Dating Multiple Guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:15 PM GMT
    Let's say 4 guys. All of them terrific. All of them pretty much everything you would like in a guy. ( nice looking, great personalities, financially independent) Been dating all of them steadily for about 5 months. In each case, the sex is great but not the main thing in the relationship.

    All of them are patient and realize that it takes time to develop a committed relationship ( especially with me). All of them know I am dating others guys. All of them say they aren't dating other guys

    An embarresment of riches.

    But I'm hesitant about "getting married". Even fearful. And stuck. I'm half in and half out.

    So what next? Keep on doing what we are doing? There's always the possibility of loosing all of them and I'm left holding an empty bag. And if I take the plunge, somebody is going to get hurt.

    What are my responsibilties here especially considering everything is out in the open and on the table? Trust that they know what they are doing and not be concerned?

    My closest friends say continue doing what I'm doing and urge me (half jokingly and half seriously) that I deserve ( that's the word they use) 4 more.........that there are many fish in the sea.





    Just rambling.



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    Apr 29, 2010 12:24 PM GMT
    It's called having FWB's. Nothing wrong with that. I have two that I've been "dating" for a few years. That beats the hell out of a live-in lover for me. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt's called having FWB's. Nothing wrong with that. I have two that I've been "dating" for a few years. That beats the hell out of a live-in lover for me. icon_smile.gif


    That's the kind of real world advice I was looking for...not theoretical concepts and platitudes.
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:30 PM GMT
    It sounds like you're 'just not that into' any of them, to be honest.

    If there was one of them who stood apart from the others you'd have no problem dropping the rest and just continuing with them. The fact there isn't, to me, suggests you are best leaving them as FWB and not giving up your search for a guy to have a full relationship with.

    Though, how on earth do you have the time and energy to date/have sex with 4 guys!?
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    KissingPro said
    paulflexes saidIt's called having FWB's. Nothing wrong with that. I have two that I've been "dating" for a few years. That beats the hell out of a live-in lover for me. icon_smile.gif


    That's the kind of real world advice I was looking for...not theoretical concepts and platitudes.
    It takes a while to get used to the FWB relationship thing when you've had "monogamy" pounded in your head since birth. After struggling with it for a while, and failing a couple monogamous relationships, I finally learned that monogamy was born out of jealousy, and jealousy is more a sign of emotional insecurity than of love (hence the 'crime of passion' thing that can happen when people cheat, get caught, and get hurt/killed).

    As long as your four guys are happy with the current arrangement, let your guilt slide off your back (among other things lol). Sounds like a healthy happy friendship...and I say healthy because having four friends you're familiar with is much safer than picking up a random hottie for a 1-nighter.
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:42 PM GMT
    GabeFletcher saidIt sounds like you're 'just not that into' any of them, to be honest.

    If there was one of them who stood apart from the others you'd have no problem dropping the rest and just continuing with them. The fact there isn't, to me, suggests you are best leaving them as FWB and not giving up your search for a guy to have a full relationship with.

    Though, how on earth do you have the time and energy to date/have sex with 4 guys!?


    That makes sense. Perhaps with more time any one of them might stand out. Or none.

    icon_eek.gif Sometimes I have to pace myself and give myself time to manufacture more juice before spending it again. But I don't have sex all the time with any of them everytime I see them.icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:45 PM GMT
    GabeFletcher said
    Though, how on earth do you have the time and energy to date/have sex with 4 guys!?
    Think of it as a "male bonding" of sorts.
    Even straight guys like to hang out in packs...at the sports bar, hunting, fishing, surfing, watching Nascar, playing sports, etc. It's in our blood to bond. The only difference here is the bonding goes beyond emotional, into sexual, which is still perfectly normal. I lost count of how many straight guys I've masturbated with just because we were good friends to begin with...no sex involved, just jerked off cause we were horny. Then it's back to being friends as usual. And one of those is my best friend, married, with two kids...and his wife approves...and she said she wants to watch or even join in next time. LOL icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:46 PM GMT
    she's not the only one who wants to watch and join inicon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidshe's not the only one who wants to watch and join inicon_redface.gif
    LMAO! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 1:46 PM GMT
    lol, this reminds me of days gone by. What a time. You do whatever has you happy.

    (Paul we disagree that monogamy is born out of jealousy). Open relationships work well for a lot of people, so does dating in multiples.

    Although one time...

    I was seeing two guys, and being curious about straight stuff I was also seeing a girl. One night one of the guys asked me for dinner.

    When I got to his place all three of them were having drinks!!!!!icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    Turns out they all knew each other quite well and had been chatting amicably about the sexual agility of your's truly. If the floor had had a hole in it, I'd have dropped through it, lol!!

    As it turns out we had a great evening. It was saucily suggested that one day I'd have to choose one. Everyone snickered charmingly. My girlfriend said that I was to pick a guy as she liked sex with gays for strictly recreational fun. They teased me all night. It was all good.

