When do you call it quits?

  • delthespaz

    Posts: 136

    Apr 09, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    This is probably a venting thread. So I've been with someone for over 11 years now. All we do nowadays is argue, mostly about finances and sex (or lack of it). When you're in a relationship this long you get so intertwined financially that a quick split is not easy (aka. property). I honestly don't know what to do.
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    Apr 09, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    clodel saidThis is probably a venting thread. So I've been with someone for over 11 years now. All we do nowadays is argue, mostly about finances and sex (or lack of it). When you're in a relationship this long you get so intertwined financially that a quick split is not easy (aka. property). I honestly don't know what to do.



    Relationship is like the one you have with your muscles! you have to give it time for it to develop to its greatest potential. But for those muscles to grow you have to know what are the best results. Some guys build their muscles by feeding them artificial hormones, much like some couples do when they feed materialism and finances into their relationship. Money is a very dangerous hormone that even thou it may build quick results in your partner's interest, in the long run once it reaches its low, it can do a lot of permanent emotional damages to both of you. So my advice to you is to exercise a more natural approach on keeping your relationship fit...how about loving one another!?


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 09, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    Thanks ALEZANDER, most seem to want to give advice on breaking up.

    11 years is too long to just cut and run. Have you sought couples counseling?
  • delthespaz

    Posts: 136

    Apr 09, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    No we haven't. He claims he has no time for it.
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    Apr 09, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    clodel saidNo we haven't. He claims he has no time for it.


    So he has checked out already?

    I would hope that you could set down and work things out; usually you have to sell the house.
    I know of other couples that end up becoming roommates; something I could never do.
    One of the big benefits of legal marriage is legal divorce.
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    Apr 09, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidThanks ALEZANDER, most seem to want to give advice on breaking up.

    11 years is too long to just cut and run. Have you sought couples counseling?


    Dustin I am talking from experience! my last ex bf excuse for breaking up with me was exactly that his "MONEY" problems; his obsession with it almost make him take his own life, if you can believe that!?


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 09, 2010 3:59 AM GMT
    ALEZANDAR said

    Dustin I am talking from experience! my last ex bf excuse for breaking up with me was exactly that his "MONEY" problems; his obsession with it almost make him take his own life, if you can believe that!?


    Leandro ♥


    Yes, I have that T-shirt too.
    Except, I was the money guy, “can’t wash the Cadillac with a broken back.”
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    Apr 09, 2010 4:06 AM GMT
    clodel saidNo we haven't. He claims he has no time for it.


    11 years is a huge investment for both of you to just call it quits without finding some sort of closure before you can go on with your lives. How about allowing a temporary break from each other to sort things out, like the stresses and anger of everyday life that in some couples can build up and affect their personal relationships with the "WE: person in your lives you both have created together.


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 09, 2010 4:12 AM GMT
    I was in your shoes 10 years go; took me 5 years, counseling, and heartache to realize he had already checked out... Hurt like hell after 15 years together, but the last 5 were truly eye opening.

    Only you can decide when it's time to give up. I do feel it was worth trying to save, even if in the end I was ultimately unsuccessful. Takes two, to make things work.
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    Apr 09, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    "Honey, I love you and value this relationship. But we have problems that are endangering that relationship. We need to talk about the following issues and agree on solutions for all of them."

    Then, both of you work on a list of problems, discuss on compromises to fix them, and reafirm your love.

    But if this "I don't have time" attitude comes up again. Dump his ass and move on.
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    Apr 09, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    ALEZANDAR said

    Dustin I am talking from experience! my last ex bf excuse for breaking up with me was exactly that his "MONEY" problems; his obsession with it almost make him take his own life, if you can believe that!?


    Leandro ♥


    Yes, I have that T-shirt too.
    Except, I was the money guy, “can’t wash the Cadillac with a broken back.”



    Well I can imagine how devastating it is to have no flow of money when debts are way over your head. I hope you were able to keep your money problems under control , if not at least keeping hope that better days lies ahead.


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 09, 2010 6:17 AM GMT
    My parents told me that the way to have a long term relationship was to always have one person that still loves the other and hope that both parties don't “fall out of love” at the same time; that way there will always be one person try to keep the relationship together.

    Relationships are hardwork but the good should outweigh the bad. My grandparents use to always bicker and fight but they were together for 49 yrs before my grandma passed away. My grandpa was-and still is at times- a wreck. When you're with someone for that long, you truly become apart of one another. 49 yrs has seen a lot of pain, innumerable fights, and loss of friends and family. I think the scars of dealing with these difficult times mend people together and make the bonds of your relationship stronger-- therefore, your relationship can handle more stress compared to what you may have been able to endure 5 or 10 yrs earlier.

    Good luck on your relationship icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 09, 2010 7:11 AM GMT
    It sounds like you subconsciously want out, although I'd be pretty cut if someone didn't want to go to couples counselling after 11 years... If it's too hard financially to split, maybe keep it friendly until you can take off?
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    Apr 09, 2010 7:26 AM GMT
    clodel saidNo we haven't. He claims he has no time for it.


    Whether or not he "has no time for it", if you really want to work to save your relationship the YOU go to the counselor even with him absent. Make sure you let him know you're going and making the effort. The magic of counseling begins when we realize that we cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves. And, when he see you changing and growing, maybe he will want to get some of the vibe too.

    It's worth a shot. What do you have to gain? Only an 11 year relationship continuing happier and stronger than ever.

    Aloha and Be Well!

    Alan
  • delthespaz

    Posts: 136

    Apr 09, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    Thank you for the advice everyone! I really appreciate your support. I honestly didn't know who else I can turn to. Now to find a therapist.