Dreams of a College Crush...

  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Apr 12, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    I had a college crush for a little more than year on a guy, who was either straight or so deeply in the closet that he wouldn't/couldn't bring himself to tell me that he liked me, even thought did things that implied he was interested in me. I use to think about him a lot, but not so much anyone.

    It's been over a year since I've seen him in person, and I've moved on with my life. I think about him from time to time, but nothing consistently. I do, however, seem to dream about him quite a lot. I'll admit it, sometimes they are sexual in nature, but they are very few and far in between. More often than not, he is not the central theme of a dream, he just happens to pop up in it somewhere along the way... and I'll just wake up.

    I had a dream about him about three days ago where I was back at college, and walking down a street - my college was located in an urban area, and there were a ton of people everywhere. Anyways, as I am walking down the street, I happen to look on the other side of the street and see him... and he sees me. Then I just have a ton of memories and thoughts rush into my head... and I wake up... eyes wide open sort of wake up. icon_eek.gif

    More often than not, I just wake up (and can't go back to sleep) after a dream like this, or I don't remember at all until something during the day triggers my memory, then I remember completely. I can be something as trivial and simple as a pen dropping on the floor or seeing a shirt in a window.

    Am I just really bad at getting over people, or have you guys also seemed to have this sort of thing happen to you... years after parting ways?
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    Apr 12, 2010 9:38 PM GMT
    I have one guy who pops up in my dreams and my thoughts while jacking, to be a bit blunt. This guy is from my college years - lived in my neighborhood and we'd sometimes swim laps or lie in the sun naked. We never did anything though, because we were trying to be straight. I'd sneak a look over at his cock and it would be growing a bit or twitching slightly. This would drive me nuts. I think back on this and wish I'd had the stones to put a little lotion on myself (cock included!) and then offer him some. I think about how I could have squeezed a little on his chest and cock - - then said something innocently like, "Here - some lotion so you won't burn." He would have had to rub it in, and then would have noticed me doing the same thing. Then, we'd have been off to the races. What tortures me though, is that I've heard the guy turned out to be gay - and is living somewhere near Sacramento. He was so hot, I'd love to see him again - after all these years.

    Mark from San Marino, California...........if you are reading this.............!!!
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    Apr 12, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    I had my college crush. Well, two of them anyway. icon_biggrin.gif
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Apr 12, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    Ryan, I can really relate to your story! I had 2 major crushes while I was in college and I still think about those guys to this day. (both are straight). All I can tell you is that as time goes by, you will start to think less and less about this guy. Occasionally, something will trigger a memory and I will think of them, but now it is only the good memories, not the 'what if ?' ones. Good luck!
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    Apr 12, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    Ever since I could remember, I've always liked the clean-cut, dark-haired type. In college, such an archetype came true in the form of a (straight) guy named "Jack," who was in my Spanish and Business Management classes. He was a dreeeeeeeeeam to look at!! To give you guys a mental picture, he was a cross between actors George Eads and Chris O'Donnell. Jack spoke in a breathy, airy kind of voice, was medium height (like me), had a nicely haired chest, and was the nicest guy anyone could meet; sometimes shy, mostly quiet, but so strikingly handsome! But despite his quiet demeanor, he was very easy to have a conversation with. And he always dressed up in either a patterned, flannel or white collared shirts and blue jeans -- geez, he would always look so sexy!

    He was also very gay-friendly, too. I remember one time in one of the college's courtyard on a beautiful breezy day, he spoke a bit about his private life, living with a gay roommate, and talking pleasantly about him. No, I didn't get any inklings about him possibly being gay, either, especially since he was with a girl he truly cherished.

    However, that never stopped me from daydreaming in a "What If He Were Gay ..." sort of way, and the kind of future we could possibly have if we were ever boyfriends. Since those college days, he is the one crush I can never shake from my head of the many faces I would encounter over the years. Jack, for me, personified everything I would want in a companion for the years of single-hood I would realistically face to this day. It's just as well ....

