Keeping up with the Joneses(but really your boyfriend)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2010 10:03 PM GMT
    Most of you all have heard the expression "Keeping up with the Joneses" if your around my age 36. Well what if your trying to keep up with your loved one. My other half makes a very great income compared to mine. Trying to do things for our home and our life is costly and sometimes getting out of hand. Now he is not a crazy spender living beyond his needs at all, in fact he is much better with $$ than me.I on the other hand sometimes need to remind my self that I don't make that amount he does, but feel bad because he picks up where I can't afford to, so I try to do somethings for the house, groceries, etc... you get the idea.

    How do some of you handle this if your in this position? By the way he doesn't mind doing these things at all for me, but it does bother me and our joint credit account. Sometimes I think he can do better then me.

    Depressed and feeling like a little bitch for feeling sorry for my self!
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Apr 21, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    EverydayJack,

    I can't speak from experience, but I think it's safe to suggest that you need to stop thinking of it as "keep[ing] up with your loved one."

    With true love, both of you are on equal footing. Money does not elevate one over another. If he wanted "better than [you]," he would've looked elsewhere from the beginning. Apparently money is not what he was seeking. All that he needs from you is a commitment to love him. That will make your relationship rich beyond measure.

    Next time you see your man, give him a kiss. Then you can be sure...


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    Wow, joint credit account…nice
    Seriously, if he doesn’t care you shouldn’t either as long as you’re making the purchases together.
    Life has a (freaking hilarious) way of coming full circle. One day you may be the one making more money.
  • DallasCali6Da...

    Posts: 147

    Apr 21, 2010 11:12 PM GMT
    If he does it unconditionally and with love in his heart then it's all good. It's a special thing when your partner may make more financially though you never have to ask for anything and it's given without a second thought.

    Your respect, support, trust and honest is your additional contribution.

    Sounds like you're a lucky guy if he does it for you both ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    You work. That says a lot, considering I "divorced" my last ex because he wouldn't go get a job. Even if he'd gotten a min wage job and at least tried, I would probably will be with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    Jack, I have the same situation in my relationship. My boyfriend earned a lot more than I do, retired at the ripe old age of 43 and is now my house-husband.

    In the beginning I had some issues with this as well, but soon I followed a friend's recommendation that I accept my partner's generosity graciously. I also should contribute what I can or offer to contribute frequently. So once in a while I pay when we eat out, pay for movie-tickets etc. I am also the one who knows what movies to see, TV-shows to watch etc.

    After we moved in with each other, I did the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, groceries etc) mostly by myself, also because he was working way longer hours.

    Ask him whether he wants you to contribute more, and let him know that you are feeling a bit insecure about the situation. Don't worry about him being able to do better, there is more to a relationship than finances. Just rim him extra-long, next time icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2010 11:34 PM GMT
    the thing you can do...

    Love him, let him know that you appreciate him and all that he does, give what you can back but don't over extend your self for it.

    Mostly just let him know that you love him and never stop doing that...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 22, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    First off , thanks for all the great advice! I know sometimes I just get over whelmed by the situation. I will take it all into thought and logical reasoning.

    LilTanker, your back!!!icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 22, 2010 1:34 AM GMT
    creature saidEverydayJack,

    I can't speak from experience, but I think it's safe to suggest that you need to stop thinking of it as "keep[ing] up with your loved one."

    With true love, both of you are on equal footing. Money does not elevate one over another. If he wanted "better than [you]," he would've looked elsewhere from the beginning. Apparently money is not what he was seeking. All that he needs from you is a commitment to love him. That will make your relationship rich beyond measure.

    Next time you see your man, give him a kiss. Then you can be sure...




    I guess I really should rephrase that to" trying to feel that i'm giving back to help out" I just want to do things for us as he does for me. He is such a great guy and I love him to death and I know he loves me very much. I guess it's just my insecurity coming out. I also am in a weird place right now with work and all, just thinking that maybe I don't love what I do anymore like I use to. I'm such a creative free spirit person.

    When does "what you use to love, becomes just a job and not a career" Not sure what I love anymore work wise. Been doing it for 12 years now, kinda thinking I want a more stable career and something more interesting. I think i have changed in what I was career wise 12 years ago.

    Maybe I should see a therapist, i'm very confused right now, and tired.