Laughter is the best medicine, serious is dull

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2008 9:34 PM GMT
    ANNUAL SENIORS TEST



    It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

    Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we

    grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it,

    you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of

    intelligence.

    Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The

    spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your

    answer.

    OK, relax, clear your mind, scroll down and begin.



    1. What do you put in a toaster?



    Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else.

    Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.



    2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?



    Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next

    question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content

    yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you

    said "water", proceed to question 3.



    3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from

    blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is

    made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?



    Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why

    are you still reading these???

    If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.



    4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over

    Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided

    into West Germany and East Germany ) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot,

    realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash

    landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and

    the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between

    East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East

    Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?



    Answer: You don't bury survivors.

    If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said,

    "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.



    5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to

    Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading,

    six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swenson, two people get off and

    four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea,

    three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get

    off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

    What was the name of the bus driver?



    Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

    Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!




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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2008 9:35 PM GMT
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    First Time

    A couple were sitting up waiting for their teenage son
    to come home from a social engagement when the boy
    came into the house with a big smile on his face. "Hi,
    Mom! Hi, Dad! he said breathlessly. "Guess what! I've
    just had sex for the first time, and it was
    wonderful!"
    His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's
    your son. You talk to him". Then she left the room.
    The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become
    a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the
    occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been
    wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to
    get it".
    "That's OK, Dad", said the boy. "I couldn't ride it
    right now anyway. My ass is too sore!


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    Jan 27, 2008 9:36 PM GMT
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    A gay couple were sharing a bottle of wine when the first guy said,
    "I bet you can't tell me something that'll make me both happy and sad
    at the same time".

    The second guy thought about if for a few moments, and then said,
    "Your dick is bigger & tastes better than your dad's dick."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2008 9:51 PM GMT
    CUM on u guys,...everyone says they love humor on their profile but where's the LAUGHTER?

    post some,...love to read ur funny jokes or stories, keep it icon_neutral.gif neutral so everyone could enjoy. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    You know why your turds are tapered? So your asshole doesn't slam shut.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2008 3:09 AM GMT
    I'm not laughing. I totally failed that test!

    OK OK, Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

    BECAUSE she was a woman!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2008 6:14 AM GMT
    What do you call left over spaghetti in spanish?

    Pasta Manana! (Yes Squarejaw, its the OOOW joke icon_rolleyes.gif )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2008 6:22 AM GMT
    I passed the testicon_cool.gif, with a lousy 60%icon_confused.gif, but it was fun... felt like I was back in Middle School for second. Awwh, you've made my night and eased my spirits all at once. Laughter truly is the best medicine icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 28, 2008 10:57 AM GMT
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    Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast in fection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

    Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

    Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


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    Jan 28, 2008 11:01 AM GMT
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    A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquired. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

    "6 shots?? Are you celebrating something?" Yeah, my first blowjob," the man answered. "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

    "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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    Jan 28, 2008 11:05 AM GMT
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    There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.

    So first he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need"), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.

    Finally the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jack off. The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy: "You idiot, I was trying to say, I need a hand saw". The other guy replied: "I know, I was trying to tell you that "I am cuming...".

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 12:40 AM GMT

    What does a "man" and "lineoleum" have in common?


    If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years!





    What does a "blonde" and "dog shit" have in common?


    The older they get....the easier they are to pick up!
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    Jan 29, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    Good 1, u guys icon_lol.gif
  • helium

    Posts: 378

    Jan 29, 2008 4:47 AM GMT
    I got one here.

    A gay man woke up and started getting to work. His boyfriend woke up soon afterwards and placed a condom and began to JO. When the first guy comes back, he sees what his boyfriend is doing and asks, "What are you doing?" The other guy replies back, "I'm just packing you a lunch."

    LOL...

    It was sick and twisted when I got it from a friend but I couldn't help but share the wealth of that joke. icon_razz.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 5:44 AM GMT
    helium,...that was classic, LMAO icon_lol.gif

    Keep them cumming, guys and thanks its awlyas good to lguah,....icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 29, 2008 6:03 AM GMT
    Five guys are sitting in a hot tub. A condom floats to the surface. One of them asks: Who farted?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 6:12 AM GMT
    oh gawd stop,...icon_lol.gif I mean don't stop thats too funny LMAO. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 7:13 PM GMT
    gevit2u The one you posted about the construction workers had me in tears, that was PRICELESS !!! I've got to find some to post !!! be back later !!!
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    Jan 29, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    If two gay men and two lesbians are in a race, who will win?






    The lesbians because while the two gay men are still packing their sh1t, the lesbians will be gone lickity split.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    Thanks realifedad,...glad u enjoyed it icon_biggrin.gif

    Gigaram,....icon_lol.gif need I say more,...LMAO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:22 PM GMT
    Gigaram saidIf two gay men and two lesbians are in a race, who will win?






    The lesbians because while the two gay men are still packing their sh1t, the lesbians will be gone lickity split.


    HAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:26 PM GMT
    A Gay man is hosting a pool party and as he's making his rounds he notices a condom floating in the pool. He then looks at everyone in the pool and with his little attitude says "Ok, who the hell farted in the pool?!?!?"

  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jan 29, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    Ok...the packing a lunch with the guy jo in a condom...priceless. Bill Cosby never pushed that kind of jello icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

    Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila.'

    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

    She looked up again and said, 'Never mind. I found one.
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    Jan 30, 2008 5:41 AM GMT
    Love it, keep it cuming,...icon_lol.gif