True love v.s. Sexual compatibility

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2010 10:40 PM GMT
    What if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?

    If you stayed how would you handle it?
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    Apr 11, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    Tough one, Brian.

    I can't exactly imagine the scenario you described since, for me, sex is (at least in part) a means of emotional expression and of furthering an emotional bond with my partner. So, I don't think I could quite get to 'having all [my] needs met emotionally' if the relationship were 'lacking or not satisfying sexually'.

    My hunch would be that, if things weren't happening in the sex department, then there's something important not there (or not yet there) in the emotional / soul mate department.
  • irishkcguy

    Posts: 780

    Apr 11, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    I was talking to a guy recently who described his situation as a "sexless open relationship." The pros/cons of open relationships have been debated on here extensively, but I just don't get staying in a relationship like that.

    I think if you like a guy but aren't into him sexually then you're just good friends. And there's nothing wrong with that!
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    Apr 11, 2010 2:12 AM GMT
    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?

    If you stayed how would you handle it?


    What is the definition of "lacking" how much is it lacking??

    I don't understand how you could be truly in love and have sex that is lacking?

    But if it is lacking, I think it could work if both partners are in love and willing to forego awesome sex for that person. When you are in love, you do everything to make sure that it works between you two. Love is that strongest emotion, more so than sex i believe at least...
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    Apr 11, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?
    Yes.
    For 2 more years to be exact.
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:04 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?
    Yes.
    For 2 more years to be exact.

    Wow. This brings up all kinds of complicated emotional stuff for me. icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:08 AM GMT
    Speaking hypothetically (unfortunately) . . . but if someone met all of your emotional needs, wouldn't that cause a reasonable physical relationship? I mean, wouldn't a desire to make someone like that happy and be made happy by them, create good physical relations?
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Apr 11, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Aggieboy said Love is that strongest emotion, more so than sex i believe at least...[/quote]

    Just so you know, Love does not always conquer it all
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:23 AM GMT
    I think it comes down to sex-drive, and the amount of space each partner gives.
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    Life is too short to settle for a relationship..that doesn't ring all ur bells! Man up...and go for your very best!!icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    redbull, In my experience

    Sex != Love (does not).

    What I am trying to say is that you can have sex with anyone - depending on your looks, income, package and personality (LIPP).

    You can't truly 'love', in the socially acceptable understanding of 'love', anyone and everyone you have sex with.

    Sex is physical.
    Love is emotional.

    If you have sex with someone you love, then the sex can be a spiritual experience. But it (sex) doesn't (and shouldn't) define your whole relationship... otherwise the relationship won't last. People change over time, that's the magic of life - nothing stays static - even the people you love!

    If both people are committed to a relationship and truly love one another (and themselves), then who they get off with is irrelevant. The problem is that most people are too immature and in most couples where sex outside the relationship occurs - the couple is normally not strong enough to withstand the jealousy, fear and insecurity that may come with it.

    Most couples should really consider counseling before they engage in extra-relationship sexual activity. It can mean the difference between life and death and prevent pain and suffering on one or both individuals' lives.

    I hope this helps. Peace!
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    Apr 11, 2010 5:01 AM GMT
    res_ident said
    paulflexes said
    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?
    Yes.
    For 2 more years to be exact.

    Wow. This brings up all kinds of complicated emotional stuff for me. icon_sad.gif
    You've been there too, huh?
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    Apr 11, 2010 5:31 AM GMT
    Mmm...I believe it is easier to work on improving the physical part than working on the emotional stuff icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Apr 11, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    Artanis saidMmm...I believe it is easier to work on improving the physical part than working on the emotional stuff icon_rolleyes.gif


    Couldn't agree more... icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:59 AM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?

    If you stayed how would you handle it?


    What is the definition of "lacking" how much is it lacking??

    I don't understand how you could be truly in love and have sex that is lacking?

    But if it is lacking, I think it could work if both partners are in love and willing to forego awesome sex for that person. When you are in love, you do everything to make sure that it works between you two. Love is that strongest emotion, more so than sex i believe at least...


    RunnerBen also posted a similar response.

    With respect to the question of how someone could be in love where the sex part is lacking, has anyone considered the possibility of a relationship starting with great sex and sexual compatibility but due to illness or health reasons, one of the partners can no longer perform or has almost no libido? What happens in that case - does he get dumped just because he can no longer perform in the bedroom like he used to? Does it make a difference if the sex is lacking at the start of the relationship versus if it is something that happens say five or ten years into an otherwise great relationship? Just putting some food for thought out there.

    Personally, I've had a relationship with amazing sexual chemistry but which was lacking in other areas of compatibility. That relationship did not last long.

    A relationship with a soul mate that meets all my emotional needs but is lacking sexually is one I think I would stay with - or at least fight to try to make work. Soul mates are few and far between - much more rare than finding someone to have sex with.

