What's' expected when someone buys you a drink?

  • LuckyPierre

    Posts: 192

    Apr 29, 2010 11:36 AM GMT
    So-if you buy someone a drink, do you expect them to come over and say hello? Do you approach them after the drink has been delivered? Does anyone still do this as an opener?

    What about if you offer to buy your bartender or server a drink? What's expected, if anything?
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:32 PM GMT
    I think if someone buys you a drink and you accept, then at the very least you owe them a conversation! Anything above and beyond that, well that depends on where the conversation leads...
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2010 12:40 PM GMT
    A thank you, whether it's a non-verbal acknowledgment like a wave or saying it to him/her. If you're interested in anything beyond that, then go ahead.
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:51 PM GMT
    JSnow789 said
    What about if you offer to buy your bartender or server a drink?
    One of the bartenders where I hang out used to give me free drinks all night. There was nothing "expected," but when two people mutually find each other attractive, the drinks have nothing to do with what happens next. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 2:12 PM GMT
    Pretty much nothing other than a nod. You can't buy someone's attention nor can you buy an introduction to someone, either.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Apr 29, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    I don't think many people do this anymore as an opener, especially in the gay environment. Since a ring of fidelity is not usually worn it is hard to determine if a guy is single or already taken.

    There have been whole evenings where I haven't bought myself one drink and I seem to have a drink in my hand the whole night. My friends and I are inclined occasionally to be generous with one another in regards to libations. It's just not really a big deal any more.
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    Apr 29, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    I get bought drinks by strangers quite a lot in the USA, seems to be a custom there more so than here.

    But that said I've always been asked "can I buy you a drink?" first. I've never had someone just send one over

    and if someone does, my rule goes that you owe them the same amount of time in conversation as it takes you to drink it
  • ManlyPointer

    Posts: 10

    Apr 29, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    it seems to happen so rarely here in san francisco, or maybe i just don't go out nearly as much as i used to. when i lived in new orleans it happened a lot. my belief was that if someone bought me a drink i should at the very least walk over and thank them. i didn't always walk over right away if i was with friends, but i always made a point to thank them personally. it's very easy to be courteous and yet it's so rare.
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    Apr 29, 2010 2:44 PM GMT
    I normally talk to the person for the duration of the drink. That's if I accept it. Recently (within the past 2 years) I've been getting guys blatenly asking me to buy them drinks (in which I never respond nicely to those advances).
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    Apr 29, 2010 2:50 PM GMT
    Expectation...ummm...if I'm buying them a drink...they immediately need to blow me.
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    Apr 29, 2010 2:56 PM GMT
    collegekid2004 saidExpectation...ummm...if I'm buying them a drink...they immediately need to blow me.


    I think most people would do that for you icon_cool.gificon_cool.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 6:27 PM GMT
    MsclDrew said...my rule goes that you owe them the same amount of time in conversation as it takes you to drink it

    What a great way to look at it.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 29, 2010 6:37 PM GMT
    I have never bought someone a drink, but the moral ambiguity of it all makes me think I should, then I should expect them to carry my children...at least 6 of the 9 months...

    that's a fair trade.
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    Apr 29, 2010 6:38 PM GMT
    No I think most of you have it wrong.

    If he says "Can I buy you a drink" and you accept, you should chat with him.

    If he sends one over without asking, a polite thank-you, wave, or nod is all that you need to do. Go chat if you're interested in learning more about him, but no obligation whatsoever.

    Not that I have experience, nobody has ever sent me a drink from across the bar.

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    Apr 29, 2010 6:39 PM GMT
    Booty Callicon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:09 PM GMT
    collegekid2004 saidExpectation...ummm...if I'm buying them a drink...they immediately need to blow me.


    That is what they call recycling. Fluids in, Fluid out
  • LatinUomo

    Posts: 42

    Apr 29, 2010 7:31 PM GMT
    DjDorchester saidNo I think most of you have it wrong.

    If he says "Can I buy you a drink" and you accept, you should chat with him.

    If he sends one over without asking, a polite thank-you, wave, or nod is all that you need to do. Go chat if you're interested in learning more about him, but no obligation whatsoever.

    Not that I have experience, nobody has ever sent me a drink from across the bar.




    Agree with you.... aaaahh.. we're just two Boston proper boys..it seems.
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:35 PM GMT
    At the very least he should come over to you and introduce himself.
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:37 PM GMT
    jaydub said
    MsclDrew said...my rule goes that you owe them the same amount of time in conversation as it takes you to drink it

    What a great way to look at it.


    would suck if he chugged it no?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    A polite "Thank you." is the only obligation.

    If I choose to engage in additional communication, it is my choice and not an obligation.

    BTW, I never accept "open drinks" from strangers. Here I mean an "open drink" to mean one that is already poured and handed to me by some person other than the bartender or other service staff member. People have ended up drugged and raped who have naively accepted open drinks. If given an open drink, I set it down. I don't drink it. If asked why I'm not drinking, I tell them exactly why. If they get offended, tough $hit. If they are simply ignorant, they will know better in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    a thank you and friendly conversation is all I give in return..unless..well you know..
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    Apr 29, 2010 9:17 PM GMT
    if i buy someone a drink, it means i'm interested in getting to know them better. so, i'm going to go out on a limb and say if someone buys me a drink, they have "intentions."

    soooo...if i buy someone a drink, and they smile and wave without coming over to me or gesturing for me to sit with them, then i've done a good deed and leave it at that. i took the risk, and there you go.

    if someone buys me a drink, being the kind and thoughtful guy i am, i feel i can't lose by just talking to them...attractive or not. if they're attractive and they buy me a drink, it's on!! if they aren't attractive to me, then i make a new friend. or not. they might be an asshat.

  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Apr 29, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    iHavok saidI have never bought someone a drink, but the moral ambiguity of it all makes me think I should, then I should expect them to carry my children...at least 6 of the 9 months...

    that's a fair trade.
    I knew that bottle of whiskey you sent me was a regift. You can take your damn fetus back and shove it where the sun don't shine. (You know, so it can finish developing and everything.) icon_cry.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    JSnow789 saidSo-if you buy someone a drink, do you expect them to come over and say hello? Do you approach them after the drink has been delivered? Does anyone still do this as an opener?

    What about if you offer to buy your bartender or server a drink? What's expected, if anything?


    Bar Back came up to me last weekend....rubbed my abs...congratulated me and asked how I did it...I told him in a few words...Now, he's sexy for sure...next time I will ASK HIM......for a cocktail!
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 29, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    stevendust said
    iHavok saidI have never bought someone a drink, but the moral ambiguity of it all makes me think I should, then I should expect them to carry my children...at least 6 of the 9 months...

    that's a fair trade.
    I knew that bottle of whiskey you sent me was a regift. You can take your damn fetus back and shove it where the sun don't shine. (You know, so it can finish developing and everything.) icon_cry.gif


    ACK!
    flash backs from the poltergist tequila worm scenes!!!