    I choose, all right. Yeesh. The one least interested...I had some learnin' ta do. icon_lol.gif
    -Doug
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    Apr 29, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    (Paul we disagree that monogamy is born out of jealousy)
    No biggie. Nothing in life is constant...it's just what I've experienced so far. icon_smile.gif

    After all, I already told my best friend that him & I would probably end up in our 70's & 80's sitting on a porch swing together talking about the good ol' days and wishing our hands weren't asleep. icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:23 PM GMT
    Continue being a WH0REicon_question.gificon_rolleyes.gif I am confusedicon_eek.gif Do they know u are dating all of them at one timeicon_question.gif
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 29, 2010 7:30 PM GMT
    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3ls1n_cartman-whateva_fun
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    Apr 29, 2010 7:32 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like it's working OK for now. But I can see why you're starting to worry about how long it will or should last. Putting yourself in their shoes... eventually, wouldn't you start saying "obviously he doesn't think I'm good enough for him, not only will he not commit but he's got three other dudes he's seeing at the same time. I'm out." You're right that it's possible that one, two, or three of them will take a hike and you'll find yourself with one anyway. Or, worst case, all four of them scoot. If I was you, I'd be paring down my options pretty soon, and showing one the proper attention he deserves. You'd ask for no less, I assume, if the tables were turned.

    Just my two cents.

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    Apr 29, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    Good laud…how do you keep them all happy?
    The most I ever had were two, there was a time when there was an overlap and had three in one weekend.
    However, one did say they didn’t want me to see anyone else—9years later…
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    Apr 29, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    Whew, I know I couldn't handle dating multiple guys at once.
  • stevendust

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    Apr 29, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    I dated multiple guys at once but dating for five months seems long for me, I would have been in a relationship at that point.
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    Apr 29, 2010 11:34 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidGood laud…how do you keep them all happy?
    The most I ever had were two, there was a time when there was an overlap and had three in one weekend.
    However, one did say they didn’t want me to see anyone else—9years later…


    How do I do it? Being crazy helps. And being ballsy and clear about what makes me happy. All of em are smart, kind and quietly persistant ....real slick. But two of them are skillfully playing their cards right and manuevering towards something long term.

    Yeah..........5 months is a long time. Anything can happen now. I may end up with none of them or one of them.

    If things work out with one of these guys, one thing is certain.....my life and lifestyle will significantly change.......not only emotionally, but financially and practically. A lot is being offered to me. I'm extremely independent and don't know how to accept these things. Things like this don't usually happen to a guy my age. It's strange.

    Perhaps the only thing that will keep me in limbo is fear and stubborness born out of bad experiences from train wrecks of 3 past relationships that lasted 3, 6 and 15 years after putting in 150% effort.

    My closest friends tell me date, date date. But they also say I'm at my best and would be safer/happier being married.

    After 5 years of being single and lovin it I feel a change is coming. I feel incredible joy and absolute terror about letting it happen and falling in love with a man who seems to "get me" and understand me. If that happens, he can be sure that I "get him".

    Thanks

    Geez.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    4....

    You greedy motherfucker....there's an entire website of guys here just hoping to find one Mr Right and you have a enough for an entire basketball team icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    MsclDrew said4....

    You greedy motherfucker....there's an entire website of guys here just hoping to find one Mr Right and you have a enough for an entire basketball team icon_confused.gif
    Well everyone always says "take one for the team."
    And he heard that saying four times.
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    Apr 29, 2010 11:51 PM GMT
    Either you're ready to settle down or you're not. Only you can decide. Perhaps you need to narrow the field or commit to just being a playboy icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 29, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    Oh bloody oath mate, rub it in why don't ya!!!!

    geez......

    Ya know, being in a relationship aint so bad, if it's a monogamous relationship then the only thing that you can't do is go sleep around, you still have your friends, your life, your dreams, your ideas, but at the end of the day you come home and you get to cuddle with someone special...

    But if you don't want'em and they are happy just having fun you can send'em my way, I'll happily take'em all of your hands icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 30, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    Here's my two cents on the whole thing...everything seems out in the open with these guys and other than the fact that you feel kinda bad not being monogamous, you're pretty content with these guys and they don't seem to mind too much either. They're not boyfriends per se but they are friends who you occasionally sleep with...in other words, you have a good time with your friends. No one's getting hurt and its natural to have multiple friends...there's no ban on how many you can have. Now if you really get a hankering for a monogamous relationship and feel like choosing from these five guys, then start narrowing down based on what the other one wants and how closely their expectations and needs meet yours. If you're still left with more than one equally good option then throw them in a ring together and the one who survives wins the prize...if you get impatient then you can jump in the ring yourself and they can share the prize..but then you'll be back to square one so that might not work very well.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 30, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    I think the most i've ever done is dated two guys at once. If you're not serious with one there is no point in committing yourself. I've found that eventually someone will say "Chris, I want a commitment." If i like them enough then I agree to the monogamous relationship. If i don't think i want to be with just that person then i end it. There's no point in us still being together as a couple if I'm not giving them all they want.
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    Apr 30, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    Very helpful comments/advice here. Appreciate it.