Can self esteem/confidence determine sexual attractiveness?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    What if you met an awesome looking guy but he lacked confidence/self esteem in himself would it turn you off sexually?

    and like wise if you met an average looking guy but was self confident and a high self esteem would that turn you on even though he was just average?

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    Apr 13, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    redbull saidWhat if you met an awesome looking guy but he lacked confidence/self esteem in himself would it turn you off sexually?

    I've been told point-blank that it's a turn off. I have virtually no self esteem and a self-deprecating sense of humor (bad combo), so I talk and joke about myself a lot. I've had guys get aggravated with me and tell me to stop, because it's a not funny and a big turn off.


    redbull saidand like wise if you met an average looking guy but was self confident and a high self esteem would that turn you on even though he was just average?

    The so-called average guys are my favorite, and when they're comfortable in their own skin and radiate confidence, it's pretty appealing (not that I'd ever approach them, I just find it attractive).

    But, the times I've had guys start emails or IM's with, "I know I'm not your type...." or "You probably aren't interested in someone like me..." it's like I lose interest instantly, when I otherwise would have been...
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    Apr 14, 2010 12:16 AM GMT
    Yes but it can go either way. Im very VERY attracted to hot guys with low self esteem. I want to take care of them icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 14, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    Low self-esteem is a complete turn off for me. Be happy with you are and what you've become - be congruent.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 14, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    Confidence (provide it doesn't become arrogance) is very attractive. It makes an average looking guy above average and without can make an attractive looking guy less attractive.

    Confidence is gained by work, effort, successes and accomplishments based on that work and effort. If I were going to date someone, this is
    one trait that would make a difference.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Apr 14, 2010 12:54 AM GMT
    naivenewbie saidYes but it can go either way. Im very VERY attracted to hot guys with low self esteem. I want to take care of them icon_smile.gif


    I would chat you up but I'm too ascared.
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    Apr 14, 2010 12:56 AM GMT
    Yes it can and no it can't.

    It can be the indicator of a great person, unafraid of being themselves, magnanimous and uncaring of others when demonstrating affection, and wearing the courage of their conviction when it comes to love for another.

    It can also be the mark of a vain, self-centered, cold and callous control freak.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    Confidence is hot no mater who it is . Confident in life , Confident in bed .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is not. Lack of confidence is not, either. But it does depend on other factors as well.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 14, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    jaydub saidLow self-esteem is a complete turn off for me. Be happy with you are and what you've become - be congruent.


    yup. well said. i agree with jaydub
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    Apr 14, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    I don't think I have low self esteem but when I first started dating guys, I had this feeling that I wasn't as attractive as most of the guys I hung out with. I had more than one tell me that one of the things that attracted them to me was that I didn't consider myself "hot".

    I, for one, consider modesty to be a really attractive characteristic. And yes, I know, modesty and self confidence are not mutually exclusive.
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    Apr 14, 2010 2:13 AM GMT
    Does no one else think low self esteem is a turn on? Theres plenty of confident hot guys out there but the non confident ones are a better catch. There emotions are like a project you want to invest time into, try and know why they feel the way they do. It can only lead to a deeper connection, deeper love. Confidence is so overrated. Most hot guys are overly confident, we need more self doubting, semi self loathing hotties for me to nurture haha. If that sounds like you, give me a shouticon_smile.gif
  • westdave

    Posts: 212

    Apr 14, 2010 3:13 AM GMT
    I am attracted to men who are self confidant and have high self esteem...I am not attracted to men who are arrogant and cynical...
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    Apr 14, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    A guy with confidence,and unbridled generosity and humility and vulnerability wins every time for me. Give me eyes that smile with confidence and I melt.
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    Apr 14, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    redbull saidWhat if you met an awesome looking guy but he lacked confidence/self esteem in himself would it turn you off sexually?

    and like wise if you met an average looking guy but was self confident and a high self esteem would that turn you on even though he was just average?

    No, Yes
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Apr 14, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    I think everyone has insecurities, but when you allow it to control your behavior, there's a problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    I like guys who are confident, sure. It most definitely makes them more attractive to me. Absolutely. There is something 'easy' about their personality when that is the case...
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    Apr 14, 2010 3:44 AM GMT
    RPMSoccer saidI like guys who are confident, sure. It most definitely makes them more attractive to me. Absolutely. There is something 'easy' about their personality when that is the case...


    Yeah right?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Apr 14, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    I have a tendency to....hmmm....I'm not sure if it's insecurity.

    Example:


    Recently I was out at the bars with some good friends. A very nice looking guy starts heading my way so I just assumed he needed to get to the bar so I excused myself and turned out of the way so he could make his way to the bar. Actually, he came up to chat with me.

    Oh yeah, and when a guy looks at me, waves or winks across the bar I invariably turn around to see who he is waving at. It's actually pretty funny and my friends get a big kick out of how clueless I am sometimes.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    ....I sorta like people who have low self-esteem. I love being the person that can build someone up. I know, I'm weird. Or I'm just young. LOL

    I like people with high self-esteem, too, don't get me wrong.
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    Apr 14, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    Soulasphyx said....I sorta like people who have low self-esteem. I love being the person that can build someone up. I know, I'm weird. Or I'm just young. LOL
    Awesome im not alone
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    Apr 14, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    redbull saidWhat if you met an awesome looking guy but he lacked confidence/self esteem in himself would it turn you off sexually?

    and like wise if you met an average looking guy but was self confident and a high self esteem would that turn you on even though he was just average?


    Oh hell yeah to both questions
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    I've meet very attractive people who lacked confidence/self esteem who seemed to pull it off just fine. In fact their lack of those particular qualities made them more attractive.

    It's all about the person and situational scenarios I guess. Depending on the person and my mood I can find it either attractive or very ugly.
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    Apr 14, 2010 4:30 AM GMT
    I think I just like steem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2010 4:34 AM GMT
    Yes to all