That's not me!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    so, I'd an experience yesterday that was umm.. shocking I suppose.. actually more ego blowing then anything else I suppose.

    Before I start writing I wanna make it clear, while I'm needing an ego boost, I wont get it here, primarly because here it's mostly about the physical and that's not the problem, I'll be getting that one in a few days hehe, this ones a totally mental ego, oh what i know and believe about my self..

    So, here goes I suppose *takes a deep breath*

    So I'd been chatting to this guy for a very long time who lives in Sydney, he's incredibly sweet, good looking, intelligent and interesting, I'd always found him attractive, far more attractive with whats going on in his head rather then the physical, although that's just changed a lot too heh..

    Anyway we finally meet yesterday which was great, it was great putting a real person into a spot of someone I was getting to know so well, he was a lot more attractive in person physically then I'd anticipated and mentally he was just that much more too, which I love when that happens, when your just seeing a guy for all that is there, all that could be there and so much more then I've expected..

    Anywho, we were talking and all that stuff, but for some reason I turned into a deer in the headlights and I just couldn't bring that talkative funny guy outta me that's usually so wanting out, I talked, but just not as much as I can and usually do, I kept looking at him and my head was going quite litterally "Oh fuck, Oh fuck, Oh fuck Oh fuck" and I couldn't shake it outta me, I was mentally trying to give my self a pep talk and it just wouldn't work, nothing worked..

    I've never experienced that, I'm a pretty confident guy, I know I border on the line of cocky, I'm self assured, strong headed, sometimes pig headed, if I want something, I don't hesitate, I don't hold back, theres no bullshit games, I go in and grab it, I've had my hand slapped a few times, I can understand that, I accept it and I shrug it off and get on with life, I don't sit in the corner going "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck" it's stupid and self annihilating!

    I know Im not perfect, I'l never grace the pages of a mag, I haven't the looks or the body, but I really don't care about that, I know whats going on in my head is the thing I and others find most attractive, I get that and it's the thing I put front and center of who I am, I know it works and I know guys like it because I've had plenty of physically hot guys come onto me over the years, far hotter then anything I am physically and thats kewl, I've also gotten hit on by guys who are possibly less physically ideal, but with them all especially the last few years where I'd had the chance to do this, I've given them all a chance, I've talked to them all, I've been me, funny, mildly intelligent, goofy and not afraid to laugh at my self, lots of guys get rejected hot or not alike, I don't suffer fools, the empty vapid shells get rejected, I get bored with them easily and then irritated and I"ve better things to do then deal with people who think it's all about whats outside and nothing more..

    Sure I can be as shallow and empty as anyone else, I've gone after guys based on a purely physical interest and nothing more, but I still do it with me, with who I am, I charm the pants off'em and most of the time I succeed and as I get older and in better shape, I get rejected less and less, I'm learning faster what works and what doesn't and I'm more focused on the visual clues being given off..

    But this guy I met yesterday, I was completely lost unfocused and just couldn't do it and worst still I was rejecting him before he even got a chance to choose, I was downplaying my self, ignoring everything I have going for me just to try and stop from being rejected, WTF was up with that? and today, I feel like absolute rubbish, I was a freakin stunned deer in the headlights..

    I don't get what the hell happened to me yesterday, that aint me, that aint who I am, I've proved that to my self long ago... Meh, I need to go get hammered hahaha but I gotta go shopping grrr

    anyway I needed to put that out there, my mates wouldn't understand so I'm using you guys icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    Actually Ben, that deer in the headlights IS a part of you as it is with all of us. I have always seen you as a guy I would want more of myself to be. Yeah, a bit rich, considering I am old enough to be your father, but I can appreciate your candor in the forums and the way you are when we email sometimes. It really is just a matter of seizing up sometimes. Happens to all of us, some more than others, but you DON'T have a problem. Relax and move on as I am sure you have already done. Besides, I am quite sure he didn't run laughing into the night.....
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:37 AM GMT
    na, he didn't run and laugh.. far from it, we are still chatting and I'll be going back and fixing that little bo bo..

    I get that it's part of me though, I just don't like and push it aside.. It's just not good for me, I don't like the thoughts it gives me, I don't like the feeling I get, I'm not willing to take that path, I'm finally being happy, sometimes it's overwhelming the happiness I am feeling these days, I'm not letting my head take that away from me again.

    I am feeling much better now, I gave ma self a rude little talk hahaha and listening to music and am doing a ton better actually and finding that smile in me, I just thought it was rude of me to behave like that, I know better.. He's a spunky little fucker and I want him and I know he likes me so thats pretty much the end of it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    "I'l never grace the pages of a mag"

    Hey, National Geographic called. How big are your earlobes?
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:43 AM GMT
    McGay said"I'l never grace the pages of a mag"

    Hey, National Geographic called. How big are your boobs?

