I've always wondered -- if my friend was gay or st8? I'd really appreciate your opinion.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2008 2:21 AM GMT
    This happened several years ago, but it's always been in the back of my mind, and I'd like to know what you think about it:

    I had this friend -- supposedly st8. I never told him I was gay. I also never made a move on him -- not even flirting, because he was married. Nothing ever happened.

    But we became good buddies. He went out of his way to build the relationship. We were both into sports, so we ran together, played together on a softball team, etc.

    Anyway, he used to do stuff to me that made me wonder about him, for instance:

    1) On a couple of occasions giving me these really long hugs. It was especially unusual behavior for him, because he was not really a touchy-feely person. For example, even though his relationship with his Mom was good, he never hugged her.

    2) I was wearing a tank top one day and he couldn't keep his hands off my biceps -- I thought, wow, he sure seems to like this. I mean, he was all over me.

    3) We once had a business meeting with a potential client and the meeting went extraordinarily well. Later his wife told me that he was so complimentary toward me re: my handling of the meeting that she thought he was going to leave her and move it with me. She was joking, but still I thought it was an odd thing to say. . .

    4) Also, once we had just finished watching a movie about a couple that divorced or something and his wife asked him -- What would you do if something happened to me? And he instantly replied he'd take the dog and move in with me.

    5) He used to stare at me a lot LOL

    Anyway, that's a long post, but I was really wondering if you guys thought that he was st8 and just liked me a lot, or if he was bi, or gay, or what. . . . or if I'm just embellishing and what he did was not indicative of anything. . .

    By the way, I'm not thinking about doing anything about it, not at all. . . He moved when his company transferred him, and I haven't been in touch with him for years. . . and absolutely no plans to get back in touch. I've just wondered about this for so long.

    Thanks for your opinion !!
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    Jan 28, 2008 8:48 AM GMT
    lol I would get back in touch with him!!!

    haha

    some guys are very comfortable...
    though the touching of the biceps is a little much..
    my straight best friend(believe me he is, he likes pussy way too much and cant stand to see other guys penises)...
    he would sometimes ask for hugs...its our friendship...it wasmorre like we were brothers than anything..we just had a great bond..and I set him up with my female best friend and they been together mainly for 3 years..

    in your case though ure best friend might have had a straight crush on u...its normal I think...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2008 8:53 AM GMT
    it was smart of you not to reciprocate. that's all. x
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    Jan 28, 2008 9:33 AM GMT
    Sounds "bi"
  • GQjock

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    Jan 28, 2008 12:06 PM GMT
    There were some very strong signals but you can never be too sure
    He might not even be completely aware of these feelings or he might have them so guarded and secretly hidden that he'll deny them til kingdom come
    In other words I'd be careful about trying to get him to come out to you
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    Jan 28, 2008 12:58 PM GMT
    ya...you can't be sure. I have a friend (who I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish was gay..he's sooo hot) who always has his hands on me.

    We play soccer together and when we win he likes to run up to me (especially when I'm not looking) and jump on me and tackle me to the ground. One time he knocked me down and then licked my face. He's always hugging and loves to wrestle.

    I thought maybe he was at least curious, but now I think it's just more that he loves the male bonding aspect of rough housing. (To be fair, I'm not the only one he tackles...but I pretend like I am).

    I'm not putting any moves on him...I'm just going to enjoy the physical side of our friendship...and quietly whack off after every win.

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    Jan 29, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    Yeah, that is what I was thinking, that he was maybe gay way down deep -- but would never acknowledge it to himself, much less anyone else.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 29, 2008 1:09 AM GMT
    LittleDude, and tommysguns,

    Your friends are gay, or at the very least bi. Maybe they don't know it, but they are.

    I have seen straight guys, do gay things, but what you guys are saying, well I have never seen a straight guy do stuff like that.

    Just my opinion.

    Mike
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    Jan 29, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    I live in a house with 11 other guys, they are practicly like brothers. Most of us have known each other for at least 4 years. Anyway we have amazing bonds and I'm positive none of them are gay. Dispite all of the "random gay acts" like prolonged hugs, touching, ect. I think that your friend has great value in the bond that you two share, but there is always that slight chance.
  • RyeMac

    Posts: 50

    Jan 29, 2008 7:31 AM GMT
    Very intriguing topic !

    In not pursuing it L-D, I venture to say that you showed great wisdom and maturity......!icon_smile.gif
    You could still meet this man sometime in the future and re-kindle a friendship, i'm sure.

    That said....... let me throw some gasoline on the fire and see what consensus there is.....

    .....paraphrasing Godfatha..... ~icon_smile.gif

    "if Kinsey has taught us anything" ..... it's that a man....any man.... any "normal" man .... given plenty of "incentives" ___
    ___[ drugs, booze, money, coupled with Xtreme horniness & need 4 affection and/OR the safety of absolute anonymity (!).... ] ____

    any man can, at at least ONE point in his life..... "make" it to orgasm with another dude. Period.


