Is the gym guy gay/flirting? Help!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    I have a question:

    For almost a year now I have been exchanging eye contact with a guy in my gym. At first I just thought it was some dude looking at me. Nothing more. Then when I began to think about it I realised it was very often. We are both obviously shy and when I say eye contact, I mean looking at each other quite often and then darting our eyes away when we realise the other is looking. We had never spoken and at times it has seemed as if he is going to say something. This has gone on and on for months. Sometimes we would see each other in the changing rooms and glance, making sure we had locked eyes. Usually when one of us was leaving. This has happened in the street a few times, even in big crowds. It seems we always notice one another.

    Fast forward 6 months and I almost gave up as nothing had ever been said between us. I started going at different times and would rarely see him. When I did, the same things would happen. Now I have changed jobs again and my gym hours are similar to his so its all started once more. My confidence has grown and it went from us having eye contact to him giving a small smile and wording 'hi' to me. I would just raise my eyebrows in acknowledgement. Now I have began to say hello back to him and smiling. He seems receptive of this and always greets me back with a hello and smile. I know it sounds stupid but is this just a straight guy saying hello or does it sound like there is something else going on? Is he flirting? Does he want to speak to me further? Am I barking mad?

    The first time I said hello and smiled he immediately text someone on his phone and then it rang, he left the gym to talk which he never does. Is this connected? Maybe he is thinking exactly the same about all this as me.

    The reason for this message is I cannot get this out of my head, it seems there is something in it and this is simply not going away...
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    Apr 17, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    If only every gym regular who recognizes me with a glance or a quick hi and a smile were flirting... It's called recognition. A yearlong dance? If you've been giving off any signals that you're "receptive" chances are if he were gay he'd have picked up on it and done something by now.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidIf only every gym regular who recognizes me with a glance or a quick hi and a smile were flirting... It's called recognition. A yearlong dance? If you've been giving off any signals that you're "receptive" chances are if he were gay he'd have picked up on it and done something by now.


    Its not as black and white as that. He does it with no one else in the gym and he smiles at no one else. Me also for that matter. I understand the difference between someone recognising me and constant eye contact or something else... What the something else is, is anyones guess. I do not have the eye/smiling/saying hello thing anyone else, even people I know there. Its strange. He seems extremely shy which doesn't help matters. I guess I am just looking for a general consensus of opinions. Thank you for yours.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:24 PM GMT

    Next time you seem him flatter him by telling him you admire his technique and could use a tip...or twoicon_eek.gif The best way to get past the smiles, raising eyebrows and awkward Hi's is to make move. The worst that can happen is nothing at all.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:27 PM GMT
    Not to be too harsh on the OP, but this is only the 17th thread on exactly the same question.
    And the answer is always the same. Start a brief conversation. If you go to the gym every day there is a plethora of gym stuff to talk about -- the weights, the equipment, the annoying music, some new workout routine he's doing that you might want to try, etc. You can then detect if there's any vibe.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:32 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidNot to be too harsh on the OP, but this is only the 17th thread on exactly the same question.
    And the answer is always the same. Start a brief conversation. If you go to the gym every day there is a plethora of gym stuff to talk about -- the weights, the equipment, the annoying music, some new workout routine he's doing that you might want to try, etc. You can then detect if there's any vibe.


    Is there... Excuse my ignorance!
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:46 PM GMT

    TexDef07 Cut the kid some slack. It's His 1st day at a new school, prepared for class and already abused by the Sr. Jock. icon_twisted.gif Welcome to Rjicon_eek.gif
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:49 PM GMT
    You’re excused.

    After over 6 months I finally have a gym crush, the long glances, overtly staring. I can’t wait to get back.
    The game is fun: the dynamics—who is fooling whom.
    There’s the Mon/Wed guy and the Tue/Thurs guy; are they str8? I don’t care. Do I want to get to know them, god no. Just keep motivating me.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:52 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    TexDef07 Cut the kid some slack. It's His 1st day at a new school, prepared for class and already abused by the Sr. Jock. icon_twisted.gif Welcome to Rjicon_eek.gif

    I didn't mean to bash the OP. As a newbie he couldn't be expected to have the encyclopedic knowledge of past thread topics that those of us have who've been spending way too much time on this site. icon_cool.gif

    Sorry Chelsea and good luck.
    Try a little convo at the water fountain and see what happens.
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    Apr 17, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    Next time you seem him flatter him by telling him you admire his technique and could use a tip...or twoicon_eek.gif The best way to get past the smiles, raising eyebrows and awkward Hi's is to make move. The worst that can happen is nothing at all.


    this.
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    Apr 17, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    chelsea_28 said
    ...He does it with no one else in the gym and he smiles at no one else...


