned or thrown out, and didn't lose any love. All I got was a shitload of questions, which I answered with brutal honesty.

    The best way to come out to family is to be ready. The best way to be ready is to have the balls to stand up for yourself, and be ready to answer a shitload of questions.

    Best case scenario is they'll say "son, we already knew that, and love you anyway."
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    Apr 05, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    When I came out to my bible thumping redneck, hardcore southern baptist family, (raised by grandparents) my grandfather looked over to my grandmother and blurted out " I told ya" and it was never to be talked about again.

    Your reality is different, while your wanting to comeout is admirable, just make sure that if/when you do, you are prepared for the worst, I hope that it doesn't come to that, just play it by ear and don't rush it. Do you have any clues to how they will react? have they ever made any gay comments? 9 times out 10 they already know, just might not want to hear it. Take care buddy I wish you the best
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    Apr 05, 2010 8:27 PM GMT
    I concur with all of the above, especially HndsmKansan. Sometimes coming out it like being a character in a Dostoyevsky novel: you are consumed by this irresistible urge to "confess" your gay orientation.

    Well, don't. Not until it suits you, the time & circumstances just right, to your best advantage. Running your ship on the rocks does you no good, it's better you sail a safe course, until you finally see a friendly port. (Gawd, such nautical analogies, and I wasn't even in the Navy!)

    Some day you will come out, and be happier for it. But pick the time and place carefully. At 18 I'm not sure you've reached a safe harbor yet. Your own doubts tell us as much.

    Do you think you can hold it in? Do you think you can wait? If you can, then that's what I'd advise. Then come out, when coming out can no longer harm you materially with your family, when you are independent, safe & secure, past reliance upon their approval. You'll know that day when it arrives.
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    Apr 05, 2010 8:41 PM GMT
    Is it really important for you to come out.?
    I know you feel like telling the world about this aspect of your being but if your still being supported by your parents maybe this isnt the time....
    If someone truly loves you they'll continue to love no matter what..
    Good Luck..