Bens77 saidHere's my take on it - from someone who settled down (unexpectedly) at 21 and remained in a relationship for nearly 10 years.
Gay relationships are more mainstream. We have gay marriage (kinda), gay relationships play out on TV (brothers and sisters) and more established gay couples are folding into every day life. This is a generation of gays who grew up with less stigma than the one before. And frankly, take being out and living open for granted (as they should). If you talk to a woman in her 20's, marriage is a topic that comes up over and over again. Its the same with guys.
I do have to say, I wish there were more gays out there that were willing to just date casually and let nature take its course. But that's also the place I am as 32 year old. Perhaps my outlook will change.
What are you doing when my boyfriend leaves me? I mean, you wanna grab a bite?
J/K. But seriously, I think, from my humble experience, that guys are guys. Gay or straight. They really Don't wanna settle down unless they were raised in a VERY pro-family family, and had exceptional relationships with their mothers. Again, just in my opinion, I think these guys strive to be the best homemaker they can be, working or not, they want to make a nest, and like to try and land the husband type that they feel they can trust to support their needs (mostly emotional) and entertain the likelihood of future offspring.
The rest of the anti-monogomous out there that have any chance of settling usually come around once they get hurt by someone (i.e. someone that they thought they could treat disposably wises up and leaves), or they realize they are not always gunna be so pretty, and quickly approaching 40 (though I don't personally consider this OLD) they should probably try and land that one wayward 23 year old that thinks "guy's my age are sluts".
It's called Forced Settling. The youngen thinks he's too good to mingle with dudes who are still searching, and the elder thinks he's gotta get it while the gettin's good. In this case, however convoluted, they're probably perfect for each other.
Those are just case study examples though. As a whole, I don't think older guys are neccesarily any more serious than younger guys. These traits come from family upbringing, and personal self-worth/stability brought on by early experiences in love. I, personally, have found older guys more desperate
than Ready to try and settle down with me. Maybe I'm just a catch too
To Bens77, I'm sure it was a whirlwind of emotions, but I hope you came out wiser and more apt to know what you Really seek out of a butt buddy. Ten years sounds like a Lifetime of lessons in love, so you now get to be on top of your game. As in, you probably know where Not to waste your time, but I hope you're out there casually dating again. Cuz you're sexy and look like a killer lay.
To the OP, dudes are dudes. The hardest thing about getting to know a dude is having him be honest about his intentions and feelings. Even for a gay guy. You'd think, "oh they're so open and opinionated, they'll say whats on their mind". But I think fear of fumbling and losing is inherant in men, and so they try and remain stoic so they can't be blamed for failures.
If the guy really was cool, but saw your advances on the first date as a red flag, he's a hypocrite and needs to evaluate himself before placing his insecurities on You for going after what you want. I'd assume he's been hurt, has already been a slut himself and so he knows the ropes, or he keeps a lot of slutty company, and so he see's all guys as such.
But, dating is just that. If he's worth another shot, tell him you think so, and you're willing to date monogamously. It feels good on both sides to be able to see someone, NOT fuck, leave, and know that they didn't go straight out to drain their blue balls. It's safer too, and could reduce STD transmittance. It's not a fuckin marriage proposal, it's saying "I trust myself enough, and you, to try and see if this should even go anywhere". If you see another dude in 2 days you just HAVE to have inside of you, either you're Way not ready, or you guys have to start talkin' 3-ways.
I personally was a serial dater for most of my 20s, Never overlapping sex partners, but always had a pretty serious crush. I learned to overlook stereotypes and what I had originally thought was my "perfect catch". I (basically) gave ANY jackass who tried a chance, and if he wasn't worth a damn, I threw him back into the pond before he started talkin' marriage... (Although, Mitch from Hawaii, I lost your number, but I may still take you up on that offer).
The 3 dudes I thought I loved that "cheated" on me did so because I didn't stake my claim. I was truthful about what I wanted in a relationship, but never pressing about how I expected them to feel or act. (Hint: this is the quickest way to get someone to show their true colors). They strayed, and so I got to move on, without any Real pain or ripple effect. I could say they were pieces of shit, but I'd rather say they weren't deserving of me. (And yes, All 3 have tried, be it a month or 5 years later, to get me back. I've got that Magic Stick, I guess.)
HOLY SHIT, I'm still writing! Just tryin to avoid Algebra a bit longer. Nah, but seriously, Conduct yourself in every inter-personal relationship as if that person will one day be in charge of your funeral, and you will always be able to hold your head high through whatever close-knit gay district you stroll through. Good Luck!