Friend Needs Some Relationship Advice!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2010 5:24 AM GMT
    Alright so my friend is having some problems in his relationship with his girlfriend.

    The situation: He really likes this girl, they've been seeing each other for a while now and started officially dating a month ago. The problem is she likes one of her other guy friends (possibly more than just friends).

    My friend (wrongfully) looked through her phone messages and found convos between his girlfriend and this other guy, saying that he really wanted to date her, and didn't realize why they had never dated. There was another message that basically said she was attached to this other guy emotionally, and that she thinks this other guy is "really hot". She also went and saw this guy over Easter weekend while my friend was back home for the holidays, and she never told my buddy.

    I'm not quite sure what to say to him, it is a tough situation. He likes this girl a lot, enough to end his previous 3 year relationship to be with her. So should my buddy relax, just be himself and hope that she forgets about this other guy? Ask his girlfriend strategically if he were visiting another girl, would she want to know? Should he confront this other guy? I know a lot of you are going to say "She's just not that into him", but I know these two are perfect for each other, and he likes this girl a ton. Look forward to your thoughts, thanks guys!
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    Apr 21, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    Why would she tell him about visiting the other guy if he wasn't supposed to know about her feelings for him? 'Cos she still doesn't know he checked her messages right?
    If he confronts her about it do you think that it might blow up on him 'cos he'd have to tell her how he found out.

    If I was in his shoes, I'd let it run its course because it's her that's got to make a decision, and he can only handle the issue better ('cos he knew something was up in advance) if it comes to a break up. If she believes in their relationship, she'll refocus her affection towards your mate. It might be because it's a new relationship that she's asking herself if it becomes something long term, would she be with the person she thinks is the right one, because this other guy who she most likely had a thing for is now giving her an option she didn't have before.
    If it doesn't work out now, they might reconsider dating again down the line. Sometimes it not the right time to be with someone.

    He needs to show even more so the focus on what they have together, what can happen together and what she wants is already beside her.
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    Apr 21, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    I never risk giving advice to friends because I can never know the whole story and it's too much risk for me to encourage a decision that could be wrong based on just the information I have.

    In this case, I'd stay far away from any advice and let his own forces of inward inertia propel the decision he will inevitably make.

    Then, if it all goes to hell, you're there with Ben and Jerry's and a cheesy old movie to cheer him up.

    Besides relationships, friendships are the most grown up any of us have to be.
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    Apr 22, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    Thanks for your input guys, it's appreciated!
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    Apr 22, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    He should drop her. Her commitment to him is tenuous at best. She wants this other guy, so let her have him. There are other fish in the sea.
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    Apr 22, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    Are they exclusively dating? Are they sexually monogamous? Is your friend telling you they are, but they never actually had that chat?

    She very well could be within her rights to see other people and your friend is a dick for going through her phone.