Pursuing gay platonic friendships?

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    Apr 28, 2010 3:13 AM GMT
    How many of you actually have close gay friends (and I mean "friends" in the most platonic, unromantic of terms)? I have found other gays to be quite difficult to get to know, as it seems that, outside of sexual interest, there really isn't any other basis for building a rapport. While I could easily chalk this up to the inherent superficiality of gays, and often do, I feel there must be some other explanation. Why is it so hard for gays to actually function with other gay men outside of sexual activity? It all strikes me as a little pathetic and pubescent.
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    Apr 28, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    Because of stupidityicon_smile.gif
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    Apr 28, 2010 3:18 AM GMT
    djohn767 saidBecause of stupidityicon_smile.gif


    I guess...
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    Apr 28, 2010 3:20 AM GMT
    sacredgranola saidHow many of you actually have close gay friends (and I mean "friends" in the most platonic, unromantic of terms)? I have found other gays to be quite difficult to get to know, as it seems that, outside of sexual interest, there really isn't any other basis for building a rapport. While I could easily chalk this up to the inherent superficiality of gays, and often do, I feel there must be some other explanation. Why is it so hard for gays to actually function with other gay men outside of sexual activity? It all strikes me as a little pathetic and pubescent.


    I'm lucky to have a few gay friends. It's easy to keep the friendship completely platonic when we're simply not each others' "type".
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    Apr 28, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    I cant relate to gay friends at all, and hate it even more when they try to take something platonic in another direction.
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    Apr 28, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    jeffy87 said
    sacredgranola saidHow many of you actually have close gay friends (and I mean "friends" in the most platonic, unromantic of terms)? I have found other gays to be quite difficult to get to know, as it seems that, outside of sexual interest, there really isn't any other basis for building a rapport. While I could easily chalk this up to the inherent superficiality of gays, and often do, I feel there must be some other explanation. Why is it so hard for gays to actually function with other gay men outside of sexual activity? It all strikes me as a little pathetic and pubescent.


    I'm lucky to have a few gay friends. It's easy to keep the friendship completely platonic when we're simply not each others' "type".


    But you've said means it's still a sexual thing. What about if you both found each other attractive?
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Apr 28, 2010 6:44 AM GMT
    I met a guy through a gay social group and we started becoming friends. Then after about a month we independently both started thinking of each other romantically and sexually. When we finally revealed our feelings to each other, I tried to be mature about it and put off intimacy until we're absolutely sure. But hormones worn out and we ended up sleeping together a few times. After a couple weeks though, we both realized that it just wouldn't work out for us. Now he's a very good friend of mine and we have both moved on from the attraction. We frequently call each other for advice, support and to whine about life. Sometimes good things happen in life even if it wasn't what you expected in the first place.
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    Apr 28, 2010 6:48 AM GMT
    fpkhan saidI cant relate to gay friends at all, and hate it even more when they try to take something platonic in another direction.


    icon_lol.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 28, 2010 6:52 AM GMT
    my best bud is gay and we've been friends for over six years now... never been anything but platonic and never plan on changing that
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    Apr 28, 2010 6:53 AM GMT
    I have maybe 2 platonic gay friends, and they're online... otherwise I seem to have lost the boundary of "Friends" since a lot of guys find it better to hit on me than to hang out just to hang out. I have more lesbian friends and straight guy/girl friends which is okay...but sometimes I do feel like I miss out on the gay spectrum because I don't have those friends.
  • tony_boost

