Guys who lie about their HIV status

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 11:15 AM GMT
    Ok I know this is going to piss off some people, but I don't care right now. Anyway, I was diagnosed in 2006 with HIV. Now whenever I go on any gay site, I can see that many people lie about their status. I have seen guys on websites that claim to be negative and who I KNOW FOR A FACT are positive.
    This isn't just about this site, but any gay sites. Go do a search, 224821 users, and only a little over 3293 that say they're HIV+ or don't know. I find this hard to believe.
    When my other half and I separated for about a month, neither one of us could hook up with anyone because everyone was like, "oh sorry you're hiv+". And this was coming from other guys who we knew were poz but lied about it on the website.
    I commend all those people who are honest about it, and wish the rest of the people who were poz would have the balls to step up and say so.
    I'd rather go the rest of my life never getting laid than lie about it and spread it to as many other people as I can like so many guys do.

    That's all for now. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    Full disclosure has always been my choice. I figure putting it in my profile deflects those guys that would be uncomfortable with it. However, if a guy shows any sort physical interest in me I always mention it just to make sure. There is no end to the number of idiots that will skim past that part of your profile because you look like an easy piece of ass. You have no idea how many times I get "Uhm, I didn't see that. Buh, bye!" icon_lol.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    Full disclosure is the law, at least in Australia. The way it should be. My best mate is positive, and I know it can be hard when he wants to take someone home from the pub/club but he always discloses before even leaving the venue.

    I think most people would agree it is poor form to be lying about your status, whether online or in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    I know exactly what you mean, and I think alot of men have misconceptions about us with HIV. When I was diagnosed, I WAS sick, and that's the only reason I even found out I was poz. I had pneumonia and a tcell count of 82. I was 155 lbs, and half dead. Today I'm 190, working out for 2 years, dont drink/smoke/do drugs, and i'm very very healthy. I take meds everyday and that's really the only thing that's changed on the surface. It's not a death sentence anymore.

    My main beef isn't with people who don't post their status, it's with those that lie about it outright and then go whoring around with no regard for anyone else's health ya know?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    BTW I forgot to mention, I was tested several times in the years prior to being diagnosed, and all those tests came back negative. My doc said they must have all been false negatives becasue apparently I've had it for awhile. I hope testing today is more accurate
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 5:22 PM GMT
    AussieBody saidFull disclosure is the law, at least in Australia. The way it should be. My best mate is positive, and I know it can be hard when he wants to take someone home from the pub/club but he always discloses before even leaving the venue.

    I think most people would agree it is poor form to be lying about your status, whether online or in person.



    Full disclosure is also the law in the state of California. This disease would be stopped dead in its tracks if people cared enough about others to be safe and disclose their status before being unsafe.

    I practice celibacy most of the time because I can't trust anyone after just a couple of dates. While treatments have significantly improved over the past two decades, being chronically ill with any disease (symptoms or not) is not easy.

    It seems there were only a couple of decades of sexual freedom between the advent of penicillin and the onset of HIV/AIDS.

    I could be happy in one monogamous lifelong relationship, but it takes two to make that happen. Careless sexual behaviors are a personal pet peeve.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    pf008 saidOk I know this is going to piss off some people, but I don't care right now. Anyway, I was diagnosed in 2006 with HIV. Now whenever I go on any gay site, I can see that many people lie about their status. I have seen guys on websites that claim to be negative and who I KNOW FOR A FACT are positive.
    This isn't just about this site, but any gay sites. Go do a search, 224821 users, and only a little over 3293 that say they're HIV+ or don't know. I find this hard to believe.
    When my other half and I separated for about a month, neither one of us could hook up with anyone because everyone was like, "oh sorry you're hiv+". And this was coming from other guys who we knew were poz but lied about it on the website.
    I commend all those people who are honest about it, and wish the rest of the people who were poz would have the balls to step up and say so.
    I'd rather go the rest of my life never getting laid than lie about it and spread it to as many other people as I can like so many guys do.

    That's all for now. icon_biggrin.gif


    Good for you, man. It's awful that some (or as it seems, most) guys who are HIV+ would risk the safety of others, simply so they can hook up. Even if they are careful, there is still the possibility of infection, and anyone who is going to be putting their health on the line should know what they are getting into. I, as a HIV- man, am EXTREMELY careful and only mess around with a guy I am in a relationship with. I'd rather be safe and less experienced with men, than the most laid man on earth with 230 diseases. I still can't believe that these days, with knowledge of how dangerous this disease can be, and how it can easily be prevented from spreading, that so many people just don't care about the health of others...

