Flirting in the gym...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2007 8:58 PM GMT
    Ok guys,

    When I go to the gym I normally go just to work out and go home. Completely Uneventful.

    Today though, I couldn't tell but I thought this guy was flirting with me. Everywhere I would go, there he was...we locked eyes quite often...unless i was too shy...he took his hat off to give me a better look at his face (it was low). I dunno, it just felt very coy but interesting.

    So I guess the question is was that flirting? How can you tell when someone is flirting with you in the gym? Should I say something? It's killing me...

    Thanks for the help ;-)
  • leaozinho

    Posts: 177

    Jan 29, 2007 2:13 PM GMT
    LaSalle04,

    If I saw you in the gym, I would definitely flirt with you. you are super HOT.
    I am always looking at guys when I am at the gym. I hear stories of guys meeting there, making dates, etc. So, i am hopeful that it might happen to me. Unfortunately my YMCA is not very gay. I have to look at the few hot straight guys.
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    Jan 30, 2007 9:21 PM GMT
    THis has also happened to me a few time...But i don't think i would ever do anything, i mean could you imagine if he was actually straight. That would not be very fun, and then if you happen to go the gym at the same time allot..... i think you get the idea.

    One day at the gym this guy kept looking at me i was 100% sure he was gay. Then a few days latter i see him again, this time with his girlfriend, she had her hand firmly around his ass. I was quite relieved i didnt go up to him.

    It would be really helpful if it was easier to tell if someone is flirting..... Until then i would just play it safe.
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    Feb 03, 2007 6:51 AM GMT
    There probably are many guys who are 'straight.'

    I've noticed some guys who have girlfriends or female spouses glancing a little too long or leaning a little too close in the direction of another guy. I am not an expert in the art and science of cruising, but there's something about the way some guys make eye contact that just makes me think, 'Hey wait a minute...'

    Well, I won't call anyone out on his sexuality no matter how attracted I am. If he isn't ready, it won't work out anyway.

  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Feb 03, 2007 5:28 PM GMT
    When I attended the Univ of Virginia doing my PHD, I was a personal trainer and also about 10 years older than most the undergrads and grad students...and something I learned is that you generally can tell the level of "interest" someone else has for you.

    Ever heard the saying "the eyes are the window to the soul" ? 9 out of 10 times I could tell by the eyes of the person looking at me if he was (a) admiring me (b) lusting me (c) totally not interested.

    Since I had a muscled, built bod compared to most the undergrads and grads I stood out from the crowd (big fish in a small pond) so I was very used to having guys (and those horny girls - LOL) checking me out. Since a lot of them knew I was a personal trainer, a lot of them (90% straight and clueless to my orientation, i.e. the (a)s above) would actually come to me for advice. Then there would be the (b)s above who I'd catch checking me out...repeatedly, but never any contact. Not from them to me or me to them. And that was fine, since I don't shit where I eat. I also don't want to date anyone I work with or who goes to my gym...if it doesn't work out, you have to see that person again and again...

    Bottom line, if you think you're being flirted with, you probably ARE. Enjoy it! Start worrying when it stops!

    PEACE!

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    Feb 03, 2007 5:40 PM GMT
    Sounds like a flirt to me.
    My gym is so bad for that. Cruise central sometimes. It drives me crazy what a meat market it can be some days. When you just want to get in a good workout and not be preyed upon, it can be a distraction.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Feb 03, 2007 5:59 PM GMT
    Jeez, what is it with YMCAs? I've already complained on here that I go to the straightest gym on the planet.

    I never know who is flirting and who isn't. I'm always calling the big guys in the gym who do nothing but lift "meat heads" behind their backs, but when it comes to stuff like this, I'm probably the thickest guy in the whole gym.
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    Feb 03, 2007 8:29 PM GMT
    AS background, I'd say my gym, Golds Oakland, is 60-70% gay, at least in the late afternoon and early evening hours. This forum topic segues nicely with the one on 'internet dating' elsewhere on this site.

    In fact, I prefer to meet people face to face. Only that way do you get to see the 3D view of them, intermixed with personality. Since I don't do bars (too old for that now, but was always very uncomfortable and unsuccessful at that scene anyway), I take the opportunities as they come up. Where else but in real life recreation etc. venues?

