Seriously, How Do YOU Do It?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    Tell us:

    How do you go about hitting on the guys you're interested in, whether you know if they're gay or not (but bonus points if you are/were unsure of their sexuality). How about dealing with rejection?

    How did you meet your current boyfriend/boy-toy/husband/lover/whateva ?

    I'm positive a post like this has been posted plenty of times. Let's hear it again!

    Share your stories.

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    Apr 22, 2010 6:05 AM GMT
    What a great topic. I'd like to know as well because I'm usually an idiot around guys, and do all sorts of embarrassing things that make them run away in terror. icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 22, 2010 8:50 AM GMT
    I don't like this word hitting. It implies a kind of greasy Guido sort of show of peacock feathers dance to attract a mate, but it's not really how it is at all for me. I don't think much of empty pick up lines and flattery and to me attraction isn't something that results from an individual's grand actions. It's there or it isn't.

    I prefer it all to be more organic. Sometimes causal conversation can sometimes turn toward flirting, which can grow into something more. Natural attraction doesn't need the brutal advances of over-anxious people and it comes out on it's own. So long as you are friendly and let enough of your real self come through, it kind of takes care of itself.

    Now, there's a lot of guys out there who take a more aggressive approach that seems to work just fine for them. I don't often end up talking too much to those folks.


  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Apr 22, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    met the boy on here and it was instant connection ... just added a little patience.
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    Apr 22, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    "hi I'm Ben"
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    Apr 22, 2010 2:55 PM GMT

    I stopped thinking of it as Hitting On and started thinking of it as merely Meeting New People. I extended it to all people, men, women, old, young, tall, short, pretty, plain, etc. After doing that for a fair while I became very good at making casual remarks to strangers and having them warm up.

    Then I met Bill. I wanted to talk to him so observed for awhile. When he was standing alone I walked up behind him, saw him looking at the dance floor lights gyrating over head on a rickety shaking structure, and so I said, leaning to his ear (it was noisy).

    Said in a Mr Spock/Data kind of interested-observer tone.

    "If there's an earthquake we're all going to die." He burst out laughing.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    I stopped thinking of it as Hitting On and started thinking of it as merely Meeting New People. I extended it to all people, men, women, old, young, tall, short, pretty, plain, etc. After doing that for a fair while I became very good at making casual remarks to strangers and having them warm up.

    Then I met Bill. I wanted to talk to him so observed for awhile. When he was standing alone I walked up behind him, saw him looking at the dance floor lights gyrating over head on a rickety shaking structure, and so I said, leaning to his ear (it was noisy).

    Said in a Mr Spock/Data kind of interested-observer tone.

    "If there's an earthquake we're all going to die." He burst out laughing.

    -Doug


    When we have questions we should just search for Doug's input. He is pragmatic and insightful. His posts are usually full of wisdom we should all have. Doug please don’t die until you compile your posts and publish them in a self help book for all. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    What baby wants baby gets.


    siiike. but no, you can just tell sometimes. most dudes who arnt gay/bi wont smile real nice upon eye contact.
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    Apr 22, 2010 4:14 PM GMT
    lilTanker said"hi I'm Ben"


    Hi I'm Carlos !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    It helps to be introduced by friends of friends. Expanding your social circle provides lots of opportunities to meet guys.
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    Apr 22, 2010 4:31 PM GMT
    Stalking.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 4:43 PM GMT
    Once I stopped carrying around my bloody axe, people found me much more approachable.





    ...

    * ba da BOOM chi *

    Some guys are like the hare, good at initial first contact, others are like the tortoise, good in the long run. So the comments about patience and persistence should be weighted just the same in your mind as the advice about the fleeting first contact moments. If it's really meant to be something serious, then the first contact shouldn't be the single test that counts as your entire grade.

    I'm a little polarizing on first contact. People either find me incredibly charming and slightly odd, or they find me a bit frightening and way too odd. I'm the same -- it's just who they are that determines their reaction. So there's only so much you can do on first contact. It's really less about you, and almost all about who they are and how they are feeling at that moment. Accordingly, from your perspective, you should consider the outcome of "first contact" as a random variable. To be more explicit, you can fret all you want about that moment, but in the end, you have no control, so just relax and be yourself, however you feel at that moment. The outcome is out of your hands.

