Would you be gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2010 7:39 AM GMT
    Assuming you could choose whether you were gay or not, what would you choose and why?

    I used to think I would automatically choose to be gay - there are certain definite benefits, and I kinda liked it. However I think given my experience with men to this point, I'd have to update it to an emphatic "no". I'm so sick of the bullshit, and perhaps I'm just bad at picking men, but women are so much more my speed. I feel like the sort of life I want to construct is essentially impossible as a gay man (okay, fine, incredibly improbable).

    I can put up with all the other insanity with respect to the hyper-religious and those who capitalize on bigotry, but I can't take how much men really suck. I'm to the point of being so disgusted in general with them that I can't even muster the energy to begin to try anymore. Dating women has to be better than this.
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    Apr 11, 2010 7:41 AM GMT
    I doubt it. Women smell funny and bleed out of their sexual organs.

    Srsly. icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 7:42 AM GMT
    abelian0 said I can't take how much men really suck.
    Find one who swallows.
    It'll renew your love for men.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 11, 2010 8:02 AM GMT
    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, isn't it? icon_neutral.gif

    The dating scene is hard for everyone. There are assholes everywhere, and a good wo/man is hard to find. I think everyone goes through these motions and gets pretty fed up at one point or another.

    That being said, I think that if I were straight the only thing that would change is the size of the pool that I could draw from. That doesn't necessarily make it easier, though.
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    Apr 11, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    if i was given a choice, i wouldnt.

    mostly because id be able to have my own child from the person i love.
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    Apr 11, 2010 8:34 AM GMT
    I'm not sure, it would certainly make it a lot easier to find someone looking for a long term relationship though... more people would approve of it too, but who cares about them anyways. icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:46 AM GMT
    It would certainly make many things "easier" being str8, but it would also remove something which had a tremendous impact on my development and insights and who I am today.

    You're a fine catch, abelian. It's only a matter of time before you run into a guy who's bright enough to realize that.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Apr 11, 2010 11:46 AM GMT
    Well I have found that both can suck at having any kind of meaningful relationship so it really would'nt matter if you are gay/str8 or anything inbetween.If I wanted to remove just one obstical that can make things difficult in my life,I guess being gay would be one but just changing that one thing is no guarantee any ones life would automatically be easier.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 11, 2010 12:15 PM GMT
    abelian0 said

    I can't take how much men really suck. I'm to the point of being so disgusted in general with them that I can't even muster the energy to begin to try anymore. Dating women has to be better than this.


    I think it all has to do with the men you have chosen to try to have a friendship/relationship with. Perhaps you are overlooking the one who would indeed be the perfect guy for you for some reason or another. Maybe it's time to take a look at your qualifications and specifications.

    While there are things that I would have done differently, Yes, I would have chosen to be gay. To me, the "straight" lifestyle has many more pitfalls and problems. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2010 12:17 PM GMT
    If my experiences as a gay man were to be what they have been, given a choice, then, I would absolutely choose to be gay. My experience has been 100% positive where it concerns other gay men.
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    Apr 11, 2010 12:17 PM GMT
    A married straight friend told me just a few days ago “you guys have it so much easier, sometimes I wish I were gay.”
    I may have wished at one time, but it was more out of wanting to be like everyone else.
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    Apr 11, 2010 12:28 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidThe grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, isn't it? icon_neutral.gif




    wouldn't give it up.
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    Apr 11, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    I wouldn't put any thought into it at all. Just leaves you more frustrated.

    Best thing is to think about how you can make your life better as a gay man. Constantly.

    I've been quite disappointed with the gay men I've met to date, but eternal optimism is the path to happiness icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 12:37 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    abelian0 said I can't take how much men really suck.
    Find one who swallows.
    It'll renew your love for men.


    How true it is.
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    Apr 11, 2010 1:05 PM GMT
    It is surprising to see this kind of rhetorical questioning coming from you in the form of a thread. You're obviously confident enough to be able to show a side that is a bit more delicate.

    I adore women. That said, I've never met a single man (gay or straight) who didn't eventually reach the understanding that women are the more complicated of the two binary genders.

