Miss my Ex...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:50 AM GMT
    I miss my ex bf whom cheated on me and made me extremely depressed. We've been broken up for about 3 years now and have literally no contact.


    I'm in a relationship and LOVE my bf, just miss my ex

    Wtfs wrong with me ?!?!
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Apr 17, 2010 11:21 AM GMT
    You need to have aggressive, Hateful, sweaty, rough, hair pulling, amazing, hurtful fucking sex with your ex, or someone you don't know just think of your ex while doing it and all your hurt will be gone, well it helps.
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    Apr 17, 2010 12:32 PM GMT
    Don't sweat it. It'll pass eventually.
    I sometimes miss my ex who did the same thing... but then I realize that what I miss (i.e., the companionship, the things we thought were funny, the sex, etc.) I will eventually find with someone else... someone who actually WANTS to be with me.
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    Apr 17, 2010 12:40 PM GMT
    This guy made you hurt, and depressed, and you still have feelings for him.

    This is because the relationship ended on a bad note. You still think you can win him back and make him love you better.

    Sweetheart, the world doesn't revolve that way.

    Enjoy the pain, because it won't be the last time you feel it.
    The pain of breaking up is part of living, and definitely part of the gay world. Once you learn to let yourself be hurt and add that as part of the whole loving experience, you will end up being a much better partner to someone else who knows the deal.

    I can guarantee you that all of the guys here that are in loving, trusting and long-term relationships have already gone through those "baby-step" relationships where we hurt each other.

    Move on, learn, and be better and ready for the next big love of your life.

    love cronks xx
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    Apr 17, 2010 12:45 PM GMT
    You can miss him, just don't do anything about it... that's where it crosses the line. Don't set your boyfriend up for that heartache.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Apr 17, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    Sounds like you never were able to acheive closure on that relationship, which is one of the things that makes moving on a lot easier. I know where you're coming from, since my ex and I had a very bad breakup with no contact thereafter, and it's taken a long time to heal those wounds--much longer than if there had been some type of real closure. For the sake of your current relationship, though, I'd recommend talking to a therapist to get some help on ways to come to terms with your feelings about your ex. Otherwise, it's not fair to your BF.
  • mrcpu1

    Posts: 51

    Apr 17, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    It's not uncommon to miss your ex. I do too from time to time and it's been 10 years. Me and my ex are best friends now, (and no not BF w/Benefits). We spent 10 wonderful years together and he's actually in my will.

    My husband is best friends with his ex, he comes over from time to time to have dinner with his husband. It may seem odd to some people.

    Our breakups with our ex's were for different reasons, however, it wasn't the kicking, hair pulling, I'm gonna kill you type divorce either.

    It's different for everyone, if you are emotionally torn up inside, seek some counseling, they may have ideas for closure. Don't let your past haunt your present and jeopardize your future.
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    Apr 17, 2010 3:24 PM GMT

    Well, I can't say this has ever happened to me because whenever a relationship ended I knew why and made sure I remembered it very, very clearly.
    What you could do is sit down and remember every heartache and heartbreak. Make a list if you want. Spare no details.
    Imagine the awful stuff that went on and then imagine yourself back in that situation, only it's today, an agonizing tortuous today with a philanderer and you never met the guy you're with now. In fact, he's happily with someone else.

    Meanwhile you, on the other hand, are deep in depression with a man that's cheating on you, for starters. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

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    Apr 17, 2010 4:54 PM GMT

    WTFS wrong with you??? You asking???

    Get on You tube find Barbara Streisand " the way we were" play it

    Then print out Meninlove's post to you put it on a magnet on your Frig and snap back to reality.

    Those young kids meninlove are pretty bright! You'll be fine!

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    Apr 17, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    What meninlove said is... to the point. Something that a lot of people who get taken away with feelings for an ex don't want to hear, but really need to face.

    The most important advice I can give anyone.. for any situation.. is that you need to dissect things and figure out what it is you want, and then you need to be honest with yourself, and others about what that is.
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    Apr 17, 2010 7:24 PM GMT
    my ex lied and chated on me a few times. for two years after we broke up i missed the hell out of him and would have done just about anything to have him back. Til it dawned on me that in the three years we were together he never once pushed me to be a better person. not once did he try and talk me out of my bad habbits. so now im a much better person with out him in my life. be happy with the man you got in your life now. hes an ex for a reason bro
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    Apr 17, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    Wow... thanks for the great advice guys, especially Men InLove. It definitely put's things it's a different perspective.

    I guess I just miss how we have no contact what so ever. It's for the best I suppose, some days I feel tempted to txt him/call him and just say whats up, I'd like to do that with out the recourse of contacting him and potentially upsetting my current bf, whom does not deserve that...

    I dunno what to do I'm a fool for missing him, hard to let go of your first love...
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    Apr 17, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
    Hey FallOut3, here's another excercise or two...and these are EXERCISES, not a reflection on you, OK?



    ...You log in to realjock and you see a post by your current BF...

    It says that he doesn't know what to do, He says that his BF is still stuck on his ex 1st bf that lied and cheated and made life miserable.