    Well why didn't you say so? Sounds like maybe something is going on after all. By any chance could you be the only person who smiled at him, even subconciously? Sometimes guys don't get smiled at because they look intimidating (gymface) and maybe you broke through. Take everyone's advice and talk to the man. I was in a similar situation recently, and in the locker room winged it and in as uncreepy a way as I could muster I just asked him if he'd gotten leaner in the last few months or if it was my imagination. That springboarded into a friendly, completely non-sexual conversation about cutting that led to nothing except being able to greet each other by name, but that was better than always wondering whether there was some other kind of chemistry between us
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14348

    Apr 17, 2010 8:49 PM GMT
    I have learned a long time ago that when I go to the gym, it is for the purpose of working out and getting fit. I am not there to flirt with the guys or to gossip. However, if a hot, muscular guy expresses interest in me I will return the interest by saying hello and trying to get to know the man. But most of the time I mind my own damn business and do what I am supposed to do at the gym that is pumping iron and getting fit.
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    Apr 18, 2010 1:22 PM GMT
    The same thing is happening to me this last few weeks, but the problem is that I'm too damn shy to say anything so I mind my own bussines and secretly glance at him.
    P.S. also I'm wearing contacts so even if he was looking at me I might not see iticon_cry.gif
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    Apr 18, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    I NEVER get any flirting goin on at the gym I go to , just alot of old people icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 18, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    Just walk up to him and start groping his muscles. You'll find out if he has a crush. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 18, 2010 1:39 PM GMT
    A YEAR????? FTS!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 18, 2010 1:42 PM GMT
    I have been aware of this kind of thing, but usually its more brazen or its really nothing. If I were you I'd initiate a safe conversation about your workouts. NOW is the perfect time.... you've made changes in your gym workout hours.
    Pull him aside and ask him a few questions. Tell him you've changed hours with work and are changing up your workout routine. Mention what you've done before and what your thinking about. If you want to take the safe road for the moment, just tell him, "well I know you've been in here for months and use the same equipment, what do you use and why". Knowing me, we'd be talking for some time about it.... and its absolutely a reasonable thing to ask.

    Go from there!
    icon_wink.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 18, 2010 1:45 PM GMT
    Conversate .... It ain't a word

    But it gets the point across
    talk to the dude and you'll get your answer soon enuf icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
    I have had a similiar situation at my gym between a big much more built guy and me. He is just a little bit over my height, blonde military cut hair, big shoulders, arms, and back, medium chest, and the rest is small except he has a really really nice ass, as he only works his shoulders mainly.
    We do both exchange looks, long looks, and he even comes and works out beside me just to look and then goes away. This looking dance has been going on for almost a year as well. I felt stupid for not saying anything but were are human and I am tired coming from work to the gym. I caught the right time to talk to him in the locker room one day about golf on TV and Tiger Woods. He seemd nice and we talked for maybe about 2 minutes. That was it we went back to the staring dance ever since.
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    Apr 28, 2010 8:29 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the great advice guys. It has helped. We have got to speaking terms... I am pretty sure there is something in this. We have the most intimate stares when we pass each other. I have come to realise that I need to trust my gut feeling with this one and no just the one in my briefs. All the signs are there and I need to read them correctly. No straight guy would keep looking, smiling, raising his eyebrows (a sign of attraction apparently) and wording 'hello's" to another obviously gay guy. Especially not for a year. He even said "see you soon" the last time we past each other as I was leaving. So I am pretty happy... Just need to have a proper conversation now!
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Apr 28, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    chelsea_28 saidThanks for all the great advice guys. It has helped. We have got to speaking terms... I am pretty sure there is something in this. We have the most intimate stares when we pass each other. I have come to realise that I need to trust my gut feeling with this one and no just the one in my briefs. All the signs are there and I need to read them correctly. No straight guy would keep looking, smiling, raising his eyebrows (a sign of attraction apparently) and wording 'hello's" to another obviously gay guy. Especially not for a year. He even said "see you soon" the last time we past each other as I was leaving. So I am pretty happy... Just need to have a proper conversation now!


    Yeah, I say go for it. I've been in this situation a few times as well. The constant attention, the long stares and raising of the eyebrows stuff was always a hint. There's something there! Talk to him casually and get to know him before its too late. The guy at my gym doesn't work there anymore so it completely sucks, lol, cause he was fine.
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    Apr 30, 2010 7:45 PM GMT
    So I did it! I finally spoke to him. I introduced myself and asked how we was. We shook hands and he was grinning throughout. I was not expecting him to be so receptive and I have no doubt in my mind now that for a year we have been heavily flirting. I was worried he was not gay... a straight dude would not act the way he did when I spoke to him. I now know his name. I was super confident and told him it was lovely to meet him, he answered the same and I left... roll on the next time I see him!

    Do I ask him out or is it his turn to make a move?
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    Apr 30, 2010 8:01 PM GMT
    chelsea_28 said

    Do I ask him out or is it his turn to make a move?


    you do what comes naturally.
  • jon92027

    Posts: 25

    Apr 30, 2010 9:04 PM GMT
    Best of Luck to You-

    If it doenst turn out to be anything real, at least you have an IGB (Imaginary Gym Boyfriend), a cute guy that you see at the gym and you can have a little fantasy. I am happily married and I have one or two. Sometimes they canm inspire you to get to the gym when you dont feel like working out, just in hopes that you may get to see him
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    Apr 30, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    jon92027 saidBest of Luck to You-

    If it doenst turn out to be anything real, at least you have an IGB (Imaginary Gym Boyfriend), a cute guy that you see at the gym and you can have a little fantasy. I am happily married and I have one or two. Sometimes they canm inspire you to get to the gym when you dont feel like working out, just in hopes that you may get to see him


    Its gone past that point. We have had the most intense eye contact, smiling, general chemistry for over a year now. Now we have begun to speak to each other and I have finally introduced myself, well, it feels a little more that anything imaginary! It feels right between us. Something is syncing if that makes sense. So yes, its a little more than just a gym fantasy! Its turning out to be very real indeed.