When is enough...enough?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2010 7:11 PM GMT
    I have had so much on my mind lately. It seems the divorce rate for our country is always sky rocketing. No one seems to be happy with who they are with anymore. You hear on the news of John Edwards cheating, Tiger Woods cheating, Sandra Bullock being cheated on, Halley Berry being cheated on in past relationships and etc, the list goes on and on.

    These are just some example we hear about in the news so God only knows whats going on in "real" life. I have a best friend at work and she has a great life with her husband and children. He husband is actually kinda hot where she is overweight but confident and attractive. She is cheating on him like crazy with this one guy. Mainly for emotional reasons I think, but she talks about how great the sex is with the husband and how great it is with the other guy.

    When is enough, enough? It seems we are always looking for the prettier package, the bigger the better, and etc. I think about in the movie "Why did I get Married" and their explanation of the 80/20 rule. Where you might think about cheating but if your in a loving, great relationship why give up the 80 to get the 20?

    This might be the wrong site to post this at as we all admire the gorgeous and beautiful bodies on here. But as we all know as men we love to look at these things or porn still wouldn't be around.

    But when and why do people make the decision to cheat and lie on their spouse they supposedly love and adore and have a life with just to have a few minutes or whatever to get off? When is enough enough?

    How do you know how to trust someone and believe they are being being true to you with all of this instant gratification going on?

    Theres always going to be someone prettier, someone better looking, someone with bigger "body parts" or someone that looks more appealing to the eye....when are we, or are we ever, satisfied with what we have?
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    Apr 12, 2010 8:08 PM GMT
    I think the biggest problem is too much emphasis on 'cheating' - if we were all more open about it it might not be this bad...

    I think cheating - that is doing something that you and your partner decided you would not do - is HORRIBLE. You should never do anything that you wouldn't do if your partner was around. That being said - you should do anything that you are comfortable talking to your partner about. And herein lies the problem.

    If you can tell your partner what you are doing and you are both OK that you are sleeping with other people. Great. If not - then you need to not do it. If there's a disagreement here that is so strong it'd be worth breaking up over - why even 'date' etc in the first place?

    I think it's pathetic so many people don't have the nutsack to do what they can - when they feel a relationship is going down the toilet - to make it better OR, if this isn't possible, to talk things out and make it work - either to break up or find some middle ground.

    It's also pathetic so many 'adults' act like childish pricks that'll do anything they want without thought to consequence both in their life and in lives of people they (once?) love(d). It's a very "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mom!" mentality and it's nasty.

    That being said.. I guess you just need to be as good a judge of character about others when finding a mate. Know that they might fuck up but you need to be open and make it clear that you are willing to listen and if they do something behind your back you need to talk about it - find out why it's happening - and that you would be willing to work with this. People that freeze up and collapse when 'cheating' happens are just as pathetic as the cheaters. Learn to TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    Monogamy is overrated
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    Apr 12, 2010 8:17 PM GMT
    The answer is simple: People aren't honest with themselves.

    Most people who cheat already know that they have those tendencies. Like Cobalt said, they shouldn't even be dating in the first place.

    It's pretty obvious on my profile that I'm the cheating type. But I'm honest enough with myself [and others] to realize that and openly forgo monogamous relationships. It gets me some hate mail here & there; but in the long run it works out for the better 'cause no hearts get broken.
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    Apr 12, 2010 8:24 PM GMT
    I love the constant shtick of gay guys telling other gay guys that cheating is inevitable and always happens.

    Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. It happens because we LET it happen. We are lax to the point of saying that "well, everyone else is doing it" or "well it's his first relationship, so he just needs to get it out of his system." Bull. Shit. It doesn't NEED to happen. It signifies weak character and disrespect for your partner.

    Monogamy is rare... in fact, less than 10% (probably more like 5% in truth) of people in the world / different cultures actually practise it. But for me, it is a must in my relationships and I refuse to give in to these stupid excuses everyone makes.
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    Apr 13, 2010 7:59 AM GMT
    citylife saidI love the constant shtick of gay guys telling other gay guys that cheating is inevitable and always happens.

    Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. It happens because we LET it happen. We are lax to the point of saying that "well, everyone else is doing it" or "well it's his first relationship, so he just needs to get it out of his system." Bull. Shit. It doesn't NEED to happen. It signifies weak character and disrespect for your partner.

    Monogamy is rare... in fact, less than 10% (probably more like 5% in truth) of people in the world / different cultures actually practise it. But for me, it is a must in my relationships and I refuse to give in to these stupid excuses everyone makes.



    thank you!
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Apr 13, 2010 8:15 AM GMT
    snowboarder saidMonogamy is overrated

    no, it is not.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 13, 2010 9:38 AM GMT
    though he would have added enough is enough song-hahaha
    Notice these songs are sung by woman.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2010 10:30 AM GMT
    Cobalt says it great.

    I believe anyone who is not able to control their urges, we are supposed to be able to rationalize and remorse, needs to accept they should not be dating unless they are able communicate that with the other person.

    Honesty and communication.

    And I agree with citylife, "But for me, it is a must in my relationships and I refuse to give in to these stupid excuses everyone makes."

    Talk it out.

  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Apr 13, 2010 11:00 AM GMT
    You can't live your life on what celebrities get up to. What we actually get to know about their lives isn't what is really going on.

    In probability Tiger Woods' wife knew all about his playing away, but had the consolation of a nice big home and lots of financial security. Sandra Bullock is probably a big old lesbian who married for convenience, so of course her sleazy hubbie was finding comfort from other women.

    Let's not be too sympathetic or obssessed about what these highly paid people get up to and use them as some sort of moral compass.

    Now as far as real life goes. There are always going to be people who aren't satisfied with their lot and go looking for someone/something better. These people ulitmately suffer because they'll never be happy. The trick is not to get involved with that sort of person, or try not to be like that yourself. You are the master of your own destiny. It is really up to you to act with dignity, not chase any bit of tail that gives you the eye (especially when you're alrerady invovled with someone) and learn the true fact....

    The green isn't alwasy greener on the other side of the fence.

    Lozx
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    Apr 13, 2010 11:11 AM GMT
    Stories of people who DO NOT cheat rarely make the news.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Apr 13, 2010 11:22 AM GMT
    citylife saidI love the constant shtick of gay guys telling other gay guys that cheating is inevitable and always happens.

    Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. It happens because we LET it happen. We are lax to the point of saying that "well, everyone else is doing it" or "well it's his first relationship, so he just needs to get it out of his system." Bull. Shit. It doesn't NEED to happen. It signifies weak character and disrespect for your partner.

    Monogamy is rare... in fact, less than 10% (probably more like 5% in truth) of people in the world / different cultures actually practise it. But for me, it is a must in my relationships and I refuse to give in to these stupid excuses everyone makes.

    I pretty much agree with what you're saying. I read the OP and before scrolling down, I predicted that there would be a lot of defense of cheating, "monogamy isn't natural", "alter your expectations" responses in this thread. I'm not saying those responses are completely wrong, but without the commitment involved, relationships go down in value, in my opinion. Rare things are always worth more.
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    Apr 13, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    conscienti1984 saidStories of people who DO NOT cheat rarely make the news.
    This is a good point.


    Or rather, they do, but we do not pay any attention to them. Why do you think we watch movies about people killing other people or people gettting killed?

    I think as a society we're saturated in the negative that we sometimes lose sight of the positive.
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    Apr 13, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    Celebrity marriages may not be best representations either... they tend to be a lot high pressure than regular marriages and present their own set of problems.

    Not that cheating is right in ANY situation,
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    Apr 13, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    If you're in a relationship, you simply both have to agree to the terms - and stick to it. If you want changes, you have to man-up and talk about them BEFORE you institute those changes.

    I agree Red - I'm sick of the infidelity too.

    As far as how can you trust someone, well... people disappoint. And before I get tons of hate responses, I'm not saying 'all' people disappoint. The only thing you can do is learn to understand and trust again - someone else. I had a guy cheat on me, continually, and after trying to get to that point of trust again, I just couldn't - not completely. And so I walked away from an 8 year relationship, not all in part of the lack of trust, but it was there.

