Most Embarrassing Story

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    Apr 11, 2010 3:22 PM GMT
    759.gif

    I saw this in another thread and made me LAUGH. OUT. LOUD!!

    FUCKING HILARIOUS!!! But seriously, I immediately had to wipe my tears when I remembered my own embarrassing mishaps in public.

    Picture this - 1982 - I wore my new boots and went to a local pool hall. I was returning from the bar with a beer in each hand and was heading back to my friend who was just racking up the balls. I stepped on a patch of oil that was not buffed into the wooden floor and slid right under the pool table, beer flying everywhere. Needless to say, I was laughed right out of the bar.

    A week later, thinking the impasse was forgotten, I returned to the bar. Two cute chicks stopped me and said, "Are you the guy that went under the pool table last week?" icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    I was at Mall of America (MOA), largest in the US, in Bloomington, MN outside of Minneapolis. I went to use a restroom, which in that huge place are like the ones in many US airports, without doors because of the heavy traffic, just a "maze" entry for privacy.

    So I ran in, and I don't see any urinals in this very large space, which I assume were behind the row of sinks at the far wall, so I just went into a nearby stall. I had just unzipped when I heard high-pitched voices and the clack-clack of high heels. Peeking through the door crack, I of course saw 2 women, and realized my mistake. Now what?

    I debated whether to stay where I was until they left, and hope my shoes & trousers wouldn't give me away. But what if women kept entering? In the US it's not unusual for women to use the men's room in airports and public places, but gawd help the man who enters the ladies -- instant arrest.

    My decision was made when yet another woman entered, and I could imagine being stranded there indefinitely, or until detected. And the longer I stayed, the more it would seem I had done it deliberately for a sexual thrill. So I took a deep breath, positioned my hand on the door latch, and got into sprinting position.

    "Sorry, ladies, got the wrong one!" I blurted as I ran for the exit. I half-jogged out through the mall, not too fast lest that itself draw the attention of Security, trying to add enough distance before the women could either follow me or alert the mall police.

    After a few hundred feet I came to the Rainforest Cafe and ducked in there, taking a seat at their bar that wasn't visible from the mall. I had 2 gin martinis to calm myself down, and after nearly an hour thought it safe to venture back out into the mall again.

    I wasn't apprehended. But ever since then I check and double-check the restroom signs, especially if there are no doors, the signs on the wall as they were in MOA.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 11, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    Red Vespa said:..............icon_biggrin.gif



    I was going to make a "drag queen" comment, but I'll pass..LOL

    Thanks for sharing Bob.. that would have been great to see in a video!
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    Apr 11, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    I showed up at a Starbucks to meet for the first time a guy I met on a dating site. I walked in and thought I recognized the guy so I introduced myself and asked him if he was "John". He said yes.

    We sat there for about 15 minutes and were having a great time.

    You know what's coming.

    The guy I was supposed to meet was named John. But the guy I was sitting with wasn't the guy I was supposed to meet.

    In comes my real date and he sees me with this other guy. The rest is just too damn awkward to repeat. My real date starts arguing with me. I start arguing with the guy I'm sitting with. They start arguing with each other.

    Sensing I'm going to need some help, I signal to a staff person to come over. But what does the staff guy do? He asks me in a tongue in cheek way if I needed a table for three and smiles. Damn troublemaker.

    So everyone starts to storm out in a huff but the guy I was sitting with had the nerve to ask me if he could call me.

    It was really bad.

    Somehow, word of this mishap got out to a few of my friends. So a few days later I walk into my favorite watering hole. Two of my friends ( one is the bartender) begin to rank on me making jokes and telling me they want to introduce me to someone name John.

    Turns out the guy I sat with already had his eyes on me for a while and had told my bartender friend a few weeks earlier he wanted to meet me.

    Then I get an email from my real date calling me a cheap slut.

    I can't go on with this story.
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    Apr 11, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    We had a special presentation at work with a director of another department.It was my first week with my new-coworkers. After 15minutes,I leaned back too much on my chair,so I fell from behind,did a 360,legs everywhere and then finally made a big kaboom on the wall.I just couldnt stop laughing (i feel like its better to laugh than look embarassed) but had the goofy personnality stuck forever at work.
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Apr 11, 2010 6:08 PM GMT
    A couple of years ago I was skating thru a neighborhood near me and saw this beautiful guy jogging with a baby stroller, I couldnt help but to turn around and skate backwards for a second glimpse.