    ...so thank you for being a responsible HIV+ gay man, along w/ the others who are honest and mindful about their health and the health of others icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 5:45 PM GMT
    pf008 saidBTW I forgot to mention, I was tested several times in the years prior to being diagnosed, and all those tests came back negative. My doc said they must have all been false negatives becasue apparently I've had it for awhile. I hope testing today is more accurate


    Unfortunately, they realy aren't. HIV is one of those viruses that we just dont have a handle on yet. It can be latent for many many years...studies now suggest that it may be "hiding" in bone marrow stem cells....cant kill those though (they make the majority of your blood).

    to my knowledge, false negatives can occur for up to 15 years prior to inoculation with the virus. I know, I know...SHITS SCARY! Basicaly...the tests we got are ok ish and catch a lot....way better than nothing, but they're nowheres near perfect!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 19, 2010 5:48 PM GMT
    well i totally appreciate the honesty and balls you have. thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 5:49 PM GMT
    pf008 saidBTW I forgot to mention, I was tested several times in the years prior to being diagnosed, and all those tests came back negative. My doc said they must have all been false negatives becasue apparently I've had it for awhile. I hope testing today is more accurate


    It's sad when guys lie about their status, but it is a sign of the times. If the gay community were more accepting, perhaps they wouldn't have to lie. I feel sorry for guys whose entire being has been reduced to which virus they carry. Everyone has been exposed to viruses, such as the common cold, Flu, Herpes (cold sores), etc.. HIV is more serious than others, but it's not like anyone is totally virus-free.

    With regard to false negatives, it's strange your doctor would suggest that. The way the tests are structured is first an Elisa, which is almost always 100% accurate for any negative result, but sometimes mistakenly returns a false positive. Then, if a false positive is suspected, a Western Blot, which would confirm whether the positive diagnosis was real or not.

    It sounds likely that the infection progressed more rapidly, due to overall health or lifestyle at the time. The chances of multiple negative results with Elisas seems very small.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    JoeB1986 said

    Good for you, man. It's awful that some (or as it seems, most) guys who are HIV+ would risk the safety of others, simply so they can hook up. Even if they are careful, there is still the possibility of infection, and anyone who is going to be putting their health on the line should know what they are getting into. I, as a HIV- man, am EXTREMELY careful and only mess around with a guy I am in a relationship with. I'd rather be safe and less experienced with men, than the most laid man on earth with 230 diseases. I still can't believe that these days, with knowledge of how dangerous this disease can be, and how it can easily be prevented from spreading, that so many people just don't care about the health of others...

    ...so thank you for being a responsible HIV+ gay man, along w/ the others who are honest and mindful about their health and the health of others icon_biggrin.gif


    I concur. I think you just have to assume everyone has it even if they tell you they don't and they were tested 5 minutes ago. Obviously in a perfect world those who are positive would give full disclosure so that whoever they are with sexually can make an informed decision, but that's not the case - which explains why even in 2010 the disease is still widespread. Why is it so difficult to just use a condom? Be smart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 8:10 PM GMT
    calibro saidwell i totally appreciate the honesty and balls you have. thanks



    aww thanks icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 9:35 PM GMT
    I had a posting about this recently also, very same topic. There are also the guys that haven't been tested that don't know and they say they are negative, but WON'T get tested so they will know so they can keep saying they are negative, knowing they have put themselves at risk and could have it.

    I don't think someone should have to wear a t shirt and yell it from the roof tops and etc, unless you want to, haha...but when you meet someone that you could possibly be romantically involved with they have every right to know.

    I couldn't got thru with it to be honest if I didn't tell. I would feel to guilty.

    But you are right, most of the gay sites (especially sex sites) are FULL of guys lying about their status just to get laid.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    AussieBody saidFull disclosure is the law, at least in Australia. The way it should be. My best mate is positive, and I know it can be hard when he wants to take someone home from the pub/club but he always discloses before even leaving the venue.

    I think most people would agree it is poor form to be lying about your status, whether online or in person.


