Best Friend Advice


  • Apr 25, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    I was pretty wary about the choosing the title of this thread because I feel like he's slipping away, but here's the story:

    I met him last Spring. He and I hung out literally every day of our summer after we were first introduced to each other. Our personalities clicked right away and, although it didn't get officially "serious", we did have a sort of spring fling if that's what you'd call it. When fall came and it was time for school is when we decided it would be best to just continue as friends so that we don't lose each other. About 45 mins separate our colleges, not much but enough to consider long distance in our case.

    Anyway, he's had a boyfriend for almost 2 months now. I haven't met him yet. His boyfriend has been pretty cautious about meeting a guy that he had something with. When I got a chance to visit my friends campus during these two months, his boyfriend who has some medical condition stayed home because he wasn't feeling well so I didn't get to meet him that night.

    Last week, my friend called me and told me that he gave in to temptation and emailed some local guy he met online. His boyfriend found out somehow but he swore to me that he didn't meet the guy and I believed him. He asked me to cover for him by telling his boyfriend that I was using his email. After being interrogated by his boyfriend who didn't believe either of us, my friend told him the truth. Now, because I covered for him, the boyfriend thinks worse of me and I'm not sure if meeting him is going to happen anytime soon.

    I asked my friend to fix it because I want his best friend and boyfriend to finally meet and get to know each other; get along. He said he's trying his best and he thinks it's just a phase he'll get over but I'm not hopeful about the whole thing.

    Should I contact the boyfriend myself? Should I not? Give it some time to see if it'll blow over? What do you guys think?
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    Apr 25, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    meh, he tried to be devious and it backfired.. tsk tsk tsk, naughty boys! icon_razz.gif

    Don't bother contacting the boyfriend, he's not to be worried about, as long as the friendship between you two is still strong, then I wouldn't have a problem with it personally.

    If the boyfriend tries to drive a wedge between you two, your friend should have a few good words with him, but otherwise, you just need to let your mate deal with it himself..

    But next time dear... if your going to get put in the shitter with your mate, at least make it worth while.. ya know.. (I don't mean sexually btw)
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    Apr 25, 2010 12:18 PM GMT
    What is it the straight boys say?...Oh yeah…Bro’s before Hoe’s.
    Try and stay out of it, even if the new guy hates you, sound as if the new guy won’t be around long anyway.
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    Apr 25, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    If that bf of his gets all angry after a couple emails, then that relationship isn't going to last long. I would say let it go, that bf will be gone before you know it.
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    Apr 25, 2010 12:30 PM GMT
    To be honest, it's nothing to do with you in the slightest.

    Your friend asked you to cover for him, like a friend you did, that is ok.

    The bf found out, so it's your friends problem to fix. Nothing more nothing less.

    Remember you were there before the bf, so he will mroe than likely be wanting to impress you knowing how close you both are. But for now, chill out mate. You don't need to stress about it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 25, 2010 12:37 PM GMT
    A pretty difficult position to be in, I would never contact the bf on your own as it might upset your good friend.... and you don't need anymore issues.

    My suggestion is this: If you get to meet him (and if you don't, there isn't anything you can do), I'd do an evaluation as whether you should bring it up at all. If it's a little formal or rigid and you and your friend's bf are not clicking, I'd be polite and not say anything. If it seems welcoming and he's being openly friendly, I might apologize for what happened (but don't ever say anything about, "well he wanted me to" or "I would never have done anything like that if I hadn't been asked" or a comment that puts your friend in a bad place. If you comment at all, I'd say, "I'm sorry that happened" and leave it alone.
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    Apr 25, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    I'm probably from "old school" but you did put you and your friend in a "not so good" position by going along with his lie. Of course his bf isn't going to trust either of you as well as he would have otherwise, it's just human nature. Put yourself in his position and see if you'd have a slight trust issue afterward. Next time, when your friend asks you to do something like that again, ask yourself a question, "How would I feel in his (in this case the bf) shoes?" and use that as your guide as to what to do.
    As for contacting the bf? I wouldn't. He's liable to think that you and your friend are pressuring him to "give in" and forgive. That can only create further problems for everyone concerned. Let them work it out - one way or the other.
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    Apr 25, 2010 2:24 PM GMT
    OK so your best friend, who has a BF now, contacted someone locally online, and called it 'giving into temptation' and also didn't tell his BF about it.

    What did your friend mean by the temptation thing? It's hard to imagine being boyfriends and neither one being allowed to make new friends....or was there something more to this temptation thingy?

    Then he hid it from the BF. He lied. Then he asked you to lie as well.

    The boyfriend appears to have a well functioning bullshit detector.

    Then he went and told the BF everything, which would make most people in the boyfriend's position, including me, rather put-off by you and your best friend's behaviour.

    I'd never ask a friend to cover for me in that way. The initial lie was your best friend's responsibility and he should have owned it and showed more respect and reverence for the friendship you have with each other.

    What a mess.

    -Doug


  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 25, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    don't contact him. if he doesn't want to be your friend, and it sounds as if he doesn't, then you have to deal with that. i didn't always like my ex's friends and nothing said they had to like mine.
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    Apr 25, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    Yeah dude.. sounds like your best friend doesn't care too much about his boyfriend. The guy probably won't last.

    I would stay out of it.. let it run it's natural course. Just try to be there for your friend. Simple.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Apr 25, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    Hmmmm I'd worry less about what the bf thinks of you and take a closer look at your friend. He tried to deceive his ill bf then wanted you to lie for him to cover it up... I'm no expert on men icon_lol.gif but we all know how we can be. I'd cash out now if I were you. Before you lose everything.