    So, (a) there are always guys flirting, at least a few (but, remember, that could be an innocent game, as opposed to serious flirting); (b) since the first step for me is making friends with someone...perhaps the other guys don't recognize what I am doing is flrting. But it is. And, at Golds, I have been very successful at making friends, perhaps the friend of a lifetime..who knows what else.

    That's not to say that the gym is fundamentally a meeting/hookup place. It isn't and it shouldn't be. I'm there to workout...but if some sort of relationship/friendship whatever comes out of it...that's an additional plus.

    John
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    Feb 06, 2007 6:57 AM GMT
    In str8 environments I NEVER pick up on guys checking me out. My friends are always telling about someone checking me out after the fact. They tell me that I am the most oblivious gay man they know, and that my gaydar is totally busted.

    Whats obvious to other gay guys may not be obvious to those of us who arent so finely tuned in the gaydar department.

    But if you noticed dude looking, you are already one leg up on me. So I guess what matters is whether you are interested in this guy if he was indeed flirting. If you are, then strike a convo, and see where it leads. If not, chalk it up to a guy with a staring problem and keep it moving.
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    Feb 06, 2007 12:59 PM GMT
    I see guys flirting in my gym all the time. It's often very subtle. I think that's ok, but I personally would not flirt during my workout. I might catch a glance now and then (fit bodies are part of my motivation), but I just like to get in and out. However, in the locker room there seems to be no shortage of guys with great bodies (and awful ones)who just want to bee seen naked. That's a discussion all in it's self.
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    Feb 06, 2007 2:05 PM GMT
    I'm like kelani, I have no idea that someone is checking me out. I'm usually the kind of guy that it has to be pretty evident if someone is hitting on me. At the same time though I don't flirt around at the gym for two reasons: I came to get a good workout in and I already have someone.
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    Feb 06, 2007 4:10 PM GMT
    I guess I'm going to reveal an insecurity of myself here. If I see anyone looking at me while I'm working out, I don't wonder if there's an attraction. I start wondering if just did something wrong or broke some etiquette.

    I'm not that way at a bar or club. I can usually tell when someone is giving me that look, but in the gym I don't know. Maybe I feel my weaknesses are more up front and I get too serious. Maybe today I'll go in and pretend it's Friday night at a club and see if I notice anything different. They play the same music so it shouldn't be too difficult a stretch..hehe
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    Feb 06, 2007 6:37 PM GMT
    I think this is an age old question, lol. While I have friends (particularly in NYC) who seem to think of the gym as an alternative to bars, I'm there to work out, and usually try to subdue any s-xual undertones. That said, flirting can happen anywhere.

    Straight guys definitely do check out other guys. I'm not a member of the "everyone is gay" conspiracy club, so I don't necessarily read into it if it happens. I've caught a few straight guys checking me out, and ocassionally gotten an acknowledgement that seems to suggest "nice work, dude".

    I think the difference is when the guy checks you a bit more than would be necessary for basic comparison purposes. Say you move across the gym to another piece of equipment, and he sort of follows, or moves somewhere to keep you in view.

    In such situations, one can always linger a bit at the water fountain. :)
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    Feb 07, 2007 4:40 AM GMT
    Hey Guys,

    Back story I am the epitome of the look at noone, get in workout, be pissy, go home. I do not normally talk or anything with people unless I absolutely have to at the gym.

    Anyway, as an "update", tonight said italian individual and I were working out again in the gym...different body parts for once. We made eye contact a few times while workouts, rests, he was in my line of sight as I did pullups and he did something else. Whatever. Anyway, time came for me to go (now mind you he had been there for about all of 20 minutes) and figuring there would be nothing else but eye contact, I went into the lockers to get my parka, sweatshirt, gloves, and hat (its all of 8 degrees in philly). I start to put the winter gear on and low and behold there he is. 2 feet in front of me. I could not help but notice him. Luckily the tv in the locker room had sports on so i could be "distracted". He was "leaving" as well. Now mind you, it is brutally cold, why come to the gym and then only stay for 20 minutes? So in the locker room, I am thinking to myself "ok what the hell is going on"...but he starts to change clothes, dropping trou (not totally but just enough) directly in front of me...I...freeze...say nothing...do nothing, and walk out...with my jacket half off, no hat...no gloves.

