Needing a change of scenery...

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    Apr 08, 2010 6:38 AM GMT
    For the last couple years I've been unsatisfied with my current situation. I've been living in the same place (almost) my whole life, and for the last year I feel like I just need a huge change, a move. I've been out for over a year now, and I still haven't been on a single date (my location partly to blame). I guess I just don't feel like I'm experiencing what life has to offer.

    I'd like to move someplace like Toronto, Montreal, Sydney (or some other city in Aussie land), or California. I guess my question to you guys is, if you ever felt like this in your life, what did you do about it? Also, how much of a chance does a determined young guy have at being successful (in one of the places I listed) not having a lot to start with? Just looking for your experiences and some advice, whether you would do things differently looking back at your choices.
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    Apr 08, 2010 7:15 AM GMT
    I don't know about those other places, but it's very possible to survive in California. You just need to plan ahead. Save up lots of money. Have a back-up plan if things don't turn out the way you expected. Meaning, set aside some money to move back home if necessary.

    I'm not sure right now is a good time to move here. California is going through a pretty bad financial situation and jobs are kinda scarce. But if you can secure a job before coming, that would be great. Or perhaps come here as a student, assuming you have the financial means for school/housing.

    Basically, plan and save before making your move. If you just come here on a whim, then things will be difficult and you'll have a miserable experience.
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    Apr 08, 2010 1:51 PM GMT
    Vancouver is a nice city, with lots of gay men.
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    Apr 08, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    A long time ago, I packed up and moved to Hawaii for two years. Once I got there, I found a job and lived in paradise.

    But it got boring after a while.icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 08, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said Vancouver is a nice city, with lots of gay men.


    Vancouver is a great city with lts of great gay men.
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    Apr 08, 2010 2:10 PM GMT
    It aint' so easy to move to another country as just packing your bags and going unless you want to be an illegal.
    Do what I did a century ago and go to Vancouver (I'm from London area as well) I lived in Vancouver for12 years and Calgary after that. Work transfers etc

    Although I"m back here now and not minding it so much now I'm older, I am so so glad I moved to Vancouver when I was young and had a great time there.
    It really is a lot different than Toronto. Toronto and places like London ont. are nice but they're kind of dull and tight ass in a way as is Ontario as a whole. BC is much better, heck even Alberta wasn't as conservative as Ontario and not at all redneck seriously.

    If not Vancovuer the other place I always thought I'd like to live and never got the chance, only visiting, was Montreal.
    Toronto never entered the picture for me, same old same old.
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    Apr 08, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    Moving to another place in Canada is pretty easy when you're from Canada. Toronto is pretty much the gayest city in the world; lots of options there.

    Moving to another country has legal issues that might not be so easy to circumvent. I know Australia has a wonderful "young person work visa" program that gives you a limited-time visa to travel and work in Australia. That would probably be a great place for you to start looking.

    Moving to California, while idyllic, is a larger problem because it doesn't sound like you would be eligible for a work visa, or green card. I don't know you, of course, so I could be wrong; but short of working under the table, I can't say that it's that realistic of an option for you.

    But my biggest piece of advice is that if you're thinking about it, make yourself a deadline by which time you will actually do it. Don't think of this as a "someday" goal. Do it now and make the move. You're 21 and the world is full of opportunity and potential. Don't fritter it away on planning.
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    Apr 08, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    My circumstances are radically different than most guys on RealJock, but I have found the ability to move around from city to city has enabled me to live a far more comfortable life both emotionally and physically. It's just me.

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    Apr 08, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    I did the whole "Yeah let's move to the big city and start a clean slate!" thing in '08 when I moved to Chicago. It was....OK.....I lost weight and had to tolerate colder weather. Wasn't the GOLDEN LIFE SOLVING SOLUTION people romanticize moving and starting over to be.
  • masculumpedes

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    Apr 08, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I did this back in 1993..moved from a small town atmosphere in Tennessee......to Las Vegas, Nevada. Have been here almost 17 years now. It did give me a chance to start over again and to accomplish many things that would have been impossible had I stayed In Tennessee. If you would like to discuss details and positives and possible pitfalls...e-mail me.icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 08, 2010 2:38 PM GMT
    MikeAP35 saidI've been out for over a year now, and I still haven't been on a single date (my location partly to blame).


    You live in a city of 350K people. That isn't some backwoods village in the Yukon. If you are having trouble finding a date in a city of 350K you are going to have trouble in a city of 1,000K. I don't know what the issue is, but some self-examination is in order. Be honest about what you want and put yourself out there.

    That said, I am in desperate need of some new scenery. Portland, here I come.
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    Apr 08, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    MikeAP35 saidI've been out for over a year now, and I still haven't been on a single date (my location partly to blame).


    You live in a city of 350K people. That isn't some backwoods village in the Yukon. If you are having trouble finding a date in a city of 350K you are going to have trouble in a city of 1,000K. I don't know what the issue is, but some self-examination is in order. Be honest about what you want and put yourself out there.

    That said, I am in desperate need of some new scenery. Portland, here I come.


