Building Trust in a Relationship...

  • tomchadwin

    Posts: 26

    Apr 22, 2010 3:18 AM GMT
    Alright, my monogamous BF and I have been together for over a year. This past week I found out he has recently logged on to his Manhunt account. He was sorry and said that he only logs on for eye candy and only logs on no more than once a week for the past couple of months (He was ashame to admit). He explains it's a kind of "fetish" for him... which I don't totally buy.

    Yeah, our honeymoon period is over but we still enjoy a good sex life as a couple and see each other regularly.

    I'm all for him having some eye candy (I mean, I watch porn myself), but I think logging on to Manhunt is whole different ball game and shows lack of loyalty and respect wouldn't you agree? What would you do in this situation?

    Thanks in advance.
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    Apr 22, 2010 4:42 AM GMT
    Being disrespectful and lack of loyalty is viewed differently by people. Have you established what being exclusive is and what the boundaries to that are? Do I agree with you, hell yeah I do. However, it seems that you would be better off expressing your concern and the way you view it, ask him to close the account and any other sex site he is on. Manhunt is, in fact, a place to cruise for casual sex. Is that your bottom line or are you willing to be okay with him staying on Manhunt if he wants? If he agrees to quit Manhunt, are you going to trust him after this and will you be policing Manhunt to see if he is on there? Sounds like your gut intuition is telling you something, "which I don't totally buy".
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    Apr 22, 2010 8:39 AM GMT

    I always see this situation where guys have all these expectations they have never communicated to their partner. I know a couple who got married without even really talking about what marriage means to each of them.

    Too often this is left to assume and it shouldn't be. We are all grown men and we ought to be able to respectfully communicate expectations we have to our partners, shouldn't we?

    What does being in a relationship mean to you? What does that mean will change in your life? If you decide to change your mind, what happens then? Guys, you've got to talk this stuff out. It is completely unfair to assume your partner knows and then to act all offended and broken when those expectations are broken.

    It seems like a clinical way to dissect a romantic relationship, but when hearts are involved there is too much to risk breaking. I say it all the time, relationships are the most grown up any of us ever have to be.
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    Apr 25, 2010 4:47 AM GMT

    This is one of many obstacles in a relationship and part of the puzzle to building trust. How this is dealt with will be one of the many things that define who you are separately as a couple. communication is key in success. move on. you expressed your concerns and he his. If this happens again.......Throw his ass out.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Apr 25, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    shyshortguy said
    I always see this situation where guys have all these expectations they have never communicated to their partner. I know a couple who got married without even really talking about what marriage means to each of them.

    Too often this is left to assume and it shouldn't be. We are all grown men and we ought to be able to respectfully communicate expectations we have to our partners, shouldn't we?

    What does being in a relationship mean to you? What does that mean will change in your life? If you decide to change your mind, what happens then? Guys, you've got to talk this stuff out. It is completely unfair to assume your partner knows and then to act all offended and broken when those expectations are broken.

    It seems like a clinical way to dissect a romantic relationship, but when hearts are involved there is too much to risk breaking. I say it all the time, relationships are the most grown up any of us ever have to be.

    I think this is a brilliant response. truly.
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    Apr 25, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    If I was with someone for that long and I saw him on manhunt, I'd feel my heart sink into the abyss......hope you guys work it out, but if it doesn't, you can't blame yourself. Best wishes.
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    Apr 25, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    tomchadwin saidAlright, my monogamous BF and I have been together for over a year. This past week I found out he has recently logged on to his Manhunt account. He was sorry and said that he only logs on for eye candy and only logs on no more than once a week for the past couple of months (He was ashame to admit). He explains it's a kind of "fetish" for him... which I don't totally buy.

    Yeah, our honeymoon period is over but we still enjoy a good sex life as a couple and see each other regularly.

    I'm all for him having some eye candy (I mean, I watch porn myself), but I think logging on to Manhunt is whole different ball game and shows lack of loyalty and respect wouldn't you agree? What would you do in this situation?

    Thanks in advance.



    How is it a difference between watching porn and seeing some eye candy on Manhunt? although I could understand your concern because whenever I am in a relationship I much prefer and do enjoy getting my sexual urges through my boyfriend.


    Leandro ♥