After a breakup

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2010 8:58 AM GMT
    So, this is really my first breakup, I'd never really dated anyone before my self so I have no real baseline of what to expect, but, something I've noticed..

    I've stopped caring, well, not about my self, oh no, I'm loving my self like mad haha (that sounds so dirty)... an example, I was making dinner for myself, brother and his women, the women can be a little picky with food, I wanted peas, not sure if she liked peas or not I didn't really give a damn, I wanted peas and gawd damn it, I was having peas and her not liking it, well, tough luck..

    Not a hundred percent sure where this ones coming from and not sure if it's normal or I'm just being a bitch..

    Thankfully, she liked the peas.. I didn't ask because I was preparing it while they were out and listening to music, had a grove going and just enjoying the alone time cooking and I really couldn't give a damn to be honest, I wanted the damned peas!

    So, this sorta normal?
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    Apr 22, 2010 9:01 AM GMT
    Okay before everyone throws in the age card...

    When hosting somebody I just think it's really cordial to cater to them, and if you want peas make yourself some "god damn peas" that make yourself some, and offer them. If they want something else, you could have made it.

    Your mentality reminds me of high schoolers and college students that are so into themselves that they could care less about the people that actually like them because they like themselves too much. Needless to say many of those people don't have lots of friends here. Now that might not be you, but the attitude of "I want this, fuck my guests desires" kind of sucks.
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    Apr 22, 2010 9:06 AM GMT
    HAHAHAHA ya kay...

    I wasn't asking what you thought of me dear, I was asking for information... when I want to know your opinion of me, I'll ask for it, until then, please, keep it to your self because I'm not interested.

    BTW, I'm staying at my brothers, thus, I am the guest and I'm cooking... just wanted to clear that one up!
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    Apr 22, 2010 10:11 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHAHAHAHA ya kay...

    I wasn't asking what you thought of me dear, I was asking for information... when I want to know your opinion of me, I'll ask for it, until then, please, keep it to your self because I'm not interested.

    BTW, I'm staying at my brothers, thus, I am the guest and I'm cooking... just wanted to clear that one up!


    well you're not in college or high school, therefore no, i don't think it's normal. that's the information you wanted. i just gave some more detail into it.

    but you being at their house, makes quite a difference, so now all i said doesn't really make sense but you didn't put that in the first post icon_razz.gif
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Apr 22, 2010 10:38 AM GMT
    jayyp said
    lilTanker saidHAHAHAHA ya kay...

    I wasn't asking what you thought of me dear, I was asking for information... when I want to know your opinion of me, I'll ask for it, until then, please, keep it to your self because I'm not interested.

    BTW, I'm staying at my brothers, thus, I am the guest and I'm cooking... just wanted to clear that one up!


    well you're not in college or high school, therefore no, i don't think it's normal. that's the information you wanted. i just gave some more detail into it.

    but you being at their house, makes quite a difference, so now all i said doesn't really make sense but you didn't put that in the first post icon_razz.gif


    Lol, hmm I thought you were being sarcastic in your first response when I first read and thought it was funny. Idk, what to say, even the original post is funny to me, lol. I'm confused.icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 22, 2010 12:09 PM GMT
    I thought an irrational craving for peas means you're pregnant. Or is that pickles? You got something to tell us LilT?

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    Apr 22, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    jayyp saidOkay before everyone throws in the age card...

    When hosting somebody I just think it's really cordial to cater to them, and if you want peas make yourself some "god damn peas" that make yourself some, and offer them. If they want something else, you could have made it.

    Your mentality reminds me of high schoolers and college students that are so into themselves that they could care less about the people that actually like them because they like themselves too much. Needless to say many of those people don't have lots of friends here. Now that might not be you, but the attitude of "I want this, fuck my guests desires" kind of sucks.


    no, a gracious guest (or in this case host to someone who has been nice enough to prepare what i'm assuming was a lovely dinner) would have the good manners to keep their mouth shut if something they are served isn't their taste. they should try it, but not feel obligated to eat it.

    and lil T, yes i think your recent complacency is normal after a breakup. embrace it for a while, enjoy it even. but don't dwell too long, you'll just get bitter. i can't help you understand why you feel that way, but i've been there and from sharing my similar experience with friends of mine i know for a fact that it is not out of the ordinary. and certainly don't listen to 18 year olds giving relationship advice.
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    Apr 22, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    lilT, I think your behavior is to be expected. You may be feeling angry? insecure? bloated? ;)

    You kind of sound like a housewife who's husband just walked out and you're trying to reassure the kids that EVERYTHING's FINE! JUST FINE!

