One of the "life's lessons" I have learned recently, and I am sure I have several more coming my way, is that "better" really is a matter of individual opinion. Unlike cars, television sets and real estate, human beings cannot be compared effectively one against another for better or worse and it is disastrous to do so when you are on the receiving end of rejection, something I am very familiar with myself. And yes, I have felt this way even recently. Let me relate a personal experience.
There is a guy - great looking - that I dearly love and have for some time. He's tall, swimmer built, cute, everything I like in a guy. He rejected me and is dating a feminine hairdresser who does drag and is HIV+. This guy, according to my friend, has no ambition for bettering himself professionally and they drink like a bunch of fish every night of the week at the boyfriend's house.
I refuse to compare myself to this boyfriend anymore for one very good reason. Doing that is not going to bring me the guy I want and obviously there is something that my loved one sees in this guy that he likes. If I waste one single moment comparing myself to this new boyfriend all I will do is feel like a total loser which is in no way the truth. That I am not a hairdressing drag-queen with a drinking problem doesn't matter. It doesn't make me any "better" in my loved one's eyes. By putting myself on trial here, I automatically de-value the things that make me who I am. I devalue my integrity, I devalue my loyalty, I devalue my self-discipline, and I essentially throw into the garbage pail everything that everyone who ever cared enough to invest in me put there. Do all of these things make me "better"? No - they make me different and the same goes for you.
Oh, and as an aside... I was carrying a torch for this loved one who is a best friend now... He's also my ex of three years who cheated on me so many times he cannot count the number of sexual partners he had, who was essentially affectionless and is incapable of true love by his own admission.
Sometimes dodging the bullet is more painful than being shot in the short term - but has far less fatal consequences later. I focus on what I have to offer someone. I am getting into much better shape, I have stopped drinking excessively and have a heart of joy and happiness the likes of which I have not felt since I was a little kid. Sure rejection sucks, but the longer that great quality people stay on the sidelines - the longer we deprive others of getting to know us. I don't know about you, but if I can make one person smile a day, then getting out of bed was damn well worth it.
So what makes you different? Why are you depriving good people of getting to know the unique and wonderful you?