    Then your bf asks everyone here if he should stay or let the bf that's still hung up on his ex go....

    ***********************************

    Another scenario is this....you log onto realjock and your current BF has started a topic wondering about HIS ex. Your current BF's ex hurt him badly and even though it's been a few years, still misses him even when he's with you.

    lol, I hope I'm not loading up your plate, but these kind of exercises worked very well for me in getting over bad relationships. They also helped me re-orient and center myself so I didn't mess up a current Good Thing.

    a hug! -Doug

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    Apr 17, 2010 10:34 PM GMT
    it all comes down to one thing : "What are you worth?"
    Don't sacrifice your self respect.
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    Apr 17, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    When they're gone - they're gone. A message to my ex: Sorry dear. There just wasn't going to be any big settlement for you.. Your little extortion attempt fell flat on the judge's ears and he dismissed it. Ah. No real money from me! Oh my, you might just have to break up your day and go out and work!! That will be tough. How does one work at a job when he has to shop, play tennis, get to the spa, work out, shop some more, have lunch with friends, and then go home and get ready for cocktails at 3? It isn't fair! There just isn't TIME in your day for working! And NO settlement from me. What ever will you do???
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    Apr 18, 2010 7:06 AM GMT
    FallOut3 saidI miss my ex bf whom cheated on me and made me extremely depressed. We've been broken up for about 3 years now and have literally no contact.


    I'm in a relationship and LOVE my bf, just miss my ex

    Wtfs wrong with me ?!?!


    I understand where you're coming from, and it's normal that you miss your ex no matter what he did to you because you loved him (I'm guessing. )

    There's no need to tell yourself how bad he treated you or forget about him in order to move on. Once you accept the fact that you loved him, you'll be able to see your ex as a part of you as well as appreciate your current relationship.
    Love yourself, your boyfriend, and your past. I think it's rather liberating.

    I got this advice from another member on here when I was going through a difficult time myself.
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    Apr 18, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    FallOut3 saidI miss my ex bf whom cheated on me and made me extremely depressed. We've been broken up for about 3 years now and have literally no contact.


    I'm in a relationship and LOVE my bf, just miss my ex

    Wtfs wrong with me ?!?!


    seriously wtf.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2010 7:10 AM GMT
    Don't get drunk and text him. Then he'll shoot you down and you'll be depressed and pathetic. Not that this happened to me last night at around 10 PM or anything.
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    Apr 18, 2010 7:11 AM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidDon't sweat it. It'll pass eventually.
    I sometimes miss my ex who did the same thing... but then I realize that what I miss (i.e., the companionship, the things we thought were funny, the sex, etc.) I will eventually find with someone else... someone who actually WANTS to be with me.




    What you're feeling is Separation Anxiety. I'm dealing with this myself recently too... I've seen other guys since my ex but there are just moments when I miss what had (I realize this now) but not him. Once you realize that it makes things much easier.
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    Apr 18, 2010 7:42 AM GMT
    there is something called the betrayal bond>>>>>

    Signs indicating a Betrayal Bond:

    1) When everyone around you has strong negative reactions, yet you continue covering up, defending or explaining a relationship.

    2) When there is a constant pattern of nonperformance and yet you continue to believe false promises

    3) When there are repetitive, destructive fights that nobody wins

    4) When others are horrified by something that has happened to you and you are not

    5) When you obsess over showing someone that he or she is wrong about you, your relationship or the person's treatment of you

    6) When you feel stuck because you know what the other person is doing is destructive but believe you cannot do anything about it

    7) When you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that are damaging to others

    icon_cool.gif When you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you with the desire of converting them to a non-abuser

    9) When someone's talents, charisma or contributions cause you to overlook destructive, exploitive or degrading acts

    10) When you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust, like or care for that person

    11) When you find yourself missing a relationship, even to the point of nostalgia and longing, that was so awful it almost destroyed you

    12) When extraordinary demands are placed upon you to measure up as a way to cover up that you've been exploited

    13) When you keep secret someone's destructive behavior toward you because of all the good they have done or the importance of their position or career

    14) When the history of your relationship is about contracts or promises that have been broken and that you are asked to overlook
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2010 8:13 AM GMT
    I have been not been with my ex since last May. He was my first love and bf. I had been with guys before him, just never fell in love. I am about 90 over him. I saw him out the other day and he came up to me and we talked for about 30 min. I actually had no feelings for him, but from time to time I do miss certain things. I wish that would go away, but I dont think it will. I am finally starting to get comfortable with me.
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    Apr 18, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidYou need to have aggressive, Hateful, sweaty, rough, hair pulling, amazing, hurtful fucking sex with your ex, or someone you don't know just think of your ex while doing it and all your hurt will be gone, well it helps.
    I agree wholeheartedly. It helps even if you don't miss your ex. Actually it's just fucking fun. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 18, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like there's two things going on.
    1. You never got closure on the relationship.
    2. Your ex did/provided something (sexually or not) that your current b.f. doesn't and you miss it but don't want to address it because your afraid it will upset your current b.f.