    If you want to complicate your life beyond all possible recognition, fall in love with a woman. I am not putting forward a hypothesis, I know this for fact.

    There was a post some months ago where you opened up about a guy you cared about in California, a model I believe. What you wrote was tinged with a bittersweet regret and a very deep capacity for love. The little bit that you wrote inspired me quite a bit.

    What we want out of life, I believe, is unattainable by reaching. It is, as you say, impossible to "construct" a life. If nothing else, our cosmological insignificance makes the very act of trying to construct anything much more than meaningless.

    If what we seek is unattainable by reaching, the consolation is that we can get ahold of stuff that is better than what we expected, just by the act of being. My reference to being is spiritual, but it is also practical.

    In theory I suppose this state of autonomous synchrony is close to the ideal that you would pursue in libertarian thought: Autonomous entities acting in their enlightened self interest is, finally, cosmological. The supposition is that there is an overlying order that makes sense of the apparently senseless.

    As far as the gay or straight question is concerned, I don't think it means anything. It is finally important that we have the companionship of human beings and sex/sexual orientation is only a small part of that equation. Humanity has very little to do with chromosomal or gender expression.

    As a gay man I don't think it is possible to really grow into full adulthood (something that I hope is happening for me in my midlife) without an understanding of women. Women are the glories and mysteries of the universe. To revel (and suffer) in what women are in no way diminishes the joy I feel in the company of men (like my partner who came to be in my life by providence and not by searching).

    Frankly, beyond a tiny (platonic) crush, I really do think you are one of the most thoughtful and feeling people I have run into online. That the machinations of the heart are troubling to you is not a sign of your weakness, nor does it signify an error in how you were made. Take this trouble as confirmation that you're not a robot, programmed to consume Jimmy Dean sausages and settle for ever-diminishing returns.

    To answer your question directly, I sometimes marvel at the fact that it has taken me 46 years to get really anywhere with my life. For a lot of those years, especially the young ones, I felt like I was grinding away and irritating the crap out of my surroundings and my role in them. As it turns out, I am not thankful to have endured that suffering, but I am happy that I could get here. Neither do I want to torture myself with false choices. My choice, the one I have and would make again and again, is not between gay and straight, it is to avoid a meaningless life of numbness.
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    Apr 11, 2010 1:16 PM GMT
    UrsaMajor said... My choice, the one I have and would make again and again, is not between gay and straight, it is to avoid a meaningless life of numbness.


    damn...talk about showing a side...

    just damn.
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    Apr 11, 2010 1:23 PM GMT
    I think it is just our nature to want a life partner. Many don't feel complete without one. It can make life easier. Someone to listen to you, someone to back you up, comfort you, and share the bills. On the other hand you can't always do what you want to do when you have a partner to consider. You do learn many great life lessons in a relationship though.
    I had an 11 year relationship in the past and miss having a partner very much. At my age though I doubt that it will happen again.
    Life is so short. You have to make the best of it that you can. If you aren't in a relationship at the moment, even if you really want one, you have to make the best of every day because this is not a dress rehearsal. By and large happiness is a choice.
    Would I like to be straight........I heard on the news the other day that 2/3 of all divorces are actually initiated by women so don't believe that being in a straight relationship is easier. Women may seem to seek relationships more readily than men but that doesn't mean they stay in them.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Apr 11, 2010 1:33 PM GMT
    I think if I was straight I would have been very much like my counterparts in my small hometown. I would have married out of high school and had kids and if I didn't get into drugs and alcohol because of my stagnant life I would be a successful mechanic or bus driver. For a time, I always used to think being gay was my saving grace.
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    Apr 11, 2010 2:21 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI think if I was straight I would have been very much like my counterparts in my small hometown. I would have married out of high school and had kids and if I didn't get into drugs and alcohol because of my stagnant life I would be a successful mechanic or bus driver. For a time, I always used to think being gay was my saving grace.

    That certainly adds some perspective to the discussion. True enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    If I weren't gay I'd never be with my boyfriend, even though I have to deal with his crazy. So right now I wouldn't change it.

