Change in Standards

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    May 01, 2010 3:04 AM GMT
    Basically exactly what the subject says.

    I used to always be attracted to super skinny tall slender swimmer types, kind of what i used to look like. But now, idk maybe it's because i've gotten older or because i've started lifting hardcore I find that the only thing that attracts me are guys that religiously go to the gym. I just got through dating a swimmer who has a great body, but for some reason i just couldn't find him attractive.

    I don't know if it's the act of going to the gym that turns me on or if it is the definition and muscles that gets my rocks off. But ever since I've started going to the gym and achieving progress in my body I find only guys with a body similar or bigger than mine attract me.

    Did this happen to anyone else? Were you ever once attracted to everyone and now that you've changed your body does that change what you want?

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    May 01, 2010 3:28 AM GMT

    Hey, you can also change your direction in other ways, for me it was writing, and so being attracted to minds that are imaginative. There are a lot ways that what you find attractive changes. I think you're being attracted by what you seek to be, in whatever form, and that's more inspiration to get to your goal.

    -Doug of meninlove (Bill still defibrillating from work , lol)
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    May 01, 2010 3:37 AM GMT
    TMNT said
    I don't know if it's the act of going to the gym that turns me on or if it is the definition and muscles that gets my rocks off.
    Muscle definition in itself can be, and frequently is, a fetish (#3). The size isn't as important as the definition, but the preferred size can vary - For a while you'll like the thin/defined build and for a while you'll like the larger/ripped build. But the most important part of everything will always be the definition, regardless of the size.

    I don't really think working out and reshaping your own body can have an effect on what you like...never experienced it personally, anyway. I could be wrong because I don't know you, but it sounds like the timing of the switch just made it seem like going to the gym could be the cause. The only thing I have to go on is the experience of my own muscle fetish.
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    May 01, 2010 5:03 AM GMT
    Seems just as likely that it's not connected. You could just have gotten tired of swimmers, or subconsciously made a connection between the body type and one particular swimmer with whom you've had a bad experience. But, assuming for the sake of discussion that it is connected in your case...

    Don't remember any changes in what I'm attracted to, which is reasonably varied to begin with, but my body improving sure as hell made a difference as to what was now attracted to me, and therefore I had access to guys I was not used to even considering were available before working out.

    Could that be a factor for you? Maybe before you were actually self-censoring your attraction to avoid frustration and rejection.

    Otherwise, and not trying to be snide, but if the change IS connected to your body buildup, the only other explanation that comes to mind is narcissism. I don't know what that actual psychological symptoms are as I'm utterly untrained in that area, but if you're attracted to people who look like you, no matter what you look like at the time, seems like that might be something to look into.

    But only if you're the kind to go looking for problems. If you really wanted to get to the bottom of this I suppose you could overeat and make yourself fat and see if you're suddenly attracted to fat guys, but what does it matter why? It's not as if you suddenly found yourself attracted to animals. If my tastes shifted from on type of reasonably attractive guy to another type of reasonably attractive guy, I don't think it would occur to me to wonder why.


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    May 01, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    Lysander saidMaybe before you were actually self-censoring your attraction to avoid frustration and rejection.

    Otherwise, and not trying to be snide, but if the change IS connected to your body buildup, the only other explanation that comes to mind is narcissism.


    This. I think Lysander might have nailed it here...Not in a negative context either.

    It may just come down to you feeling good about your appearance and now think that muscled physiques are the standard of beauty. On top of that you're probably very proud of the hard work you put in and admire other guys that put in hard work as well, so much so that you have become exclusively attracted to them.

    There's a quote from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS where Hannibal Lector says:
    "How do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? No, we begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? And don't your eyes seek out the things you want?"

    Basically, I bring that up to say now that you are a "gym rat" you see other gym rats more often and may have started to covet them exclusively.


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    May 02, 2010 2:44 PM GMT
    My work out habits (and body changes) never influenced my attraction to guys. I've always preferred someone larger than myself which isn't difficult, I still love my nerds, belly bellied truckers and average joes icon_biggrin.gif but one of my exes did change my view on Asian guys. I've only dated one Asian guy which was him and had sex with 3 so I wasn't too aware of the appeal of Asian guys but he really opened my eyes up and now I walk into walls more often. It's not really a standard, just a change in attitude I guess.

    Definitely agree with Indy that ".... you're probably very proud of the hard work you put in and admire other guys that put in hard work as well, so much so that you have become exclusively attracted to them. "
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    May 03, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    Thanks Indy, never been backed up by a Hannibal Lecter quote before. icon_smile.gif