    LORL I've a rack that fill the best strapless!!
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    Sounds like there were a lot of feelings for him resulting in loss of words? Some people can thow you off your game like that. But if you were rejecting him it could be just a natural response with all the confusion. I reckon just should chat to him about it as well if it's not too crazy for him icon_smile.gif
    Failing that, I'm back in Sydney at the weekend, come out and I'll shout you a beer!
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    Ok, boobs then.

    If I saw your mug on a magazine, I'd buy it, you can be sure.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Apr 27, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    Sounds like you were thinking more of him than just a date or two. Maybe you seized up and rejected him, because it would hurt less than if he rejected you.

    ....a thought....
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    Apr 27, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    Sounds like a classic case of "holy shit I really really wanna fuck him but can't figure out anything in common to talk about" syndrome.
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    Apr 27, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    They're called nerves.
    How to overcome?
    Meet him again.
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    Apr 27, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    AussieBody saidI'm back in Sydney at the weekend, come out and I'll shout you a beer!

    Bugga, I'm busy this weekend... but free the next icon_smile.gif

    DCEric saidSounds like you were thinking more of him than just a date or two. Maybe you seized up and rejected him, because it would hurt less than if he rejected you.

    ....a thought....

    possibly, honestly I wouldn't have a freakin clue what my head doing at that moment, I just let what ever fear I had paralyze me

    paulflexes saidSounds like a classic case of "holy shit I really really wanna fuck him but can't figure out anything in common to talk about" syndrome.

    Umm.. well *coughs* there might have been a little of that

    RunintheCity saidThey're called nerves.
    How to overcome?
    Meet him again.

    Oh I'm gonna, no way in hell am I letting that one walk past!
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    Apr 27, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    Deal, beers the following weekend icon_smile.gif Hope you snag the dude though, sounds like he is a bit of a winner icon_smile.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 27, 2010 1:39 AM GMT
    Believe it or not, I actually read your entire lo-o-o-o-o-ong post. LOL.

    I'm guessing that you got flummoxed when you thought that he was far more than what you imagined he would be.
    Next time, just admit to being a little nervous upon meeting someone for the first time.

    You give every indication of being adorable.
    And, I suspect that this guy thought so, too.
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    Apr 27, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    Can't wait to hear what happens when the two of you meet again. Promise to keep us posted!
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    Apr 27, 2010 2:19 AM GMT
    Aww.. It seems there was a strong vibe going on, at least from your side..
    And I hate him for that!! icon_evil.gificon_twisted.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 27, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    Tell him that you felt like a deer in the headlights when you met him cause you really liked him. Tell him you are usually more talkative.

    Next time you meet, get him on the bed and wrap your legs around him and squeeze and don't let him go. Whisper in his ear that he's a spunky little fucker. icon_wink.gif

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    Apr 27, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    Could it have been to soon after your break-up for you to meet someone you are clearly interested in? Interested as in 'more than just a shag'?

    Or maybe you didn't feel a connection, despite his attractiveness, and your subconscious pulled the plug? No need to get into another thing with the expiration-date clearly visible?
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    Apr 27, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    Next time I'll just roofie you so you don't feel self conscious.
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    Apr 27, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    Probably just your mind and internal conversationalist getting back into the real you. I've had two experiences where I freeze and loose any possibility of being close with the person I'm seeing. After a day or two of racking my brain to see what happened I realized both times occurred because I was forcing my head to work when it was trying to reconnect with my real persona. (Too much work meant I got ignored and was left sputtering for continued conversation.)

    The good thing is you both are still talking. He wasn't scared and it appears he understands you weren't your best. Besides, this way you now have no where to go but up in his eyes! (Well...you could also go down, but that's for a later time. icon_twisted.gif )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    Could it be ...LOVE?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
    Do you recall what you talked about the other day?
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    Apr 27, 2010 4:25 AM GMT
    Who knew you could type that much?!?!?!?!?!? icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 27, 2010 4:30 AM GMT
    Ben nice to see you are back to your own self again! don't let anything hold you back, just go with the flow! I hope you guys can meet again.


    Leandro ♥
  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    Apr 27, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    Heh, I don't know, it's kind of charming when a guy gets tongue-tied sometimes. A good involuntary sign of interest. Especially if he says something really stupid or runs into something. I'm dead serious.

    Naturally the phase that follows is logorrhea-- spitting out words faster than you can think them. And you've done that here, so . . . sounds like you'll be your in-control self next time. Glad to hear there'll be a next time. Good luck!
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    Apr 27, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    That was actually very adorable reading.