He says he is straight. Hes dating my best friend. Hes everything she wants in a guy and he tried to hook up with me.

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    Apr 24, 2010 3:58 AM GMT
    So Ive been friends with this girl for quite some time. We worked together and at the time just became friends. She kept talking about her boyfriend and one day he came into work to visit her. Hes a total Abercrombie & Fitch type model.Hes a total jock and almost every girl I know wants to hop on it. He has everything and then some. Everyone made jokes telling her they think hes gay but I never paid attention to it.

    When she would talk about him he always seemed to good to be true. Hes very religious and comes from a tight knit family. Started working at a young age and had money saved up in the bank. He wanted to move away to go build a church with his buddies and she almost went with him until she finally woke up and decided not to.

    They are high school sweethearts. They are always breaking up and getting back together. He can probably get almost any girl he wants but he chooses her. Shes like his pet. He gets rid of her and then comes back and she always comes running to him.

    I always kept my comments to myself but I always questioned whether or not he really liked her or if he was just playing it safe because his family is very conservative. We all hung out the other night together. We went to his place after the bar and everyone was having a good time. When it was time to leave I realized I couldnt drive so I was just going to go back to my friends house. He told me I could just crash at his place. I dont really know him that well but I figured I might as well stay since my car was already there.

    Everyone left and it was just the two of us. I was going to go to bed but he told me he wanted to stay up for a couple of hours and talk since we really didnt know each other. We spent the beginning of the time drinking beer and talking about my friend. He was telling me how he loved her and all that garbage. He told me that when he first met me he thought I had a crush oh her only to find out I was into guys. then he started asking me personal questions about my sexuality. At first I felt weirded out but I just assumed he didnt know much coming from a small town. He went to the bathroom and when he came out he was in his boxer briefs and thats when it went downhill from there.

    Obviously hes a hot piece of ass so of course I took a look. He came up to me on the couch to "get the remote" and ended up right in my face. He then asked me if I found him attractive. Obviously I said yes. One thing led to another and my self respect went out the door. The next morning after everything I had to promise him I wouldnt say anything.

    Shame on me for doing what I did especially with my best friends bf but I dont know if I should tell her of if I should keep my mouth shut. If i were to tell her I would lose her as a friend for sure. We hung out together last night and it was so akward. He asked me again to keep my mouth shut and I told him I would never tell. Later that night he sent me a text saying he wanted to come by my apartment. I told him no.

    What should I do?
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    Apr 24, 2010 6:11 AM GMT
    If it was just a one time thing then I would just forget about it and say nothing, not to anyone especially to your female friend. But seriously ask yourself this question, Are you willing to trust this guy who obviously cheated on his girlfriend? what make you thing he is not going to do the same thing to you some other time!? think about it!!


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 24, 2010 6:21 AM GMT
    Heck this is almost too much for television LOL
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    Apr 24, 2010 12:15 PM GMT
    1. You are being an asshole to this girl - you need to re-evalutate your friendship if you continue on with screwing him.

    2. With his history do you think he is going to be offering a relationship with you? He's simply exploring his own feelings, and for the way he approached you I don't think you were his first.

    3. If you want to throw away your friendship with this girl, and you just want to be a bit of casual fun while this guy cheats on her... then go for it. But I don't think anyone would respect you, least of all yourself.
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    Apr 24, 2010 12:29 PM GMT
    When this guy breaks up with your best friend, will he tell her about this one-night-stand in a fit of anger?

    This may come back at a later time and might hurt your relationship more then. It's best to come out and say it now... or at least as soon as emotionally possible for you.

    Your friend has a right to know that the guy she is with has no problem hooking-up... and that her friend has also made a huge mistake in judgement.

    You're a human being I presume--we all make mistakes. It's more honorable to come out and admit to wrong-doing than to try and sweep it under the rug. It may take some time for her to forgive you... if she does at all. If she deosn't forgive you, she may want to re-evaluate her relationships with other humans and stick with animals instead.

    Turn the tables around--your boyfriend hits on this girl and they have sex. Would you want to know what your boyfriend has done? Would you want to know what your best friend has done?

