"Dear John" letters...do you respond?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:31 PM GMT
    Dear Abby,
    I was informed in an e-mail on April 13, 2010, that my now former boyfriend, was breaking it off with me, after about 10 months. He gave many (BS!) reasons and was all too happy to "take the blame", but I am still in shock and really sad and trying to reconcile what happened to how I feel....but I haven't responded to his e-mail yet. Do you respond or do you just move on without comment...I am hurt and a little angry that I was lied to and then "blindsided", but I hope there is more to the story than what I was told i his e-mail....It was his vacation to Phoenix...(you guys in Phoenix are just too hot for your own good! :lolicon_smile.gif
    I still care for him and don't wish any evil or bad things on him, but my confusion and sense of loss are tripping me up in my daily life and at the most irrational moments...I guess I want some sense of completion or resolution, but I also respect his feelings and wishes...and wish that mine had been considered this much.
    I have been ridiculously busy the last 3 weeks....Being on Federal Jury Duty for a solid month and care for the boys and my disabled sister and covering some of my work, getting the taxes done, work around the house and the training for the coming marathon, etc has been NUTS...but he was on vacation in AZ...so it wasn't like there was a time conflict or he was getting the short end of the stick........Still...it hurts. DO I RESPOND OR JUST MOVE ON IN SILENCE?...
    Signed,
    Broken Hearted in Columbus
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:40 PM GMT
    Normally I'd say.... Respond, but it's pretty immature to break off any relationship via email. What happens after you respond? does he? all thru email. I say your probably better off. There are men who participate in adult relationships and break-ups for that matter.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    What a dick.

    Personally I feel you have to respond in order to get some sort of closure.

    Hard not to repeat the same mistakes if you don’t really know what they were.
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    Apr 17, 2010 6:59 PM GMT
    I would say respond only if it helps to bring YOU closure, not to try to communicate anything to him. He isn't going to comprehend anything from your perspective.
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    Apr 17, 2010 7:00 PM GMT
    Breaking up with an email is really tacky.

    I am sorry you are going through this.

    I don't know the answer.
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    Apr 17, 2010 7:12 PM GMT
    well in fairness to the other guy, if you were so far out of pocket he might have thought the best way to break the news was by email. lame, yes...but without seeing the text of his email ("hey, i'm REALLY sorry to have to email you about this, knowing how busy you are and all, but...)

    otherwise, i would call him and talk to him. for "closure" and all that.
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    Apr 17, 2010 8:59 PM GMT
    Respond, spill your guts, but then instead of hitting send, hit delete. Very effective. You vent your spleen, but keep your dignity intact. Nothing you say will get through to him and no matter how classy your response is, he won't see it as such.

    Hold your head high, and move on.
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    Apr 17, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    Sporty_g said...Do you respond or do you just move on without comment...

    I've encountered those written "announcements" before. I find them a very "gay" gesture and not in a flattering sense of the word.

    Not pleasant for you, to be sure, but now you know the truth, better late than never. "Real" men, as defined by maturity, consideration, lack of narcissism, generosity, and capacity for understanding and loving others, do not behave that way, regardless of their sexual orientation. Email indeed!

    I would recommend you do not respond, but simply ignore him. Nothing you reply could disturb him as much as the lack of a response. Total disregard will devastate him. He is likely an attention queen, and the best way to put out a fire is to deprive it of oxygen. So don't waste your breath on him.

    Now attend to your own more pressing personal matters, put him out of your mind, and when you're ready, return to the dating scene. Wounded but wiser, in the belief you'll do better next time. Good luck to you! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 17, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said

    I would recommend you do not respond, but simply ignore him. Nothing you reply could disturb him as much as the lack of a response. Total disregard will devastate him.


    Exactly. Red Vespa is entirely correct. Take it from someone who has made the mistake of responding, more than one time, in the past. No matter what you say, nothing good can come of it. All you would be doing is feed his ego.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 17, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    Wow .... what a freakin' coward your Ex is
    He breaks up with you by email?

    What I'd do .... and this is me icon_wink.gif
    I'd show up at his door and act like NOTHING happened
    and when he'd say didn't you get my email?
    I'd say .... Oh I didn't check my emails. Why? Did you send me one?

    Now, he'll look like the dick he really is because he's got to explain
    not only about the break up but now defend that he sent it to you by email

    That would make ME feel so much better icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 17, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    I'd be tempted to print this email he sent you out, put it on the fridge, then in large black felt pen across the top write, "I will never do anything so callous and cold as end a relationship this way. I'm one lucky guy that this happened now instead of later when my kids and finances would be involved."

    That should help give you some closure (though Bill is cackling right now to GQJock's suggestion!)

    -Doug
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    Apr 17, 2010 10:07 PM GMT
    GQjock said
    I'd show up at his door and act like NOTHING happened


    If you can pull that off it would be perfect! icon_lol.gif

    But your response if he then comes out with it would have to be well planned. You would need to be able to deadpan it, make him really uncomfortable, and act like it doesn't matter to you in the least, as if you already have some candidates lined up to replace him.
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    Apr 17, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    Keep emailing him like you never got his email. Do that for a week. Then send an email asking him if he is getting your emails (act like you aren't getting his) and finally tell him that YOU feel it is time to break it off, since he doesn't even have the decency to email you back.

    Maybe that will make him call you and do it the right way. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    GQjock saidWow .... what a freakin' coward your Ex is
    He breaks up with you by email?

    What I'd do .... and this is me icon_wink.gif
    I'd show up at his door and act like NOTHING happened
    and when he'd say didn't you get my email?
    I'd say .... Oh I didn't check my emails. Why? Did you send me one?

    Now, he'll look like the dick he really is because he's got to explain
    not only about the break up but now defend that he sent it to you by email

    That would make ME feel so much better icon_cool.gif


    Yeah, I go for this one. Score 100 points. Good one GQjock!