Apr 18, 2010 6:23 AM GMT
Wings of A Butterfly
The clock that hung from the wall ticked loudly through the silence as the pendulum swung from side to side. I had probably been sitting there for 3 minutes without saying a word. What could I say though? There was nothing on my mind and she seemed stubborn enough to not be the first one to break the silence between us.
“So, why don’t you tell me why you’re here Aaron?”
Guess I was wrong.
“I’m not exactly sure,” I said.
But I was...the school forced me to come here.
“Well, you must have some reason for wanting to see me today?”
I wanted to get this requirement over with as soon as possible.
“I don’t know. I guess things just haven’t been going so well lately,” I said.
“Would you like to elaborate?”
“Well, it’s really nothing huge. It’s just a bunch of little things. Homework, tests, social ties…stuff like that,” I said.
The woman gently uncrossed and re-crossed her legs as she took a sip of her coffee. She stared at me beneath rectangular, black-rimmed glasses as if to signal me to continue. I really didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t even here by my own choice. Stupid school requirements were forcing me to come here. Apparently, when one student kills themselves, every other student must be suicidal as well.
“I don’t know. I try to remind myself that I’m actually doing pretty well in life. I think about that girl Rachel, the one who shot herself, and I just think about how messed up things must have been for her,” I said.
“Do you think about her a lot?” she asked.
Why would I?
“Only as much as I need to so I can keep my sanity,” I said.
“Do you feel bad about her death?” she asked.
As bad as I feel when a goldfish dies.
“Not really, no. I mean, I didn’t actually know her so her death doesn’t make me sad. But I feel compassion for the people that cared about her. I’ve seen them around and they look pretty fucked up,” I said.
She looked sharply at me as I realized what I had said.
“Sorry,” I said.
“No, no. I encourage you to be as open as you need to be,” she said.
“Ok. I’ll try to cool it on the swearing a bit. I can be pretty foul mouthed,” I said.
“It’s fine. No one is going to get mad at you here. I can have a fucking dirty mouth too sometimes,” she said with a smile.
I smiled back at her, but it was just a courtesy smile. I really didn’t think I belonged here. On the outside, I was just a normal college student trying his best to do well in life. On the inside, I didn’t really care about much. All over, I was just your typical everyday teenager who just wanted to fit in and be accepted.
“So what are your friends like?” she asked.
They don’t ask 50 million questions
“Well, I only have a couple close friends. Everyone else is just an acquaintance,” I said.
“That’s perfectly acceptable. I find it better to have a few people that you can trust with your life than a bunch of strangers,” she said.
“Well, my best friend would have to be Carly,” I said.
“Tell me about her,” she said.
She’ll punch your lights out if I asked her to.
“She’s great. We’ve been friends since Junior High. She brings out the best kind of person in me. When I’m around her, I just feel so free it’s as if I could be anyone I wanted to be,” I said.
“And your other friends?” she asked.
“Well, a close second would have to be Henry. I met him my freshman year and we’ve been tight like brothers ever since,” I said.
“Anyone else?” she asked.
“There’s Carly’s boyfriend, Mike. He’s an ok guy. I wouldn’t consider him one of my best friends, but it’s important to Carly that I like him, so I do,” I said.
“Well Aaron, from what I’ve gathered there is no need for you to be in therapy. You are perfectly normal in every visual way. I’ll write up a dismissal form for you to turn in at the administrator’s office on campus…unless you want to tell me something else?” she asked.
I want to punch someone in the face right now, and you’re standing a bit too close.
“Nope, I’m good. Nothing bothering me but my Psych project coming up,” I said.
“Alright then, here’s your form,” she said.
I stood up and turned towards the door.
“Although,” she said.
What do you want now?
“If there is anything you want to talk about, or if you just need a pair of ears or a shoulder to cry on, please give me a call. My number’s on the cards on my assistant’s desk,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said.