    It may be written in law, but it's still not practice for many; never has been. I witnessed many times in the 80s men will to give other brothers a slow death because they did not want to deprive their dick from the parties and miss out. yes they can now be charged with endangering life down here, but I still think thats a slap on the wrist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    Hmmm, wasn't there another thread about this topic where the man who infected women was convicted of a felony? Bottom line his penis was the lethal weapon. So would it not be the same if man infects another man willfully. I know there is a double standard (bigotry) for gays and getting a state to prosecute will in itself be rigorous in itself.

    I just see it as a crime against humanity to willfully give someone else a death sentence just because you don’t care.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/538702
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 9:48 PM GMT
    As I meet people, I assume that everyone is positive not only for HIV, but for every other STD in the book.

    Note that "serosorting" provides only a false sense of security.

    Manage your risk appetite accordingly.

    People can be ignorant and can also lie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 9:56 PM GMT
    redbull saidI had a posting about this recently also, very same topic. There are also the guys that haven't been tested that don't know and they say they are negative, but WON'T get tested so they will know so they can keep saying they are negative, knowing they have put themselves at risk and could have it.

    I don't think someone should have to wear a t shirt and yell it from the roof tops and etc, unless you want to, haha...but when you meet someone that you could possibly be romantically involved with they have every right to know.

    I couldn't got thru with it to be honest if I didn't tell. I would feel to guilty.

    But you are right, most of the gay sites (especially sex sites) are FULL of guys lying about their status just to get laid.




    My ex never wanted to get tested, but he did a few years ago, and sure enough he was poz. He's dead now. Not from AIDS but a stroke. Go figure
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Apr 19, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    Very simple....Treat EVERYONE like they are poz. Situation solved. Too may dont even know their status anyway. icon_evil.gificon_eek.gif
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Apr 19, 2010 10:19 PM GMT
    pf008 said
    My main beef isn't with people who don't post their status, it's with those that lie about it outright and then go whoring around with no regard for anyone else's health ya know?


    yeah, I do know. My buddy just had this happen. To be brutally honest you need to ask each and every time, AND USE PROTECTION, and he did neither. I know everyone slips, but if you try to try you'll succeed more often.

    Anyways, my buddy found out the same night he was exposed - he's undergoing treatment ATM with the hopes they dosed him up in time to kill it prior to him actually converting - guess how he found out though.

    Guess....

    In a text message. A TEXT MESSAGE. It read 'i'm doing alright, at a bathhouse being my usual poz cumslut self'

    *blink*blink* uuhhh, WHAT?

    I made my buddy go report it to the police, and apparently the police are treating it as seriously as it can be - this is not the first report of this about this guy.

    Almost makes me wanna go celibate. My poor buddy - it's a good thing he's got me. I've told him more about what's happening inside him and his meds than his doctor did. He says I've been his only source of council, which is probably bad but I've helped him through this a lot.

    Sorry, that was a little off-topic, just...this is the closest this disease has ever been to me. I know a lot about it from my studies but...just brings your own mortality into perspective. I am an amazing friend (haha) and I will help him through this (though now it's less 'what's going on' and more 'how many more weeks') but still...I said to him 'You have to go to the cops. You HAVE to. Because think about how many people he's probably done this to, and how many people he's going to/is currently doing it to.'

    Truly terrifying
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Apr 19, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    I would just want to add one caveat; this is not a problem with gay sites or gay people.

    I'm sure people of any orientation lie about their HIV status or various aspects of their health. And whenever an STD is involved and a potential or actual partner, it is highly unethical in all cases, regardless of sexual orientation, not to disclose that information.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    (Alan puts his teflon armor on, because he knows that his comment is really going to stir the pot, and that he is probably going to become a lightning rod for some very impassioned responses)


    Delivis saidI would just want to add one caveat; this is not a problem with gay sites or gay people.


    True. Different communities and segments of the population face different challenges in regards to HIV disclosure, education, healthcare, stigma, testing, legal implications, etc.

    Delivis saidI'm sure people of any orientation lie about their HIV status or various aspects of their health. And whenever an STD is involved and a potential or actual partner, it is highly unethical in all cases, regardless of sexual orientation, not to disclose that information.


    "Ethics" can be subject to "moral relativism" in the context of the culture and norms of a particular society. So, broad statements about right, wrong, ethical, unethical in all cases is dangerous ground to tread upon. Decisions and their "ethical" considerations can exist in "gray areas" where right and wrong, ethical and unethical are not clear and absolute.

    Lying about anything is generally considered unethical according to the culture and norms of "Western society". I'm sure most of us have encountered there situations where we tell "little white lies" for what we judge to be a greater good. But a lie is a lie. And, when we start dipping our toes into that pool, it gets murky really quick.