    Good luck. Ask her for forgiveness... and also try to forgive yourself--sometimes the latter is harder than the former.
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    Apr 24, 2010 12:46 PM GMT
    Yes, I used to be friends with a gal and her hot rock-climbing HUSBAND. Then he came to visit me (alone) and came out to me and started to put the moves on me...It ended up costing me both friendships but I retained my self-respect. It's always hard to know how to handle these situations though, and it's sad that they can still happen in this day and age...
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    Apr 24, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    conscienti1984 saidWhen this guy breaks up with your best friend, will he tell her about this one-night-stand in a fit of anger?

    This may come back at a later time and might hurt your relationship more then. It's best to come out and say it now... or at least as soon as emotionally possible for you.

    Your friend has a right to know that the guy she is with has no problem hooking-up... and that her friend has also made a huge mistake in judgement.

    You're a human being I presume--we all make mistakes. It's more honorable to come out and admit to wrong-doing than to try and sweep it under the rug. It may take some time for her to forgive you... if she does at all. If she deosn't forgive you, she may want to re-evaluate her relationships with other humans and stick with animals instead.

    Turn the tables around--your boyfriend hits on this girl and they have sex. Would you want to know what your boyfriend has done? Would you want to know what your best friend has done?

    Good luck. Ask her for forgiveness... and also try to forgive yourself--sometimes the latter is harder than the former.



    Great overall advice! but if the friendship of the OP and the girl is solid and worth keeping, is it worth compromising or damaging it? ( because no matter how honest people are with each other when trust is broken the relationship with each other WILL NEVER be the same again)

    If a friendship is worth keeping why bother to compromise it by confessing your mistakes so as to come clean with your conscious, when the other friend's conscious can remain intact if not aware of what wrong you did! I am not encouraging lying as an outlet but if I admit to have made the mistake and feel real bad about is because I am willing to not do it again, having said that it is my sole responsibility to forgive myself and to break contact with the person I screwed around with in the first place!! hence once I overcome such hurdles my integrity can be restored and I can go on with what is important to me, in this case the person who I broke the trust to.

    You know even thou honesty is always the best policy once is broken, no matter how much you try to glue it back together the distrust/broken part of it will always be there no matter how much you try to hide it or mend it.

    If you are the type of person who admits to having made a mistake and then try to not do the same mistake again, I don't think is necessary to jeopardize the feeling of mistrust you get from the person whose trust you violated in the first place. But if you are the type of person who does not learn from your mistakes I think the least you can do is owe the person you lied to or broke their trust with an explanation; although I doubted such a person will ever have the integrity or the courage to do so!?


    Leandro ♥
  • Celticmusl

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    Apr 24, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    I know this sounds really weird but there are some women who don't think it's really cheating if it's with another guy. Maybe she already knows a little bit about that side of his life. I wouldn't ask him because he will tell you what he wants you to hear. Ask her some questions about it every once in awhile and see what she says.

    I suggest not telling her at this point in time. Maybe a better opportunity in the future will present itself in telling her.
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    Apr 24, 2010 2:18 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI know this sounds really weird but there are some women who don't think it's really cheating if it's with another guy. Maybe she already knows a little bit about that side of his life. I wouldn't ask him because he will tell you what he want you to hear. Ask her some questions about it every once in awhile and see what she says.

    I suggest not telling her at this point in time. Maybe a better opportunity in the future will present itself in telling her.


    Celticmusl women for the most part are very intuitive, thus they are pretty good at suspecting, but some also at denying the true nature of their men! that is one of the reasons I love hanging around females friends, their gaydar is head on most of the time. I also agree if the OP wants to come clean with his conscious to ask her a few questions about infidelity and such to see how she feels and reacts.


    Leandro ♥
  • rnch

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    Apr 24, 2010 2:43 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI know this sounds really weird but there are some women who don't think it's really cheating if it's with another guy. Maybe she already knows a little bit about that side of his life...
    yes indeed! a close friend wife's encouraged me to come over when she was out of town on business trips; knowing that her husband would get shit faced drunk and try to hook up with me. the three of us also had a couple of wild, drunken 3 ways.

    her point of view was that as long as he and i were sleeping together; he wasn't cheating on her.

    it is a strange marriage! but it seems to work for both of them. icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 24, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif saucy story

    we all make mistakes.... you made one, and knew it right away. The other guy though, sounds like it's pathological behaviour on his part. He'll keep doing this to your friend with other people too.
    (all this is based of course on harsh generalizations, and loose assumptions) icon_biggrin.gif
    unless you feel like it's weighing too heavy on you, I don't think you should tell her.
    If the BF really is the douche I take him for, and your friend is not a halfwit, she'll hopefully soon see him for what he is.
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    Apr 24, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    icon_twisted.gif

    The "devil" in me says: admit to your friend what happened so she can protect herself from him (STDs and go knows what!)... then show up at his church and out him there. What a M---F---r!!!

    icon_razz.gif

    The "angelic" side of me says: write a note to your girlfriend and tell her she has good reason to watch herself around this guy... 'cause he was "dropping hints" over drinks that night that he is far from safe - for anyone. And she should check out his past carefully.

