Baffling E-mail

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    So I've been bothered all week by this email I received and what on earth it means. I'm currently working on a project with some law school classmates and we all had lunch about a week and a half ago, during which one of the guys and I talked about where we liked to hang out on the weekends. It was really just casual conversation. Anyway, about a week and a half later (monday), he sends me this email addressing some changes I made to the group's draft. Then, randomly he concludes by saying "by the way, the bars I usually hang out at are...." I've looked up the bars and they're all gay bars.

    The reason I'm a bit baffled by this is that I'm not out at all (I don't really know about his orientation), so I'm not sure whether it means he just sporadically felt the need to clarify where he goes or if he's trying to convey something more (i.e. that he's interested)? Or am I reading too much into something that's really quite meaningless? Ugh.
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:06 AM GMT
    If theyre ALL gay bars and he just brought that up randoly then yeah, id say hes trying to tell you something icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:06 AM GMT
    that was a move on his part to see if you reciprocate. If you say "yeah I know the Golden Parrot, let´s meet for a drink at 7.30 on Tuesday" you´re inviting him on a date.

    Your move.
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:23 AM GMT
    Hmm. I sort of thought as much. I guess I should have been a little more direct in my response, rather than just saying I'd never been to those bars, but "might have to give them a visit at some point."
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    do you like him? Tell him you found them on the net and suggest that you meet at one of them. Then he knows that you realise they are gay bars....

    zomg the DRAMA
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:34 AM GMT
    Haha. Drama indeed! He was pretty bold to drop a hint like that, I think, without really knowing anything about me. I actually do sort of have a crush on him, so I just may take your advice and ask him out for drinks after we're finished with the project Sunday.
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:39 AM GMT
    nothing this exciting happens to me icon_confused.gif

    be really obvious or he might be terrified on the other end "Let´s go to the Rainbow Cocksucker. I´ve never been, but it sounds fun".
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    Apr 10, 2010 6:43 AM GMT
    Oh, I'm not sure I believe that!

    For the record, nothing even remotely like this has ever happened to me though.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Apr 10, 2010 6:54 AM GMT
    He likes you. icon_smile.gif



    Keep us posted. I want to know how this goes
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Apr 10, 2010 1:36 PM GMT
    You say you're "not out at all", but you told your buddy the gay bars you hang out at. That in itself is sort of outing yourself to him inadvertently. The fact that you are even going to those bars says that you are at least "out" to some extent already.
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    Apr 10, 2010 1:45 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidYou say you're "not out at all", but you told your buddy the gay bars you hang out at. That in itself is sort of outing yourself to him inadvertently. The fact that you are even going to those bars says that you are at least "out" to some extent already.


    wow curious...did you even read the original post? lol...holy lack of understanding, dude
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Apr 10, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    tommysguns2000 said
    CuriousJockAZ saidYou say you're "not out at all", but you told your buddy the gay bars you hang out at. That in itself is sort of outing yourself to him inadvertently. The fact that you are even going to those bars says that you are at least "out" to some extent already.


    wow curious...did you even read the original post? lol...holy lack of understanding, dude



    Yes, I read the post, and I wasn't making any judgement, only an observation. I was just making the point that going to a gay bar is, in itself, stepping "out" of the closet to some extent, and that telling someone you hangout at such and such bar (that is a gay bar) is sort of inadvertently outing yourself to that person.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 10, 2010 1:51 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidYou say you're "not out at all", but you told your buddy the gay bars you hang out at. That in itself is sort of outing yourself to him inadvertently. The fact that you are even going to those bars says that you are at least "out" to some extent already.


    I could SOOOOOOO turn this into a political example!!!!!!!!!
    But I'll be nice to Todd and his response.....

    I can understand what your doing, I used to analyze everything into the ground when I was younger. No quite as much these days. I'd just take it that he wants you to know he's gay and he may (or may not) have any inclination about your sexuality. Its his way of asking. He might only be interested in a gay friend.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Apr 10, 2010 1:53 PM GMT
    Chris, you're restraint is appreciated icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 10, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidthat was a move on his part to see if you reciprocate. If you say "yeah I know the Golden Parrot, let´s meet for a drink at 7.30 on Tuesday" you´re inviting him on a date.

    Your move.

    Agreed. He's obviously throwing out what he thinks is bait, to see if the OP will bite. He likely already suspects he's gay. A common gay mistake is to think nobody knows we're gay, that we act straight, when in truth many suspect.

    Now whether he's gay himself, or just curious for his own sake to know the truth, I can't guess. The OP says he's kinda interested in him, so yeah, the ball is in his court.
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    Apr 10, 2010 2:12 PM GMT
    Good for him taking the initiative; if you’re crushing on him and feeling frogy—jump.
    However, I would not want the first date to be a gay bar, unless it is a more laid-back sort of place.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Apr 10, 2010 2:13 PM GMT
    You're lucky he was so direct. It's pretty impossible to miss the hint he dropped for you. I hope you have fun, if you do go out with him.
  • dionysus

    Posts: 420

    Apr 10, 2010 2:15 PM GMT
    he;s giving you the green light.

    go speed racer go.
  • sportsjockla

    Posts: 498

    Apr 10, 2010 2:24 PM GMT
    His gaydar picked up on you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Aww, that's really sweet. This guy sounds really together and confident. My all means reciprocate the interest.
  • kew1

    Posts: 1595

    Apr 10, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    tommysguns2000 said
    CuriousJockAZ saidYou say you're "not out at all", but you told your buddy the gay bars you hang out at. That in itself is sort of outing yourself to him inadvertently. The fact that you are even going to those bars says that you are at least "out" to some extent already.


    wow curious...did you even read the original post? lol...holy lack of understanding, dude



    Yes, I read the post, and I wasn't making any judgement, only an observation. I was just making the point that going to a gay bar is, in itself, stepping "out" of the closet to some extent, and that telling someone you hangout at such and such bar (that is a gay bar) is sort of inadvertently outing yourself to that person.


    Read it again, the OP received the email listing the bars, he didn't send it.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Apr 10, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    Ooooooh, my apology to the OP. (Pouring that 2nd cup of coffee as we speak) I guess my brain hasn't kicked in yet this morning icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 10, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidAww, that's really sweet. This guy sounds really together and confident. My all means reciprocate the interest.


    icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif


    -Doug
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    Apr 10, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    naivenewbie saidIf theyre ALL gay bars and he just brought that up randoly then yeah, id say hes trying to tell you something icon_smile.gif
    ding ding ding. Somebody give this man a medal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    You're not out to yourself, but obviously those around you can tell.

    I would say dont date this guy. Not for your sake, but his. Spare him your closeted drama until you are willing to come out....at least, to someone who sends you a list of gay bars he goes to. .... icon_rolleyes.gif