    Grouping the sentence about (paraphrase) "lying about HIV status" and the sentence about "not disclosing before activity with potential or actual partners" is logical to an extent. I say to an extent because in my view a "lie" can be a "told untruth" and it can also be an "untold truth". In either case, we are either providing false information or withholding important information that alters the ability of an activity partner to make a fully informed free will choice.

    Where the logic breaks down, in my view, is when two partners CHOOSE not to disclose to each other, and therefore must assume that the other person is HIV positive in order to account for worst case scenario in a risk assessment. Is that a lie? Is that wrong or unethical if both persons knowingly choose to "avoid the topic"?

    My view is that in this instance, and in my legal jurisdiction, it is not unethical to engage in sex with someone without having disclosed HIV status. There are some localities where this is illegal. In those cases, this example would be unethical, because it is proscribed by law. Know the law where you are going to have sex and follow the law.

    In summary, making judgments about the ethics of a situation should be approached on a case by case basis. Advance disclosure of HIV status (or other STD status) can be in some cases a choice guided by ethics, or mandated by law.

    Full Disclosure in regards to the context of my point of view:

    If you will note my profile, I purposely do not list my HIV status nor my "Safer Sex?" preference. I do this not to "hide", but because I find that the void of information stimulates conversation about serostatus, and risk aware sex practices.

    I will state to all of you as a courtesy that I am HIV+ and have been so for nearly 26 years. I will be happy to share more about my experiences with any of you if you message me directly.

    HIV Stigma still exists. HIV Prejudice and discrimination still exists. And, that stigma, prejudice, and discrimination are painful and can be hurtful in emotional, physical, and financial ways.

    Remember, let's destroy the diseases, not the people that happen to have the diseases.

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan







  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 20, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    Hmmm... So Alan, in a situation where you and your male encounter choose to have non-protective sex (either by actively agreeing not to use a condom or simply not mentioning the need for a condom) would you tell him you were positive before penetration of any kind?
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 20, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    lurkah said
    Bigcrewguy08 said
    pf008 saidBTW I forgot to mention, I was tested several times in the years prior to being diagnosed, and all those tests came back negative. My doc said they must have all been false negatives becasue apparently I've had it for awhile. I hope testing today is more accurate


    Unfortunately, they realy aren't. HIV is one of those viruses that we just dont have a handle on yet. It can be latent for many many years...studies now suggest that it may be "hiding" in bone marrow stem cells....cant kill those though (they make the majority of your blood).

    to my knowledge, false negatives can occur for up to 15 years prior to inoculation with the virus. I know, I know...SHITS SCARY! Basicaly...the tests we got are ok ish and catch a lot....way better than nothing, but they're nowheres near perfect!


    What in the world are you smoking?


    your knowledge is wrong. we now have tests that can find the virus in 3 days till you make antibodies. the average guy makes antibodies in 2 weeks anyway. The orasure (mouth swab) and blood are equally as accurate. thats elisa and western blot. the pcr dna is accurate too not for antibodies just the virus itself. We use this 3 days after birth on the maternity floor to see if the mother passsed the virus to the child. If you had risky sex and its been 3 months and your neg, chances are your neg. Our tests are so sensitive now.
    Hiv is horrible but there are so many other STD's too. the bone marrow issue is only when the virus has its dna enveloped in the cells. they were almost close to eradicating the virus however they found "replication" in bone marrow, not hidden HIV.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 20, 2010 2:09 AM GMT
    I don't really understand why a site like this asks people to disclose their positive HIV status publicly to strangers.

    A few years back, the site eliminated the "top" or "bottom" question in profiles with the argument that this isn't a sex site. If it's not a sex site, why is it more appropriate to ask people to disclose their HIV status than the role they prefer in bed?

  • setter15

    Posts: 20

    Apr 20, 2010 1:28 PM GMT
    pf008

    first let me say i'm proud you are responsible with your life. too many people aren't and it's scary.

    second. can you elaborate on your false negatives? how long ago was it? did you get mad? i'm strangely fascinated by the psychology of HIV and AIDS...

    also i don't believe people need to let this site know what their status is unless they want to. by no means is this a hook up site (for some of us) so there really is no reason to know unless the person wants people to know. most of us are here to make friends, chat, learn, and share. regardless if you're positive or negative, my opinion of you doesn't change...