    You're gonna get lots of advice on this - eventually though, I think you should let her know because her safety is way more important than anyone's pride in this equation. That's how I see it.
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    Apr 24, 2010 2:51 PM GMT
    I only hope you don't assume you're the only man he's slept or sleeping with. Go get an STI screening and stay away from him, for own sake and your friend's. Telling her or not is up to you.
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    Apr 24, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    res_ident saidicon_twisted.gif

    The "devil" in me says: admit to your friend what happened so she can protect herself from him (STDs and go knows what!)... then show up at his church and out him there. What a M---F---r!!!

    icon_razz.gif

    The "angelic" side of me says: write a note to your girlfriend and tell her she has good reason to watch herself around this guy... 'cause he was "dropping hints" over drinks that night that he is far from safe - for anyone. And she should check out his past carefully.

    You're gonna get lots of advice on this - eventually though, I think you should let her know because her safety is way more important than anyone's pride in this equation. That's how I see it.


    I don't really think it is the OP's place to out him at the church... The OP is just as bad for sleeping with the guy as the guy is for sleeping with the OP.

    I do agree she should know though.

    One of my best mates, female, had similar prob. Although she went to the BF's house while he was out and found his Gaydar profile open on the computer - he was asking for unprotected sex as anonymous as possible. And he was a cop.
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    Apr 24, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidIf it was just a one time thing then I would just forget about it and say nothing, not to anyone especially to your female friend. But seriously ask yourself this question, Are you willing to trust this guy who obviously cheated on his girlfriend? what make you thing he is not going to do the same thing to you some other time!? think about it!!


    Leandro ♥




    Dude im not trying to date the guy. Im not into him like that.
  • somedaytoo

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    Apr 24, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    Ride the wave~~~
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    Im not trying to date him. It only happened one time.

    I think I was his first experience. He told me he never tried it before and he was curious and he trusted me for some odd reason because I never was close to him. And he was very nervous when it started to happen. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. I dont believe hes the type to go around and spray his babies all over the place. If he did we would know about it. And we talked about alot from our family, friends, etc. before it even got to that point. I think it reached a level where he felt comfortable around me to be honest and we established a trust with each other.

    And to be honest it wasnt even that great. When he texted me about doing it again at first I said no because he was so inexperienced. But then he told me he wanted me to teach him how to get better.

    Im not trying to go down that route. I should have never done it but when a naked guy with an 8 pack is in my face Im not thinking about my morals.

    I think I will just keep my mouth shut.
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:11 PM GMT
    My thoughts....

    1. He hooked up with you, so it's safe to assume he's hooked up with at least one other guy.

    2. Because your friend is dating him yet is unaware of his sexual encounters with me, she deserves to know. What if he gives her an STD?

    3. Cheating with your friend's boyfriend NEVER pays off. Karma is real.

    TELL HER! EVEN IF YOU LOSE HER FRIENDSHIP, AT LEAST SHE'LL BE ABLE TO PROTECT HER HEALTH.
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    LagerLunt saidIm not trying to date him. It only happened one time.

    I think I was his first experience. He told me he never tried it before and he was curious and he trusted me for some odd reason because I never was close to him. And he was very nervous when it started to happen. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. I dont believe hes the type to go around and spray his babies all over the place. If he did we would know about it. And we talked about alot from our family, friends, etc. before it even got to that point. I think it reached a level where he felt comfortable around me to be honest and we established a trust with each other.

    And to be honest it wasnt even that great. When he texted me about doing it again at first I said no because he was so inexperienced. But then he told me he wanted me to teach him how to get better.

    Im not trying to go down that route. I should have never done it but when a naked guy with an 8 pack is in my face Im not thinking about my morals.

    I think I will just keep my mouth shut.


