Should I care or not...?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 26, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    Angel_crop0-2.jpg

    I have often discussed with gay friends the subject of how being with a man sexually for the very first time confirmed the emotional and physical attraction that I had for the same sex.

    While some of my friends claim their first time with another man was enjoyable, an equal number of them talk about feeling used and abused. I think we can agree that whether good or bad, our very first sexual experience with another guy will forever be implanted into our memory banks.

    I have a young man whose family I have known for a few years now. He is 19 and although quite handsome is also very shy and introverted and has never been out on a date with either male or female. I can tell by the questions and things he wants to discuss in private that he is more interested in the gay lifestyle than straight. He is not out to his family or anyone else as far as I know. Also, unless I am mistaken, I believe he has a crush on me. icon_redface.gif

    I do not feel in a position to offer anything other than advice to him, but at the same time, I feel a little protective of him as well. Any thoughts, comments or feelings on this?
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    Apr 26, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    Used and abused here for sure.
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    Apr 26, 2010 12:47 AM GMT
    Sounds like his best course of action would be to hang out wherever gays are abundant, open, and accepted in your area. Then he can have the opportunity to meet others who may have been in his shoes.
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    Apr 26, 2010 12:54 AM GMT
    since you are comfortable and accepting of your own sexuality, you must have friends that are also this way, they might be older but open, comfortable and accepting is the key here.. Invite him around when they are about, let him get to know other gay men, interact with them, talk with them, just generally be friends.

    Encourage his questions, his thoughts, let him open up and trust you, don't laugh anything down and answer everything, he might get a little private..

    If he does get a little fond of you which is kinda normal, be incredibly gentle with him, let him know you can be a friend, but to go any further wouldn't feel right for you since you are a friend of the family and all those things..
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    Apr 26, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    Good that the young man is of age, that makes any dealings with him a lot less complicated. Not that I'm insinuating that you should introduce him to the joys of gay sex or some such thing.

    I take it he knows that your are gay? If so, you should let him make the first steps to bring this topic up in conversations or even contact you. Just ask him how he's doing when you meet him and be interested in what he has to say.

    You seem to be a family friend, probably mostly of his parents, which to me would rule out any sexual interactions between him and you.
  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Apr 26, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    When you're young and inexperienced you often have no idea what to expect of other gay men.

    Coming out of high school I was very sheltered and did not have too much exposure to other gay men (even though there were many who went to my school). Being in that position I was quite insecure with myself, which made it very easy to fall for the first guy to come along.

    The best thing for him is to be around other gay people while keeping a level head. That means not having sex right away, and not getting into a committed relationship with the first guy that flirts with him. I would advise him to spend a little time building his confidence first before he considers sleeping with anyone. He needs to know that he does have choices, and that includes whether or not he really wants to have sex with a particular individual.
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    Apr 26, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    why don't you just lend him some gay porn.
    it's educational.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 26, 2010 5:08 AM GMT
    xassantex saidwhy don't you just lend him some gay porn.
    it's educational.


    I will consider this...however keep in mind, he still lives at home and if it is discovered somehow....it could lead to some uncomfortable questioning.icon_redface.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 26, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    bernd said

    You seem to be a family friend, probably mostly of his parents, which to me would rule out any sexual interactions between him and you.


    Yeah, his mom is one year older than me and his dad is 5 years older. icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 26, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    OK, personal bugaboo..
    lol, malefeet please don't tell him it's a lifestyle! (lifestyles are things like my sister being a Yukon Sourdough, or a world traveler, etc - people change lifestyles at the drop of a hat).

    xo -Doug
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    Apr 26, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    I am not sure what to tell you but i can say this and maybe this may help with the advice you give him: Growth never comes from being in the same comfortable place . Growth only comes from putting yourself in a slightly uncomfortable place.

    Not really talking about sex here. This really relates to a lot of things whether it is considering a new job, moving away from home, a new exercise, or to try a new hobby , sport, go back to school, etc.

    Growth never comes from a life led the same way as your past.

    All you can do is lend him your experiences and insights. He has to make the final decision.

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    Apr 26, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    When I first came out I wish I had someone I could lean on for support. If you can do that for him, and be willing to guide and direct this guy, I think a fruitful friendship could happen.

    Now the obsessive mentor part in me is thinking, you need to tell him/ teach him about safer sex.... condom condom condom even if you are a bottom bring one for your top! Also to be cautious of meeting guys on the internet
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    Apr 26, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    I had to have an older guy talk about it with me too; it was most helpful to be "mentored."
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    Apr 26, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Us older gents I think have a responsbility to show the youngins they have more choices available to them than we did.

    A so called gay lifestyle...the scene... porn..bars...etc. is good for any young guy to see or experiment with but there is so much more to life than that.......as many of us already know.

    I've been fortunate in my life to have friends and acquaintances who have exposed me to geat opportunities and choices. Still do. And whenever I meet a younger guy....curious..unsure...I try to pass that knowledge on to him.

    Protective is good. Controlling isn't. And while younger guys have a more active libido and testosterone level, they also need good friends without sexual pressure.

    Because no matter how old we are life is always a process of learning, change and discovery.