Gay men..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2008 3:57 PM GMT
    Can being gay make someone socially retarded? I've noticed around my college campus that some of the guys i suspect to be gay -esp the masc. ones (one of them even came out to me) share one social trait: they are asocial, walk with their eyes on the floor, and talk inaudibly, earbuds constantly plugged in the ear, avoid eye contact, stern demeanor... . Is this common, and if it is, does it eventually dissipate as they grow older. Were any of you ever like that in your dark days in the closet?
    RE: The college is conservative, small and the students (most of them) super homophobic.
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    Jan 26, 2008 4:07 PM GMT
    I went to college at a campus that was shared with a Simenary offering doctorates of religeon. Damn !!! talk about conservative !!! At that time no-one would dare talk of being homosexual, so any "gays" were tightly closeted, or moved to California to go to college where there was more openess. Myself, I stayed extra active and was very outgoing, I look back and it was a cover in a way. Sounds like the group your talking about is kind of sad. Maybe you should quietly get a group started so they can LOOSEN UP. Wish you the best, I've been there in many ways.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jan 26, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    the environment of course can have an affect on people's behavior, but it sounds like way too small a sample to make any generalizations about gays, or gays at your school... especially since you're not sure that they are gay. In fact, maybe you are just assuming that all the shy, asocial guys are gay, when in fact they are simply just shy and asocial.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jan 26, 2008 7:41 PM GMT
    Sahidy saidThanks Hunter9 and RLD... But ignoring the title (it's only meant to arrest your attention), i guess my questions should be these: How does staying in the closet affect your social life? Is there a correlation between asocial behavior and being gay and deep in the closet/ living in denial? i am trying to assess it from a purely pscychological standpoint. I for one is very reticent. Trying to get basic info about me - say like what's on my life itinerary - is like trying to squeeze out blood from a guava. Is it inborn trait or is gay very much answerable?


    Well, first of all, you need to make sure and separate the two groups of people: being gay and being in the closet. Homosexuality has ZERO affect on personality and socialability. However, when one is in the closet, you need to alter your actions in order to protect yourself... this can result in potential asocial behavior.

    There is no one answer to how being in the closet affects your social life. It will be different for each person. For me, I had to avoid all situations where I had to be in potential "sexual" situations with girls. This meant not going to parties, dances, social gatherings, etc.

    As an aside, I really hope English is a second language for you... which if so, your English is great. If you're native US, really, you need some improvement on your writing skills.
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    Jan 27, 2008 12:06 AM GMT
    Social unacceptance is a powerful thing until you build your confidence up enough not to care so much about everyone else. You build your own life and make your own way.

    Maybe some people have a harder time accepting who they are and wondering if they will be accepted so the less they communicate and open themselves up the less chance of someone figuring them out.

    I have an ex that will be 40 this year and he still is not out. His own mother has even told him she knows he is & to just tell her, but he still denies it.

    Some people are probably just shy but to be ridiculed and to risk being a total outcast, some people try to be "invisible" if you will to avoid the confrontation and the fear of someone figuring them out.
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    Jan 27, 2008 5:53 AM GMT
    Sahidy saidCan being gay make someone socially retarded? I've noticed around my college campus that some of the guys i suspect to be gay -esp the masc. ones (one of them even came out to me) share one social trait: they are asocial, walk with their eyes on the floor, and talk inaudibly, earbuds constantly plugged in the ear, avoid eye contact, stern demeanor... . Is this common, and if it is, does it eventually dissipate as they grow older. Were any of you ever like that in your dark days in the closet?
    RE: The college is conservative, small and the students (most of them) super homophobic.


    Being in high school you just described about 3-4 men that I tagged on my gaydar, and a couple months later 3/4 of them had come out to either me or someone else that I heard it from.

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    Jan 27, 2008 6:31 AM GMT
    Its called "trying to blend in", and many times it involves a certain level of fear and possibly self-esteem issues. The earbuds thing is just another device to use as a wall between self and everyone else and is a direct result of modern technology. Avoiding eye contact is a pre-emptive posture, lest their eyes linger too long on the eyes of another guy, thereby giving themselves away as being gay. Its all survival mechanisms and body language.

    There was a time that I walked around like that, and in certain environments where I feel threatened, I'll revert to the stern demeanor as a first line of defense. The difference now is that I never look down when I'm walking... always straight ahead with my head high... and I never avoid eye contact.

    Hopefully, they'll eventually gain the self-esteem and confidence to present themselves to the world with their heads high. At their current age and given the environment on campus, I wouldn't expect it to change any time soon.
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    Jan 28, 2008 6:09 AM GMT
    To the contrary, I'm amazed at how intelligent masc gays seem to be, especially when compared to straight jocks. icon_smile.gif

    And I'd hazard a guess that most of the guys here weren't very social or even happy back in their teens.
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    Jan 28, 2008 2:23 PM GMT
    being closeted actually hasn't affected the way i act much at all. except for, like Hunter said, i do avoid majority o sexuality with chicks. i pretty much do my thing the same wayi normally would. i still dance, i still flirt with girls(this isn't on purpose. apparently it just happens), i flirt with guys (more so on purpose, but no one seems to ever effin pick up on it).

    the people who i have come out to ask me if things are gonna change. and i really hope not. but i have noticed that some masc guys are social retards. wait. the football team. oh shit that's right. they ARE. i think the masc closeted guys might have more of an issue cuz they don't fit in with the flamboyant guys, and are afraid of not being accepted by the masc guys, so why set themselvves up for failure and befriend either? there's a chance i've been setting myself up for this failure of friend loss post graduation. but i at least know i have some friends who'll stick around.

    and my school, 1800-2000 students. i found out this weekend that my sister met some people from here. and they know me... i have no clue who they are. so word can spread exceptionally fast.