How Gay Marriage Put an End to Gay Sex

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    Apr 19, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    http://www.bilerico.com/2009/02/how_gay_marriage_put_an_end_to_gay_sex.php

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    Apr 19, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    Marriage puts an end to sex. Gender is not applicable. It happens to all married couples after a few years.
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    Apr 19, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidMarriage puts an end to sex. Gender is not applicable. It happens to all married couples after a few years.


    Took the words outta my mouth.
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 19, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    I think the author is so very much engulfed in his small subculture of gay life that he has no idea how wrong his viewpoint is in regards to other gay couples not living in his small cesspool of gay culture.
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 19, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    paulflexes saidMarriage puts an end to sex. Gender is not applicable. It happens to all married couples after a few years.


    Took the words outta my mouth.


    I literally have no reference to this. The longest relationship I have had was 7 years and we were still at it at least 3 times a week even while breaking up.
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    Apr 19, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI think the author is so very much engulfed in his small subculture of gay life that he has no idea how wrong his viewpoint is in regards to other gay couples not living in his small cesspool of gay culture.


    The author is female.
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    Apr 19, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    paulflexes saidMarriage puts an end to sex. Gender is not applicable. It happens to all married couples after a few years.


    Took the words outta my mouth.
    I'm sorry. Would you like me to put them back in? icon_razz.gif
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 19, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    McGay said
    Celticmusl saidI think the author is so very much engulfed in his small subculture of gay life that he has no idea how wrong his viewpoint is in regards to other gay couples not living in his small cesspool of gay culture.


    The author is female.


    Lol, thanks for this. So a female is discussing what gay men talk about regarding sex, and what we do in backrooms and bedrooms.


    Um........no comment.
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    Apr 19, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    That's not really what she's discussing.
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    Apr 19, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    My experience in an 8+ year relationship is that desire ebbs and flows.We have had some dry spells, but our sex life is still good.
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 19, 2010 3:54 PM GMT
    McGay saidThat's not really what she's discussing.


    She is specifically discusses how gay men have sex, and what she hears from her gay male friends. She is concerned that we are focusing on gay men kissing when the rest of gay sex is not really referenced so that it will be more palpable for the straight mindset to accept gay marriage.

    Just because she has a gay male friend that has whored around with every gay man at a party doesn't mean that all gay men conduct themselves this way.

    What she doesn't even comprehend is that the rules and ways her friends conduct themselves has very little to do with the way that I and many of my friends conduct ourselves regarding sex.

    Just because someone is straight they don't have to prove it by showing me what they like sexually. Just because Rose and Dan Conner on Rosanne were a heterosexual couple doesn't mean we have to see them fuck every night in every episode.
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    Apr 19, 2010 3:56 PM GMT
    She is lamenting the loss of a lifestyle. While her article includes what you're saying, it's by way of supporting her discussion, not as the point of the discussion.
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    Apr 19, 2010 4:01 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    SAHEM62896 said
    paulflexes saidMarriage puts an end to sex. Gender is not applicable. It happens to all married couples after a few years.


    Took the words outta my mouth.
    I'm sorry. Would you like me to put them back in? icon_razz.gif



    Bill and I have sex frequently. It's just as exciting as when we met, but that's because we pace it, and the underlying emotional component is huge. Both of our sets of parents had sex right into their sixties. Why did it stop? Because both our Dads died (within six months of each other, mine in Nov '96 and Bill's in Feb '97).

    Is this end of sex thing a US phenomenon, Paulflexes? icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Apr 19, 2010 4:11 PM GMT

    Incidentally, I don't agree with the author, Yasmin at all. Just look at this site, one of the less sex oriented ones on the 'net. Take a look at the topics about every sexual activity under the sun.

    The internet is rife with all things sexual, gay, straight, Bi, etc etc etc. Gay depictions in mainstream media are involving a lot of kissing, which is a small step. We both remember when there was not a gay kiss to be seen on TV.

    What's she looking for, felching on the made for TV movie at 7PM? icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 19, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    i stopped reading half way through, bored .
    why can't she just let gay men be gay men and do whatever they want and not be concerned about it.

    ... anyway what an awful hairdo.
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    Apr 19, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    meninlove said What's she looking for, felching on the made for TV movie at 7PM? icon_lol.gif


    That's the afternoon special on the Opus Dei channel.
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    Apr 19, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    The article is rather incoherent, which may be why so many people don't realize what her point is. Actually, I'm not sure she realizes what her point is. This summary is provided in the next to last paragraph:
    gay men, like it or not, are being asked - implicitly or explicitly - to shut up about sex while the GMM [Gay Marriage Movement] forges on. Even as gay sexual life, such as it is, continues on its way. I hear from a friend that several single gay men found themselves being hit on by gay couples looking for threesomes - at a gay marriage convention. I know, from the constant swinging of the doors of my neighbourhood bathhouse, and from my conversations with friends, that there's plenty of gay sex going on all around me.

    Then, in the very next sentence:
    I'm sad about how much of gay sexual culture is being made to go away while the adults play at respectability in order to win the marriage game.

    But as she just noted, it's not going away.
    It's just being kept, she claims, under the sheets.

    I'm not even sure that claim is correct. As she herself previously noted:
    Gay sex represents too much of an "ick factor" for most Americans; they can tolerate gay marriage and parenting (maybe). But actual sex? Gay sex? "Ew" is the general response. ...Mention the possibility of gay sex, and the most liberal "straight ally" will turn and run and withdraw support for "my best gay friend's wedding."