    So Ryan: No, it's not bad to keep such crushes in mind, even if it's years and years after they developed. In fact, it's a great thing to treasure in our hearts and minds.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Apr 12, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    Hi Ryan - I had a similar experience to yours although I was younger at the time - it was all through high school that I had a crush on this guy. We were friends and I thought he might have been gay but nothing came of it and I didn't reveal my feelings, after school I lost contact with him for three years, then I got back in touch - he was so excited to hear from me that he drove all the way down the next day to see me! It was so sweet of him. I still had my crush but he had a girlfriend so it was no use trying to pursue him - I'd only have hurt myself and everyone else involved - now we are friends again but I no longer feel the way I used to apart from in the occassional dream and/ or early sleepy awakeness. Once you meet someone you love it will move you right along! Best of luck - you have a very handsome face and a seemingly great personality to match so I'm sure you'll be snapped up very quick!
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    Apr 13, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    I had a guy I had a crush on from 7th grade to the end of senior year in high school. Last I heard he was in grad school at Tulane.

    On a rare occasion I dream of how he looked (long distance runner, tan, slim muscles, no body fat, blonde hair) when we were in high school, and, well...
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    Apr 13, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    Hi Ryan,
    I'd say what you're going through is normal. Look how many guys here (great remembrances) have guys from their past that they remember fondly. I have one I've stayed in touch with. I once loved him - and wished he would turn gay. He was a David Chokachi type (looked sooo much like him) and I wanted him to want me in the same way I wanted him. No matter how much I worked on myself - how great he thought I looked - there was not a chance in Hell he was going to suddenly change teams. I still keep in touch, and we're good friends. He is married to a beautiful blond and has 5 daughters now. Ryan, hopefully some new b.f. in your life will replace those feelings you once had for your friend from the past. This is what has happened to me. The man in my life now (am I lucky) is so amazing that he cleanses my mind of wanting anyone who came before him.

    icon_cool.gif
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Apr 13, 2010 4:21 AM GMT
    CAJock753 saidI have one guy who pops up in my dreams and my thoughts while jacking, to be a bit blunt. This guy is from my college years - lived in my neighborhood and we'd sometimes swim laps or lie in the sun naked. We never did anything though, because we were trying to be straight. I'd sneak a look over at his cock and it would be growing a bit or twitching slightly. This would drive me nuts. I think back on this and wish I'd had the stones to put a little lotion on myself (cock included!) and then offer him some. I think about how I could have squeezed a little on his chest and cock - - then said something innocently like, "Here - some lotion so you won't burn." He would have had to rub it in, and then would have noticed me doing the same thing. Then, we'd have been off to the races. What tortures me though, is that I've heard the guy turned out to be gay - and is living somewhere near Sacramento. He was so hot, I'd love to see him again - after all these years.

    Mark from San Marino, California...........if you are reading this.............!!!


    this isnt a fucking erotic novel... jesus christ keep your fantasies to yourself.
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    Apr 13, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    One of my two college crushes found me and added me today on facebook.
    Then I just realized that his style didnt change at all,fake rapper clothes,big baggy jeans,jewelry (that was cool in my college like 5 years ago).
    Hes like hey bro we should catch up and stuff soon!
    Needless to say,Im Not really interested icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 13, 2010 5:26 AM GMT
    After reading that I'd say the thing you need is CLOSURE. You've moved on with your life, but maybe a subconscious part of your mind still lingers and wonders "what if?" That's probably one factor in the dreams. I'd say, since he was just some dude from college, look him up, and ask him straight up exactly what you always wondered. Just for closure...and who cares if he gets pissed? You are over it right? icon_wink.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Apr 13, 2010 11:46 AM GMT
    Everyone's got that one guy (or two or three) where you desperately wanted something to happen but it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes they creep back up on you. You're only 23, I'm sure when there's more years in between then and now, you won't be thinking about him as much, subconsciously or not.

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    Apr 13, 2010 12:19 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidEveryone's got that one guy (or two or three) where you desperately wanted something to happen but it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes they creep back up on you. You're only 23, I'm sure when there's more years in between then and now, you won't be thinking about him as much, subconsciously or not.

    With time you'll think about him a lot less. You'll have real relationships where the guy you love actually loves you back. Those will give you something much more tangible to think about, something that touches you much more deeply.
    But you'll never forget your college crush just as you'll never forget your college experience. The memory will grow hazy and it won't hurt you to think about it but it's always going to be a part of how you grew up and became the man you are now.
  • captproton

    Posts: 316

    Apr 13, 2010 12:44 PM GMT
    Man, can I relate.