    Little did I know the sidewalk sloped down about 10 feet away and suddenly my feet came off the ground. Next thing I know I hit my head HARD on the sidewalk all the contents of my pockets came shooting out of my pants and flying down the sidewalk, including my cellphone. As I sat there picking up the pieces of my dignity he came over to make sure I was ok and helped me find my cell which had a half naked man wallpaper on it. *facepalm* I never skated in that neighborhood again. icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    I couldn't laugh at the OP, I was too worried that he broke something or was about to get eaten by the escalator.

    The other stories, on the other hand, icon_lol.gif

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    Apr 11, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    I was driving once and checking out a hot guy and suddenly I noticed that everyone was beginning to look at me, then BAM...I rear ended the guy in front of me, my hood bent up into a triangle, and two women started laughing because they knew the real cause of the accident.
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    Apr 11, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidThis week during the Masters, my women coworkers and I, seem to be having body visual impairment.. Friday night I was going up a set of stairs in a hospitality home we rented and she was coming down,,,, slipped and while falling thought she could save herself by grabbing my pants leg... She missed and ended up grabbing my balls and I yelped like a yard dog stuck by a baseball!
    The next night at a dinner, I was directing some service staff, looked away for a split second and tried to rub my clients arm to tell her something and ended up squeezing her Boob... Not a good career move,,, but we laughed it off,,, forgot how soft those things are...
    My balls are just now getting over the embarrasment and pain...icon_eek.gif


    Oh. My. GOD! SHE GRABBED YOU BY THE BALLS?!?!?

    LOLOLOLOL!!
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:10 PM GMT
    My ex used to always say that if a camera followed me around, I'd be a star, since I'm ALWAYS doing something "hilarious" to embarrass myself. If you didn't know me, you'd think I was doing it on purpose, but honestly I'm just a bad luck magnet. Let's see, there's.....

    -the time I had to run full speed down the street, pacing my sister's SUV, because I'd shut my jacket in the door and couldn't get her attention.

    -the time I tripped, 'windmilled' and ultimately fell in front of a deli counter, because I thought the glass was scolding hot [it wasn't, I found out] and didn't want to touch it to brace myself.

    -the time I walked face-first into a glass wall at a club, in front of 100 people waiting to get in.

    -the time I thought a guy, wearing the same shirt as me, was staring at me from across a club. Not sure if he was mad because we were wearing the same thing, or if he was interested in me, a so-called friend encouraged me to wave at him; I did, and you guessed it, I had been staring at myself all along.

    -the time I left a voicemail for my boss, and didn't realize I didn't hang up completely, and left him a 2 minute message of me singing "If I Were a Boy" at the top of my lungs.

    -the time, just 2 days ago in fact, I slipped on a wet patch of grass, and slid my big ass down a small hill.

    And on and on and on......icon_redface.gif
    -
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:18 PM GMT
    Oiy.. this is going to be bad. This is by far my most embarassing moment in life, thus far.

    I was pretty young. Like 14? I was laying in my room reading one of the Harry Potter books. My family usually left me alone while I was in my room, so for some reason TO THIS DAY I cannot figure out.. I decided I wanted to lay in bed naked, and read. Now.. there was nothing sexual to it. I couldn't justify it even if I wanted to, and I certainly never did it again.

    So I locked my door, stripped and jumped ON TOP of the covers with my book. A few minutes goes by and my dad for some reason just.. walks in. The freakin door didn't shut all the way!! So as he's openning the door he realizes the door is locked. His face goes from looking at the door handle confused, to sheer panic as he looks up and sees me with this -> icon_eek.gif ..look on my face.

    The worst part was after he ran out embarassed. There was like.. a 5 minute period we each had to think about what had happened while I got dressed (cursing myself) before I went out to explain myself. My dad had just wanted me to take the garbage out.

    Maybe it doesn't sound so bad because parents walking in on their kids happens. What makes it so horrible is that I wasn't even doing anything! I'm sure he still thinks I was. icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:21 PM GMT
    AvgScorp saidMy ex used to always say that if a camera followed me around, I'd be a star, since I'm ALWAYS doing something "hilarious" to embarrass myself.

    A friend of mine said the same sentiment. She said, "I know why God sent you here. To entertain us."