    He followed me out a minute or so after I left but he lives slightly closer than I do to said gym. SO now I am really wondering should I say hi and see what happens. This is totally not like me but he seems to be a nice enough guy (ie not looney) and is quite good looking. Advice? Flirting? Playing with Fire?

    Thanks :)
  • leaozinho

    Posts: 177

    Feb 07, 2007 11:54 AM GMT
    It sounds like this guy has gone beyond the flirting stage; he is trying to get to know you. Too bad that neither he nor you said anything. I think if one of you simply introduced yourselves it would have releived the tension of the moment. If you see him again, you should say hello and see what happens.

    I wish someone would flirt with me at the gym.
    :-)

    michael
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Feb 07, 2007 6:59 PM GMT
    Come to my gym. I'll spot you on the decline bench press.
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    Feb 07, 2007 8:51 PM GMT
    Ya i would definatly say he is flirting with you, 100%, I think the easiest thing to do would be to introduce yourself. I mean if he's not gay you have a new workout buddy. ( you might want to tell him that he is giving off the wrong kinda signals ). And if he is, then fun fun for you!
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    Feb 08, 2007 5:15 AM GMT
    The question is, do you want to know him? If you do, then go ahead and do something about it.

    If conversation comes easily to you, then find a way to break the ice the next time you see him. If you are shy, just acknowledge him (nod, smile) the next time you have eye contact, and hope he is bold enough to start the conversation.

    The earlier you address it, the better. By doing that sooner, you avoid the awkwardness of carrying around the suspicion that he might be interested. Unless you feel zero attraction. Because there is also a chance that the 'he's not too bad' feeling might grow into 'i'd really like to ask him out' over time, and by then he has moved on.
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    Feb 08, 2007 5:47 PM GMT
    Good Question. I am in sales, I am a great conversationalist - and not in the bad used car sales'y way but in the "better" consultative seller way...ive been told im "fairly" smooth.

    Anywho, I would not mind seeing:

    a) if he is or is not gay/bi...pretty important

    b) what he is actually looking for

    c) learning more about him.

    If those things come to fruition, they do. I agree the longer this goes on the more annoyed with it I will become. So I think it's time to say 'hi'...possibly.
  • leaozinho

    Posts: 177

    Feb 08, 2007 5:57 PM GMT
    Go for it!
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    Feb 08, 2007 6:44 PM GMT
    Well it seems like you ought to at least be exchanging casual greetings by this point.

    BTW, when I belonged to a gym, I got busted once, checking out a guy. His response was to give me a big grin, which seemed like a good signal to proceed.
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    Feb 08, 2007 7:39 PM GMT
    Sounds like a good time to pick up a workout partner. You are usually there around the same time so, this may seem cheesey, next time hes in there ask him for a spot. Asking someone for a little gym support is usually a good ice breaker and then it would an obvious, not so obvious way to say, hey I would like to talk to you LOL. Whether he is gay, bi, or str8 should not matter. Friends first always makes it better. Gym buddies sometimes never prosper beyond the gym but if you hit it off then you can explore later. So just get the whole gay thing out of your head and talk to the dude as a possible friend. It will not take long to figure out whats going on.
  • leaozinho

    Posts: 177

    Feb 08, 2007 8:54 PM GMT
    i am too shy to ask for a spot because i dont think i am 'strong' enough. i feel 'less than' asking for a spot.
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    Feb 08, 2007 9:44 PM GMT
    Sounds like a personal problem.....we all need help from time to time.
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    Feb 12, 2007 4:03 AM GMT
    I suppose I got the problem too, but other way round.

    There is this guy at the gym who just rings my bell every time I see him. my gym is not necessarily gay, but there's a larger percentage of us gay boys that go there than most places.

    thing is, he works out with a personal trainer, so I can't really get a chance to say "hi" or anything, and I wouldn't be able to anyqay since Im shy around people I don't know. He doesn't seem the stereotype gay guy, he seems fairly masculine.

    So, I guess, if you're somewhat interested, then see it from the other guys perspective too. Maybe he's like me - just got the hots for you and would love to meet.