    Dude none of this matters if you value her friendship. If you do, you would man up and let her know what horrible thing you've done.

    Just cause there is a cock in your face doesn't mean you have to suck it.

    Putting myself in the same situation, my friends mean too much to me to waste a friendship on drunken sex.
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    AussieBody said
    res_ident saidicon_twisted.gif

    The "devil" in me says: admit to your friend what happened so she can protect herself from him (STDs and go knows what!)... then show up at his church and out him there. What a M---F---r!!!



    I don't really think it is the OP's place to out him at the church... The OP is just as bad for sleeping with the guy as the guy is for sleeping with the OP.

    I do agree she should know though.

    One of my best mates, female, had similar prob. Although she went to the BF's house while he was out and found his Gaydar profile open on the computer - he was asking for unprotected sex as anonymous as possible. And he was a cop.


    LOL!! Did you note the devil icon?!? I KNOW he's not gonna do that! PA-LEASE! I'm not a moron - just an instigator. icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent saidMy thoughts....

    1. He hooked up with you, so it's safe to assume he's hooked up with at least one other guy.

    2. Because your friend is dating him yet is unaware of his sexual encounters with me, she deserves to know. What if he gives her an STD?

    3. Cheating with your friend's boyfriend NEVER pays off. Karma is real.

    TELL HER! EVEN IF YOU LOSE HER FRIENDSHIP, AT LEAST SHE'LL BE ABLE TO PROTECT HER HEALTH.




    I will tell her when the time is right. Hopefully since hes so devoted to his faith he will end up saying something so I dont have to.
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    LagerLunt said
    ALEZANDAR saidIf it was just a one time thing then I would just forget about it and say nothing, not to anyone especially to your female friend. But seriously ask yourself this question, Are you willing to trust this guy who obviously cheated on his girlfriend? what make you thing he is not going to do the same thing to you some other time!? think about it!!


    Leandro ♥




    Dude im not trying to date the guy. Im not into him like that.



    I f you were not into him why than did you fucked? it is not a question whether you were into him in any way shape or form, but more a question of how is your conscious dealing with the guilt? and if you didn't have any guilt why are you worry about how your female friend will react? but seriously if it was only a one time, no string attach, opportunistic sort of thing why bother come clean with your friend? if you feel that your co-worker's feelings and friendship is worth respecting and keeping, but you already realized to have violated her trust and the respect she deserves, why not just turn the page and move on by avoiding the cheating boyfriend; AND in the process learn from this experience by being a bit more conscientious of other people's feelings besides your own, and believe me doing so will avoid you from getting more headaches in the future.

    At his point the question you need to ask yourself is, who is more important, your co-worker's friendship or her boyfriend's continued sexual advances towards you? who do you like best? and if you want both, oh well you made be entitled to have the whole cake and eat it too, but I sure hope you don't complain later if you get some indigestion from the experience!! but seriously do you think that your confession is going to undo the actions that already took place? or better yet that coming clean is going to undo the fact that you and her boyfriend may have violated the trust she could have in both of you?


    Leandro ♥
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:43 PM GMT


    icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 24, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    LagerLunt said
    BlkMuscleGent saidMy thoughts....

    1. He hooked up with you, so it's safe to assume he's hooked up with at least one other guy.

    2. Because your friend is dating him yet is unaware of his sexual encounters with me, she deserves to know. What if he gives her an STD?

    3. Cheating with your friend's boyfriend NEVER pays off. Karma is real.

    TELL HER! EVEN IF YOU LOSE HER FRIENDSHIP, AT LEAST SHE'LL BE ABLE TO PROTECT HER HEALTH.




    I will tell her when the time is right. Hopefully since hes so devoted to his faith he will end up saying something so I dont have to.




    "Devoted to his faith?" That's laughable. Based on what you've shared, he has violated the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

    How? (1) He has lied to his girlfriend. (2) He has strung her along and treated her as if she's worth very little to him. If some guy treated this guy's sister like that, this guy would be pissed. (3) He has cheated on her with you--her friend, no less--and he wants you to keep quiet.

    THIS GUY IS SELFISH AND DISHONORABLE. HE IS NOT ACTING LIKE A TRUE CHRISTIAN.


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    Apr 24, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    Even though it may cost you your friendship, I think the right thing to do is to tell your friend about what happened between you and her boyfriend.