How do you approach guys that you aren't positive are gay (or out)

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 28, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    I just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"
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    Apr 28, 2010 5:24 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?
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    Apr 28, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    I'd wait for the next time he comes in and politely ask him if you can buy him a drink...If he politely declines hes probably not interested.

    Im not sure there is a polite way to be quite that forward. I'm thinking repeated hints may be better. If forward is the way you wanna go, then slip him your number. icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 28, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    I just ask them if they're gay. Just like that. Don't think about getting embarrassed. Just do it.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 28, 2010 6:08 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill
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    Apr 28, 2010 6:21 AM GMT
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 29, 2010 2:52 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.


    Haha I'm interested in a lot more than his ass. You are saying you shouldn't ever approach someone on the off chance that they may be involved with someone? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you are single. Stop being bitter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:00 AM GMT
    I think you already know your answer you just dont want to bite the bullet and do it (I dont blame you). Just talk to both of them (old man and him). Ask about their building. Ask if they know each other well. Find out what their relation is to each other. Its pretty easy to ask the "so do you live in that loft with your girlfriend or boyfriend?" If he says yes or no, then just ask for clarification of the answer. "yes/no to girlfriend or boyfriend". Then you have your answer.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:10 AM GMT
    There's a simple way to find the answer: Start chatting up the older guy and befriend both of them. If they're together, they'll let you know. If they're not, the subject will never come up.

    ftr, it's very common down here to see younger guys with older guys/daddys.

    Oh and if they're not a couple, then take steps to figure out if the hot dude likes you. But by then, you'll probably already know anyway.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    if you aren't going to go down the direct approach, you can fish around for information. ask him what other bars he goes to. since you work at a bar, its an innocent question to ask. if he's out he'll probably list a few of the gay bars. granted if he only lists straight bars it won't be very helpful (he could be straight or in the closet), but it's a small start.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Figures this comes from a picture-less.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    Just ask. Keep It Simple Silly. "Is Billy your son, or are you guys together, or just friends? You seem very comfortable." Folks ask Logan and me that all the time...constantly, in fact.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Apr 29, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.

    I'm gonna agree w/ Granola. If these dudes can afford million dollar lofts then do you really want to risk upsetting them? I live in Vegas and if a bartender annoys me, he/she will be lucky to get a tip. If it's bad enough I won't think twice about complaining to management. Bartenders are easily replaced. If you're a good bartender, they will tell you everything. You don't even need to ask.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.



    Get off your high horse, buddy. We all do it cause we are all curious.
    Oh yeah, and the OP never said anything about being sexually interested in in them don't get your knickers in a not. Don't always assume the worst.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    chuckystud said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Figures this comes from a picture-less.


    And who the hell are you such that I would need or want to see your damn picture? Bitch, please.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:32 AM GMT
    CarbGoggles said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.


    I'm gonna agree w/ Granola. If these dudes can afford million dollar lofts then do you really want to risk upsetting them? I live in Vegas and if a bartender annoys me, he/she will be lucky to get a tip. If it's bad enough I won't think twice about complaining to management. Bartenders are easily replaced. If you're a good bartender, they will tell you everything. You don't even need to ask.


    Exactly. Just going up to someone out of curiosity isn't necessarily justified. It could easily backfire and make the person approaching look inconsiderate and rude.
  • wander2340

    Posts: 176

    Apr 29, 2010 3:32 AM GMT
    I agree with some of the other guys here. Strike up a friendly conversation and you'll know how to proceed right away.
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    Apr 29, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    TrowelMonger said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.



    Get off your high horse, buddy. We all do it cause we are all curious.
    Oh yeah, and the OP never said anything about being sexually interested in in them don't get your knickers in a not. Don't always assume the worst.


    The OP said he wants the guy's ass. It's pretty clear to me and any other reasonably insightful person what he's interested in, and the fact that he's even considering approaching the guy in question only makes it clearer.

    And, no, we don't "all do it."
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Apr 29, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    chuckystud said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Figures this comes from a picture-less.


    And who the hell are you such that I would need or want to see your damn picture? Bitch, please.

    LMFAO Zzzzziiiiiing!!! Chunky you just got owned HAHAHA
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 29, 2010 7:12 AM GMT
    sacredgranola said
    TrowelMonger said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA said
    sacredgranola said
    DrobUA saidI just started working at this upscale (straight) bar and I on my second night I saw a really hot guy (late 20's early 30's) sitting with an older guy. (in his 60's) I asked one of the other bartenders what their story was and she said they were both regulars and they are next door neighbors in the lofts right next door. Now my gaydar went off for a couple reasons. One, no straight guy is going to spend that much time getting his ass to look like that (It was perfect) and two, after I introduced myself every time I would look over there was direct eye contact. I also had the idea that he and the older guy may be more than friends considering the lofts that they live in next door start at around 1.2 mil. I'm not sure how often the whole boy toy thing happens in the gay world but it came across my mind as a possibility. Anyways, how do you politely say "Are you gay? Oh and are you that older guy's boy toy?"


    How about you just mind your own business (and the business you work for) if they're there together, and it does not concern you?


    Haha I'm not judging him, I want to know because I'm interested. Chill


    I never said you were judging him. I'm saying that you probably shouldn't just insert yourself into someone else's dynamic just because you're interested in their buttocks. Have some (self) respect, and while you're at it, a clue.



    Get off your high horse, buddy. We all do it cause we are all curious.
    Oh yeah, and the OP never said anything about being sexually interested in in them don't get your knickers in a not. Don't always assume the worst.


    The OP said he wants the guy's ass. It's pretty clear to me and any other reasonably insightful person what he's interested in, and the fact that he's even considering approaching the guy in question only makes it clearer.

    And, no, we don't "all do it."


    Actually YOU said I want his ass and I responded with I want more than just his ass. Don't get all bitchy because you don't have the balls to go after something you want.
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:19 AM GMT
    Well my way would be just point blank ask "you gay".. you'll get your answer and I've actually run into very few straight guys who are offended by the question, most seem more pleased that I didn't try chatting them up first before asking heh icon_smile.gif
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Apr 29, 2010 7:20 AM GMT
    I've often wondered how to go about this myself - especially with men in the military icon_neutral.gif I don't randomly walk up to people and ask "are you gay" though - I like conversations that just evolve. I, like you said, go for the eye contact... a lot of it. If I don't get that, there is virtually no way I'll ask. For me, eyes are the best 'gaydar' I have... it hasn't let me down yet.
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:20 AM GMT
    DrobUA don't waist your time arguing with this sacredgranola guy. Ive read his other posts and hes basically a bitter asshole, who hates everyone, im assuming because hes fat, lonely and disgusting haha notice theres no pics of him? must be a real winner
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Apr 29, 2010 9:26 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidWell my way would be just point blank ask "you gay".. you'll get your answer and I've actually run into very few straight guys who are offended by the question, most seem more pleased that I didn't try chatting them up first before asking heh icon_smile.gif
    BAHAHAHA wow if some dude said that to me out of the blue I'd prob lmfao.
  • LuckyPierre

    Posts: 192

    Apr 29, 2010 11:30 AM GMT
    Why not believe the other bartender that has been there longer-that they are neighbors? There can be all sorts of reasons they are just friends. Since they are regulars you'll get the rest of the story if you just make normal conversation with them. Patience pays. Assuming the younger guy is gay just because he takes care of his appearance is not a very good indicator as a lot of younger straight guys so this.

    I really wouldn't want to risk pissing them off. If they are not 'out' at the bar-respect that.

    And if either of them becomes interested in you-they will buy YOU a drink!