    Seriously though, If this is your first real breakup, you have to give yourself space and time to come to terms with it and deal with how you feel. A lot of people try to gloss over these things and jump back into the 'fray' and try to resume 'life as normal'. Relax, step back, take a deep breath and focus on you. Be conscious when you start pointing fingers or get bitchy with other people. Maybe break your routine and go places and do things that you wouldn't normally do (individually or as you would have as a couple).

    I know you will make it through this. - pax


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    Apr 22, 2010 2:41 PM GMT
    Thank you for the answers to the questions I ask.. it means a lot..

    and just so we are clear, I did ask before I served the meal if she liked peas (and she does) and she enjoyed what I cooked immensely, to the point where she made sure I kept the left overs for her lunch tomorrow..

    I just found it odd that for someone who usually wouldn't think "screw it, I want it" that I did AND that I got a little happiness over having peas in what I was making.. it felt important to me to have them.. just like I'm never going to eat fucking mashed potatoes EVERY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Apr 22, 2010 3:23 PM GMT
    It's very normal, especially if you were in the type of relationship where you always considered the other person's needs first. It's a good reminder that when you get into another relationship to spend just as much time focusing on your needs as you do focusing on his needs.

    Your emotions will be all over the place for a while, so don't make any major life decisions during this time.
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    Apr 22, 2010 3:27 PM GMT

    "Not a hundred percent sure where this ones coming from and not sure if it's normal or I'm just being a bitch.."

    Nah, not at all. Now if you'd taken a bag of frozen peas out of the fridge and lobbed it at her head, well....icon_lol.gif
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Apr 22, 2010 5:15 PM GMT
    Let them eat peas! Take of yourself.
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    Apr 22, 2010 5:47 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "Not a hundred percent sure where this ones coming from and not sure if it's normal or I'm just being a bitch.."

    Nah, not at all. Now if you'd taken a bag of frozen peas out of the fridge and lobbed it at her head, well....icon_lol.gif

    LMAO have this mental image of lilT using her head as target practice....
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    Apr 22, 2010 6:01 PM GMT
    what if it had been your millionaire great aunt likely to write you off the will if you served her peas.
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    Apr 22, 2010 6:04 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidSo, this is really my first breakup, I'd never really dated anyone before my self so I have no real baseline of what to expect, but, something I've noticed..

    I've stopped caring, well, not about my self, oh no, I'm loving my self like mad haha (that sounds so dirty)... an example, I was making dinner for myself, brother and his women, the women can be a little picky with food, I wanted peas, not sure if she liked peas or not I didn't really give a damn, I wanted peas and gawd damn it, I was having peas and her not liking it, well, tough luck..

    Not a hundred percent sure where this ones coming from and not sure if it's normal or I'm just being a bitch..

    Thankfully, she liked the peas.. I didn't ask because I was preparing it while they were out and listening to music, had a grove going and just enjoying the alone time cooking and I really couldn't give a damn to be honest, I wanted the damned peas!

    So, this sorta normal?


    Congratulations...your now cumming out of your sheltered little cocoon and transforming into a wonderful butterfly!!
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    Apr 22, 2010 8:23 PM GMT
    Your peas are obviously symbolic.




    As peas often are.






    peas3.jpg
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    Apr 22, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    its good to know that this is a normal process having never done it before I'm not sure whats caused by the breakup or whats just me being in a bad bitchy mood haha

    I love my peas, there just tasty icon_biggrin.gif I love my vegetables as a whole, except potatoes!

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    Apr 22, 2010 10:20 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidits good to know that this is a normal process having never done it before I'm not sure whats caused by the breakup or whats just me being in a bad bitchy mood haha

    I love my peas, there just tasty icon_biggrin.gif I love my vegetables as a whole, except potatoes!


    So your All meat and no potatoes?
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    Apr 22, 2010 11:00 PM GMT
    It's the little things we do that makes us feel like we're looking after ourselves and our needs.

    People who know what they want and can look after themselves make better lovers, in my opinion.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 22, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    i'm sorry stud! hug
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    Apr 22, 2010 11:23 PM GMT
    tommo said

    People who know what they want and can look after themselves make better lovers, in my opinion.
    Thats bold and called confidence, one of the most attractive qualities in a man, slap whatever you want on it, dinner party, serving pea's, business suit or hosting a tupperware party, be true to yourself!