    I decided to take a lifesaving course in college because my plan was to get a job as a lifeguard the following summer.

    There was a guy a year or two ahead of me and I would see him around campus, and even a fleeting glance would make my palms sweat and my heart beat faster.

    I had no idea what his orientation was, although looking back I am sure he was straight. He was really built and had powerful legs that he always seemed to want to show off.

    That first day of class, on my way to the pool, I saw him walking ahead of me. I followed, taking in everything. All of a sudden, I realized he was headed for the pool, too. I caught up with him as he opened the door and mumbled a weak "hello."

    Inside, the instructor paired us off. One on each team would tread water and the other would dive deep and then come up against the other, all the while maintaining some sort of physical contact, and then grab the guy's torso and pull him to the pool's edge.

    In this case, it was my crush who had to tread water and I was so nervous, I almost choked. I swam up to him, noting his huge calves and then slowly brought my hands up along his thighs, his abs, his lats, and finally reached around his neck and pulled him to the edge of the pool.

    He outweighed me by about 30 pounds, so it wasn't easy. But I sure did enjoy that little test of self-control.




  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Apr 13, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the support and stories. I should have added this earlier to give context to my situation - I did tell "Adam" how I felt about him in an email about a month after he graduated. I chose the email option because I wasn't sure I could work up the nerve to wear my feelings on my 'shirt sleeve', or that he would even meet me in person.

    I never received a response to that love letter of sorts, but it was a huge deal for me because "Adam" was the first guy I seriously thought I could/would have a relationship with. He gave so many mixed signals (i.e. staring at me in class, one time choosing the a computer directly across from me so that he could periodically make eye contact over the computer screen when he had close to 150 available computers across the library, sending me emails about class work when I never gave my email address to him, etc.)

    "Adam" did a ton of 'little things', but he would always have an excuse in the event he felt uncomfortable. My friends and even my LGBT politics professor said something much more complicated was going on - ha, one of my old roommates is the one who suggested he liked me since I didn't see that way at the time.

    "Adam" is the only person that I've felt could see through me, and I apparently did the same to him since he wouldn't make eye contact long before darting off somewhere else. I use to think he was trying to intimidate me since we were taking undergrad law-related classes together (the adversarial kind), but I eventually concluded I saw something in him he didn't want me to see.

    I saw him in the audience at my own graduation ceremony a few months after I sent that email (he graduated in May... I graduated in December). I don't think he was there for me, but for a frat brother. I was so incredibly uncomfortable knowing that I dumped my feelings on someone that did nothing to tell me how he felt. I didn't talk to him while he was there... I didn't see him at the post-ceremony reception. In a way, I was a little depressed and angry at him, so I was glad I didn't have that uncomfortable moment... it may not have been the best time to chat.

    I have been contemplating going to law school, but I don't think I'll go because of $$$ issues, and partly because of the economy. I recently discovered that he is currently attending my #1 choice for law school... and probably the one school I stand the best chance of getting into. I swear, the more I try to move on, the more this guy hangs around... even if in a small way.

    I know he has a Facebook account, and I still have the emails I sent him... and the ones he sent me. It's been close to a year since I've sent that email telling him how I felt. Following up at this point seems pointless and somewhat OCD. I don't want him to think I'm a creep... and honestly, I think we are just not a good match - even if he is gay.

    We come from two very different realities, and have two different world views. Maybe I was just lonely and saw what I wanted to see in him. I've moved on with life... and I've even considered dating other people during my last semester at college, but nothing evolved from those relationships. Maybe my head has moved on, but my heart is seriously dragging its heels on this one...
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Apr 14, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    I think you just answered a lot of your own questions as it were, but I'll chip in and say, if you want / can go to law school and it happens to be the same law school he's going to then don't let that fact stop you from going!
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Apr 15, 2010 8:03 PM GMT
    hdurdinr saidI think you just answered a lot of your own questions as it were, but I'll chip in and say, if you want / can go to law school and it happens to be the same law school he's going to then don't let that fact stop you from going!


    yeah, you're right... I guess I need a BF. It's not like they are every where in SC. Most tend to be in the closet to everyone... sometimes to themselves