    So it's never been the case that gay men spoke about gay sex to straight people and gay men continue to have gay sex and talk about it. So what has changed due to that would-be evil GMM?
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 19, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    Yep, I was going to try to explain my POV but since the editorial was not concise on the authors opinion I was not sure how to respond.

    But in terms of the gay sex she is referring to, it gives me an "ick factor" too. She still does not realize all gay men do not whore around all the time, even in marriage.
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    Apr 19, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    Funny how so many posters feel competent to comment without even reading the article. It was not about married life leading to bed death.

    There is a growing trend in some sector of the community, some of it represented here, that commitment and/or marriage is the "correct" lifestyle for us, that it is okay to insult and belittle other lifestyles, and that those who do not agree with them are hurting our cause for equal rights.

    Gay culture used to be about tolerance for differences. It used to be about expressing your sexuality, whatever it involved. If it was having bondage group sex in public every Sunday, then more power to you! Now there is a growing sense that you should fit into a certain Stepford lifestyle or else shut up and don't rock the boat.
  • MuscleComeBac...

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    Apr 19, 2010 5:11 PM GMT
    The sadly muddled mess of a report has a valid point...it's just lost in polemics that would addle anyone.

    The point is that in order for 'traditional benefits' of marriage to be ours, we have to de-sex ourselves. And it's our own community members who are attempting to damper down the fuck factor.

    No surprise. The biggest threat gay men have always posed to society is that two men having sex together is a little bit like nuclear fission -- not something you can put back in the bottle, very powerful, and a real threat to so many people. It's part of why the 'nelly' factor is what we see promulgated in the media -- it's safe, it's easily oppressed and controlled, and let's the unenlightened and un-evolved straight white power brokers do to gay men what they have long done to women - keep them in their place.
    Lesbians titillate a significant enough percentage of these SOB's that they ignore how powerful THAT combination is (love my sisters!!!!) But men...oh, damn, don't even go there.

    So, what politics do we play when trying to get real equality... theirs.

    I know...I know...once again I play the angry gay archetype (right CarbGoggles? *wink*) but I'm so tired of this shit. I think we should all just fuck in public until they're so scared they grant us what we deserve just to make us move it back indoors.

    I'm done with this shit. We're men in love with men who have sex with each other and we're fierce and smart and capable and good. Step away from the wheel and let real men do the job, boys. Screw Obama, we need an out, proud, gay candidate who has a pair. Done with being nice about it. DONE.

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    Apr 19, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    Very well said, MuscleComeBack!
  • stratavos

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    Apr 19, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    I think we should all just fuck in public until they're so scared they grant us what we deserve just to make us move it back indoors.



    but then the radicals will just shoot us.
    "did it stop yet?"
    "yeah, it stopped tom."
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    Apr 19, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    I don't see anything especially radical, much less new, about the author's comments.

    When gay marriage became our number-one priority, one of the arguments you read constantly -- from ("Virtually Normal") Andrew Sullivan to Larry Kramer -- was that gay men needed to give up their culture of recreational sex both to contain AIDS and to assume a more normative morality.

    You can argue whether gay men have been more promiscuous than straight men, but it's absolutely true that the gay liberation movement of the '70s regarded sex as a virtual political expression of freedom from the dominant culture's suffocating moralism. It was an assertion of identity since it is our sex life that, after all, fundamentally differentiates us from straight people. (This wasn't very different from the sexual liberation movement among feminists.)

    The author of this column is not citing something that hasn't been constantly debated during the last 4 decades. Essentially, the pressure to establish theoretically normative relationships is an expression of assimilation which, at its extreme, constitutes a new closet. And, yes, it's gay people who are most insistent about this. Tune in to any thread here about explicitly sexual expressions during Pride.

    You can take whatever position on this, but it would be completely inaccurate to depict the columnist's lament as something limited to a subculture of our subculture. It's been constantly and widely debated.

  • myklet1

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    Apr 19, 2010 10:15 PM GMT
    13 years of a monogamous realtionship ...............and still going at it twice a week (at least).
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    Apr 19, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    ObsceneWish saidI don't see anything especially radical, much less new, about the author's comments.

    When gay marriage became our number-one priority, one of the arguments you read constantly -- from ("Virtually Normal") Andrew Sullivan to Larry Kramer -- was that gay men needed to give up their culture of recreational sex both to contain AIDS and to assume a more normative morality.

    You can argue whether gay men have been more promiscuous than straight men, but it's absolutely true that the gay liberation movement of the '70s regarded sex as a virtual political expression of freedom from the dominant culture's suffocating moralism. It was an assertion of identity since it is our sex life that, after all, fundamentally differentiates us from straight people. (This wasn't very different from the sexual liberation movement among feminists.)

    The author of this column is not citing something that hasn't been constantly debated during the last 4 decades. Essentially, the pressure to establish theoretically normative relationships is an expression of assimilation which, at its extreme, constitutes a new closet. And, yes, it's gay people who are most insistent about this. Tune in to any thread here about explicitly sexual expressions during Pride.

    You can take whatever position on this, but it would be completely inaccurate to depict the columnist's lament as something limited to a subculture of our subculture. It's been constantly and widely debated.




    The problem, as I see it, is that too many, maybe even most, see rights as rewards for good behavior. If gays can show monogamy, they should be rewarded with the gift or marriage, the right to legally involve a second person into their personhood. If gay couples can show that their children, offspring or adopted, turn out "just as good" or even "better" than the kids of straight couples, they should be rewarded with the right to help the fucking world by giving a kid a home. I don't know what good behavior would guarantee us the right to visit each other in the hospital, though, without the Big O's recent endorsement of the privilege. I'm not pointing my finger at straight people here. It's Matachinethink.