    Now, the REST of the process, that's where you have control. And my advice is patience and persistence. My significant other in my previous relationship stuck with me for 6 months, just being so nice and charming and kind, I finally woke up one day, with the help of an observant friend, and said "hey, this one is worth giving it a go with."

    In my current relationship, we met on here two years ago. Neither of us thought anything serious would have been possible, but spent that two years becoming really close friends, and then one day, lightning and thunder hit us both simultaneously and we fell into the deep end of the pool.

    So, uh... yeah.

    * files nails *

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 5:50 PM GMT
    Hi, My name is Trevor. Your name?
    And if they're not interested, then I don't bother past the point of disinterest and don't take it to heart.
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    Apr 22, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    TRACKBOY111 said
    lilTanker said"hi I'm Ben"


    Hi I'm Carlos !

    See it works every time icon_razz.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Apr 22, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    yalemarine saidStalking.....

    werked for me! ♥
  • chris_dallas

    Posts: 340

    Apr 22, 2010 10:44 PM GMT
    curent bf i met through another gay guy so i already knew lol
    a lot of the time if you dont no if u freind them on like facebook or something looking at there pics u should b able to tell haha
    if not tlk to them and drop hints and if they drop hints back it will b obvious haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    Wana dance
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    I try to find out of their gay through a friend (even if I don't know the friend, they're usually much more approachable AND you can knock out the sometimes awkward "meeting the friends" stage with the same stone you use to find out of the guy is homo)

    No friends around? ... the eye contact/smiley smile back thing usually helps tell if they might be curious about me. If I get a good vibe from that.. I go for it. icon_twisted.gif


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    Apr 23, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    Whether they are gay or just suspected to be, I'm pretty good at introductions and getting a telephone number....My problem is getting it to the next level...At some point I say to myself: "Ugh, another FRIEND is the last thing I need." But that's all most of them end up being...

    I keep trying to say to myself: "oh well, their loss..."

    But that gets old...LOL
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Apr 23, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    I always walk up and say... whats your boyfriend's name again? i think we met. then if they say jeff or tom or mike. it's social fail. if they say i don't have one... say, seriously..I cant believe you don't . then joke smile and say hey i'm trying. works every time for me. or they recognize me
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    Apr 23, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    KARATE1974 saidI always walk up and say... whats your boyfriend's name again? i think we met. then if they say jeff or tom or mike. it's social fail. if they say i don't have one... say, seriously..I cant believe you don't . then joke smile and say hey i'm trying. works every time for me. or they recognize me

    You sir, are a dork...

    I can see why that works for you ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 23, 2010 6:08 AM GMT
    How I meet my husband is I asked him to dance. Once on the dance floor is grinded on him like a stripper to a pole (I was three sheets to the wind, mind you!) When he asked, "How old are you?"

    My response was, "Old enough for most things." (I was 19; he was 27).

    He replied, "Your too young for me." and promptly walked off the dance floor.

    Well, 13 yrs later you see where that got himicon_razz.gif Bitch, nobody leaves me on the dance floor!
  • _gingin

    Posts: 116

    Apr 23, 2010 7:12 AM GMT
    i was at a club dancing my life away and at some point i went to the bar to get a bottle of water and there he was next to me and he glanced at me

    i thought he was cute so i smiled

    and then he smiled.

    and thats how it started.


    that said, i realise things happen for me when i don't pay attention to them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    Thanks for the posts and advice! It's always interesting to see the different perspectives on the forums. I sometimes struggle when I test the waters with a guy in a public place. I guess it takes practice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2010 6:24 AM GMT
    Lol my boyfriend is on RJ but we first met on the Go transit bus which is kinda like greyhound in Canada that connects Toronto with all the small-town places in our province.

    I was going out of town to visit my best friend for his birthday (who coincidently has the same name as him). He recognized me from the site but wasn't sure if it was me and I just assumed everyone was straight so I dint want to checkout anyone or offend them (due to small town mentality) kept to myself in my ipod and book.

    soon enough he found me via this site and said hi and the rest is history.