    Gad, the shit I go through to give them jollies.icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:23 PM GMT
    KentuckyTuss saidMaybe it doesn't sound so bad because parents walking in on their kids happens. What makes it so horrible is that I wasn't even doing anything! I'm sure he still thinks I was

    What about those of us whose parents walked into our bedrooms when we were lying there totally naked wacking off? Happened to me, my mother flinging the door open when I was about 13 or 14. I also thought it was locked, but embarrassingly not. She instantly shut the door and we never discussed it. icon_redface.gif
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Apr 11, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    One weekend in college, my friends and I headed to the beach. The two of us who were reasonably strong swimmers went out to play in the waves breaking over our heads. I hadn't tied my suit tight enough, and it came down to my ankles when one wave caught it just right -- thankfully, the water was deep enough that I couldn't even stand on the bottom, so I wasn't exposed. I reached down to try to pull them back up, and caught a wave right across my face, into my open mouth. This dazed me for a bit, which was just long enough to get dunked by the next wave. And then the next one. I spent probably a good 3 minutes surfacing repeated into the next incoming wave, grabbing just a tiny gulp of air before being dunked again, all the while with my suit barely hanging on to one ankle. I finally decided that I wasn't going to let modesty kill me, took the best breath I could, and dove under and swam out away from the shore so that I'd be able to surface out where the waves were no longer cresting.

    Somehow, I managed to maintain possession of my suit, and get it back on and tied firmly in place. My friend came over to check on me, and I told her that I needed to get back to shore, I'd taken a good amount of water into my lungs. About halfway back to where I'd be able to stand, I began to worry that I wasn't going to make it. I actually flagged down a pair of guys with body boards and tried to explain that I wasn't confident I could make it back to shore, and I could really use trying to use one of their boards for a few minutes. Unfortunately, it seems that I'm too good at not panicking. The fact that I wasn't visibly freaking out kept them from realizing I was serious. It took my friend flipping out -- she was raised by theater majors, so that girl could emote -- before they decided that this wasn't a joke. As it turned out, I didn't have enough strength left to paddle against the outgoing current, so one of them ended up helping tow me back to a point where it was shallow enough that I could walk back to the shore. I came way too close to drowning for a simple desire to avoid public nudity.
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    Apr 11, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Mine's not as good as "KissingPro", but here goes:

    I was 17 and just coming out. I was still living at home the summer before moving off to college. My brother, who lives out of town, was home visiting.

    I went downstairs to the kitchen. My mother was making breakfast.

    Mom turned to me and said, "Your brother knows you're gay."

    I looked at Mom, sort of amused and sort of with a look of questioning on my face and asked, "How does he know?"

    Mom stopped what she was doing, looked me square in the eye, and flatly retorted, "He found your dildo in a drawer of his old dresser."

    "Oh." is all I could utter.
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    Apr 11, 2010 11:00 PM GMT
    Back when I thought I liked girls I slipped on some ice and landed on my ass in front of a crush.

    A few years later I was racing a guy in gym and he slipped, knocked into me, and we both became entangled as we slammed into the bleachers. We couldn't stop laughing!

    This year I was riding my bike next to some friends and saw a puddle. My friend Tori decided to jump over the puddle as I rode through it and I hit her, sending her flying. She was okay but her only thought was "Shit my cellphone!"
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    Apr 11, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    bigeasydude said759.gif

    I saw this in another thread and made me LAUGH. OUT. LOUD!!

    FUCKING HILARIOUS!!! But seriously, I immediately had to wipe my tears when I remembered my own embarrassing mishaps in public.

    Picture this - 1982 - I wore my new boots and went to a local pool hall. I was returning from the bar with a beer in each hand and was heading back to my friend who was just racking up the balls. I stepped on a patch of oil that was not buffed into the wooden floor and slid right under the pool table, beer flying everywhere. Needless to say, I was laughed right out of the bar.

    A week later, thinking the impasse was forgotten, I returned to the bar. Two cute chicks stopped me and said, "Are you the guy that went under the pool table last week?" icon_redface.gif


    Yes ladies.... but if you would prefer we could give a try on top of the pool table this time round.....
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    Apr 12, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidYes...and she really thought she had my leg... wrong leg and smashed my johnson into my ball sack.... my stomach hurt for 10 mins! It was a bruiser for sure... I was highly embarrassed because at least 20 guests heard me yelp! I went straight upstairs to inspect it in the bathroom and stayed there for about 10 mins. till my face returned to normal skin tone.. I was beet red and hot as hell!....icon_rolleyes.gif

    I'm quite sure she's gonna tell her co-workers about your hung status.
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    Apr 12, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    I had a roommate who was painfully shy. And I have a habit of singing loudly and off-key when there's no one around. We were in a communal bathroom situation, so one morning I came back into my room after a shower and found no one there. At which point I proceeded to break out into... Uptown Girls.