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    Apr 11, 2010 11:02 AM GMT
    Been there, am there, and live there. My partner and I are not sexually compatible. We have been together for 11 years. I find that our love grows every year and that we value companionship, support, and family more than sex with each other.

    For me, in this particular relationship, I can live with things the way they are.

    Over the years (46 of them so far) I have never met a really long term couple (actually gay or straight) that was monogamous. In our situation we are just always working to be as honest as we can about the openness in our relationship.

    That might not be right for everybody. It is, however, right for us.


    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?

    If you stayed how would you handle it?
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    Apr 11, 2010 11:59 AM GMT
    Tough one.

    Would totally depend on the relationship.

    BTDT too; nothing worse than to love a partner and be refused/ignored sexually. I suppose with the right person and honest communication it could work.

    Hmmm.
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    Apr 11, 2010 1:38 PM GMT
    A test I have yet to take.
    I would hope that I keep my high GPA.
  • masculumpedes

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    Apr 11, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said

    I don't understand how you could be truly in love and have sex that is lacking?

    But if it is lacking, I think it could work if both partners are in love and willing to forego awesome sex for that person. When you are in love, you do everything to make sure that it works between you two. Love is that strongest emotion, more so than sex i believe at least...


    Um...how many relationships have you experienced? My very first relationship was like this. I loved him and he supposedly loved me also, however our sex life was lacking due to his "rigid" thoughts about sex and only wanting it to consist of one certain act. He finally told me that if I wanted something different in bed, if I wanted to experiment and explore that I needed to find someone else. Even in sex, variety is the spice of a relationship. icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor said, "Over the years (46 of them so far) I have never met a really long term couple (actually gay or straight) that was monogamous."

    *coughs* How about online? (like us)

    I think it depends on the type of people you are. Both of us are the kind that get stiffys from emotional stimulus. So there you have it.

    -Doug
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    Apr 11, 2010 10:19 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor saidBeen there, am there, and live there. My partner and I are not sexually compatible. We have been together for 11 years. I find that our love grows every year and that we value companionship, support, and family more than sex with each other.

    For me, in this particular relationship, I can live with things the way they are.

    Over the years (46 of them so far) I have never met a really long term couple (actually gay or straight) that was monogamous. In our situation we are just always working to be as honest as we can about the openness in our relationship.

    That might not be right for everybody. It is, however, right for us.


    redbull saidWhat if you were truly in love, found your soul mate and had all your needs met emotionally but it was lacking or not satisfying sexually, could or would you stay in the relationship?

    If you stayed how would you handle it?


    Amen ursamajor..Amen
  • pixel

    Posts: 26

    Apr 12, 2010 11:23 AM GMT
    i do believe in love. I can't believe most men don't understand how to feel love. I want to feel love if my partner treated me well and love me very much. It depends on the personality and same hobbies. I hope i can find a right one. Good luck for me

    I can't have sex without love...I dont like being lust.
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    Apr 12, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    True Love Holds no bars I think. There has gotta be more than sex to a relationship based on true love. I mean I'm not saying not get any period but you know... sometimes the best things are better in moderation. I guess it just depends.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Apr 12, 2010 11:54 AM GMT
    to be honest I can go without sex if im in love. this is the simple case of Concrete vs. Abstract. Concrete would be sex and having that physical connection. Concrete isnt 100% physical there is a bit of emotions attached to it. Now abstract would be the deeper quality that you find in a man, emotional so to speak. Abstract can be explained in a number of ways and has different meanings for different people. At this point, there is no way i can see myself having sex without any kind of meaning behind it. I have to know, trust and feel comfortable with another person to share my body with them. Now to better answer the question, i personally can have a relationship sex was lacking and be ok. If im in it im in it to win it. I see a man im in love with is there to complement me as i will him, not there to supplement my need to get one out. so the little things that would make me love him would be all i need from him. Sex is no priority for me. Intimacy is what i long for the most.

    (sorry if i sound repetitive).
  • mrcpu1

    Posts: 51

    Apr 12, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    This is a complicated question for many as it sometimes messes with our psyche

    I would take love over sex. To me, sex is physical and more a 'raw' desire instinct. As we age, our sex drives will change, as we work out to stay in shape, our sex drives may go up while our partners remain stable. The emotional aspect though goes far deeper than sex for me.

    While some may confuse sex with love, I don't believe that connection is healthy. You must want to 'grow' old with your partner, which means emotional support, it means a deeper connection than sex.

    Don't get me wrong, I hope I'm having sex regularly at 60 or 70 w/my husband. However, many things can change along the road, health for one can account for a loss of sex drive in either of us. Would I want sex to define our long term commitment? No - I would want the support, the deep emotional connection that is truly love.