    He's in my profile photo, waving at the camera.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Apr 11, 2010 2:45 PM GMT
    I like who I am and wouldn't want to change who I am, so yes, I would choose to be gay. If you asked a straight person the same question, I'm sure they would say the same thing.

    The divorce rate in this country is 50%, so no, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. I bet they would be happy to fill you in on the joys and ease of the hetero relationship.

    Women may be much more your speed, but that's because you deal with them, and they with you, on a completely different level because of your sexual orientation. Our personalities would be different if we were straight, so your interaction with women would alter.

    Yes, men suck. But damn...they're beautiful and fun to play with!!!
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    What I hear at the core of the question is "Do you love and accept yourself the way you are?"

    Yes.

    Life, gay or straight, isn't just about my relationships with others. First, it's about my 'relationship' with me. That colors the rest of my world.

    When I got to a place where I was truly comfortable with myself, I didn't need to be in a relationship to tell me that I'm worthwhile.

    Oddly enough, when I got to that point, the quality of all my relationships increased.

    My two cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Hell yeah. Not only are women fucking insane as a rule, but if you're gay, you get to hang out with your buddies AND get laid.

    So it's a timesaver, and stuff.
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Wow, I've been there... like, after every breakup I've had. Then, after a week or two, when I've determined that my eyes notice guys rather than women, I toss that curiosity away.

    Thankfully, after enough of those times, I've finally found someone I honestly think I'll spend the rest of my life with. It's only been five years, so only time will tell!

    Hope you get through this!
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    Apr 11, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    abelian0 saidAssuming you could choose whether you were gay or not, what would you choose and why?

    I used to think I would automatically choose to be gay - there are certain definite benefits, and I kinda liked it. However I think given my experience with men to this point, I'd have to update it to an emphatic "no". I'm so sick of the bullshit, and perhaps I'm just bad at picking men, but women are so much more my speed. I feel like the sort of life I want to construct is essentially impossible as a gay man (okay, fine, incredibly improbable).

    I can put up with all the other insanity with respect to the hyper-religious and those who capitalize on bigotry, but I can't take how much men really suck. I'm to the point of being so disgusted in general with them that I can't even muster the energy to begin to try anymore. Dating women has to be better than this.



    Well if I were to choose women I will have to be ready to accept or at least tolerate the scenarios that comes from dealing with a woman and her attitudes towards her male partner in today's society. First, the modern woman of today are very independent and will not put up with the abuse or control from their man, and rightfully so! as most heterosexual men have always treated and value them as less then his maid and no better than a mother to his child. Having said that a woman's role, ability, and desires at being the emotional powerhouse of the family have increasingly deteriorated in the past thirty or forty years. A woman's goal nowadays have drastically shifted from wanting to be a mother to being very successful in her career! she also enjoys the new founded opportunities that independence have brought to her life, as she no longer feels the need to depend on her man to feel self-worth in so many levels; thus the mutual and emotional dependency that both men and women used to love and helped keep their relationship strong as in the past has virtually disappeared because of that new found freedom she enjoys today.

    Take for instance my sister, she is the product of today's woman who is very successful in her career, have being married more then once in her life, and so attached to her materialistic wealth that if she were to loose some of that tomorrow she most likely would not know what to do with herself? I am very proud and happy for her accomplishments, but what good can come out of a heterosexual relationship when one is not emotionally available neither to the spouse or in this case the children? sometimes she even treats her husband in a way in our presence that it is even embarrassing for us to witness.So I hope you appreciate my assessment of what a modern day relationship with a woman will be like. I sure hope a heterosexual relationship is not a scapegoat to your disillusions with homosexual relationships, because if it is you are in for an even bigger disappointment. Oh and lets not forget the wonderful time you will have when a split is in order by your girlfriend or wife! I don't know what kind of relationship with a woman you have in mind? but either one it is not going to be any better or worse then a relationship with a gay man.


    And yet I still haven't even touch the homosexual part in a relationship just yet! I will try later on tonight since I am running short on time right now! and believe me I can definitely relate to your disappointments with men also.


    Leandro ♥