    Posts: 390

    Apr 28, 2010 6:56 AM GMT
    i totally have the same problem, physically i want a guy in me all the time, and i don't have a "type" i'm pretty much into anything with a penis even if i don't find a guy attractive at first if we become friends i feel like i have to have them, i've never really had a conversation with another gay guy like i've had with a straight girl where i can just be open and not care
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Apr 28, 2010 7:02 AM GMT
    i dunno, it really is hard to find actual gay friends that hasn't been in some way been initiated by sexual attraction
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Apr 28, 2010 7:57 AM GMT
    I have several gay friends and have had no trouble keeping it non-sexual.
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    Apr 28, 2010 8:25 AM GMT
    I've slept with most of my gay friends. Doesn't seem to change anything.
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    Apr 28, 2010 9:03 AM GMT
    I have a number of male gay friends that have been strictly platonic - I guess it is all in the way each of us is wired but although I have been attracted to SOME of them I've never felt compelled to have sex with them. The basis of the friendship varies with the guy, but in each case is something other than physical or romantic interest.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Apr 28, 2010 9:18 AM GMT
    Hmm idk I don't have any friends that I know who just happen to be gay :-/
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    Apr 28, 2010 9:27 AM GMT
    tony_boost saidi totally have the same problem, physically i want a guy in me all the time, and i don't have a "type" i'm pretty much into anything with a penis even if i don't find a guy attractive at first if we become friends i feel like i have to have them, i've never really had a conversation with another gay guy like i've had with a straight girl where i can just be open and not care


    LOL, this sounds more like sexual addiction than a problem with maintaining platonic friends.

    I have a lot of platonic gay friends, what is everyone's hang up about it? You all sound kinda neurotic about the whole thing. Hang out with a gay guy, if you guys have fun and there is no romantic spark then viola your friends!
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    sounds like insecurity to me.

    i have amazing 100% paltonic gay friends. Maybe it is because I am mature enough to know that a friend is a friend and shouldn't straddle that line between friend and lover.

    My friends are one of the most important groups of people in my life. I wouldn't know what to do without them!
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:12 PM GMT
    I have a set of friends that are platonic, and I have a set of friends that have been a fool around, come close to having sex. But after all of that junk went out the window, they have become some of my best friends.
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:20 PM GMT
    sacredgranola saidHow many of you actually have close gay friends (and I mean "friends" in the most platonic, unromantic of terms)? I have found other gays to be quite difficult to get to know, as it seems that, outside of sexual interest, there really isn't any other basis for building a rapport. While I could easily chalk this up to the inherent superficiality of gays, and often do, I feel there must be some other explanation. Why is it so hard for gays to actually function with other gay men outside of sexual activity? It all strikes me as a little pathetic and pubescent.


    Could it be YOUR problem? What are YOU doing to develop non-sexual relationships with gay men?

    I have wonderful platonic friendships with several gay men. Some of these friends are gorgeous. I consider them attractive. But with each one, I share a brotherly bond. And I try not to sleep with my brothers.
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:22 PM GMT
    sacredgranola saidWhy is it so hard for gays to actually function with other gay men outside of sexual activity?
    Because too many people equate love with lust, and don't think they can have one without the other.
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:32 PM GMT
    sacredgranola said, " While I could easily chalk this up to the inherent superficiality of gays, and often do, I feel there must be some other explanation."

    Nope. I think that's the explanation right there. I'd find it difficult to be friends with anyone that thought that way.

    -Doug
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    I was lucky when I first moved to Sydney to meet some of the best people imaginable. A very tight knit group of gay guys, 7 of us in total, who all catch up for dinner or drinks most weekends and always celebrate eachothers birthdays, anniversaries, all that sort of thing.

    Never anything sexual, but all the deepest of mates- I know if anything bad were to happen every single one of them would be there for me- pretty much like being surrounded by a gay family (the eldest we call Ma and Pa).
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:40 PM GMT
    A friend of mine once said to me when I was frustrated about this same issue: "sex is like the gay man's handshake." I didn't want to believe that at the time, but more and more I'm realizing that unfortunately this is the case for a lot of guys.
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    Apr 28, 2010 1:46 PM GMT
    EMSman said
    tony_boost saidi totally have the same problem, physically i want a guy in me all the time, and i don't have a "type" i'm pretty much into anything with a penis even if i don't find a guy attractive at first if we become friends i feel like i have to have them, i've never really had a conversation with another gay guy like i've had with a straight girl where i can just be open and not care


    LOL, this sounds more like sexual addiction than a problem with maintaining platonic friends.


    Or... he's a horny teenager and thinks about what most teenage guys think about... that 'four letter word': SEX!