    Does that make him "gay".....?? Maybe it depends on the EMOTIONALITY of and around the experience in actual time, but also in "memory" time .... and whether this is something now to be sought after and re-lived with men ....and to the exclusion of women....

    maybe ??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 7:58 AM GMT
    Nah - I call straight on this one. Nothing near what I would call 'compelling' evidence to even suggesting being bi.
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    Jan 29, 2008 8:03 AM GMT


    I just felt like randomly placing a chris crocker video. He seems pretty damn smart and since i don't have a life i have seen all 51 of his videos.
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    Jan 29, 2008 8:08 AM GMT
    Actually i think you were pretty dumb by never coming out to him. He may very well have been the one and now you lost your chance. I too would conatact him or figure it out. Of course then again i was crazy enough to take my cat all the way to rochester New york thinking io had found the one and he turned out to be more of a dud.icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:49 PM GMT
    Well, the thing is, he was married (still is, as far as I know), so even if he was gay, I wouldn't do anything to break up a marriage -- like revealing to him that I'm gay, and one thing leading to another. It just isn't right and it's not principled behavior.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:52 PM GMT
    sounds to me like you are the one infatuated with him and he just admires you as a very very close friend who he is capable of showing all his emotions too. Friends like to make their friends feel good simple as that.

    Im assuming he knows that you are gay? But either way I think you are reading way more into it than there is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    Again, I would NEVER assume anyone to be Gay until they are down on their knees in front of me!!

    I'm with Tommyguns, it's probably just horsing around! My closest long term friends are ALL straight and we all carry on as such and it ain't no thang but a chicken wang!!!
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    Jan 29, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    i also think he was just horsing around. he's probably very affectionate in a puppy-dog sort of way. i am very touchy with some of my female friends, but i sure don't want to bang them. and i stare at everyone, even little old ladies. and i fo' shore don't want to bang them. icon_razz.gif

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    Jan 29, 2008 11:06 PM GMT
    He's totally gay for you!
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    Jan 29, 2008 11:24 PM GMT
    I agree you never know...But that doesn;t change that he is still married..

    I would say BI though! At least curious in the end. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 29, 2008 11:37 PM GMT
    I think that he loves you... but maybe nothing more. At this point in his life and before, he has chosen to be with a woman that he loves. He very well may have some really deep feelings for you, be in love with you, have a man crush on you or just feel so safe with you as a friend that he is able to get what I think all men need is the touch of a man. Sure he may be bi or even gay, but I think that you played it right. Except... If it were me, I'd want to keep in touch with him. I have a friend that is very similar. He's an ex professional football player and gives me better hugs than any lover ever has. When he comes up to me and wraps his huge Italian arms around me he often breaks out in a sweat and holds me for what seems like forever. I have never pushed my sexuality on him as I'm afraid that it would push him away. So I just enjoy the deep "non-sexual" intimacy of our friendship.

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    Jan 29, 2008 11:47 PM GMT
    That sounds like a very sweet friendship that is very important to him, and probably helps him sustain his own marriage, odd as that may sound. Sorry there's such distance now.
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    Jan 29, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    He's GAY I tell you! GAY! GAY! GAY! Ahahahhahahahahaha!
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Jan 29, 2008 11:57 PM GMT
    MikePhil saidLittleDude, and tommysguns,

    Your friends are gay, or at the very least bi. Maybe they don't know it, but they are.

    I have seen straight guys, do gay things, but what you guys are saying, well I have never seen a straight guy do stuff like that.

    Just my opinion.

    Mike


    Let's not forget that Metrosexuals are straights too. Also, our's is a puritanical country that sexualizes touch way too much. Guys from other countries where they'll hold hands or walk arm in arm, only stop doing that when they come to the US or some other country that has been tarnished by Western Civilization.

    I've known straight men who are comfortable enough with themselves to lower their inhibitions and be touchy with other guys. Doesn't make them gay, g0y, or otherwise. I find it refreshing when I see a guy just being chummy without the specter of naughty sex over him, and I usually leave thinking that's all there is to it, unless he tries to slip his tongue in my mouth, or welcomes mine.

    Since your friend hasn't contacted you, LittleDude, I'd say it's safe to keep him in the straight category. He's happy with the vajayjay for now. You could always send him a note to let him know you're gay and see if/how he responds if you really want to know.
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    Jan 29, 2008 11:59 PM GMT
    I wish, mikephil....I really wish...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2008 12:16 AM GMT
    It's not a question, LittleDude, of whether he's gay or not. HIs behavior was not platonic, period. That doesn't mean he'd want to go further and have sex, but that he had a desire for a connection with you that goes far beyond the bounds of a platonic friendship.

    Let's say he's not at the far straight end of the Kinsey scale, and, if there was such a scale for emotional bonding, he's certainly not at the straight end either.

    It's too bad you guys didn't at least talk about it, though I know it would be difficult to bring up, especially since you might fear that you were misinterpeting, and he'd go running scared.

    By the way, I understand that people might occasionally display over the top intimate physically affectionate behavior in certain moments, or under the influence of alcohol. That happens.

    But for someone to repetitively encourage or seek physical contact betrays a desire to systematically do that. Sorry....he's not straight. But, it also doesn't mean he'd want more either.

    John