    I lived in london ont. back last century for 1st yr college. It's a nice place and there obviously are a lot of gay guys but it has only 1 gay bar and no gay neighborhood type atmosphere/place. Bars aren't the be all end all and certainly not for me at this ripe age but in your 20's it's better in a larger gay friendly city like Vancouver with tons of places, a relaxed atmosphere etc..It's hard to describe London,, 350k people yes but small town in a way if you get what I'm saying.
    I'm sure if the OP met and fell for some local guy his mindset may change but knowing what I know now I am forever thankful I didn't hang around and got out of there and experienced different places instead of staying in one place.

    Moving from London Ont. to Vancouver would be akin to moving from Lansing MI to Seattle or SF. A nice change.. not that there's anything wrong with Lansing either it aint Seattle or SF.
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    Apr 08, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    I used to have extreme wanderlust.
    I moved to Montana, Winnipeg, Minneapolis, Atlanta and Austin by myself within a span of about 8 years.
    Wherever you go, there you are. If you are stuck in rut, figure out what it is that is keeping you stuck. (9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with location) and do something about it before you attempt to start over somewhere else. The things that make you successful in love and life are the same wherever you go.
    Consider things you like to do and find clubs or groups you could join. In Atlanta, I waited for people to come to me and I wasn't attracting anything good. Although I loved the actual city, I was miserable. When I moved to austin I joined a film and book club right away, which made meeting people with similar interests super easy.
    Whatever you decide, good look.
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    Apr 08, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with wanderlust at your age. Go for it. Pick a place, and if you don't like it after a bit, try someplace else.

    I still get very restless. I've been in the same place for 11 years now and getting very antsy. There's a whole huge world out there I want to explore, and just taking a 2-week vacation doesn't cut it; that just makes me want to get away more!!

    Some people are good at settling into a routine life with regular vacations. I am not. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 08, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    I once felt like you do. Wanted to be anywhere but my ultra conservative hometown. So I packed up and moved to a big city in the Northeast for two years from a small town in Texas.

    It was fun, amazing, and so different at first. Once the novelty wore off, however, I was miserable and absolutely homesick. What a culture shock!! The move made me realize how truely different the rest of the world is compared to where I'm from. It also made me appreciate everything my hometown had to offer that much more- peace, quiet, tranquility, and friendly people.

    After two years, I packed up and moved back to Texas. I'm grateful for the experience because it broadened my horizons. But, I'll never leave Texas again.
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    Apr 08, 2010 3:51 PM GMT
    Don't consider cities by the lure of their myths but look at what you love doing or studying and find cities that would allow you to flourish in those fields.
    Do you look for a place for its gay scene, for its easy access to various sports ( i.e. Van)., for a university or college that has a great program in a field that interests you.. etc.

    wherever you go you'll find a bit of heaven, a bit of hell and lots of "in the middle". .. human nature is very much the same everywhere.

    but at 21 you should maybe just plan on a big holiday . If you're attracted to certain cities, why don't you save up, take a big trip and explore each .
    ..yeah.. it takes money...bummer .
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    Apr 08, 2010 6:15 PM GMT
    xassantex saidDon't consider cities by the lure of their myths but look at what you love doing or studying and find cities that would allow you to flourish in those fields.
    Do you look for a place for its gay scene, for its easy access to various sports ( i.e. Van)., for a university or college that has a great program in a field that interests you.. etc.

    wherever you go you'll find a bit of heaven, a bit of hell and lots of "in the middle". .. human nature is very much the same everywhere.

    but at 21 you should maybe just plan on a big holiday . If you're attracted to certain cities, why don't you save up, take a big trip and explore each .
    ..yeah.. it takes money...bummer .


    I agree. I've traveled a bit and I've found that sometimes certain cities don't live up to the idea or myth we have of them...the grass is always greener type of thing. So I agree about travelling or taking a vacation first so that you can sample the city and see if you could see yourself living there.

    Good luck
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    Apr 08, 2010 7:59 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies guys I appreciate them. I had completely forgot about Vancouver, thanks for bringing that one up Meninlove! I love snowboarding/skiing so that actually might be a great fit for me, and I know some friends that moved out there and loved it. Thanks for letting me know the legal implications of moving to other countries Bryanc, I knew there would be some problems but that helps answer some questions I had. A trip to Vancouver before I decide sounds good as well, thanks for the advice guys.

    MunchingZombie said
    MikeAP35 saidI've been out for over a year now, and I still haven't been on a single date (my location partly to blame).


    You live in a city of 350K people. That isn't some backwoods village in the Yukon. If you are having trouble finding a date in a city of 350K you are going to have trouble in a city of 1,000K.


    I don't actually live in London, the town I live in has about 100 people, London is an hour drive and I only get to go there once or twice a month. Even then there is only one gay bar in that city, and no gay hockey leagues. But I do appreciate what you're saying, and I could definitely be a little more outgoing in this department.
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    Apr 08, 2010 8:01 PM GMT
    Take a holiday to Sydney to see how you like it. Much more relaxed lifestyle, very progressive economy and pretty much has unlimited opportunity icon_smile.gif