    About two minutes later I turned around, only to find that he had been changing in the closet. So I half-nakedly serenaded him with what is possibly the most random song in my mental repertoire. Oops. icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 12, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Ok here is my story of humor. I must have been around 13-14 somewhere in that age range and living home. It was getting pretty late around 10 or 11. I was in my bedroom in bed with the lights off rubbing one out. My mom opens my door and turns on the lights catching me with my dick in my hand. I'm trying to cover my self, but fails due to the embarrassing situation.icon_redface.gificon_eek.gif. My mom say's to me" uugggghh don't forget to take the garbage out, tomorrow is trash pick up day"

    I go outside and take the trash out, when I walk back in my mom is sitting at the dinning table in a bathrobe. She say's to me that you know, your dad has done this too. It's normal for a boy to do this!

    I say to her "Mom, don't tell me about dad, don't talk to me about this either. Just remember to knock on the door when ever it is closed for now on."

    She try's to continue to tell me about other sexual things about growing up.icon_eek.gif

    I just wanted her to stop, and eventually had to just burst out and say "mom, stop talking to me, i'm going back to bed, leave me alone"

    I was paralyzed for months mentally after that when I say her.
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    Apr 12, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    Gawd, where to start.

    Owned an marine aquarium store and had just lost a LOT of weight and still wearing some shorts that didn't fit me at all.

    The store had tanks stacked 3 high and this lady wanted 2 fish out of the top tank, I had to use a step ladder to get the fish out out of the top tanks. the store was PACKED so I grabbed the ladder, scooped out her fish and bagged it, then using my other hand I scooped out the other fish and sure enough as soon as I had the fish in the net my shorts hit the ground and I was commando. I was standing on a step ladder with both hands holding a bag of fish and the ladys face was at crotch level because I was still on the ladder. There I was standing on a ladder, doing a dance trying to figure out what to do, my junk swinging back and forth, both hands holding a bag of fish and the store just errupted in a riot of laughing.

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    Apr 12, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    I was trying to cheer up a friend by pole dancing with a sign post in the street (was a shitty sober night) and I tried to swing around with just my hands and landed on my arse in the wet grass.
    It was hilarious until I realized there were a few parties in a high rise apartment block across the road which stayed in to watch the New Years fireworks. I turned red, I promptly bowed at the cheering audience and had to wait for my friends mum to pick us up as everyone else counted down the New Years.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Apr 12, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    shortmuscleguy saidGawd, where to start.

    Owned an marine aquarium store and had just lost a LOT of weight and still wearing some shorts that didn't fit me at all.

    The store had tanks stacked 3 high and this lady wanted 2 fish out of the top tank, I had to use a step ladder to get the fish out out of the top tanks. the store was PACKED so I grabbed the ladder, scooped out her fish and bagged it, then using my other hand I scooped out the other fish and sure enough as soon as I had the fish in the net my shorts hit the ground and I was commando. I was standing on a step ladder with both hands holding a bag of fish and the ladys face was at crotch level because I was still on the ladder. There I was standing on a ladder, doing a dance trying to figure out what to do, my junk swinging back and forth, both hands holding a bag of fish and the store just errupted in a riot of laughing.




    Were you scooping up clown fish? icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 12, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    AvgScorp saidMy ex used to always say that if a camera followed me around, I'd be a star, since I'm ALWAYS doing something "hilarious" to embarrass myself. If you didn't know me, you'd think I was doing it on purpose, but honestly I'm just a bad luck magnet. Let's see, there's.....

    -the time I had to run full speed down the street, pacing my sister's SUV, because I'd shut my jacket in the door and couldn't get her attention.

    -the time I tripped, 'windmilled' and ultimately fell in front of a deli counter, because I thought the glass was scolding hot [it wasn't, I found out] and didn't want to touch it to brace myself.

    -the time I walked face-first into a glass wall at a club, in front of 100 people waiting to get in.

    -the time I thought a guy, wearing the same shirt as me, was staring at me from across a club. Not sure if he was mad because we were wearing the same thing, or if he was interested in me, a so-called friend encouraged me to wave at him; I did, and you guessed it, I had been staring at myself all along.

    -the time I left a voicemail for my boss, and didn't realize I didn't hang up completely, and left him a 2 minute message of me singing "If I Were a Boy" at the top of my lungs.

    -the time, just 2 days ago in fact, I slipped on a wet patch of grass, and slid my big ass down a small hill.

    And on and on and on......icon_redface.gif
    -



    hahahah I hope they make a reality tv show for you!
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    Apr 12, 2010 2:24 PM GMT
    San Francisco 1978. Some place called the I Beam. The place was full; lots of staring men (gulp!). I made a big scene of being cool and together.

    One of my runner's laces were undone. I put my full beer on a narrow shelf above me and bent down to tie it up. The bottle wobbled and tipped over.
    Full body wash followed by the bottle bouncing off my head. I had a large appreciative audience. icon_redface.gif

    -Doug