    But as we move on and enter into other relationships, learning to leave the baggage in the past is something we must do in order for anything new to develop. You can't assume that every guy will treat you the same. But that doesn't make it easy.
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    Apr 13, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    You know what, honestly appraise what you want and need in a relationship, find the closest approximation to that relationship, and work on the difference.

    Other people's relationships are not sign posts for your own relationship or relationships in general. And that is true if they cheat, if they are straight, if they are polyamorous, if they are single. Your relationships are different from everyone else's.

    So stop the dramatic doom and gloom because Tiger Woods fucked women other than his wife.
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    Apr 14, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    I just used the celebrity infidelities as examples of what I was talking about, I also spoke of a friend at work but only I know her, so thats not to relatable.

    It just makes you wonder when is someone enough for anyone, it seems like everyone is always looking for the next big thrill or better looking person or etc.

    There is always going to be someone better looking, bigger muscles and etc, so when is enough enough? When are people really satisfied with the 80% they may have and quit chasing after the 20%?

    Like a friend told me one time....the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but that just means its harder to mow!!!

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    Apr 14, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    Cheating isn't accidental. Cheating is intentional and there's no reason whatsoever to do it.

    People cheat because they want to. For most people it's like a game...a highly addictive game and for others it's an escape from whatever boring life they are living and they figure cheating will spice things up. Whatever the reason, none of them are good. I don't care how good of a person you are or claim to be. If you have to cheat you are automatically a bad person, a person who lacks honesty, integrity and respect for yourself and others in the matters of the heart. It's a weakness and it says that you have no self control in your urges and desires.

    If I ever thought I was going to cheat on my bf or had urges to want someone to the point that I would have to sneak around knowing it would hurt my partner then I would just man up and end the relationship instead of wasting my time and my partners.
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    Apr 14, 2010 1:45 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidCheating isn't accidental. Cheating is intentional and there's no reason whatsoever to do it.
    If I ever thought I was going to cheat on my bf or had urges to want someone to the point that it would my partner then i would just man up and end the relationship instead of wasting my time and my partners.


    This.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 14, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    there is a whole group of gay and lesbians that are NOT for prop8 or gay marriage. they claim just like the straights its a big mess and it never turns out well. interesting point of view. they say half of their straight friends are married and sleeping around and just staying together for kids, then they say, why would us gays want that??

    it made some sense. different point of view.. just sayin icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 14, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    Well then, it comes down to should you wait to find the right person, or compromise, and try to get through the discrepancies? My personal view is that you should find the right person, even if it means having the chance of never finding someone at all; also, if you do compromise, I believe it should be an open relationship, because do you really want to lie to yourself and tell yourself you love him/her, know full well that you don't. Because again, personally, I don't think I could truly be in love with someone who I compromised for.
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    Apr 14, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    *knowing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    also, *? on the second sentence.
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    Apr 14, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    citylife saidI love the constant shtick of gay guys telling other gay guys that cheating is inevitable and always happens.

    Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. It happens because we LET it happen. We are lax to the point of saying that "well, everyone else is doing it" or "well it's his first relationship, so he just needs to get it out of his system." Bull. Shit. It doesn't NEED to happen. It signifies weak character and disrespect for your partner.

    Monogamy is rare... in fact, less than 10% (probably more like 5% in truth) of people in the world / different cultures actually practice it. But for me, it is a must in my relationships and I refuse to give in to these stupid excuses everyone makes.



    Gosh at least someone man up enough to define cheating for what it is and the kind of people who do it! it is refreshing and encouraging to know there are still gay men who not only have self-respect but also respect for others too!! thank you.


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 14, 2010 6:30 AM GMT
    I agree with Aleandro, well said.

    It's about integrity, following the rules even when no one is looking. Betrayal of the heart is the worst thing that someone can do.

    I applaud those that know they are cheaters and don't date guys who want monogamy and I applaud those that open a relationship and follow the rules of that agreement. For those that do monogamy and remain true to that, great. Know what you're about and don't mislead people, especially the ones that love you.