How to get back together with an ex-lover

  • Ken259

    Posts: 1

    May 02, 2010 1:08 AM GMT
    16 years ago my first relationship ended after 5 years. He was the one true love of my life. We had a passionate love affair that ended badly with me getting very hurt when he cheated on me and left. Even after 16 years, I still carry a torch for this guy. He tracked me down and called this week to say he's coming to my city on business next month and wants to see me. He called me at work and I couldn't say much over the phone. I have been preoccupied with this topic ever since and I would like some advice on how to proceed. I am currently unattached and would love to rekindle a relationship with him. Any advice? My current age is 50 and he is in his early 40's. I am losing sleep over this.
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    May 02, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    My first advice would be to not develop any preconceived notions of what to expect. In other words, be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

    Other than that, I wish you luck. icon_smile.gif
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    May 02, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    Do you have any sense of whether renewing the relationship is also what he wants? Perhaps he's just wants to see you for old time's sake, and nothing more. You are now single, but is he?

    What indication if any do you have that he still isn't a cheater? Some people say once a cheater always a cheater, I dunno. If you were once "very hurt" by him then you don't want that again.

    You'll probably fret more if you decline to see him, and who knows, maybe he'll tell you he's got a partner, which might be the best thing for you to hear. I would be wary of this, but in your shoes my curiosity would get the best of me.

    I remember running into my first BF after we had parted barely 3 years earlier, and I didn't even recognize him. In fact, it was the guy I was with who realized it was him, and had to convince me it was really him, he had aged so quickly & poorly.

    And it took my companion to say the uncharitable words I was in fact thinking to myself: "You were lucky you broke up with him after all. He's a mess!" Because he knew I had also continued to carry a torch for this ex that was holding me back in other relationships despite his having deceived me, an unrealistic torch that fortunately for me went out forever at that moment.
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    May 02, 2010 8:59 AM GMT
    really shouldn't reheat leftovers dear
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    May 02, 2010 12:16 PM GMT
    Wow....I am so happy that I don't feel human emotions because that sounds really quite fucked up
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    May 02, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    Hey Ken259, All he's indicated (in your post) is that he's coming to town on business and would like to see you. Heck, my grade 2 teacher did that a few years back. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug