i don't know why he chose him over me

  • johnny9027

    Posts: 90

    Apr 11, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    there's a muscular guy in our unversity glbt club, and he's masculine and kinda nice, after a few talk we both know each other a bit, then we kinda chat on msn for a few times. And i don't know if he is interested or not, so i try to date him out. So we hang out with a lot of guys one evening, and i try to ask him out and have a private time with him, he said he's not available by then. After a week, i kinda know from some friends that he started dating with another guy after rejectiing me (that's a new guy, not the one he said he was involved), and what annoyed me the most is that the guy he's with is no better than me from any aspects. i know it sounds pathetic for me to say these things here, but i really don't understand and feel frustrated.
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    Apr 11, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    He rejected you and is dating someone else. Perhaps it would be a good idea to look else where. Let him have his problems.
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    Apr 11, 2010 10:55 PM GMT
    He's just not into you.

    You're hot. Get over it and move on.

    And remember...

    Men are like busses. Miss one, and another one will come along in a few minutes!

    Chin up. You'll do fine.
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    Apr 12, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    some guys are just attracted to certain things ... its all unique from person to person. It has nothing to do with being "better" or superior.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Apr 12, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    One of the "life's lessons" I have learned recently, and I am sure I have several more coming my way, is that "better" really is a matter of individual opinion. Unlike cars, television sets and real estate, human beings cannot be compared effectively one against another for better or worse and it is disastrous to do so when you are on the receiving end of rejection, something I am very familiar with myself. And yes, I have felt this way even recently. Let me relate a personal experience.

    There is a guy - great looking - that I dearly love and have for some time. He's tall, swimmer built, cute, everything I like in a guy. He rejected me and is dating a feminine hairdresser who does drag and is HIV+. This guy, according to my friend, has no ambition for bettering himself professionally and they drink like a bunch of fish every night of the week at the boyfriend's house.

    I refuse to compare myself to this boyfriend anymore for one very good reason. Doing that is not going to bring me the guy I want and obviously there is something that my loved one sees in this guy that he likes. If I waste one single moment comparing myself to this new boyfriend all I will do is feel like a total loser which is in no way the truth. That I am not a hairdressing drag-queen with a drinking problem doesn't matter. It doesn't make me any "better" in my loved one's eyes. By putting myself on trial here, I automatically de-value the things that make me who I am. I devalue my integrity, I devalue my loyalty, I devalue my self-discipline, and I essentially throw into the garbage pail everything that everyone who ever cared enough to invest in me put there. Do all of these things make me "better"? No - they make me different and the same goes for you.

    Oh, and as an aside... I was carrying a torch for this loved one who is a best friend now... He's also my ex of three years who cheated on me so many times he cannot count the number of sexual partners he had, who was essentially affectionless and is incapable of true love by his own admission.

    Sometimes dodging the bullet is more painful than being shot in the short term - but has far less fatal consequences later. I focus on what I have to offer someone. I am getting into much better shape, I have stopped drinking excessively and have a heart of joy and happiness the likes of which I have not felt since I was a little kid. Sure rejection sucks, but the longer that great quality people stay on the sidelines - the longer we deprive others of getting to know us. I don't know about you, but if I can make one person smile a day, then getting out of bed was damn well worth it.

    So what makes you different? Why are you depriving good people of getting to know the unique and wonderful you?

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    Apr 12, 2010 1:34 AM GMT
    He's Just Not That Into You...and good! He doesn't deserve you. Someone else does.
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    Apr 12, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    johnny9027 saidthere's a muscular guy in our unversity glbt club, and he's masculine and kinda nice, after a few talk we both know each other a bit, then we kinda chat on msn for a few times. And i don't know if he is interested or not, so i try to date him out. So we hang out with a lot of guys one evening, and i try to ask him out and have a private time with him, he said he's not available by then. After a week, i kinda know from some friends that he started dating with another guy after rejectiing me (that's a new guy, not the one he said he was involved), and what annoyed me the most is that the guy he's with is no better than me from any aspects. i know it sounds pathetic for me to say these things here, but i really don't understand and feel frustrated.


    Sometimes people just don't feel attracted to someone, not because of their looks or something specifically about their personality... the something extra they're looking for just isn't there. I know from experience, being what some people would call "picky" haha. Some guys who have had crushes on me are great in every way, but I just don't feel the same way back. I really don't know why... takes a certain something extra.

    I'm sure you're a great guy, just wait until you find someone who sees the something extra in you that they are looking for icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 12, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    maybe, he didn't like your personality
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    Apr 12, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    Everyone says to move on and the someone else will come along. That is very true but when in you are in the situation, it makes it hard to follow this rule of thumb. Time will heal.
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    Apr 12, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    johnny9027 said what annoyed me the most is that the guy he's with is no better than me from any aspects. i know it sounds pathetic for me to say these things here, but i really don't understand and feel frustrated.


    Human connection isn't an objective qualitative analysis. Our worth isn't defined by numerical grades.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Apr 12, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidEveryone says to move on and the someone else will come along. That is very true but when in you are in the situation, it makes it hard to follow this rule of thumb. Time will heal.


    Very true... it's hard to look beyond and see what can be when we're rivited to the current state of misery that rejection brings... I still struggle with it some days. It's hard seeing happy couples holding hands and wanting that and wondering when it will or if it will happen and what you've done wrong.

  • johnny9027

    Posts: 90

    Apr 12, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    Brian1ZX saidOne of the "life's lessons" I have learned recently, and I am sure I have several more coming my way, is that "better" really is a matter of individual opinion. Unlike cars, television sets and real estate, human beings cannot be compared effectively one against another for better or worse and it is disastrous to do so when you are on the receiving end of rejection, something I am very familiar with myself. And yes, I have felt this way even recently. Let me relate a personal experience.

    There is a guy - great looking - that I dearly love and have for some time. He's tall, swimmer built, cute, everything I like in a guy. He rejected me and is dating a feminine hairdresser who does drag and is HIV+. This guy, according to my friend, has no ambition for bettering himself professionally and they drink like a bunch of fish every night of the week at the boyfriend's house.

    I refuse to compare myself to this boyfriend anymore for one very good reason. Doing that is not going to bring me the guy I want and obviously there is something that my loved one sees in this guy that he likes. If I waste one single moment comparing myself to this new boyfriend all I will do is feel like a total loser which is in no way the truth. That I am not a hairdressing drag-queen with a drinking problem doesn't matter. It doesn't make me any "better" in my loved one's eyes. By putting myself on trial here, I automatically de-value the things that make me who I am. I devalue my integrity, I devalue my loyalty, I devalue my self-discipline, and I essentially throw into the garbage pail everything that everyone who ever cared enough to invest in me put there. Do all of these things make me "better"? No - they make me different and the same goes for you.

    Oh, and as an aside... I was carrying a torch for this loved one who is a best friend now... He's also my ex of three years who cheated on me so many times he cannot count the number of sexual partners he had, who was essentially affectionless and is incapable of true love by his own admission.

    Sometimes dodging the bullet is more painful than being shot in the short term - but has far less fatal consequences later. I focus on what I have to offer someone. I am getting into much better shape, I have stopped drinking excessively and have a heart of joy and happiness the likes of which I have not felt since I was a little kid. Sure rejection sucks, but the longer that great quality people stay on the sidelines - the longer we deprive others of getting to know us. I don't know about you, but if I can make one person smile a day, then getting out of bed was damn well worth it.

    So what makes you different? Why are you depriving good people of getting to know the unique and wonderful you?



    thank you for sharing ur experience with me, and i totally agree that everyone is unique and different. Comparing myself to the others in terms of the "lover candidates" is pointless. I think i'm getting over it now, and always be myself is the most effective way to get someone who can appreciate my personal value.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Apr 12, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    johnny9027 said
    Brian1ZX saidOne of the "life's lessons" I have learned recently, and I am sure I have several more coming my way, is that "better" really is a matter of individual opinion. Unlike cars, television sets and real estate, human beings cannot be compared effectively one against another for better or worse and it is disastrous to do so when you are on the receiving end of rejection, something I am very familiar with myself. And yes, I have felt this way even recently. Let me relate a personal experience.

    There is a guy - great looking - that I dearly love and have for some time. He's tall, swimmer built, cute, everything I like in a guy. He rejected me and is dating a feminine hairdresser who does drag and is HIV+. This guy, according to my friend, has no ambition for bettering himself professionally and they drink like a bunch of fish every night of the week at the boyfriend's house.

    I refuse to compare myself to this boyfriend anymore for one very good reason. Doing that is not going to bring me the guy I want and obviously there is something that my loved one sees in this guy that he likes. If I waste one single moment comparing myself to this new boyfriend all I will do is feel like a total loser which is in no way the truth. That I am not a hairdressing drag-queen with a drinking problem doesn't matter. It doesn't make me any "better" in my loved one's eyes. By putting myself on trial here, I automatically de-value the things that make me who I am. I devalue my integrity, I devalue my loyalty, I devalue my self-discipline, and I essentially throw into the garbage pail everything that everyone who ever cared enough to invest in me put there. Do all of these things make me "better"? No - they make me different and the same goes for you.

    Oh, and as an aside... I was carrying a torch for this loved one who is a best friend now... He's also my ex of three years who cheated on me so many times he cannot count the number of sexual partners he had, who was essentially affectionless and is incapable of true love by his own admission.

    Sometimes dodging the bullet is more painful than being shot in the short term - but has far less fatal consequences later. I focus on what I have to offer someone. I am getting into much better shape, I have stopped drinking excessively and have a heart of joy and happiness the likes of which I have not felt since I was a little kid. Sure rejection sucks, but the longer that great quality people stay on the sidelines - the longer we deprive others of getting to know us. I don't know about you, but if I can make one person smile a day, then getting out of bed was damn well worth it.

    So what makes you different? Why are you depriving good people of getting to know the unique and wonderful you?



    thank you for sharing ur experience with me, and i totally agree that everyone is unique and different. Comparing myself to the others in terms of the "lover candidates" is pointless. I think i'm getting over it now, and always be myself is the most effective way to get someone who can appreciate my personal value.


    Exactly... You have too much to offer as a person of immesurable worth to waste one second on someone who doesn't validate you and make you feel amazing for who you are!

    I'm glad to share what happened with me and this struggle I have had - and I do still have bad moments from time to time, but they are going away and the sun shines a hell of a lot more in my world than it doesn't.

    ((((HUG)))) Take care and message me anytime you need to talk or need a friend.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 12, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    Unless it's your identical twin he went for I wouldn't take it too personally. Everyone has different tastes and it has nothing to do with being better than someone else. What's better to him might be worse to you.
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    Soulasphyx saidHe rejected you and is dating someone else. Perhaps it would be a good idea to look else where. Let him have his problems.


    Well said!!
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    im gonna say move on...............
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    Maybe the other guy doesnt whine.
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:15 AM GMT
    he liked the other guy more? happens all the time.
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    My experience from situations such as this is that it's just best to let it go. You can drive yourself crazy analyzing the situation over and over again and that's just drama that you don't need. As somebody else put it, another "bus" will come along but you may overlook it if you're still thinking about the one you missed.
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    Some guys reject those who are too good for them (esteem, jealousy insecurity issues)
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:42 AM GMT

    Why do you need to understand? It's not like he's the last guy on earth..or is he?
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    TempeTiger saidSome guys reject those who are too good for them (esteem, jealousy insecurity issues)


    some guys read desperation, insecurity and clingy natures in others and run the other way.
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    Apr 12, 2010 4:54 AM GMT
    Don't make more out of it than it really is. You tried, you got rejected....you're not the first one to have this happen to them. It sucks and its confusing but that won;t change anything. Don't take it personally, don't take it too much to heart and focus your time on someone who actually appreciates what you have to offer.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Apr 12, 2010 8:05 AM GMT
    Maybe because you were to much into yourself icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 12, 2010 8:19 AM GMT
    Have you gone with everyone who has been hot for you?

    Have you never rejected anyone's affections?

    Maybe he seen more depth in the other guy?